Sunday, April 30, 2006


In The Process of Adding More Video Content

Man this video stuff is fun!

As we speak, or I write and you read, or I write and you don't read, I'm whipping tiny bits of information around my hard drives that will hopefully reassemble in some sort of recognizable form. Should be some music, but anything can happen with computers.


The $29.95 price quoted for transcripts of this blog DOES NOT include video content. If you want any of the videos, please mail $59.99 to the address indicated in the sidebar and then download videos to your hard drive.


Friday, April 28, 2006


Yet Another Video

Hey, this is fun!!!

Get this video and more at

Fallout from the final performance of Slappy is Jebus.....


Me On TV or Something

Get this video and more at

I love Ken Jennings
But I'm not Ken Jennings
And I'm never going to be 47 time defending
Jeopardy! champion
Ken Jennings
But when I'm slow on the buzz
And forget what year Chernobyl was
There's a little Ken Jennings in me

Additonal verse to Willy Grigg's
I'm Not Bob Dylan


Photo Friday

A bit more candid than last week.
It seems I'm spending more and more time on my weekly features. Like it's a horrible chore for me to scour the internet for photos of my favorite guitarist. This week I found a more candid shot of Sue Foley, a fan shot from a concert.

I really like the publicity photos of Sue that are out there, where she's made up to look really good to sell albums or tickets. In truth though, I like her better like this, doing what she does best.


Thursday, April 27, 2006


Too Bad I Don't Have Access to a Time Machine.....

What the Hell is this?
I ordered a pizza from Domino's on Tuesday night. I hadn't done that in quite a while, and it was late and I'd had a lite supper. Look, I don't have to explain myself to you! Anyway, on the box was an offer for $20 off tax preparation. I didn't really need any help on my taxes this year, but I thought that it was odd that I received an offer for tax preparation fully one week after the tax deadline. It even says "expires 4/15" on the offer.

I used to work at a Domino's Pizza years ago. I know how the place works. In off time, drivers will put boxes together and attach any ads for offers. We weren't advertising for other products or services when I worked at Domino's, but I see that as a good thing, another way to squeeze a little revenue out of the pizza business.

I also work in the TV business. You know, we have what are called "Kill Dates" on commercial spots. I spot won't be scheduled to run after a certain date. For instance, TV stations stopped running H & R Block spots after April 17th this year.

So some overzealous drivers, looking for something to do, made up too many boxes with the tax preperation offer on them. I would say to just throw the boxes away, but the offer had the same adhesive that is on 3M's wonderful Post-It products. It simply came off the box.

So, managers at Domino's Pizza in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Have your drivers take the tax preparation offer off of the pizza boxes. It took me about 3 seconds to take the offer off of mine. You have more labor at your disposal than I do.



Tony Snow is in a Band!

New White House Press Secretary Tony Snow.
Tony Snow of Fox News has been named White House Press Secretary. It's a natural fit, really, Snow a conservative commentator and former speech writer for another president named Bush seems like a good fit to me. He understands the press, understands the conservative point of view and having been involved in live TV can think well on his feet. I think all of those skills will be needed in his new job.

In looking for photos of Tony Snow to mess with, I found one of him in a band. It seems Tony Snow is a musician (guitar, sax, flute) in a DC area band called Beats Workin'. I personally think that's really cool. I imagine it's even more difficult for a person of some fame to perform music in front of people. Imagine running into a bar with Tony Snow on flute. Your first thought would be "why the hell a flute," followed by "haven't I seen that guy on Fox News?" Oh, the heckling opportunities would be endless....

I looked through the bands website and found Song Lists. Nice mix of music played by Beats Workin'. The most contemporary artists that I could find that they cover are Bruce Springsteen and Eric Clapton. Now I know nothing of the politics of the other members of Beats Workin', but I do know that Tony Snow is pretty conservative. This has seemed to be something of a theme with conservatives and music.

I remember listening to conservative radio host Laura Ingram after the Live 8 concert. Live 8 was staged during the G8 economic summit, basically as a counterpoint of what was going on at the summit. I didn't pay much attention to either, but I thought that it was really cool that Pink Floyd reunited for the show. Laura Ingram found the need to review the concert. It became clear after about 15 seconds that the only acceptable bands to her were of the classic rock type. I'm not going to get down on anyone's musical tastes, but it seemed she was down on current day acts simply because they were current day acts. Some of the current acts took shots at the current US administration. So did some of the classic bands. Pink Floyd has shown themselves to be pretty anti-conservative politics, but Laura Ingram loved them at Live 8.

If you listen to Rush Limbaugh, you'll hear The Pretenders' "Back to Ohio" as sort of a theme song for his show. The song always cuts out before you hear any lyrics. I'm sure it's no accident as the song, written by Ohio native Chrissie Hynde, is about the economic decay of the area brought on by the politics of the early 1980's. I seem to recall that being at about the time of the rise to power of the Reagan conservatives and their supply-side economics. None of that seems to matter to Limbaugh and his producers, apparently "Back to Ohio" has a good beat and you can dance to it.

Ronald Reagan himself wanted to use Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" as a campaign song. Springsteen, whose politics are quite a bit left of center refused. Apparently Reagan never actually listened to the song as it's not really a patriotic song, rather the story of a man who was in the Vietnam war and how it screwed up his life when he returned home. That didn't seem to matter to Reagan.

Some people like country music. Some people like conservative politics. I don't much care for either, but some people have chosen to like those things and I'm not going to tell anyone they've made the wrong choice. The didn't, they made the choices that were right for them at the time.

It's not stupid for conservatives to like classic rock music, it is pretty stupid to not understand the meaning of the songs you use to try to forward your message.



Nothin' But Pointless Shit








Yep, took 'em right off the internet. I did a few things to the text to make it look more presentable here. I don't like that it was all caps, but I'LL BE DAMNED if I'm going to take the time to type this kind of pointless shit into my computer.

I do want to get straight that I'm not so much against someone like Andre Walker of The Oprah Winfrey Show being recognized for being a really great hairstylist. I'm sure Andre does a great job or he wouldn't be nominated. I'm sure all of the nominees, even that bitch, Deirdre Stadtmauer of The View, are great at their jobs. I can't help but wonder why the hell I should care.

But I'll be tuning in, just like the rest of America.....


Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Paying for Intercourse

"Argument Clinic"
From Monty Python's Previous Record and
Monty Python's Instant Record Collection

Michael Palin: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.

Carol Cleveland: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?

Michael Palin: No, I haven't, this is my first time.

Carol Cleveland: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?

Michael Palin: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.

Carol Cleveland: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.


Carol Cleveland: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.

Michael Palin: Thank you.

Walks down the hall. Opens door.

Graham Chapman: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Michael Palin: Well, I was told outside that...

Graham Chapman: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

Michael Palin: What?

Graham Chapman: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Michael Palin: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!

Graham Chapman: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.

Michael Palin: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Graham Chapman: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

Michael Palin: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.

Graham Chapman: Not at all.

Michael Palin: Thank You.

Graham Chapman: Under his breath Stupid git!!

Walk down the corridor

Michael Palin: Knock

John Cleese: Come in.

Michael Palin: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?

John Cleese: I told you once.

Michael Palin: No you haven't.

John Cleese: Yes I have.

Michael Palin: When?

John Cleese: Just now.

Michael Palin: No you didn't.

John Cleese: Yes I did.

Michael Palin: You didn't

John Cleese: I did!

Michael Palin: You didn't!

John Cleese: I'm telling you I did!

Michael Palin: You did not!!

John Cleese: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?

Michael Palin: Oh, just the five minutes.

John Cleese: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.

Michael Palin: You most certainly did not.

John Cleese: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.

Michael Palin: No you did not.

John Cleese: Yes I did.

Michael Palin: No you didn't.

John Cleese: Yes I did.

Michael Palin: No you didn't.

John Cleese: Yes I did.

Michael Palin: No you didn't.

John Cleese: Yes I did.

Michael Palin: You didn't.

John Cleese: Did.

Michael Palin: Oh look, this isn't an argument.

John Cleese: Yes it is.

Michael Palin: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.

John Cleese: No it isn't.

Michael Palin: It is!

John Cleese: It is not.

Michael Palin: Look, you just contradicted me.

John Cleese: I did not.

Michael Palin: Oh you did!!

John Cleese: No, no, no.

Michael Palin: You did just then.

John Cleese: Nonsense!

Michael Palin: Oh, this is futile!

John Cleese: No it isn't.

Michael Palin: I came here for a good argument.

John Cleese: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.

Michael Palin: An argument isn't just contradiction.

John Cleese: It can be.

Michael Palin: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements
intended to establish a proposition.

John Cleese: No it isn't.

Michael Palin: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.

John Cleese: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

Michael Palin: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'

John Cleese: Yes it is!

Michael Palin: No it isn't!

John Cleese: Yes it is!

Michael Palin: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

short pause

John Cleese: No it isn't.

Michael Palin: It is.

John Cleese: Not at all.

Michael Palin: Now look.

John Cleese: Rings bell Good Morning.

Michael Palin: What?

John Cleese: That's it. Good morning.

Michael Palin: I was just getting interested.

John Cleese: Sorry, the five minutes is up.

Michael Palin: That was never five minutes!

John Cleese: I'm afraid it was.

Michael Palin: It wasn't.


John Cleese: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.

Michael Palin: What?!

John Cleese: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another
five minutes.

Michael Palin: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!

John Cleese: Hums

Michael Palin: Look, this is ridiculous.

John Cleese: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!

Michael Palin: Oh, all right.

pays money

John Cleese: Thank you.

short pause

Michael Palin: Well?

John Cleese: Well what?

Michael Palin: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.

John Cleese: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.

Michael Palin: I just paid!

John Cleese: No you didn't.

Michael Palin: I DID!

John Cleese: No you didn't.

Michael Palin: Look, I don't want to argue about that.

John Cleese: Well, you didn't pay.

Michael Palin: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!

John Cleese: No you haven't.

Michael Palin: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.

John Cleese: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

I was going to save this for Pointless Shit Thursday. It is pointless, but it certainly isn't shit. This is one of the finest pieces of comedy ever written. Language doesn't often get used as well as this in any literary endevor.

I always saw a connection between this piece and prostitution. A man is paying for conversation (intercourse) and wants something particular. Cleese won't argue unless he's paid and admits that he could argue in his spare time. In other versions of this sketch, Palin is sent to "Complaints" (the man simply complains about everything) and "Being hit on the head lessons" (draw your own prostitution-related analogy). Just my inane two-bits.



A picture is worth a thousand words.

Happy Mega-Bitch Wednesday!!!!!


Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Positive About Robert Cray

Did Robert Cray get me out
of a bad relationship?
I was a college junior, living in Vermillion, South Dakota, decidedly a very white community. I was DJ-ing on the brand new campus FM, KAOR. I primarily played 1980's alternative and new wave music as that's what I was primarily interested in at the time, the top 40 music of the period boring me to tears. Going through our record library (yes, it was all vinyl!) before my shift I came upon record by Robert Cray called Who's Been Talkin'. I had grown up with some blues and sixties R&B, so I gave it a play on my show. It was bluesy but with just a tinge of the Memphis R&B sound of the 1960's. In short, I loved the whole album.

On doing some research, I found that Robert Cray was a lot younger than most of the blues artists I knew of. I've never found blues to be old man's music, but Robert Cray breathed new life into what I thought was a dead form of music. Additionally he had grown up as a military dependent like me and I found an immediate connection. Who's Been Talkin' was actually Robert Crays first release from about 5 years earlier and his fourth album, the well received Strong Persuader, had been released recently and was actually making some waves in the charts with the single Smokin' Gun.

While Stevie Ray Vaughn had recorded a number of records to this point, I always thought it was Robert Cray who started the blues revival of the late 80's and early 90's. Vaughn blues tended to be a whilwind, he tried to fill space with the most notes humanly possible. He was better and more creative at that then any guitarist I've ever heard. Cray paid more attention to the space between the notes, letting notes hang for a moment, not playing as the listener anticipated what he was going to do next. I like SRV and acknowledge how important he was to the blues revivial. I love Robert Cray.

Over the next couple of years I bought all of Cray's recordings. To this day, my favorites are his first three, the three before he became famous with Strong Persuader. I play a stripped down version of the title track to Who's Been Talkin', the first song I ever figured out for myself how to play on guitar. I've continued to buy his recordings, and thought I've not been as enthusiastic about later efforts I've liked them all.
Midnight Stroll - 1991

His music has meant a lot to me over the years. His music was also a favorite of my ex-wife's. We bought all of his recordings on cassette, bought them again when the became available on CD, I bought them again on CD after she got all of the music after the divorce.

In 1991 he relased Midnight Stroll. It marked a turn from traditional blues to Memphis soul and R&B. I prefer Cray playing straight-up blues, but this is a fine album musically. Emotionally, it somehow touches on every relationship I've ever been in and how I dealt with them. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that there were songs about my ex-wife and first girlfriend after the divorce on this record. One, Labor of Love, had a direct effect on a relationship:

Labor of love
Robert Cray

I'm spending too much time with her problems
Worryin' 'bout what she might think
Her hold on my heart
You know it drives me crazy
And buddy I'm on the brink

Thought I'd worked my way through all of our problems
The jealousy, anger and pain
But this feelin' I got
It's so dog-gone desperate, man
I'll have to do it all over again

I'm awake late at night, an emotional fool
Makin' vows to myself that I can't keep
Another know it all lonesome man of the world
Who can't stop cryin' himself to sleep

If push comes to shove
Seems like this
Labor of Love
Is just to much work for me

I can't stop thinkin' about her
It's a sad but natural fact
She's a devil and a saint
And a whole lot more that I ain't
I want this monkey off of my back

Now people, bad love's and addiction
Some as cocaine and cheap whiskey, too
When you're a prisoner of love
That's all that you think of
You act confused
And you aint got a clue

I was dating 2C in early 1995 and after six pretty good weeks, things started to go sour. I put up with a lot of shit, though I was getting some really good shit in return. That's how I justified it. My job started going in the toilet, I wasn't spending any time with my friends, my life was sort of falling apart. I didn't want to change anything that would take me away from 2C. I was in a bad relationship but told myself it was all worth it. In one way it was. In every other it wasn't. Not even close.

I was on my couch listening to the Midnight Stroll album one evening, Labor of Love came on and I thought about my situation with 2C. The phone rang, it was 2C. She asked me what I was doing. I told her I was thinking about her. She asked for specifics. I told her I was thinking that she wasn't worth all of the trouble. I don't remember where the conversation went after that. We'd had my shouting matches over our time together, one in Leo's Lounge in Vermillion that I wouldn't be suprised if people still talk about (think the scene at the hockey game in Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy). But we somehow managed to have a regular conversation. She probably needed something from me and had to make nice until she got it. I probably did it, whatever it was.

We somehow managed to stay together for another month or so. I broke up with her on the phone while I was at work. I went home after work and grabbed a bottle of Jim Beam, layed on the couch and listened to Robert Cray. I wasn't so much angry or depressed, I was simply relieved. I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I moved on quickly after that taking a job and spending the next 14 months in Iowa. I sometimes wonder if Iowa was worse than 2C, but I made my choice and I don't regret it. The lyrics of Robert Cray didn't cause me to break up with her, but it did make me see what was going on in my life. There's no way Cray could have known my exact situation and yet he wrote a song about it. It's a univeral relationsip problem, I supposed everyone has gone through it at some point. It's standard fodder for a blues song, but I couldn't see the situation I was in until I heard a song about it.


Saturday, April 22, 2006


Because Ed Asked For It.....

Thursdays are now officially Pointless Shit Thursdays. The topic is broad enough that I can do pretty much anything with it. I know that in the past it has tended to be pointless lists or instructions, I'll probably continue to do that sort of things, but hopefully I can find some totally new types of Pointless Shit.

Even though I realize that most days this blog is nothing but Pointless Shit, I like dedicating a day to the topic.



Thought of This Tonight at Work

There is only one remaining active major league baseball player from Simpsons episode 8F13 - "Homer at the Bat". Only Ken Griffey Jr. who contracted gigantism from brain and nerve tonic remains active as of this date. Other players on the SNPP company softball team who are now retired and thier reason for missing the big game against the Shelbyville nuclear plant:

RF - Daryl Strawberry - Didn't miss the game because of his great attitude
LF - Jose Canseco - Helping a woman remove belongings from her buring house
3B - Wade Boggs - Argument with Barney over greatest British Prime Minister
SS - Ozzie Smith - Fallen off of the face of the earth
2B - Steve Sax - Facing consecutive life terms in prison
1B - Don Mattingly - Sideburns too long
C - Mike Scioscia - Contracted radiation sickness from working at SNPP
P - Roger Clemens - Hypnotized, thinks he's a chicken

Apparently the Simpsons writers were real baseball geeks and wrote this episode as an excuse to meet some of their idols. They did a really great job of picking their team. Of the players, 2 are already Hall of Famers (Smith and Boggs) and two will be when they are eligable (Griffey and Clemens). Mattingly deserves to be in and Scioscia, a fine catcher in his day will undoubtedly prove to be an even better manager. Canseco and Stawberry has most likely damaged their reputations beyond repair. I always liked Steve Sax, but he's just not HOF material. Nice career and he once hit Keith Olberman's mom with an errant throw to first base.

As an added bonus, I actually got a correct response on Jeopardy! based completely on information I learned from this episode. I knew that William Pitt "the elder" was a PM of England only because I'd seen this episode. Watch cartoons and watch your IQ soar!



An Abundance of Pointless Shit

FM2552 Caller ID Telephone
with 13-Memory Dialing

1. Read and understand all instructions.

2. Follow all warnings and instructions marked on the product.

3. Unplug this product from the wall telephone jack and power outlet bfore cleaning. Do not use liquid cleaners or aerosol cleaners Use a damp cloth for cleaning.

4. Do not taunt FM2552 Caller ID Telephone with 13-Memory Dialing.

5. Do not use this product near water, for example, near a bathtub, washbowl, large glass of pilsner, kitchen sink, aquarium, snow globe, or laundry tub, in a wet basement, near a 688 Class Fast Attack nuclear submarine, or near a swimming pool.

6. Do not place this product on an unstable cart, stand or table.

7. Do not allow use by unstable former girlfriend.

8. Slots or opening in the cabinet and the bottom are provided for ventilation, to protect it from overheating. These opening must not be blocked or covered. The openings should never be blocked by placing the product on a bed or other similar surface. This product should never be placed near or over a radiator or heat register.

9. This product should be operated only from the type of power source indicated on the marking label. Do not use with solar power as we all realize that solar power is just a pipe dream. If you are not sure of the type of power supply to your home, consult your dealer or local power company.

10. Do not allow anything to rest on the power cord, make sure that it is doing some sort of work while it's there, this ain't a fucking hotel. Do not place this product where the cord will be abused by persons stepping on it. Cord abuse is serious, and programs are in place to help those deal with their cord abuse addictions.

11. Do not overload wall outlets and extension cords as this can result in fire or electric shock. Never spill liquid of any kind, even tasty, tasty beer, on the product.

12. Never push objects of any kind into this product thorugh cabinet slots, even if it was asking for it, as they may touch danerous voltage points or short out parts that could result in fire or electric shock.

13. Omitted by order of the Department of Homeland Security.

14. To recue the risk of electric shock, do not disassemble this product but take it to a qualified serviceman when some service or repair work is required. Opening or removing covers may expose you to dangerous and titilating voltages or other risks. Incorrect reassembly can cause electrick shock and make you look like a dumbass.

15. Unplug this product from the wall outlet and refer servicing to qualified personel under the following conditions:

a. When the power supply cord or plus is damaged or frayed.

b. If liquid, even tasty, tasty beer has been spilled into the product.

c. If the product has been exposed to rain or water.

d. If product has been "probbed" by aliens.

e. If product does not operate normally by folliwng the operating instructions. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....

f. If the product has been dropped or the cabintet has been damaged.

g. If the product exhibits a distinct change in performace. Steroids may be suspected.

16. Really, do not taunt product.

17. Avoid using a telephone (other than a cordless type) during an electical storm. There is a remote risk of electri shock from lightning.

18. Do not use telephone to report a gas leak. Asphyxiate.


There you go, words to live by.


Friday, April 21, 2006


Seven-Eighths or Pi?

Forty-seven year old Julio Franco hit a pinch hit homerun for the New York Mets last night against the San Diego Padres (marketing tip from 7 years ago, change name to "Pod Race" and the geek crowd will show up at Petco field in droves....). It gave the Mets a lead and they eventually won the game.

Julio Franco re-emerged in baseball a couple of years ago. He played shortstop for the Cleveland Indians when I was in college, for chirst's sake. When he showed up in an Atlanta Braves uniform I figured it was just another guy named Julio Franco. I'm sure it's not the most common name, but look in a large urban phonebook and you'll probably find as many 'Julio Francos' as 'Bob Pattersons'. I figured Julio Franco had retired a decade ago, but here he is winning games with late inning homeruns.

A player a little better in his chosen sport, though worse in Franco's, is Michael Jordan. Jordan retired from the Chicago Bulls at the top of his game and went off to play minor league baseball. Truthfully, I think Jordan could have been a pretty good baseball player had he chosen that instead of basketball at a younger age. Making that switch in his early thirties was a little too difficult for even such a great athlete.

The Bulls retired Jordan's #23. No Bull would ever wear that number again. The Bulls erected a statue of Jordan outside of the United Center. I was no fan of Michael Jordan, but if a player was ever worthy of such honors for his accomplishments on the court, it was Jordan.

There was a small glitch in the plan, though, when Jordan decided he stunk at baseball and decided to play basketball again. Imagine, going to work every day and passing a statue of yourself. I don't think it reflected on Jordan as much as it did on the Bulls. "Michael is gone forever, we honor him in statue...... Oh, hi Michael...."

Michael wore the number 45 on his jersey until a playoff game against the Knicks in which he reverted to wearing #23, agreeing to pay the fines levied by the NBA. Being a Knicks fan, I think all of his baskets should have been disallowed, a fine against someone with Jordan's financial resources obviously not meaning much.

Jordan re-retired after winning three more championships with the Bulls, then re-un-retired after taking a front office job with the Washington Wizards. I imagine it was tough for him to see talent on the court that wasn't as good as he was, even in retirement. Still, I always saw Jordan as someone who needed constant attention, when people stopped talking about him, he needed to do something to get people talking about him again. It did work, so I guess good for him.

Craig Morton wore #7 for the Denver Broncos, leading them to Super Bowl XII after arriving via trade with the New York Giants. It was the Broncos only super bowl appearance to that point.

Morton retired following the 1982 season and the Broncos acquired quarterback John Elway from the Baltimore Colts in 1983. Elway, the obvious choice to be the first pick in that year's draft refused to play for the Colts and was traded to Denver. Elway, like Morton the season before, wore #7.

For once the hype of a first draft pick was completeley justified. Elway, with little talent around him, led the Broncos to 3 super bowls. That resulted in three super bowl losses. Later in his career, surrounded by great teams, Elway was a member of two super bowl winners. After the second, John Elway retired and I see ads for his car dealerships any time I watch one of the Denver channels on TV.

In gratitude for a great career, the Broncos retired the number 7. No Bronco would ever wear it again. Elway deserves the honor. I believe he was the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL. He was definitely the greatest quarterback, the greatest player in Denver Broncos history.

I'm not an overly superstitious person, but the day that #7 was retired, I thought that the only quarterbacks to lead the Broncos to the super bowl had worn the number 7. If I were superstitious, I would realize that the Broncos
This show is so cool....
will never again play in a superbowl for that reason.

In an episode of Futurama a few years ago, Leela was signed to a Blernsball contract by the New New York Mets. When she first showed up in her uniform, she was wearing the number seven-eighths. Her explanation was that all of the whole numbers had been retired.

I'm in favor of retiring numbers of great players. Elway and Jordan or defintely worthy of the honor. I'd say we should probably be really careful with doing that with too many players. NFL quarterbacks are required to wear a number of 19 or less. Teams generally carry 3 quarterbacks. Retire too many numbers and you'll run out of numbers for your QB's.

Personally, I would want to wear pi.....



How Do People Find Me?

Here's one way! An example of the coolest Yahoo! search that ever found the humble Globex Corporation Newsletter. A reader in Beasley, Texas typed THIS into a serach engine and found my blog.

Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance in what you were looking for, though a sideline business sort of presents itself here, doesn't it......


Thursday, April 20, 2006


Oh, I'm Going to Hell.......

Maybe it's just my opinion,
but Sue Foley looks really good like this.....
Last week I showed Sue Foley playing guitar. It's what she does best. She's also a really fine songwriter and I really like her voice.

But don't believe for a moment that I've forgotten that I really like looking at her.

I'd like to try to make you believe that Sue sends me photos of herself like this all of the time, but in truth, I've got just a little bit of Photoshop talent and a whole lot of time on my hands.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006


From the Archives

Walk of Fame
Originally uploaded by Blind Orange Julius.
Sorry I sort of cancelled Mega-Bitch Wednesday today. It would be really easy for me to get down, what with the car trouble and all, so I'm sort of trying to avoid that.

So, instead, here's a photo of me next to my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I believe they dug up the star of Laszlo Panaflex (ooh, a Simpsons reference!) to put me there. And, damn it, I deserve it. You know for all of the stuff I..... for that time I was on..... for my potential to..... OK, you caught me, it's the whole Photoshop thing again.

Added insight, the star is actually that of B.B. King. The photo was taken by 5-55 when she came out to visit when I was on that silly game show.

That's it, I got the star for writing that song about her boobs......


Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Trying to Find a Silver Lining

So here I am, in Cheyenne on a Tuesday evening. That's not the way it was supposed to be.

I got up before 9am this morning. I was heading to the RC for a baptism, sort of a last second kind of thing, but I had everything taken care of. I gassed up and got an oil change. I had some soda and chips for the trip. I had my breakfast all planned out and the coffee was brewing when I woke up.

I hit the road at 9:15, taking the less travelled route of US 85 as it's a pretty good road and hardly any traffic. I could take I-25 up to Orin Junction and into Lusk, but taking US 85 is a little bit shorter and you get to see different country.

I was about 30 miles out of Cheyenne when I ran into bad road conditions. It was snowing, the roads were wet, the wind was blowing me all over the road. I noticed it was a little warm in the car, I was going to turn up the heat, but I really needed both hands on the wheel.

The bad weather ran out surprisingly quick and I went for my heater controls. I turned the heat up but didn't notice a change in temp. Then I glanced at the engine coolant temp gague. I was pegged! I was overheating!

I pulled over and decided to look under the hood. Maybe something was clogging air flow to the radiator. Maybe a big switch under the hood was switched to "HOT" when it needed to be in the "COLD" position. Truthfully, I'm not much good under the hood, but if something is obviously wrong, I'll pick it up about 25% of the time.

It was something obvious. As steam arose from under the hood, I noticed that the radiator cap wasn't on properly. I put on some gloves and fatened the cap down properly and decided what to do next. I was 30 miles from home, about 50 miles from the next town of any consequence. It was snowing a little bit where I was. What to do.

I turned around and headed back toward Cheyenne. It was soon obvious, though, that I wasn't going to make it very far, the radiator must have been pretty dry. I pulled into a ranch about 10 miles down the road. There was no one home, but there was a hose that would reach the car. I topped of the radiator with water after things cooled a bit. I restarted the car, felt a blast of heat hit me as the heater was now working. The coolant temp was about where it should be. I decided to head back toward the RC.

I only got about a mile before I was overheating again. I turned around and once again headed back the Cheyenne.

I made it home, travelling no faster than 40mph for the last 20 miles. I topped off with water and went inside to call my dad. We both figured that the radiator cap probably hadn't been put on properly when they checked my coolant level when I got my oil changed. I made sure the radiator was full of water, ran it to allow the water pump to circulate water through the radiators plumbing. Assured I had a proper coolant level, I hit the road again.

I made it about 5 miles this time before I noticed the car once again overheating. So again I headed back to Cheyenne. I called the place that changed my oil and told them my story. The manager offered to do a flush and fill of my radiator free of charge. That only took a half hour or so and I gave a little test drive. Less than three miles down the road it overheated again.

I kept my anger in check as I talked to the manager of the oil change place. He suggested a thermostat. I had installed a new thermostat on my old Chevy Citation and figured that was a likely cause of the overheating so I purchased one at an auto parts store.

Engines have apparently changed a lot in the past 25 years. I couldn't even locate the thermostat on my Subaru. I know about where it should have been, though I don't think I ever saw it. I checked the web but couldn't find any instructions particular to my make and model. If the thermostat is where I think it was, I wouldn't have been able to gety to it anyway.

So now my car is at a garage. They're going to install the thermostat that I purchased tonight and do a pressure test on the radiator tomorrow. I have no idea what's going to happen, but I do know the problems that can arise from allowing an engine to run hot for so long.

I'm not bitching about my Subaru, it's the best car I've ever had. Also, Mega-Bitch Wednesday is tomorrow. I'm trying to put a Positive Tuesday spin on this, it's just kind of hard to do.

The weather was bad futher north, perhaps I'd have run into some bad weather. That Chevy Citation I mentioned earlier had a transmission go bad in a blizzard and I eventually had to pull over. I found out later that there had been a bad accident with fatalities a few miles ahead of me as cars piled into each other under white out conditions. Who knows if I'd have been involved in it as well had my transmission held together. Who know what would have lain in front of me today if I'd kept going.

I try to be that guy who believes that things happen for a reason. For the most part, being in the right place at the right time has worked out for me in my life. You can never confirm, however, that not being in the wrong place at a given time will keep you out of trouble. So even though I'm trying to believe that this car trouble is all for the best, there's no way to ever prove that it is.

I guess when you get down to it, things happen. We perceive them as 'good' and 'bad' but they're really just all neutral events. If the head on my Subaru is cracked from the heat, it's simply the laws of physics. Shit happens. It sucks for me, but that kind of thing will happen. It may be 'bad luck' but it's not 'bad.' It's just something that was bound to happen under the circumstances. And there's really nothing I can do about it now.



19 April 2006

I just received news on my car repairs. Rather than sit down a write a Mega-Bitch Wenesday post on the subject, I'm adding to this one.

My water pump is out, my head gasket is shot. Repair is going to be spendy. Why the hell am I including this in a
Positive Tuesday post? Let me give you a few reasons:

1) I can afford 75% of the cost of reairs right now, a loan from my folks will take care of the rest, and I'll be able to pay them back in a couple of weeks. Ninety days ago I couldn't afford a new harmonica. I ate a lot of rice because I couldn't afford to eat much else. I really like rice, but c'mon!

2) I found out about the trouble about 30 miles north of Cheyenne. If I'd have found it out 15 or 20 minutes later I would have been literally (well, not
literally...) in the middle of nowhere. Between Cheyenne and Torrington on US 85 there's only Meriden and Hawk Springs. Neither is of any consequence and pretty much without services. It would have cost quite a bit of money for me to get back to Cheyenne and even more to get the car back to Cheyenne.

3) Even though the resulting car trouble caused me to miss the baptism of Aaires, it's better that it happened on a day off than on a day when I was going to work.

4) My original plans had been to go to Ft. Collins and play at
Somi's. Who's to say what would have happened if I had the trouble there. Again, it would have been a real hassle to get back to Cheyenne.

5) At best, repairs will leave me without a car until Friday. I go back to work tomorrow, but a ride to work shouldn't be too difficult to obtain. Tim, my neighbor not only works the same place I do, but works the same shift I do. If I'm going to get stuck without a car, I'm in pretty much the best situation for it to happen. Tim owes me a ride or two anyway as I drove him to work a couple of times when his car wouldn't start this past winter.

6) After some research on the internet, I found that this is a known probably with my model of car. I saw posts from a lot of people bitching about it. True, it's not the best situation, but I not only got 85,000 miles out of this car before having
ANY trouble, and the price quoted for repairs is about $300 less than what most people ended up paying.

7) I have a car, that even though it has 85,000 miles on it is definitely worth fixing. Yeah, I'm throwing a little more money at this car than I'd have liked to, but I had been saving for a new vehicle for the past couple of months. I had a tiny bit of money in a savings account so I'd have a downpayment in a couple of years. So I'm only a couple of months behind that goal now. I still have food to eat and a roof over my head.

I could go on and on. This isn't the best thing I've ever had happen to me, but it's far from the worst. As it is, I have plenty of reasons to count myself lucky.

I need to remember that.

Sunday, April 16, 2006


From Ewink's Blog

Saturday, April 15, 2006


New Harmonicas!!!

You have to be a harmonica player to appreciate this as much as I do, but damn it, I got 3 harmonicas in the mail today. I've been waiting a week for them to arrive and they're finally here.

If I go to a music store I can buy a Hohner Marine Band harmonica in any key for $24.95. Even bigger stores don't usually carry every key I want, they might have to special order that Bb harmonica that I want for The Brian Wilson and then I have to wait an go back to the store.......

A few years ago, I found a web site called Best l'il Harphouse, an online source for all of my harmonica needs. OK, they have EVERYTHING a harp player would want. They carry the baritone harmonicas, the chormatics, amps, mics, alternate tunings, you name it they have it. For that reason alone I prefer to shop online. But even better is the price. If I buy 3 harmonicas at Best l'il Harphouse, it costs a little over $52, including shipping. At every music store I've been to, that same amount of money will only buy me two harps, plus I had to leave the house and when I get there they might not have what I'm looking for. Nope, Best l'il Harphouse is definitely the way to go.

So all morning I've been playing the new harps. If it weren't so cloudy and windy I'd go to the park and play as loud as I want. Still, I ran through a bunch of songs on each of the new harps. I played stuff I haven't played in months. I can now do an acceptable solo Are You Drinkin' With Me Jesus which may get played at Somi's on Tuesday.



Packers To Favre: 'Take Your Time, Asshole'

Just make up your mind, Brett
From The Onion, which is now, apparently, America's Finest Sports Source as well.

An excerpt from a sports short in The Onion:

"This is a big decision for Brett Favre, and we can't deny that he's the heart and soul of our team, the most important Packer, the most important person in all of America, and the center of the whole entire universe," Packer general manager Ted Thompson said Tuesday. "It's not like we have to make any major decisions that all hinge on whether or not he's returning, after all."

Personally, I think he deserves all the time he needs to make a decision on whether or not to retire.

That said: GET ON WITH IT!!!!



Friday, April 14, 2006


BOJ to Get Lucky?

I am the luckiest
man in the world!
So, completely out of the blue, I get a message from the little hottie to your right. All I did was start an account at My Space, so I could hopefully post some music here. And in just a couple of days I received the follwng message from Rose:

I am rose by name...i am 37 now f from texas dallas.. .. i have been into modeling for about five yrs..i am a single woman. i love to meet some one very caring . and honest.. i read ur profile and it was very nice ..God really spen time in creating you..i can feel...... u were created from a diamond..u are so precious and..looking actrative.......The more i read ur profile and look at ur pics ,it makes me go crazy..... i have been touched by God that you are the special man God as choosen for me..... I am a very kind and honest woman.. i dont play games ..i am very honest and trustworthy..i will like to get chat with you on yahoo my di is...

Sorry I deleted her yahoo, but guys, hands off, Rose is mine! She's obviously hot and has excellent taste in men. As an added bonus, she's very eloquent and is an excellent speller to boot. Yup! Rose is the girl for me. I'm through lookin'. I get a completely unsolicieted message from a hottie and that's it for me. Gotta be true love or a reasonable facsimilie thereof. Forget it ladies, I'm completely taken, I am smitten, to quote Mike Myers, "I am in deep smit."

And even though her profile says she's 27, she admits her true age in the message. We're off on the right foot with this whole honesty thing. She repsects me, too, noting that "God really spen time in creating" me. That's the sweetest unsolicited thing anyone has ever wrtten to me.

Yep, I'm off to the airport, catching the next plane to texas dallas. See you all after the honeymoon.


All I can do is give the audience what they want.....
It's been a while since I've done a graph, and damn it, it's high time I stopped showing pictures of my ass and do something creative.

The numbers don't really reflect what I've done at Somi's the past two weeks, but based on the response I received (even that woman's "disgusting") the chart reflects the selection of future songs at the venue. The audience is always right, so give them what they want. That or the old P957 philosophy of "people will stop to look at a car wreck, so let's give 'em one." Either way, that's what I'm doing, the blog has spoken.



Photo Friday

As promised, a Sue Foley photo
where she's actually playing guitar!
It's the end of the work week (well, the start of mine, really) and another Sue Foley Photo Friday is upon us. This week I chose a photo where she's playing guitar. She does play guitar, you know. Really, really well, too.


Thursday, April 13, 2006


I'm Serious About This

Lots of pictures of my ass on the internet these days.....
Cheyenne was and remains a railroad town. Go to a bar on a weekend and you'll run into railroad workers, guys who work outside all day, do lots of heavy lifting. They work hard and they play hard.

Certain parts of town cater to that sort of clientele and we've got a couple of tattoo parlors downtown. I'm serious about the Globex thing, folks, so I printed out the Globex Corporation logo and took it to one of the shops.

Probably a little bigger than I would have like and it hurt like a sombitch, but I'm happy with the result. Now when I show my ass in public, I'll be advertising for the Globex Corporation. I can't think of a better way to get our corporate message to the masses.


Wednesday, April 12, 2006


If It Wasn't True, They Couldn't Print It Now Could They.....

Not the Best Story I've ever
posted from The Paper, but
this photo is priceless.....

I'll be God damned if I don't love The Weekly World News, better known to friends of mine as The Paper. I'll also be God damned if I'm not trying to engage in more pointless swearing because, as near as I can tell, that's perfectly fine. That's another post though. This post is about Cats in Space.

Of course, it was the Russians' faults:

"The female mice escaped from one of our onboard experiments and the male mice came up on a Russian supply ship, hidden in the cargo hold."

How NASA can leak bombshell information like this is beyond me, but WWN found dug it up for you. The least you can do is read about it here. Better yet, buy a copy of the Weekly World News, available at a newstand or super market check-out near you.

OK, I used a tiny bit of steroids before writing this.


Pointless Shit #3

Regal Automatic Breadmaker


2. To protect against electrical hazzards, do not immerse cord, plug or appliance in water or other liquids.

3. Do not touch hot surfaces. Use handles or knobs. Always use pot holders or oven mitts to handle hot bread pan or hot bread.

4. Close supervision is necessary when any appliance is used by or near children.

5. Unplug fro moutlet when not in use and before cleaning. Allow to cool before putting on or taking off parts.

6. Avoid contacting moving parts.

7. Do not operate any appliance with a damaged cord or pulg, or after appliance malfunctions or has been damaged in any manner. Return appliance to the nearest authorized service facility for examination, repair of adjustment.

8. Do not use attachments not recommended or sold by appliance manufacturer. This may cause fire, electrical shock or injury.

9.Do not use outdoors.

10. Do not let cord hang over edge of table or counter, or touch hot surfaces.

11. Do not place appliance on or near a hot gas or electric burner or in a heated oven.

12. To disconnect, grip plug and pull from wall outlet. Never pull on the cord.

13. Do not use appliance for other than its intended use.

14. This product is intended for household use only.

15. Do not taunt appliance.

These are the safeguards. Learn them - Know them - Live them.



.....I Shot a Man in Reno, Just to Watch Him Die.....

Let's get one thing straight, I don't try to offend people. I could, dear God, I could. I go out of my way not to swear in my songs. I really do. I wrote a song years ago in which I referred to Minnesota as, "no God damn winter wonderland." I've never performed it, primarily because I can't make it work on guitar. Damn I wish I were a better guitar player. Even if I did perform it, I would probably change it and take out the gratuitous swearing.

I saw an interview with Barenaked Ladies years ago. They talked of making a concious effort not to swear while on stage. To their way of thinking, there were much more creative ways to insult people then to shout four letter words at them. I didn't get the idea from them, but I wholly subscribe to it.

I was instructed not to play Two Condoms at the Dunn Bros. open mic in the RC. One evening when I asked if I could play it and was asked not to, another musician dropped an f-bomb in a song. This musician would regularly do that. I don't care, I truly don't, but if I can't play a song with no bad words in it, he shouldn't be able to say fuck.

The same goes for Mojo Nixon's Vibrator Dependent. TSA and I played that once at Dunn Bros. and were asked to never do it again. Ken Jones refused to put the audio on his site, and yet I heard that guy drop the f-bomb on the net on more than once.

I make a concious effort. There are a couple of Ben Folds songs I would love to perform, particularly Song for the Dumped:

So you wanted to take a break
Slow it down some and have some space
Well fuck you too

Give me my money back, give me my money back
Give me my money back you bitch
I want my money back, I want my money back
And do forget to give me back my black T-shirt

You fucking whore
You fucking whore
You fucking whore

I've never played that song anywhere but in my own living room. OK, I played it in the park the other day, but you know what I mean.

As for my own songs, I don't call the woman in Two Condoms a slut, I do state that her "virtue is untrue." I think I have a right to say that about a woman. I have a right to want to protect myself from any stray diseases that I could get from a woman by doing something silly like, oh, I don't know, wearing two condoms. And I don't "Whip one off and feel like a wild man when I fuck you." Works doesn't it? Concious effort on my part. I found a different way to say exactly the same way and yet keep the language relatively clean.

I wrote My Right Hand: A Love Story a while back. Guess what it's about? At no point do I mention that I masturbate, that I take my cock in my hand and wiggle it around until I, well, until I don't have the need to wiggle it around anymore. I mention things like "some day I hope to try this with a real girl," and "some day we'll invite my left hand for a three-way," but I am deliberatly not graphic.

So last night I played My Right Hand: A Love Story at Somi's. Again, that type of material did much better than the 4 previous songs done by songwriters of much greater ability than me (Bruce Springsteen, Randy Newman, Shawn Bitz & Willy Grigg). My Right Hand is by no means a better song than the previous four songs I played. It's what I do. It works when I do it. Most people like when I do that sort of thing:

My Right Hand: A Love Story

Champagne by the Fireplace
I've got the music on real low
Shadows dancin' 'cross the living room
In a warm hypnotic glow

I've set it up so perfectly
I hope this isn't where it ends
But I think tonight's gonna be the night
I just wish I could tell my friends

And I been playin' it all out
In my mind for so long
And I considered every little thing
That could go wrong
But tonight's the night I think
I'll finally give it a whirl
And someday I hope to try this
With a real girl

Don't have much luck with women
I think that's pretty plain to see
So a romantic evening is home all alone
It's only my right hand and me
But I always try to do it up right
Any time I get the notion
And my right hand never fails to please
At least 'til I run out of lotion

And I been playin' it all out
In my mind for so long
And I considered every little thing
That could go wrong
But tonight's the night I think
I'll finally give it a whirl
And someday I hope to try this
With a real girl

The scene is just so perfect
I'm getting tipsy from champagne
Don't care what you say about my right hand
It never fails to entertain
It never lies it never cheats
It never leaves me in my sorrow
And if I play my cards right tonight
My arm will be real sore tomorrow

Don't think I'm silly
I know that it's not love
But if I'm in the mood for dress-up
It'll wear a glove
Yeah my right hand gives
My dirty mind real leeway
And someday we'll invite my left hand
For a three-way

One woman seemingly took great offense. It's subject matter, but I purposfully kept the language clean. When I had this idea, I coudn't not write the song. Is the song immoral? I suppose to some prudish people it could be considered as such. But then I want to see every bit as much offense when Johnny Cash sings "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die...." (which is probably the coolest line in the history of music).

I'm not going to wow anyone with my ability on guitar or harmonica. I certainly don't have the greatest voice people have ever heard. I can't write an interesting melody, I rarely stray from the I IV V chord progression. What I can do is look at something as silly as masturbation in a different way, I can make people laugh at it. It's all I've got. I'm honestly not trying to offend anyone. I could, I could very easily. That's just it, it's too easy.

Talked to the husband of the woman who was greatly offended. He told me that he hopes I come back next week.

This Post 100% Steroid Free

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Thanks to Those Who Taught and Those Who Tried

I had a button come off of a shirt. I was married at the time and asked my wife if she could sew it on for me. Sometimes when I remember this story, I imagine her being really snotty and her blurting out, "do it yourself." In truth, though, she simply told me that she wasn't going to do that for me, but she'd show me how so I could do it myself in the future. As near as I can recall, that's the way it happened and I sewed the button back on my shirt myself.

I had never grown up thinking that I was going to get married so that my wife would cook and clean for me, mend my clothing and basically take care of all domestic chores. The house I grew up in was like that, but I could see the world changing as I got older. I suppose attending college added to that attitude some as well. I met women who were in college simply "husband hunting," but most of the women I met were independent young ladies who were looking for a career. They wanted a husband but that's not why they were in college.

After moving out of the dorms, I had to cook for myself. I had picked up some cooking skills growing up, I didn't hang around the kitchen with mom all the time, but mom was a good teacher and was able to impart knowledge on me. So I could cook for myself pretty well by the time I lived on my own. I had a girlfriend who liked to cook and learned a lot from her as well. I actually put on quite a bit of weight in my early 20's as I was a pretty good cook.

In truth, I got into the TV business because I liked watching TV and wanted to learn everything about it. I got a job in TV out of college and advanced pretty far at a crappy little station in Sioux Falls before they got rid of my position and I had to find somethng else.

About that time I got divorced. The fews thing my wife did for me I found I could do pretty well myself (one in particular, but as good as I am at it, that's still something I like someone else to help me with....).

In recovering from that, I started writing songs. Pretty bad songs for the most part. I still do a couple of them, but for the most part I didn't really know what I was doing. I was listening to a lot of music at the time, I had just gotten into the music of blues legend Robert Johnson and was trying to sound like him. I never got there, but I do think I came up with a passable sound that doesn't put people off too much. Later I worked with honest-to-god musicians who taught me how to listen to what I was doing, to listen to what they were doing, to make it all sound good together.

Later I started making beer, because I really, really, really like beer. I wanted to know as much about beer as possible and figured the best way to learn about something was to do it yourself.

There's a lot of things I can't do well myself. I cannot fix a car that isn't running. I'm really not "handy" in any way, I don't fix stuff around the house. I pay people a lot of money to do stuff like that for me. I pay them gladly, they have knowledge and skills that I don't. My dad is handy, I picked up some knowldge from him, but the skills never came. And in truth I never enjoyed working on cars or fixing things around the house. He was patient with me, he really tried to teach me but I never really had an interest.

And that's the thing. People were patient with me. They showed me how to do things for myself if I showed an interest. To my credit, I really tried to learn, I picked things up pretty well. I generally only picked up things I was interested in, but I picked up a wide range of skills.

No matter how bitchy I sometimes remember her being when recalling sewing on my own button, I have to thank my ex-wife for teaching me a skill that I've used quite often in the past 15 years. And I have to thank all of the people who taught me anything in a formal or informal setting over the years. I want to really thank those who tried to teach me things that I could never really pick up. Their jobs were much harder than those teaching me things I already enjoyed doing.



Change in Policy

Dearest Readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter,

We live in troubling times. The simple, idealistic life our parents and granparents lived is no longer our America. Corporate America seemingly runs the show, the bottom line has become all important in our every endevour.

Even our national pastime, the pure, pristine game of baseball has become tainted. No longer a game of mere whore-mongers like Babe Ruth, the game has turned to chemical enhancement to pump up its players, to generate more offense, to put more butts in the seats, to improve the bottom line.

Globex Corporation says enough! We may be an inconsequencial corner of the internet, but damn it, we're pure, and I aim to keep it that way.

From this point forward, The Globex Corporation Newsletter will be 100% steroid free. This applies to the author and to those commenting on posts. With that in mind, I will now require that all comments be accompanied by a urine sample.

I regret any inconvenience that this may cause.

Together, we can keep The Globex Corporation Newsletter the shining beacon of morality it has been for the past 16 months.

We now return you to the dick and fart jokes.


Monday, April 10, 2006


Group Cries Foul Over Treatment of Chickens

Photo from The Rapid City Journal.
My favorite news item of the day (could also be classified as Pointless Shirt), from The Rapid City Journal. I read the article and my first thought was, "hey, no mention of how it's unethical to eat chickens." I'm not sure how to react to that. After seeing an old episode of Penn & Teller's BULLSHIT about PeTA, I suppose that's a good thing being as PeTA seems to be miguided in their attempts to save all animals from, well, anything. At least this one person in Virginia seems to actually be concerned with the treatment of chickens, up to killing and eating them.

An excerpt:

...the woman's e-mail indicated that there were four chickens locked in small glass boxes being "forced" to do tricks for food without being provided water. The e-mail also said the chickens appeared to be starving and didn't get to eat unless they made a certain number of baskets.

"The chickens were trying frantically and pathetically to successfully complete the games," Davis said, reading from the e-mail.

"Forcing chickens to play basketball is not a humane way to treat them, no matter what kind of rationalization is attempted to be made," Davis said. "Chickens are foraging animals. They belong on the ground, scratching the earth, taking sun baths and dust baths, forming and reforming small flocks and running around."

You know what this email fails to mention is the treatment that human basketball players face, particularly in the Post-Jordan NBA. Ratings are way down and last night I couldn't remember who the last NBA champion was (San Antonio?). At lot of players in the NBA are essentially forced to play basketball as they have no other marketable skill. It's either play ball or live the thug life, you know, like Sebastian Telfair trying to take a loaded gun onto a charter flight.

I see stories in newspapers about basketball every day, seldom do I see any stories decrying the unethical treatment of NBA players. I see few about underpaid workers. I see few about underage workers making soccer balls in India for pennies a day.

I am not in favor of animal cruelty any more than I am in favor of human cruelty. Given the choice, I'm going to attempt to save the life of a human long before I attempt to save the life of any animal, particularly if the animal is tasty.

I am completely in favor of the ethical treatment of animals, but I'm more in favor of the ethical treatment of humans. In my opinion it is ethical for me (or anyone) to eat tasty animals. Some may disagree, then I ask you not to eat animals and let's end the discussion there.



The Return of Pointless Shit

Candian Prime Ministers since Confederation

Sir John A. Macdonald 1867–73
Alexander Mackenzie 1873–78
Sir John A. Macdonald 1878–91
Sir John J. C. Abbott 1891–92
Sir John S. D. Thompson 1892–94
Sir Mackenzie Bowell 1894–96
Sir Charles Tupper 1896
Sir Wilfred Laurier 1896–1911
Sir Robert L. Borden 1911–20
Arthur Meighen 1920–21
W. L. M. King 1921–26
Arthur Meighen 1926
W. L. M. King 1926–30
Richard B. Bennett 1930–35
W. L. M. King 1935–48
Louis St. Laurent 1948–57
John G. Diefenbaker 1957–63
Lester B. Pearson 1963–68
Pierre Elliott Trudeau 1968–79
Joseph Clark 1979–80
Pierre Elliott Trudeau 1980–84
John Turner 1984
Brian Mulroney 1984–93
Kim Campbell 1993 Best looking World Leader in her day.....
Jean Chrétien 1993–2003
Paul Martin 2003–Present

I know the all the Canadian PM's
The Canadian PM's in order
Do You know the Canadian PM's
Or are you in a fix
I know all the Canadian PM's
The Candian PM's in order
At this point in their history
They've just had twenty-six

Lyrics to I Know All The Presidents (US Presidents, that is) In Order can be found here. You'll also find a cool comment from Ewink.



Pointless Shit

Names on Page 37 of the Dex Cheyenne and surrounding area phone book (use until March 2005).

GIGER Mark & Kris
GIL Guadalupe
GILBERT Jason & Kara
GILBERT Jon & Violet
GILBERT Richard & Jane
GILES Jettie F
GILES Priscilla
GILES Robert
GILFIAN Kim & John
GILL Kevin
GILL Marty & Gail
GILL Robert
GILL Robert P
GILL Roger
GILL Shelly
GILLETTE Clark & Deborah

If I had a point, you'd have gotten it by now


Sunday, April 09, 2006


Grocery List

Spreadable Margarine
Green Pepper
AP Flour
(Big ol' cheap container at Wal-Mart?)
Cheese of some sort
Sesame Oil
Guitar Picks
(I go to a really cool grocery store)
2 litre cheap pop
(never cheap beer, though)

Now if my King Sooper just had shopping cart web access, this would be really useful.


Saturday, April 08, 2006


I Need Napkins & Spreadable Margarine

German doesn't have it's own word for napkin, using the French word serviette when referring to something one would clean up at the table with. I'm not really sure what the reasoning is for this. Did the barbaric Germans not ever wipe their mouths while eating? Did they simply think an item with that express pupose didn't deserve a name? Is the Old German word for napkin simply the same as shirt or trousers?

It only comes up because I'm out of napkins. It's really not such a big deal, though I do try to wipe my mouth and hands occasionally while dining. I can always improvise. I do have paper towels. Paper towels last forever in my house, probably because of my upbringing. Paper towels were valuable in our houshold, you never used them. If you had to clean a window, you did it with newspaper and not to much glass cleaner. I have a little tinge of guilt every time I use a paper towel for anything. I haven't lived at home for a really long time now, I've kept house myself since I was married and yet the old habits won't die.

So I've gotta buy some napkins this week. No big deal, it's regularly scheduled grocery week, though I could probably get buy if I didn't buy any food items. I need spereadable margarine, that's about the only thing that I'm really running short on. At least it's the only thing I can think of now.

I don't make a grocery list. One, since I'm out of an item, it's no longer around to remind me that I need it. I know that sounds strange, but that's how t works with me. I see things at the old King Sooper and decide I need them. That means I usually spend twice as much money as I was planning to.

One thing I started doing a couple of years ago is eating a big meal before grocery shopping. I'd read that you shouldn't shop for groceries while hungry. Seems like good advice, but the last couple of times I went shopping I still spent about twice as much money as I planned to.

So I'll probably hit the King Sooper on Tuesday or Wednesday, really only needing napkins and spreadable margarine, but still spending around $100 anyway.


Friday, April 07, 2006


It's That Time of Week Again

Maybe next week
I'll have a picture of
her playing guitar.....
Submitted for your approval, Sue Foley Photo Friday, a favorite of the staff at the Worldwide Headquarters of The Globex Corporation, and hopefully one of yours as well. Even if it isn't, I'm not going to stop doing it.


Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Open Mic-ing Once Again

Just got back from Ft. Collins and the debut open mic at Somi's. I found it on the internt today and thought I'd check it out as it's my day off.

First of all, the place was a lot classier than I expected. As I sat at the bar (where I belong even if I'm not drinking beer)I was contemplating how to clean up my solo act. I was running through all of the acceptable song I know, trying to figure out a set list. They do a different sort of thing at Somi's, having a featured performer, a regular who does a long set. That was great as it gave me more time to think.

I followed the featured performer and opened up with You Don't Love Me Anymore, and quickly followed by I Know All The Presidents in Order. The crowd now expecting the whacky, I threw them a change-up and gave them the disco classic I Will Survive, OK, still a little bit whacky but only because of the delivery. Serious song, that one. Then it was on to the original material, Wall Drug didn't go over as well as I would have liked, I think that's a pretty regional song. The people who knew what Wall Drug and the Corn Palace are seemed to enjoy it.

As I looked at the crowd I wasn't sure how far I should go. It was an older group, I wasn't sure how they would react to anything a little bit controversial. Then I thought "screw it, I don't even live in this state" and played Two Condoms. A crowd that was somewhat indifferent was suddenly on my side. I really need to accidentally write more songs as good as that one. Everyone turned and looked and even seemed to laugh at the appropriate times. Always good when that happens. I had one song left and though I considered the one about masturbation, I went with In My Hand. I thought I was losing the crowd, but the boobie verse brought them back. I was congratulated vociferously (I bet I spelled both of those words wrong) by patrons, musicians and bar staff and management. I even got told I was a pretty good guitar player which means that the misdirection bullshit worked as planned. Make 'em laugh and they'll forget that you sucked on guitar.

I hung out for the rest of the show, got asked about possibly playing a street festival in Ft. Collins, saw lots of great musicians and met a lot of folks. As this was the inagural show at Somi's, I was asked if I wanted to show up next week, be a regular. Me, a regular at an open mic? I guess it could happen. Seriously, being about an hour away, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it every week, but I'd like to get back. I want to check out some other shows in the area as well.

And, on the drive home, I relaized how much my attitude toward my life in Cheyenne has improved. I got to do one of my favorite things here and it felt pretty comfortable. It was a bit of a rush that people who didn't know me seemed to like what I do. Now if I can just do one of my other favorite things, Waltzing with the Kaiser, with someone I don't know who ends up liking what I do..... well then, life would be just great.....

How many shots is that T1G?

And TSA, they have New Belgium brews on tap. I'm just sayin'.....


Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Controversial Christian Faction Believes Jesus Was Nailed To Two Parallel Pieces Of Wood

If I were unscrupulous, I would claim this as my own.
More brilliant work from The Onion.
Perhaps the perfect joke, it inovolves geometry and religion. If we could just through in some physics......




Beer Unclothed

You have to love, I mean truly love beer to make your own beer. At this moment, I am brewing a batch of Belgian Triple. I started that right after bottling 5 gallons of the beer formerly known as Red Ass Ale. I'm hot and sweaty from the boiling that is going on in the cafeteria of the Worldwide Headquarters of The Globex Corporation. Said abode will smell of hops and grain for a number of days even though I'll take all of the trash outside as soon as possible. I'm beat from being hunched over, filling bottles and mini-kegs full of finished beer. I have dish pan hand from all of the dishes that I've done, and have a bunch more dishes to do.

You have to really love beer to make your own beer. Thankfully I do. I love beer. I've found very few things in my life that I'm willing to work this hard for. I've certainly never worked this hard in my chosen profession. I think it shows that I never worked this hard on music. Graphics just sort of came to me, it's more like playing a video game than actual work.

Brewing is work. It's hard work and as bottling day approaches I just dread it. That's the worst part, of course, putting 5 gallons of beer into about 50 12oz. bottles (don't do the math, I'm sure it doesn't work out exactly, there's always a little bit of waste). You don't just have to fill those bottles, but you have to sanitize them first. You have to put Dr. Nowell's marvelous invention, the crown cap, onto each bottle and work a device that seals each bottle individually.

I understand why big breweries gained popularity. Brewing is hard work, but more sales means you can buy better, faster equipment, hire more laborers, let each laborer do one repetetive task and do it perfectly.

Brewing thousands of barrels of beer is more efficient than brewing batches 5 gallons at a time. In an uncontrolled environment like the average kitchen, the results of small batch brewing aren't nearly as consistent as they are at that big Budweiser plant down the road just outside of Denver.

But I love beer, and pressed for an answer, I will tell you that I love brewing my own beer. It's probably no cheper for me to brew 5 gallons of beer than it would be for me to buy 5 gallons of beer. That doesn't include my time. The quality of my beer is probably a little higher than most beers, my beer is fresher than anything I'll buy at that really great liquor store on South Greely Highway and that does make a difference.

I practice what is known as extract brewing. No, it isn't simply pouring beer extract into water and letting it sit for a while. Extract refers to malt extract, the sugar that results from heating malted barley to a particular temperature, converting carbohydrates to sugar. If I weren't doing extract brewing, I would be doing what is known as all-grain brewing. And make no mistake, even though it's much more time consuming, even though it requires more equipment and can really only safely be done outdoor or in a really special kitchen, I would do it if I had the space and the room to store the equipment.

What I do is time consuming enough. I like what I get out of it though, and I don't just mean the beer. For me, it's about satisfaction. I made this. It tastes good. It has the desired effect when I drink it.

I could eat all my meals in fast food restaurants, I could drink nothing but Coors, I could only listen to music on purchased CD's. I could do all of those things and my life would be fine. Doing each of those things myself let's me know how difficult cooking or brewing or making music can be. I have more appreciation for real professionals, I hopefully won't be so quick to criticize. If I do criticize, it will be with a small understanding of what each of those crafts take to do and do well.


Monday, April 03, 2006



I don't care much for tomatos. I use them on things, put them in things, I'm not reall into them and if I omit them from a dish I don't really miss them.

I don't care much for lettuce. I do eat salads, but they're more about the stuff you put on the lettuce than the lettuce itself.

Side note: when did Ranch Dressing just completely take over? I like Ranch Dressing, but it's like it has single-handedly defeated all other salad dressings in some sort of condiment Battle Royale.

Bacon is good. I don't eat nearly as much of it as I did growing up. Invariably if I open a package of bacon for some reason I have to figure out what to do with the rest of the package after I've used the miniscule amount that I would use in any recipe.

I truly do not like mayonaise. What is the deal with mayo? I have to buy the smallest containers possible to avoid it going bad before I can eat it all. And while I truly dislike mayonaise, it's a whole lot better than rancid mayonaise.

Toast is good. I bake bread so I generally have fresh bread around. Since my bread is usually very fresh (and generally oddly shaped), I rarely toast bread. I'm not against toasting bread, but when bread is fresh, I really don't see the point.

So why do I absolutely love BLT's. I'm somewhat indifferent to all of the elements that go into the american classic sandwich and yet, outside of the Reuben, the BLT is my favorite sandwich. I once watched a half hours show on Food TV about nothing but the BLT. I was transfixed. What a marvelous sandwich.

Two BLT's and a glass of Diet Pepsi on ice. It's hard for me to imagine a better lunch.


I apologize for the inane nature of the above post. It's something I wanted to say, I felt the need to post today, and I didn't really think this was worthy of Positive Monday. I'll try to give you something better tomorrow...

Sunday, April 02, 2006


BOJ Nude!!!

Naked Boogie Live!
I'm sorry to put everyone through this.....
If I'm going to make all kinds of photos with people in the nude and junk, I guess I should just do it to myself, too. I know it's not SMB's butt, but I am outside, that's gotta count for somethin'. Like all good ideas, this one came to me in the shower. I need to just move my computer in there, that would be the coolest thing ever. Imagine how productive (and squeaky clean) I would be.....


Saturday, April 01, 2006


Abe Vigoda Nude!

....and now for more unhealthy obsession...

That's right, BOJ does requests. Also available for children's parties. Speaking of which, I was playing guitar in the park on Tuesday and the leaders of a YMCA after-school group brought a bunch of kids over, probably no older than 7 or 8, and sat them down in front of me. I believe I was just finishing up Vibrator Dependant or Two Condoms or some other children's song when they sat down.

I was racking my brain for something approprate when they sat down, first thing I thought of was a Willy Grigg song (that I don't know the name of) and then I played I Will Survive. If I had been on the radio, as TSA and "The Paper" will confirm, all of those kids would have instantly turned gay. I was live though and everything was fine. In fact, if they hadn't left after my second song, I was prepared to play some Ted Nugent or Frank Sinatra so they wouldn't have to rush to a hospital. Thankfully that didn't happen.

Thanks for stopping by and checking out my Nude Abe Vigoda Photos. The Globex Corporation Newsletter is your source for Nude Abe Vigoda Photos.

Also Ruth Bader Ginsberg.



Jessica Alba Nude!

No matter how hard you look in this post, you won't find a nude photo of Jessica Alba. In a way it's an experiement. In a post on Tuesday I wrote about FHM magazine's 100 sexiest woment of 2006 (which Sue Foley isn't on, some list). I mentioned Scarlett Johansen a couple of times. Today I check my Statcounter account and noticed a lot of hits from search engines in which people were looking for information about Ms. Johansen. I hope they were dissapointed when they got here.

This actually happens to me quite a bit. Search engines are cool because they can often lead the web surfer to idiots like me who have absolutely nothing to offer them. The other site gets an inordinate number of accidental hits from the island of Jamaica. Why? BOJ is also the abbreviation for Bank of Jamaica. I love that. Some rasta-man wants to check his checking account balance or get news of the blood drive at his local bank branch but instead he gets photos of Sue Foley, or my random bitches about stuff they couldn't possibly care about.

BOJ is also the abbreviation for Bank of Japan, I don't get nearly as many hits from that misunderstanding, but I do get some. Globex Corporation is a real corporation, in Canada I think, and I get the occasional search engine hits from someone wondering how their mining stock is performing. Hey, I'm just here to help.

I hope you all enjoyed the nude photos of Jessica Alba as much as I enjoyed bringing them to you!


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