Friday, August 31, 2007


Sue Foley Photo Friday

It's Sue Foley and a bunch of unidentified guys... well not unidentified, I just didn't bother to find out who they are. I'll just refer to them as luck guys one through four. They're probably musicians or something, I don't know.

This weekly feature isn't about the guys though. It's about Sue Foley. Forget about the guys. In fact, I should go find a different picture.



Thursday, August 30, 2007


NFL Predictions

We're just a couple of weeks away from the start of another NFL Season, so I guess it's prediction time.

Also, I'm sending out a call for those who want to participate in Fake Gambling II. Email me for details if you'd like to be involved in this exciting, interactive blogging experience.

  • Philadelphia Eagles

  • Dallas Cowboys

  • New York Giants

  • Washington Redskins

  • Providing Donovan F. McNabb is healthy, Philly is one of the better teams in the NFC. I'm not completely sold on Cowboys QB Tony Romo, he tailed off after a fine start, and I'm not just talking about a botched field goal attempt in the playoffs. He'll need to prove more. The Giants have a poor coach, players who don't believe in him and a QB who's not as good as his dad or brother. They're going nowhere. The 'Skins are going in the right direction, but they've got a long way to go...

  • Chicago Bears

  • Green Bay Packers

  • Detroit Lions

  • Minnesota Vikings

  • The Bears have a great defense, generally enough offense and the ability to win a weak division. I sincerely hope that this is Brett Favre's last season in Green Bay (and the NFL). I'd like to see him go out as a winner. The Lions are better, but 10 wins? That's just insane. The Vikings will run the ball and run it effectively. They won't do any of the other things they need to do to win many games.

  • New Orleans Saints

  • Carolina Panthers

  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers

  • Atlanta Falcons

  • I'm still not sold on Reggie Bush, but I'm completely sold on the way coach Sean Payton used him. Payton is one of the best offensive minds in the NFL. Panthers WR Steve Smith may be the best player in the NFC. They play good defense, have a smart QB and they know how to win. The Bucs are a mess, particularly at QB. They seem to have no direction. The Falcons will be better than most people think, which is to say they won't be the worst team in the NFL. Just what did coach Bobby Petrino sign on for?

  • Seattle Seahawks

  • San Francisco 49ers

  • St. Louis Rams

  • Arizona Cardinals

  • The 'Hawks were dangerous down the stretch. A good defense and the best RB in the conference make them a good bet to win this division. The 'Niners are good enough to win as well, but they're young, though every bit as good as Seattle. The Rams will score a ton of points. The opposition will score more. Should be fun to watch though. The Cardinals will be better this year. I am so sick of hearing that. They always suck. They shouldn't, they have talent and a new coach, but they'll suck, they always do.

  • New England Patriots

  • New York Jets

  • Buffalo Bills

  • Miami Dolphins

  • The Pats weren't in the Super Bowl last year because they didn't have a decent WR. My how they fixed that! And no, I don't mean Randy Moss. If Moss doesn't destroy the chemistry of this team, they'll win, and win big. The Jets are amazing, and I still don't understand how they do it, but figure they can do it again. Buffalo is better. So are the Dolphins, but Trent Green isn't the answer, look for rookie Beck to start by midseason.

  • Pittsburgh Steelers

  • Baltimore Ravens

  • Cincinnati Bengals

  • Cleveland Browns

  • The most competitive division in football, anyone can win, including Cleveland, though that's a longshot. The Steelers were better than last year's record indicated. A new coach shouldn't negatively impact them. The Ravens should run the ball better with McGahee, but McNair has to drop off at QB, and he won games by the skin of his teeth last year. The Bengals would be better if they didn't have all of those hoolums on their team. I think that will hurt them more this season. The Browns had a fantastic draft and already have a nice base of young talent. There's too much talent above them to improve their record too much, though.

  • Indianapolis Colts

  • Jacksonville Jaguars

  • Tennesse Titans

  • Houston Texans

  • The Colts will win the south because they're a great team, but as much because no one here challenges them. The Jags are unsettled at QB, though their running game and defense seem sound. Vince Young will be better in Tennessee, but the team is in for a big drop off. They've lost too much talent to improve on last year's record. Houston seemed to turn it around offensively last year, so they dumped their starting QB for Matt Schaub. How does that make sense?

  • San Diego Chargers

  • Denver Broncos

  • Kansas City Chiefs

  • Oakland Raiders

  • San Diego has as much talent as anyone, but with a new head coach and two new coordinators, I have a hard time predicting too much for them. The Bronco's D, a strength most of the season let them down in the stretch and hasn't looked good in the preseason. KC can't be as good as last year and look for a huge drop off for Larry Johnson. What the hell are the Raiders doing? They play good D, but this is the worst team in the NFL.

    Philadelphia Eagles
    North Chicago Bears
    South New Orleans Saints
    West Seattle Seahawks

    Wild Card Carolina Panthers
    Wild Card San Francisco 49ers

    New England Patriots
    North Pittsburgh Steelers
    South Indianapolis Colts
    West San Diego Chargers

    Wild Card Denver Broncos
    Wild Card New York Jets

    Super Bowl XLII
    Philadelphia Eagles and New England Patriots

    But that's just another wild ass guess.



    Naked Man Hula Dances, Steals Beer from Local Gas Station

    From KMOV-TV:

    "Basically, a guy coming in, standing there naked and doing the hula," store clerk Vicky Gaines says.

    It was all caught by the store's video camera at 5:30 a.m. August 18th.

    As bizarre as it sounds, police say the naked man was part of a team that was out to steal beer.

    The thieves plan, according to police was for the naked man to distract the store's clerk while another young man went to the back and took a case of beer.

    As it turned out the clerk wasn't distracted.

    "He was just standing there and saying, asking if you'd like some of this, and I told the cops, I have a naked man in my doorway with a mask on can you come up here," Gaines says.

    The whole episode ended in a matter of seconds.

    The naked man fleeing to a car along with the second man with beer in hand, and a customer running out to get the license plate number of the car.

    A few days later they were caught, leaving Gaines with a vivid and humorous story to tell.

    Man, I could really go for a beer.

    I need an accomplice...



    Job Listing

    [Nameless Company]

    job description

    Ranked by the Rocky Mountain News as one of Colorado's leading companies, particularly for screwing over employees in other states, especially Wyoming, [Nameless Company] aggressively recruits energetic, driven, spiteful and unintelligent people to meet the demands of our exciting industry and to help us reach our vision of changing the way the world communicates. To add to our team of talented people, we are currently seeking a Human Resource Representative II.

    The responsibilities of this role include:

    Performs unprofessional and spiteful human resources tasks in a variety of human resources programs. Primary responsibilities are to support [Nameless Company] business partners with their HR needs such as recruitment, employee relations, compliance, training and general compensation and benefits issues and to screw [Nameless Company] employees as efficiently as possible, saving [Nameless Company] money that we can use to sponsor an America's Cup Yacht team in the near future.

  • ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES include the following. Other duties may be assigned.

    Consults with department managers to determine appropriate human resources priorities.

    Participates in the review of operational business strategy and objectives to determine the implication on human resources objectives in a way to further screw eployees.

    Advises management of risks associated with current business practices and recommends improvements by providing expertise to management in circumventing local, state and federal employment laws.

    Promptly reports any compliance related concerns to Senior HR Management team and works diligently at covering up said concerns.

    Conducts training of human resources objectives to management including regulatory compliance training, policy and procedures training and corporate communication initiatives.

    Maintains communication with departments on all human resources related issues. Reports recommendations and alternative ways of screwing employees to higher level managers.

    Represents organization at personnel-related hearings and investigations, disregarding any laws, as necessary, to screw employees and save [Nameless Company] money that we can then spend on sponsorship of a Masked Mexican Wrestler.

    Works independently on objectives. Receives very little supervision as current [Nameless Company] HR supervisors are incompetent and would be able to offer very little assistance anyway.

    Ensures that human resources needs are met in a timely manner or an untimely manner as is beneficial to [Nameless Company].

    Acts as mentor to lower level HR staff to develop all aspects or HR and interpersonal expertise, corrupting them so that no other company will ever want to hire them. One of us... One of us...

    This list is not meant to be a comprehensive inventory of all duties and responsibilities assigned to this position. Those who come up with more efficient ways of screwing employees will be rewarded, or, alternatively, have their ideas stolen by supervisors who will receive large bonuses for the idea.

  • I hope we get someone good!


    Labels: ,

    Wednesday, August 29, 2007



    God I fucking hate my job.

    Not the job I do, not the people I work with, but the fucking company, the [Nameless Company] that's decided they can treat their employees, that they can treat me like shit.

    Because I spend $365.58 on medication, medication I have to pay that much for because [Nameless Company] decided that sponsoring a NASCAR team was more important than providing their employees with reasonably priced health insurance. because the company I'm buying this medication from can't fucking get their shit right and takes two and a half months to give me a $20 refund for continually fucking up, because that company complained that I was more than a little upset when they got shit wrong for SIX FUCKING MONTHS, because HR sided with them instead of me, because HR gave me inaccurate information when I asked them to find out what was up with my $20 refund (and I was instructed to do that by some spineless, worthless piece of human shit who's in charge of [Nameless Company] HR), because of all of this, I'm in trouble at my job. I am on notice. If I deliberately make a mistake I can be terminated immediately. Of course, if anyone else deliberately makes a mistake they can be terminated immediately. The difference? I have a write up in my file saying that this will happen if I make a mistake. We're all operating under the same rules, I suppose, but it's noted in my file.

    I have asked that that shit be taken out of my file. I asked that ELEVEN FUCKING DAYS AGO, and HR has not gotten back to me yet, has failed to respond in any way. We don't have an HR person in our building. [Nameless Company] decided to hire new employees at a higher pay grade than current employees, and we don't have HR representation in our building to complain about that to.

    I'm sure HR in any corporation is fucking useless, but [Nameless Company] has taken that fucking pointlessness to new and exciting levels of absolute uselessness. My hiring process was completely fucked up. I work in a department where an employee would come into work drunk and it was HR who wouldn't do anything about it. My pay was fucked up for the first couple of months of my employment. The fact that we don't have HR representation in our building, that someone has to come up from Denver when I'm a fucking problem for the company isn't really much of a drop off from the service that we received when we had a person in the building.

    HR is the problem. There's plenty wrong at [Nameless Company], but HR doesn't have a fucking clue. They have no idea what they're doing, and I'm fucking sure everyone with HR attached to their title makes more money than me. The whole department is criminally mismanaged.

    Bitchy enough for ya?


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    Tuesday, August 28, 2007


    Let's Win This Thing!!!

    This is from ymabean's blog. She won this plush toy in a claw machine and decided to make something of a contest out of it:

    It is a president. I would like all of you to tell me your best guesses as to which one he is.

    I will give you all three days so please get your guesses in early. I am not as cool as another of my blogger pals so I have no great prize for the winner, but I will sing your praises here for all to see.

    Having my praises sung on someone else's blog is a lifetime dream of mine. One problem, I'm really bad at guessing games. That's where you, the fine reader of The Globex Corporation Newsletter come. On the sidebar is a poll. Make your selection and if we're correct, ymabean will sing the praises of all of the fine reader of The Globex Corporation Newsletter. Sound's like fun.

    VOTE NOW!!!!



    Piano Players

    You know what's cool? Piano players. Particularly piano players as songwriters. My favorite songwriter is Ben Folds. Other piano playing songwriters I like are Randy Newman, Billy Joel, Warren Zevon, Ray Charles and Charles Brown.

    I would never say that on piano players are great songwriters. I actually read a very interesting argument about how bass players (Paul McCartney, Sting, Lowell Fulson) are great songwriters, written by a blues pianist. I suppose that can be true, but a piano can actually physically see the relationships between the notes in chord the way a guitarist will never be able to.

    There are great songwriters who solo on any instrument you can name. There are great guitar playing songwriters, but Bruce Springsteen or Bob Dylan can't hold a candle, musically, to Ray Charles or Randy Newman.

    So, today, I'm positive about the music writeen by piano players.



    Monday, August 27, 2007


    Athletes In Trouble With The Law

    From The Onion:

    Michael Vick's criminal case may be dramatic, but the situation is hardly new. Onion Sports takes a quick look at athletes who landed on the wrong side of the law:

  • 1985: Pete Rose receives a lifetime suspension from baseball after foolishly betting that he is too famous to get in trouble

  • 1987: Dominique Wilkins is cleared of child-abuse charges when the "child" he was seen hitting is identified as Spud Webb

  • 1995: Michael Jordan shoots and nearly kills a Chicago-area police officer, but the officer is so happy to be associated with Michael Jordan that no charges are filed

  • 1996: Michael Irvin's cocaine possession charges are dropped when Irvin is able to prove that he is a member of the Dallas Cowboys

  • 2000: Ray Lewis is investigated in connection with the murder of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar, convicted of obstructing justice, and sentenced to five years of community service as a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens

  • 2001-2007: NFL wideout Muhsin Muhammad is taken into custody three times a week for having a suspicious name

  • 2002: Ex-New Jersey Net Jayson Williams is arrested for killing his limousine driver and sentenced to 15 years in court

  • 2003: Kobe Bryant pleads not guilty to sexual assault charges, forcing authorities to let him go

  • 2004: Ricky Williams tests positive for not giving a shit about football

  • 2006: Barbaro's involvement with gambling comes to a head when organized crime enforcers have his leg broken during the Preakness Stakes

  • 2007: Both civil authorities and NFL officials become involved when Green Bay Packers middle linebacker Nick Barnett first pushes down a woman for throwing a drink in his face, then performs an excessively long celebratory dance over her

  • So I guess this kind of stuff isn't new.




    Serial Monday
    Episode III
    The Brotherhood

    Previously on Serial Monday.

    Our hero, Dash Tompkins, arriving at dinner and expecting an evening of conversation with his date, the beautiful and talented Tina Fey, is instead met by Carlisle Ripley, who looks nothing like Ms. Fey and does not have the same sort of conversation in mind. Ripley, somewhat insecure that he is neither a famous actor nor a particle physicist drops a bombshell: the government needs Dash Tompkins' help.

    Stay tuned for this week's exciting episode of
    Serial Monday.

    "They are a menace!" Jed Williason didn't need to look at his notes, but did to kill some time while the assembled throngs of the Southern Christian Brotherhood went wild. When the crowd died down some, Williamson continued. "Those idiots in Warshington allow them into our country. They allow them to come here to study, to work, to marry our white women. They allow them to fly airliners into our buildings. Is that what you want from your gub'ment?"

    Once again the crowd went wild. Their answer to Williamson's question obvious to even the most thick of observers.

    "Are we gonna sit back and let them do it?"

    The crowd went insane again, Williamson's dynamic speech whipping them to into a frenzy.

    "We are not the kind of men who sit idly by while our country is attacked, from the outside or from within."

    Williamson's rabble-rousing had worked in the past. Churches had been burned, whether they taught the wrong things or their congregants were the wrong color. A few mosques were burned, but therein lay the problem, not many mosques in their neck of the woods. For more of that, the scope of Williamson's operation would need to expand greatly.

    "You have been a great audience!" There really was nothing left to say. His job was done the crowd was in a frenzy, the seeds were planted. Next time he'd get more out of them and would be able to pick people from the crowd to help carry out his plan.

    "That was amazing, Mr. Williamson!" Williamson's assistant, Missy Coleman exclaimed as Jed left the stage. She took his notes and led him back to his dressing room backstage.

    "You certainly know your job, Jed" The voice from behind his door said as he opened it.

    "What the hell are you..." Jed answered, angered that anyone would violate the sanctity of his dressing room. Then he recognized the man. "You! But... You've denounced me. You said I was a nut."

    "I have to keep up appearances. You are a radical, Jed. I'm a respected member of the community, I'm well known, people see me on TV every night. I can't associate with you. No matter how much I agree with you and your cause."

    Dash Tompkins finished up his meal and took one last sip of his wine. "You make a compelling case, Mr. Ripley. I want to help, but why me?"

    "You have knowledge." Ripley wiped his mouth. "Knowledge your country needs to combat this madman. I can only ask you once. Are you in?"

    "Count me in." Dash couldn't help but wonder exactly what he'd gotten himself into.

    Last Week's Episode



    Sunday, August 26, 2007

    I'm sure management considers this a success.



    Saturday, August 25, 2007


    Michael Vick Doesn't Get It

    Michael Vick will plead guilty to federal dogfighting charges on Monday. Yesterday a Summary of Facts was filed with the US District Court in Richmond, VA. Some excerpts:

    VICK and the co-conspirators operated "Bad Newz Kennels" for the dog fighting venture. VICK agrees that "Bad Newz Kennels" qualifies as a "business enterprise" that engaged in a continuous course of conduct and series of transactions in furtherance of the dog fighting operation from the time of its creation until April 25, 2007.

    Simply an admission that the dogfighting activity of "Bad Newz Kennels" was exactly what the prosecution is charging that it was.

    In general, only those accompanying the opposing kennels and "Bad Newz Kennels" associates were allowed to attend the fights. For a particular dog fight, the opponents would establish a purse or wager for the winning side, ranging from the 100's up to 1,000's of dollars. The purse was contingent and dependent on the uncertain outcome of the dog fight, with the winner taking all of the purse at the conclusion of the fight. Participants and spectators would also occasionally place side-bets on the fight, dependent on the ultimate outcome or certain events occurring during the course of the dog fight. Most of the "Bad Newz Kennels" operation and gambling monies were provided by VICK. When "Bad Newz Kennels" won a particular fight, the gambling proceeds were generally split by [Tony] TAYLOR, [Quanis L.] PHILLIPS, and, sometimes, [Purnell A.] PEACE. VICK did not gamble by placing side bets on any of the fights. VICK did not receive any of the proceeds from the purses that were won by "Bad Newz Kennels." . . .

    An admission that gambling did, in fact, occur at dogfighting events, but that Vick did not make wagers. This is important because if Vick were found to be wagering, it could mean a lifetime ban from the NFL. This portion of the statement seems to be trying to walk a thin line. Vick never made side bets, but he did provide money for purses. Money won in these purses was split by Vick's associates in the event of a "Bad Newz Kennels" win. In the event of a loss, Vick was the loser. So, Vick made bets, but his friends benefited from any wins. But they were still bets.

    In or about April 2007, PEACE, PHILLIPS, VICK, and two others "rolled" or "tested" additional "Bad Newz Kennels" dogs by putting the dogs through fighting sessions at 1915 Moonlight Road to determine which animals were good fighters. PEACE, PHILLIPS, and VICK agreed to the killing of approximately 6-8 dogs that did not perform well in "testing" sessions at 1915 Moonlight Road and all of those dogs were killed by various methods, including hanging and drowning. VICK agrees and stipulates that these dogs all died as a result of the collective efforts of PEACE, PHILLIPS, and VICK

    This is the part of the statement that will make everybody go batshit crazy. Dogs were killed in gruesome manners. Vick attempts to sidestep the issue as much as possible, dogs died as a result of the collective efforts of Vick and his associates, but Vick takes responsibility for these deaths.

    The saddest thing I see when reading this statement is that Vick takes great pains to distance himself from the gambling aspects of the case while he readily admits to being involved in the killing of dogs. In my opinion, this is because Vick desperately wants to be able to remain in the NFL, a career that has earned him millions of dollars. Killing dogs will not jeopardize his status with the NFL, gambling will.

    Vick could receive a lifetime ban from the NFL over any gambling allegations. He seems to be efforting to stay in the NFL's good graces rather than win this case. Vick is 27 years old. The sentence thrown around in this case is 12-18 months. That would be two NFL seasons. Throw in a one year suspension by the NFL to be served after his jail time and Vick could be back in the NFL by age 30, still at peak physical condition for an NFL quarterback.

    Basically, I don't see Vick as even caring about the prison time. His accepted that he'll go to prison and is now trying only to prevent an NFL ban. I'll admit that I've never read a Summary of Facts preceding a guilty plea before, but reading this makes me think that Vick doesn't really care what the courts do to him. I killed dogs, I operated an illegal dogfighting operation, I put up money for purses in dogfights. I did not gamble. See NFL, I did not gamble. Don't ban me for life.

    The judge does not have to accept this plea agreement, the judge can instead go ahead with a trial if he chooses. This won't happen for a number of reasons. Still the judge has more leeway than people seem to realize. Twelve to eighteen months? That's just what's reportedly been agreed to in the plea. The judge can sentence up to the maximum in this case if he sees fit.

    With the plea merely an attempt to stay in the NFL's good graces, I'd love to see the judge in this case throw the book at him, to give Vick the maximum sentence.

    Frankly though, I don't think it will matter. Vick essentially admits to gambling in the summary. Different terminology is used but it boils down to bets being placed by Vick. Whether Vick benefitted from these bets or not is inconsequential.

    Additionally, Vick lied to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell about this matter when the story broke. Goodell, a stickler for player conduct can't enjoy that along with all of the negative publicity this case has brought his league.

    People seem to think a one year ban from the league is a forgone conclusion after Vick serves his prison time. I personally think, given Vick's public attitude over this story when it broke, the lies he told to Goodell, and the gambling aspects of the case that it will be longer. I don't think a lifetime ban is out of the question.

    The big question is whether any definite suspension will be handed down before Vick goes to prison or when he's release sometime in 2009.


    Friday, August 24, 2007


    Accused Campground Peeper Tied To Tree

    From The KPTV-TV, Portland, OR:

    Clackamas County deputies said Richard Berkey, 63, was spotted by campers in a latrine area at the Big Fan Campground near Bagby Hot Springs in Estacada.

    After he was seen hiding in dense foliage, Berkey was chased down and tackled by Jason Dugan, who was camping with friends, according to deputies.
    Click here to find out more!

    “He didn’t say anything and I caught a side profile and I just knew. I took off up the hill and I yelled for one of my friends,” said Dugan.

    Three men then took Berkey to their campsite and tied him to a tree while another camper left in search of authorities.

    Before sheriff's deputies responded to arrest Berkey, the campers said Berkey admitted engaging in similar activities for the past 15 years.

    According to deputies, it wasn't the first time the campers found Berkey spying on them. Deputies said Berkey was spotted in the same camping area on the same day by the same group one year ago.

    So, exposing yourself to passing traffic while wearing a kilt works, but this doesn't. Got it.



    Sue Foley Photo Friday






    Thursday, August 23, 2007


    Porn Site 'Parked' After Community Outcry

    Refer to yesterday's story if none of his makes sense.

    From The Arizona Republic:

    Annemarie Moody
    The Arizona Republic
    Aug. 22, 2007 12:00 AM

    Reacting to community pressure, a pornography Web site based in Florida has "parked" the site, which is similarly named to Litchfield Elementary School District's.

    Litchfield officials, who run the district's Web site on, were informed late last week that it was possible to get to a porn site by mistyping the address into the browser.

    An outcry from parents and media coverage has resulted in the Florida site directing Internet users to instead of the porn site.

    If only Pulitzer Prize winning jouralist, Nicole Stewart, were on the story. Then we'd know whether Litchfield Elementary School were associated with a porn site or not. That's the questions that the readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter want answered.

    Where are you, Nicole Stewart? Has your brand of "ask the tough questions", "devil-may-care" journalism ruffled the feathers of the editorial staff of The Arizona Republic.

    A pox upon The Arizona Republic for repressing such a fine journalist just because she asked questions. She's a journalist. That's her job.

    I can't think of anything more pointless today.



    Wednesday, August 22, 2007


    [Nameless Company] Can Kiss My Ass

    I wrote this in December of 2005. I didn't work for [Nameless Company] at the time. They wanted me to, I wasn't so sure. A few days after writing this, I was offered a job. I wish I had read it one more time before I agreed to work for [Nameless Company].

    If I had not taken that job a few days later, well, there would be lots of openings right now, I could have applied for one of them, more than likely received it and had I done so I would be making more money than I am now.

    How can I be so sure? To get new employees to move to Cheyenne, Wyoming, [Nameless Company] has taken to hiring new employees in master control at the highest grade level available. This would not upset me so much except that the emlpoyees who have worked here (most much longer than me) are given raises that barely cover the cost of living or are denied promotions (often ones that were promised) without explanation.

    The overnight shift lost 4 of their 7 employees this week over this and a combination of other factors like really shitty health insurance. My shift is losing a person, two others are putting in for transfers. There are rumors of others in the department with other employment in hand or who are just fed up and are going to walk out the door.

    This while our facility, where the bulk of [Nameless Company]'s traffic is uplinked to satellites, the very thing this company is in business to do, does not have Human Resources representation.

    Human Resources at [Nameless Company] is generally worthless. They've beem unwilling to get rid of an employee who came to work drunk, who would not come to work when scheduled and who was in a physical altercation with another employee. But Human Resources isn't completely worthless, they've told me that the medication I take may violate [Nameless Company]'s "drug-free workplace" policy. They actually sent someone up from Denver last week to inform me that I may be terminated if I make mistakes on purpose. Odd as I haven't had any outages since I've worked for [Nameless Company]. Yes, there's more to it than that, but I ruffled the feathers of someone at Human Resources when they gave me incorrect information regarding $20 that Tel-Drug of Pennsylvania was taking there sweet time (two months longer than their policy allows, depending on who you talk to) in refunding to me.

    Important lesson, don't piss off Human Resources.

    They can fire me. I don't fuckig care. They can hire someone for more than they're paying me and fuck up their salary structure even more.


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    Junkie Holds Up Bookies With Sex Toy

    From The Daily Mail:

    Junkie Nicki Jex held up a bookies - armed with his girlfriend's Rampant Rabbit sex toy.

    The drug addict, 27, stormed into the bookmakers, concealing the vibrator in a carrier bag, and then wielded it at terrified customers - who thought it was a gun.

    Jex, who was high on drink and drugs, escaped with more than £600 pounds after fooling staff into believing he was brandishing a deadly weapon.

    There's more, but why? A guy holds up bookmakers with his girlfriend's vibrator, what more do you want?



    Porn Site too Close for Comfort for School District

    From The Arizona Republic:

    Nicole Stewart
    The Arizona Republic
    Aug. 21, 2007 12:00 AM

    Students and parents trying to surf the Litchfield Elementary School District's Web site faced a couple of surprises in the form of adult-oriented Web sites.

    A parent notified school officials last week of the situation.

    Alright, not the biggest story in the world, but if I'm a parent and I'm trying to check on events on my kids' Elementary School, and I actually got to a porn site, I'd be more than a little surprised. I'd check the address again, realize I'd made a mistake and try again. I wouldn't tell the school, but I have no problem that somebody who'd made the same mistake I did took the time to inform the school of their website's proximity to a porn site.

    "It's a really unfortunate incident, and we are trying to see what we can do to contact the owner of that Web site," said Shawn Watt, a Litchfield Elementary School District Board member.

    The district has considered purchasing the pornographic Web site address to ensure that students and parents do not mistakenly visit it. Board officials are hoping for a reasonable price but have not heard back from the site's owner.

    Public servants, asking to buy the address from the porn site? This isn't the kind of story we've come to expect from The Globex Corporation Newsletter. So why am I bringing this story to your attention?

    The district has no affiliation with a pornography site, but students would find themselves there if they mistyped the address.

    Really. You're telling me that Litchfield Elementary School has no affiliation with a porn site? Nicole Stewart, you are an amazing journalist. I don't know if you were able to come up with this information through painstaking research, or if it was just common sense, but your Pulitzer Prize is in the mail.

    Congratulations, Nicole Sterart of The Arizona Republic!


    Tuesday, August 21, 2007


    The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

    One of my favorite Simpsons episodes was waiting for me on my VCR (you are correct in your exasperation, I do not have a DVR) when I got home from work. That's enough for a Positive Tuesday post all on its own.

    This episode, like many Simpsons episodes, bites the hand that feeds it. If you look up this episode on fan sites, many hard core Simpsons fans don't care for this episode. They often hate this episode because it makes fun of hard core fans of a cartoon show. That makes me absolutely love it. I should point out that I consider myself a hard core Simpsons fan. I guess I'm able to laugh at myself in a way a lot of hard core fans can't.

    The second thing about this episode I like is that it is part of a recurring theme of making fun of the sitcom format. Besides Poochie being added to The Itchy and Scratchy Show, the Simpsons also inexplicably add a character who apparently lives with them, Roy. Roy appears in no other episodes, is never referred to again. Lisa explains it best (though she's actually talking about Poochie):

    Adding a new character is often a desperate attempt to boost low ratings.

    I see things on TV, in the news, wherever, and I try to figure out ways to work them into this blog in a humorous way. Last year, for example, I declared this blog steroid free and asked readers to submit a urine sample with each comment. Rest assured, I did not receive any vials of urine in my mail during that time. Truthfully, I'm a little disappointed by that.

    So I was watching [4F12] last night and thinking how I could add a new character in "a desperate attempt to boost low ratings." I thought about making up someone, a new character who would do things like comment and complain, argue with me even.

    Then I thought about La guera. I've known La guera for a while now (I even know her real name). I resisted writing anything about her for a long time, having been scared shitless about doing that by a previous person and a general cautiousness as I entered a new relationship.

    La guera was not brought into this blog in "a desperate attempt to boost low ratings." Maybe an attempt to raise low spirits, but I don't care about "ratings" (I can tell you how many people stop by every day, though). Now I'm not talking about why she's in my life. I'm talking about why she makes appearances on this blog.

    This blog is about my life. It's about me. It's the good and the bad. I do not write everything that happens to me in this blog, but I could if I wanted to. I'll admit to having written things I shouldn't have. Being denied writing what I felt was necessary on a given day was really tough for me.

    So back to La guera, if La guera is a character on The Globex Corporation Newsletter, what kind of character is she? Is La guera Roy or Poochie or even, heaven forbid, Chuck, the other brother from Happy Days who only appears in the first season? Or is she Kahn, Minh and Connie from King of the Hill, characters who were not in the pilot but have become integral to the show?

    My life isn't a sitcom. I have no clue what is going to happen with any of the characters in my life. Some have left and that's saddened me. Some have left and I've been quite pleased, if a bit reflective and sorry about the way things worked out. Some come on late and effected me greatly. I have no idea who will come into my life tomorrow or who will leave. I'm fine with that.

    I'll enjoy the good people while I have them in my life, for however long that happens to be.



    Monday, August 20, 2007


    Woman Gets Probation for Public Sex

    From WTOP

    FARGO, N.D. (AP) - A woman has pleaded guilty to having sex in a public place, with a man who allegedly wore a kilt and exposed himself to passing vehicles.

    Chandra Schaefer, 20, of Fargo, was accused of having sex with Nathan Blair, 24, of Moorhead, Minn., on a car and then near a pine tree in late July.

    Blair has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and fornication.

    Schaefer was given a year of unsupervised probation and ordered to pay $300 in fines and fees.

    While I've recently tried different things to try to meet women, I'll have to admit never having considered wearing a kilt and exposing myself to passing vehicles.

    Not to be overly Machiavellian, but apparently the end justifies the means. The proof is in the pudding. Insert additional cliche' here.

    My only issue with the coverage of this story? We know near what kind of tree the fornication took place, what kind of car was fornicated on? I need make, model, color and year. Also, I need to know what kind of pine tree, Scotch, Ponderosa, which is it?

    Thanks, this was fun.



    Serial Monday
    Episode II
    Guess Who's NOT Coming to Dinner

    Previously on Serial Monday.

    We meet Professor Dash Tompkins, who's some sort of scientist or something, as he's finishing up controversial DHMO research, going through his spam email and preparing for his date with a well known actress and writer.

    Will Dash get through all of his email before his big date? Will his lab assistant, Todd Baldwin, engage Dash in more meaningless DHMO banter? Just what kind of scientist is Dash anyway?

    The answers to these and many more question await in this week's
    Serial Monday.

    Dash reached for his wallet as the cab pulled up to Rockfish, one of the hottest new restaurants in Manhattan. He pulled out his fare and a sizable tip, handed it to the cabbie with a smile and stepped out of the cab.

    He entered Rockfish and walked up to the maitre d'.

    "May I help you?" the maitre d' asked.

    "Yes, I have a reservation. Tompkins."

    "Let me see." The maitre d' looked over his book of reservations. "Ah, here we are. Tompkins. Dr. Dash Tompkins and guest. It seems your guest has already arrived, sir."

    "Really?" Dash was truly surprised. "Tina said she would be a few minutes later than me, what with working on her TV show and all."

    "Tina?" The maiter d' replied. "Your guest is not a woman."

    "Excuse me, sir," Dash was more than a little miffed, "Tina Fey may not be every man's cup of tea, but I will not stand by while you question and insult her femininity!"

    "You misunderstand, Doctor," the maitre d' took a step back from the obviously irritated Tomkins, "I was not questioning your date's gender. I was merely informing you that a man had showed up, mentioned your name and stated that he was your guest."

    "Curious. Well, let's see what this all means."

    Dash followed the maitre d' to his table in a secluded corner of the restaurant. A tall gentleman was sitting at the table where Dash had expected to spend an evening with his date.

    "Dash Tompkins," the man rose and extended a hand as Tompkins approached, "I'm sorry but Ms. Fey will be unable to attend this evening."

    "And you would be..." Dash took the man's extended hand and shook it as they both took their seats.

    "I'm Carlisle Ripley."

    "Hello Mr. Ripley," Dash took a sip of his water, "may I ask how you know Ms. Fey."

    A laugh. "Heavens, Dr. Tompkins! Public servants like myself don't run in the same circles as celebrities and famous particle physicists!"

    "Then what are you doing here, Mr. Ripley?"

    "Asking for your help." Ripley replied. "Your country needs you."

    Last Week's Episode



    Sunday, August 19, 2007


    A Quick One Before I Go to Bed

    So, it's August 19th now. Interesting to me because an August date passed, an anniversary of sorts that I'd made at least some note of every year since 1984.

    Not this year. It didn't even enter my mind, didn't notice until today, much more than a week after I would have usually noticed. I guess I had a lot on my mind this year, good stuff, stuff that obscured all of the bad stuff.

    I never thought it was possible.

    I am in your debt, La Guera. No matter how this all turns out, I will always remember this.


    Saturday, August 18, 2007


    Don't Ever Forget This



    The Onion Radio News

    Doyle Redland
    With Doyle Redland

    Minnesota Too Polite To Ask For Federal Funding

    Listen to the story here.

    The Onion is from Wisconsin, so they'd know...




    From BOJ News Service

    I had to make it a tabloid because it's so fucking unbelievable.

    Management can't understand why I'm so upset. They're piling more shit on me, trying, I guess, to make me forget how poorly we're all being paid. Nice try.


    Friday, August 17, 2007


    Sports News
    Recent and Not So Much So


    Pete Rose, one of the greatest players in baseball history is not in the Hall of Fame because he bet on baseball. When the story broke, I was shocked. As details came out, I became more and more accepting.

    It came out that Rose only bet on the Reds, the team he was managing at the time. I tried not to let that cloud my judgement. He never bet against his team, so he wasn't conspiring to fix games. I was fine with this, but as manager, he had inside information. He would have a good idea of when his team would win or not.

    It recently came out that Rose bet on the Reds for every game they played. Some argued that it was just good, extra motivation, that Rose bet on his own team to win every time they played. While I don't completely go along with that, I can see and understand that point of view.

    Tim Donaghy, NBA official has been accused of betting on games he officiated, games he was able to influence the outcome of, or, at the very least, the final score of.

    If this is true, Donaghy should be in jail. But why did this happen? From what I've read, Donaghy was greedy, that was probably his main motivation. Moreover, Donagy was a gambler, a gamber who was indebted to some mob types who probably put pressure on him to effect games he officiated.

    First off, I am not anti-gambling. I love gambling, in a few weeks I will kick off my fake gambling feature for NFL games in which I pick NFL games against spreads I find on the internet. I have bet on NFL and NBA games legitimately in Las Vegas and illegally in several locations.

    I do not have a gambling problem, never have. I never bet money I didn't have or couldn't afford. I realize that some people do. Some people will have a problem with anything, become addicted to any pursuit you can name. Some people can't stop, bet money they don't have, lose, then find themselves indebted to very bad people.

    I don't know everything about the Tim Donaghy situation. From everything I've read, he was forced, one way or another, to fix basketball games he was officiating because of money he owed.

    Back to Pete Rose. Pretty much the only things I know about the Rose situation are things Rose has decided to make public. Rose denied ever gambling on baseball to be able be considered for the Hall of Fame, then admitted to it when it became quite obvious that he was lying.

    My point is that we don't know much about the Rose situation other than what Rose wants us to know. Under the best of situations, Rose exposed himself to people, bet with people who could have coerced him to throw games. At worst he did. The Reds teams he bet on daily were not very good. It was a losing proposition for Rose, his playing career made him financially comfortable, his managing gig kept him at that level.

    But Rose was/is a compulsive personality. It made him a great player, it made him a pretty good manager. It exposed him, though. Something could have happened. Rose could have thrown games. As far as I know, there is no evidence that he did, but the threat was always there if Rose bet stupidly or too much.

    For that reason alone, the activity Rose engaged in was dangerous to the game he dedicated his life to. His activity should eliminate him from consideration for baseball's Hall of Fame.


    What do I think? I think Michael Vick is guilty. I base that on the evidence I've seen, nothing else. At best, Michael Vick allowed idiot friends and family members to take advantage of him and his money. At worst, Vick knew exactly what he and his associates were into. The truth of the matter probably lies somewhere between those two extremes.

    You see it so often in sports, athletes with questionable backgrounds, from "the hood" make it big and continue to associate with "their boys." I understand loyalty. I understand the desire not to let money change you. I understand wanting your less fortunate friends to share in your prosperity. Don't let them drag you down.

    And this is an important lesson today. Vick and 3 of his friends and relatives were charged in this dogfighting case. As of this moment, his three "friends" have pleaded guilty and agreed to cooperate with the prosecution against Vick. Some friends.

    I don't know why the prosecution is going after Vick so hard. Maybe they have evidence that Vick was the ringleader. Maybe they're grandstanding, trying to convict the famous guy. I simply don't know why. I do know that Vick's friends, who Vick at the very least provided a home for their dogfighting operation, didn't stand by Vick. They turned on him. They turned on him faster than Ray Lewis turned on his friends in his manslaughter trial.

    Look at this case, Adam Jones. Look at the people you associate with. You are in legal jeopardy, your career is in jeopardy, and you continue to associate with these people. Look at Michael Vick. Learn something from him.



    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    With legenary blues guitarist Derek O'Brien.

    Too much Derek, not enough Sue...


    Thursday, August 16, 2007


    Perry Como

    Maybe "Perry Coma" would be more fitting...



    Median Salary by Age - Employer: [Nameless Company]

    Pointless because there are many more than 124 employees at [Nameless Company] of the age indicated.

    Pointless because my actual salary as a person of that age is ridiculously lower than this mean salary by age, from 8/7/2007.

    Pointless because none of the people who do what the company is actually in place to do make near this mean slary.

    Pointless because I guess the people who have enough time to fill out a fucking survey about their salary make so much more money than me.

    Pointless because I'm bitching about shit that will never change.



    Wednesday, August 15, 2007


    [Namesless Company] Net Income Rises 33%; Some of TiVo Patent Claims Tossed

    From The Wall Street Journal:

    [Nameless Company]'s second-quarter net income rose 33% as the firm announced the federal patent office tossed some patent-related claims made by TiVo Inc.

    The Englewood, Colo., satellite-television company posted net income of $224.2 million, or 50 cents a share, from $168.8 million, or 38 cents a share, a year earlier. Revenue climbed 12% to $2.76 billion.

    A 33% increase in net income? Good lord, you'd think I'd be really happy. The company I work for is doing great financially.

    [Nameless Company]'s [Nameless Consumer Home Satellite] Network added 170,000 net new subscribers in the second quarter, down from 195,000 a year earlier earlier, ending the quarter with 13.6 million subscribers, up 9%. Average monthly revenue per subscriber increased 5% to $66.06 while the monthly churn, or cancellation, rate dipped to 1.68% from 1.7%.

    On Thursday, rival DirecTV Group Inc. reported its net income fell amid a sharp rise in operating costs and a squeeze in subscriber growth. DirecTV added 128,000 net subscribers in the quarter, bringing its total customer base to 16.3 million.

    Well, not doing as well numbers wise, but revenue is up and [Nameless Company] is doing better than their satellite TV competitor. Yup, things are moving along quite swimmingly for [Nameless Company]. The company (nameless though it may be) is doing fine, investors are making money, executives are making money, everyone is happy.

    Except for the employees.

    [Nameless Company] pays shit and treats their employees like the same excrement. There have been two new hires in master control this week. To hire new employees to work at [Nameless Company], management has to pay new employees more than current employees, this while denying raises to current employees.

    We have a grade system of 4 tech levels. On my shift, for example, there are three tech 4's, six tech 3's and one tech 2 (which is another fucked up situation which pisses me off to no end). Two of the tech 4's are shift team leaders, the other works (exceptionally well) in the library. Tech 4 is something that is earned, a position in which more is expected of the employee, a leadership position.

    An aside, 19 months ago (and I usually only stay places, on average, 18 months) to hire me, [Nameless Company] had to offer me more money than most other operators. I came in on the high end, pay wise, for a tech 3. On the other hand, I had television experience, more specifically, I had DBS satellite experience. I had worked for [Nameless Company]'s competitor in a nearly identical position, had worked with another DBS company before that where I was responsible for much more than a [Nameless Company] or DirecTV operator would ever dream of being responsible for. I benefited from [Nameless Company]'s totally fucked up pay structure. I feel like shit when I think about that.

    To hire new people, [Nameless Company] has made the two new hires in master control tech 4's. While I was brought in at a higher pay rate than many other operators, nobody knew that. The new hires were brought at a higher grade. Everybody knows that, it's public knowledge (though my supervisor wondered how I knew that).

    I am completely in favor of paying every new hire more money. We work in Cheyenne fucking Wyoming, you have to do something to attract people to come here. Pay them more, hell yes, you have to get them here somehow.


    This was bitched about all weekend long. Operators from every shift expressed their displeasure. While I can't speak for everyone, everyone I spoke to about this is pissed off, maybe not as much as I am (I piss off kind of easily), but you have a department that is, on the whole, angry.

    My supervisor, who is a good supervisor, who is an excellent human being, who I personally like very much, had to listen to me bitch at him for half an hour on Monday. Then everyone else took turns bitching at him. He didn't make this policy, but he's had to suffer the ramifications like the rest of us.

    [Nameless Company] isn't doing this to piss off its operators, but you can't tell me that they didn't see this coming. Their pay structure is totally fucked but, rather than fix it for everyone, the fuck up the structure more, they make the whole process meaningless by making new hires among the highest paid in the department. Myself included.

    This from a company that had their net income rise 33% last quarter.


    Labels: ,

    Tuesday, August 14, 2007


    Pissed Off

    If there's something I just love (in the same way that I love a good sandwich...) it's being told how to feel about something. Being told that I shouldn't be upset about some perceived travesty of justice. You can explain all you want why shit shouldn't bother me, but don't dare deny me the right to be upset after your bullshit explanation.

    And should I decide to use my graphics abilities to express my displeasure and the displeasure of those around me (who are as upset as I am) don't advise me not show my antagonism in a public place, a place where those who could changed the fucked up situation might actually see it.

    I'm an asshole, I'll admit it. Don't tell me what I'm right and wrong about. Don't tell me that I can't be upset about something. Don't hinder my attempts to express my displeasure.

    The graphic has most likely been taken down by now.

    I have a printer and lots of paper.

    This is what I'm positive about.

    That's as good as it gets today.



    Monday, August 13, 2007


    Serial Monday
    Episode I
    Meet Dash Tompkins

  • So Serial Monday was the winner of the new Monday feature contest. Alright, I'll give it a go.

    In honor of the other entries, I'll work some of the elements of each into the first installment.

    And the "cliffhanger" thing.... I'll try to work something in each week, though I'll admit that this week's is lacking in that department.

  • "I'll be there in a minute," Dash Tompkins said, turning back to his computer screen, "I'm working on some calculations with potentially serious consequences."

    "How so?" Like most lab assistants, Todd Baldwin didn't really understand everything the professor he was assisting was working on.

    "Well," Dash looked over his glasses at Baldwin, "if my calculations are correct, using high deuterium DHMO in nuclear weapons can increase the yield of the weapon exponentially."

    "DHMO again?" Baldwin turned back to his beaker bubbling with some liquid or other. "I don't like you messing with that stuff. It's dangerous!"

    "So you've bought into all of that internet hype about the 'dangers of DHMO,' have you?" Todd looked away sheepishly. "You can't believe everything you read on the internet. It's unregulated, anyone can write anything and simply pass it off as fact."

    "But inhaling DHMO kills thousands of people every year. In its solid form it causes countless traffic accidents. I read that Barry Bonds wouldn't have been able to break Hank Aaron's home run record without using DHMO on a daily basis."

    "Internet drivel..."

    "Prove me wrong, professor." Dash liked to see his young assistant show a little fire. "The government is experimenting with weapons systems that operate on DHMO. You yourself are proposing using high deuterium DHMO in nuclear weapons! This stuff is dangerous!"

    "Enough, Todd." They'd been through this all before. "I've got to finish up here, then I want to take a quick look at my email, probably mostly Spam, before I head home to get ready for my date."

    Baldwin crinkled his nose. "Oh yeah, the actress."

    "Writer and actress."

    "I don't know what you see in her." In his early twenties, Baldwin was only interested in one thing, make that two things, when he thought of women. "She's cute I suppose, in a dorky sort of way, but you could do so much better."

    "I don't know. There's something about her that I really like. Maybe it's the glasses, I just don't know, but the first time I saw her doing the news on Weekend Update I was hooked."

    "No, she was great there," Baldwin agreed, "and I do like her on her new show, 30 Rock, Thursday nights on NBC, and I can hardly wait for the new episodes that all of America can watch this fall, but I read on the internet that she was married."

    "There you go believing stuff you read on the internet again, Todd."

    "Whatever, Professor." Baldwin turned toward the door. "Have a good weekend. See you on Monday."

    "Have a good weekend, Todd." Dash turned back to his computer and started in on his voluminous spam email even as he considered witty responses to each.




    Saturday, August 11, 2007


    SAT Analogy

    From Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    Rotiserie Chicken:
    cheap and widely available piece
    of white meat that's turned over and
    over all night long after getting
    jabbed with a stiff rod and
    continuously basted with salty sauce,
    and then, after being consumed
    by three to four people,
    is discarded as worthless::

    Paris Hilton:
    glamorous hotel heiress


    Friday, August 10, 2007


    MdTA Police Must Pay Strippers Back

    From The Baltimore Sun:

    A Baltimore District Court judge has ordered Maryland Transportation Authority Police to return money taken from three male strippers stopped for speeding just south of the Harbor Tunnel last year.

    The three men, returning from a show in Philadelphia, were arrested after their attorney, Jimmy Bell, said police found a small amount of marijuana on the roadside. Police officers then confiscated about $10,000 in tips the three men had received at the show. While in custody, one officer also took nude pictures of the three, saying they were needed to document any tattoos.

    According to court records, Baltimore prosecutors dropped misdemeanor drug possession charges against Edward Cloyd, 30, of Washington; David A. Lawrence Jr., 32, of Severn; and Derrick Williams, 31, of College Park.

    A $5 million civil rights lawsuit against the agency is scheduled to go to trial March 28, Bell said.

    First of all, I only read this story because I thought it was about the good kind of strippers, the nubile, young female ones.

    Interesting story anyway, though. The cops were kind of creepy, I'd only expect that to happen with female strippers, so it's good to know that there's an equal opportunity for both male and female strippers to be harassed by the cops.

    The thing I keep coming back to , though is the money that the cops confiscated. Not that it was confiscated, though that had to be illegal as all hell. bit the amount of money.


    Hey, good for Edward Cloyd, 30, of Washington; David A. Lawrence Jr., 32, of Severn; and Derrick Williams, 31, of College Park. But $10,000? How the hell did my life go so wrong that I work my ass off, sitting in front of television screens for 10 hours a night, four days a week to make an amount of money that's more than that in a year, but not by nearly enough.

    One look at me will make you realize why this is not a viable vocational choice for me. Still, a guy wonders...



    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    The cover from Sue's 1992 Young Girl Blues. A great cover from a great album by a great artist.



    Thursday, August 09, 2007


    Selected Members of Baseball's
    "500 Home Run" Club

    1. Barry Bonds (756)
    5. Sammy Sosa (604)
    8. Mark McGwire (583)
    10. Rafael Palmeiro (569)

    Only 4 out of the top 10?

    Yeah, the sport's clean.



    Wednesday, August 08, 2007



    As of this moment, Barry Bonds has hit 756 career home runs, making him the major league baseball home run king, passing Hank Aaron. He's done it, he's actually hit 756 home runs in regular season competition. That can't be disputed, it's how he got there that's the problem.

    Taking steroids and human growth hormone (HGH) is illegal within the rules of major league baseball. Bonds have never tested positive of steroids. The testing procedure, neutered by the the players association, is pretty much incapable of catching all of the stupidest of baseball players (I'm talking about you, Rafael Palmiero). There is no testing for HGH as there is no way to test for this substance.

    My bitch today is the people talking about Bonds this morning. I head a commentator this morning that if Barry Bonds took steroids, if he took HGH, that he is not guilty if cheating. If he broke the rules, but didn't get caught, he's not guilty of cheating.

    What the hell is up with that? Isn't cheating still cheating even if you don't get caught? The fact that some believe this is so wrong, that people are arguing this point is so much a part of the problem.

    Two performance enhancing substances are banned by major league baseball. One can't be tested for, the other is tested for, but the players are told when they will be tested far enough in advance to rid the substance from their bodies.

    While Barry Bonds is the one alledgedly taking these substances, it's major league baseball who is allowing this to happen. If Bonds is taking these things, he's guilty of cheating, but it is baseball's fault for allowing this to happen.

    I'm not letting Bonds off the hook here, he's wrong, but the league looked the other way when it was to their advantage to do so. An explosion of home runs put butts in the seats after a strike canceled the 1994 world series. Baseball allowed this to happen. Bonds cheated and he's wrong. Baseball looked the other way and that's wrong.



    Tuesday, August 07, 2007


    North America Rules!

    ...well, not the continent so much, but the people who are on it today who weren't on it just a couple of days ago.

    A 45 minute drive is so much better than an eight hour flight, so I'm positive about that too.

    Also, I'm going to see The Simpsons Movie today.

    This is a good day!



    Monday, August 06, 2007


    Blame it on Art

    I just listened to this week's This American Life podcast. The show was about art, struggling to be an artist, becoming famous for things other than what you planned.

    I hung out with artists way too much when I was in college, and got to know painters and sculptors on a personal level, married a fine art photographer who moved on to government work, leaving the art world behind to concentrate on architectural preservation. I saw how the artists turned on her, belittling what she did, thinking she'd sold out for (heaven forbid) making a living.

    It's an odd world even if you "make it" as a serious artist. There's jealousy and resentment when someone sells a piece, almost as if making a living doing your chosen vocation means that you've "sold out."

    While listening I read SMB's Blog. For the uninitiated, SMB fronts a fantastic band in the RC called Abby SomeOne. Shawn is easily the most talented person I know, far and away the best songwriter. He's also a far more accomplished writer of prose than anyone you probably know.

    ASO struggles despite their talent, despite how close they've come to making it at various times in the band's history. Shawn remains one of the most upbeat and positive people I've ever met despite it all. I've seen it very closely. I've seen people sing their praises, and yet some of those people would undoubtedly accuse them of "selling out" if, for example, one of their songs made it into something as banal as a daytime drama, you know, a soap opera.

    In the same music scene, I played with Mike Reardon, another excellent songwriter. Mike recorded an excellent album of original material. It was generally acoustic with lush vocal harmonies and interesting instrumentation. Mike and I started playing together because I could handle most of the harmonies and I could mimic, for example, a flute, on the harmonica.

    It was amazing to watch Mike work on arrangements, analyzing our weaknesses, knowing what two people could and couldn't do live, pushing that constantly, trying to bring his vision of his music to people in a live setting. Wanting people to hear his poignant and thought provoking lyrics as he intended.

    Cut to one "Blind Orange" Julius (notably and quite capably accompanied by "Twelve String" Andy Welvrig) who, while trying to write a poignant and thought provoking song about how all of the advances that we've made as a society aren't necessarily a good thing, accidentally writes a song about a skanky former girlfriend. The same guy who writes a Christmas song about Martha Stewart, a song about masturbation, and a song about taking a date to Wall Drug. Generally my songs involve three or four chords, don't have any deep meaning and are, frankly, quite stupid.

    So why did people even notice? I was surrounded by people more talented than myself at every turn, but, for some reason, people noticed my crap.

    The one good thing, I guess, is that if I ever become famous for one of my crappy songs, I'll never be accused of "selling out." It's the same crap I always did, my thoughtful songs weren't pushed to the wayside when I realized that I could make people laugh. I never had any thoughtful songs.

    Here's the deal, I've never considered myself a good songwriter. If you asked people in the RC music scene, when I was in it, to name good songwriters, the best I would have done was a mention of "oh yeah, and that guy who wrote that song about condoms." I'm fine with that, I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as Mike or SMB or Willy Grigg or any of the fine songwriters who I've met. I'm just a jokester.

    Here's hoping artists, people who do what they do to the highest level get what they deserve, and don't get accused of selling out when they do so.

    In Cheyenne BlogRing news, check out This Living Sh*t Will Kill Ya!!! (her censoring, not mine, I'd have used the word "shit"). Good stuff and updated regularly. She claims to have 3 readers, let's add to that total.



    Spam of the Week
    The Final Edition

    Hi Jasper, hope I hit your correct email adress. I was going to mention about these incredible opportunities for future prosperity.There is a company outhere known as Exchange Mobile Tele Co (EXMT). This one as you can see is climbing, but by just looking at it I can tell it's gonna explode.So you do have a window to digg in while it's still in it's low.I got a few shares of mine and made 5K. So what a hey, go ahead and do the same make some money while it's there.
    I hope it was a helper.I'll email you later this week.

    I tried to send this back to Merle, to let him know that his email didn't get through to Jasper, but it kept coming back. Apparently Merle isn't a real person. Who knew?

    Spam of the Week has been a magical journey, filled with the thrills and disappointments contained in all such great adventures. I've had fun, and I hope you have too.

    Stay tuned for whatever is coming up next. That's your choice.


    Sunday, August 05, 2007


    New Monday Feature

    Unless things change drastically in the next 7 days, tomorrow will be the last Spam of the Week feature. Serial Monday is leading the balloting by a whopping 8% over both Particle Physics Monday and Not Tina Fey Photo Monday. You can still vote on any of those choices, or you could choose that I return to DHMO Monday or even that I keep Spam of the Week. The choice belongs to you, the fine readers of The Globex Corporation News.etter.

    Don't screw it up...


    Saturday, August 04, 2007



    Is any comment necessary on my part here?


    Friday, August 03, 2007


    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    Sue putting on a fine show at Antone's in Austin, TX in 2005.

    I love this photo, I have no further comment.



    Thursday, August 02, 2007


    Favorite Barenaked Ladies Albums

    A favorite band, I first heard Barenaked Ladies while working overnights at SDPTV. Most C-Band satellite feeds were scrambled by 1992, but two things that were in the clear were the CBC and Toronto's Muchmusic (now known as Fuse).

    Through these two sources, I saw a lot of the band when very few in the US had ever heard of them. A Muchmusic special called "On Gordon Pond" sealed the deal for me, and when I got off my shift I walked down to the music store and bought Gordon.

    1. Gordon (1992)
      In their twenties, BNL made one of my all-time favorite albums. Alternating the absurdly silly (If I Had $1,000,000, King of Bedside Manor) with the thoughtful and often depressing (What a Good Boy, Brian Wilson), this album is loaded with great songs. Almost entirely acoustic, Gordon has a raw power the belies its instrumentation.

    2. Rock Spectacle (1996)
      A live album that I think was, at least partially responsible for the success of the band's breakthrough Stunt album. No new material here, but it was the recorded debut of keyboardist Kevin Hearn with the band. I find some of the live versions on this album superior to their original counterparts, my favorite example of this, the remarkably powerful version of Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank with Kevin's accordian leading the way.

    3. Maroon (1998)
      The follow up to Stunt, not nearly as well received. Still a wonderful album, featuring Pinch Me and the sort of sophomoric humor ("I just made you say underwear") the band will always be known for.

    4. Maybe You Should Drive (1994)
      A very different album from Gordon, smoother, more electric. showing more range. I was quite worried when I first heard it as Ed Robertson and Steve Page, whose songwriting made Gordon had many more songs written individually. Ed's Am I The Only One remains a standout track.

    5. Stunt (1998)
      I always try not to be that "I've been a fan for years, their earlier stuff was better and all of you 'Johnny-come-latelies' don't really know this band" guy, but Stunt made the band look like an overnight success to a lot of people. One Week remains the most recognizable BNL song, a good song that tries to recapture some of the band's live, improv antics.

    6. Born On a Pirate Ship (1996)
      When I Fall is the highlight of this, decidedly more electric album that also has the band strongest full on electric performance, Just a Toy.

    7. Barenaked Ladies Are Me (2006)
      A really fine album, trying to recapture the energy of Gordon, but also showing how far the band has come since their early days in Toronto. Sound Of Your Voice would have fit in on any previous BNL album and is one of my favorite BNL songs.

  • Everything to Everyone (2003)
    ...and I call myself a fan...
    The only BNL album I don't own, though I've heard most of the tracks and like everything I've heard. Having not given it as much attention as the other albums, I do not rank this one.

  • I didn't bother to rank any of the numerous singles, EP's or bootlegs I own, nor did I bother to rank Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits (1991-2001) as therr was no new material on it.




    Happy Birthday!

    It's a big day in the BOJ household today. Three important birthdays, first, a person you've probably never heard of, my sister Dawn. It's also director Kevin
    Smith's birthday, the man who brought us such movies as Clerks and Chasing Amy.

    But the birthday I want to talk about, the guy I'm thinking enough about this morning
    is Mojo Nixon. I don't know how old Mojo is. I don't really care. In my household anyway, Mojo will always be that wild 20 year old, the guy writing and performing subversive songs when I was in college. I probably listen to Mojo Nixon every day. Though he is of the 80's, though his subject matter is often about celebrities and politicians of the day, his music still holds a certain amount of relevance today.


    Burn down the malls
    Burn down the malls
    Burn down the shoppin' malls

    I said Burn down the malls
    said burn down the shoppin' malls
    burna burna burna burna down shoppin' maaalls

    Hey you ever get the feelin that America is turning into some kinda sit-com?
    lowest common denominatorshopping mall marketing strategy from hell?
    You ever get that feeling?
    Well I got that feeling right now
    and it's kinda getting under my skin


    so get some gas-o-line
    Burn down the malls SAY IT
    Burn down the malls LOUDER

    Burn down the malls

    You know it just started out as a kind of corner store
    Then it turned into a shopping center
    Oh I remember the shoppin' center openings man
    they used to have those big lights shinin' up

    but now...

    Now, where do the old folks go?
    Where do the young kids go?
    What's America, what's America turning into?

    I say

    Burn down the malls
    Burn down the malls

    Burn down the malls

    Nero had the right idea-
    fiddle while you burn...

    Now another thing is kinda gettin' on my nerves...
    another thing that's kinda gettin' on my nerves is this
    national 21 drinking age

    Huh? what do ya think about that?

    A bunch of malarky
    whatever malarky is man
    it's a whole bunch of it..

    you know if Reagan finally gets the war he's lookin for
    you think he's gonna be draftin' 21 year olds?
    No man they're gonna be draftin' 18 and 19 year olds

    but ya cant buy beer
    you can get married and screw yourself up real good
    but ya can't buy beer
    ya can charge 8 million dollars on the mastercharge
    but ya can't buy beer

    you can vote for one fool or another
    but ya can't buy beer
    'cause this is America

    America that's run by the lowest common denominator
    the money

    how many units did ya move Mojo?
    how many things of apple juice did ya sell?

    c'mon suckers- c'mon feel it

    Burn down the malls
    Burn down the malls

    Burn down the malls

    Alright all you weirdo's out there
    all you moralistic twisted evil little icepickers

    you say "we wanna censor rock and roll"
    we wanna decide what you read
    what you watch
    what you listen to
    ooo ooo ooo Mr. Falwell
    oooh Miss Tipper Gore
    wait till i got you on the floor
    we gonna tie you up inside of a shopping mall
    then we're gonna then we're gonna

    we're gonna have a war on drugs
    a war on drugs
    we outta have a war on war you suckers
    we outta have a war on this senseless condominium
    new car helllll

    Burn down the malls
    Burn down the malls

    Burn down the malls

    Happy Birthday, Mojo!



    237 Reasons to Have Sex
    Just a Few of Them...




    Wednesday, August 01, 2007


    Activision Reports Sluggish Sales For Sousaphone Hero

    An excerpt from The Onion:

    "In the wake of Guitar Hero's success, we thought the public was more than ready for additional popular American musical genres in a simulated-performance format, but people don't seem to be responding to marches as well as we had hoped," said Activision spokeswoman Melissa Hendleman, whose company spent an estimated $25 million developing the game for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and Wii consoles.

    Sousaphone Hero offers two dozen public-domain marches, including 1893's "The Liberty Bell," 1896's "Stars and Stripes Forever," and 1897's "Entry of the Gladiators." The bulky sousaphone-shaped controller coils around the body, and players wear white spat-like foot coverings fitted with sensors that monitor synchronized marching steps. As with the fret buttons on Guitar Hero's guitar peripheral, the sousaphone controller's three valves are color-coded to match on-screen notes the player must hit.

    Players may also choose from 27 different fat-guy characters who can be customized with Alpine hats, epaulets, and a mustache editor with a wide array of options.

    See, now this sounds fun to me. I am so out of touch...

    Check out the whole story, read The Onion!!!





    One of my favorite things is waiting. Well, not the waiting so much, but the knowing that there's a payoff at the end. The anxious feeling of knowing something good is coming, even if you don't know exactly what it is.

    I'll go out of my way in situations like this not to know exactly what's coming. I have a niece who's having a baby. I have no desire to know the baby's sex. If I know, I can't wonder about it, I can't imagine, I just know and then my brain has nothing to do with the subject.

    Christmas as a kid was always great because I had something to look forward to. I can't say that I never did, but I rarely looked for my presents. Why would I want to know what I was getting? That would ruin the surprise.

    Anticipation is one of the reasons I like cooking. You mix ingredients, put something in the oven and in prescribed amount of time, which involves waiting, and hopefully you are rewarded with something delicious. Delicious food is great. Waiting for delicious food, while knowing you will soon be receiving delicious food heightens the degree of deliciousness exponentially.

    I can hear you all saying this though:

    "Hey, BOJ, what's the deal? I thought this was the MBW. All you're doing is talking about how awesome it is to wait for stuff. You're an ass and I'm never reading The Globex Corporation Newsletter again. Also, you're ugly and you smell bad."

    Well, fine readers, you make valid points (especially about smelling bad...). You need to show a little more patience. I'm getting to the MBW.

    You see, anticipation is great if there's a payoff. When there's not it's nothing but a monumental waste of time. If you find yourself longing for something, hoping for it, thinking about it constantly and it turns out to turn your life into a living hell, then that anticipation was completely worthless. You've wasted valuable time, first having to wait for what you thought you wanted, then realizing that what you wanted was nothing but a bunch of shit.

    I'm thinking of something in my life, of course, but blog policy prevents me from going any further. I'll just say that I've wasted a good chunk of the last year letting this shit get to me, wasting my time with this situation.

    The sad part is that I'm really just bitching at myself. It's my fault that I've wasted my life. I can't blame anyone else.

    But anticipating something that turns out to suck is a really bad thing. That's what I'm bitching about.

    I'd like to make a special MBW shout out to! Thanks for giving me something to write about...



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    The Bert Convey
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