Monday, May 26, 2008

From The Onion:

Report: Women Increasingly Choosing Dead-End Careers Over Dead-End Relationships

COLLEGE PARK, MD—According to a report published Monday in The Journal Of Gender Studies, many American women are bucking centuries of traditional gender roles by placing stunted, emotionally unfulfilling relationships on hold in order to pursue mind-numbing careers devoid of any upward mobility.

The study, which surveyed a cross-section of 477 female recent college graduates, found that young women were 23 percent more likely than any previous generation to seek dissatisfaction in the professional world rather than in empty romantic partnerships. Dr. Gillian Detweiller, a professor of women's studies at the University of Maryland and coauthor of the report, said that the data suggests a cultural sea change in how women choose to experience lifelong disappointment.




Tuesday, May 20, 2008


My Suggestion for the "War on Terror"

About two years ago I wrote a post about how Victoria's Secret could find me and send me a catalogue.

It happened again today, the Victoira's Secret catalogue found me in yet another state. It again finds me without a girlfriend. It finds me even though I haven't made a purchase in over a year and a half.

Somebody please, put the VS folks on the hunt for Osama bin Laden. They'll have him rounded up in six months, a year tops.


Saturday, May 17, 2008


Kickass Driving Tracks

I drive a lot. Not as much as I used to, but since I still have 11 miles to work 5 days a week, that leaves a lot of time for listening to music.

With my iPod, I have access to everything in my car. On longer trips, that tends to be podcasts like Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and This American Life, episodes of The Onion Radio News or more thoughtful music like John Coltrane's Coltrane Plays the Blues.

But this post isn't about that kind of stuff. It's about music for driving that is driving. This list is anything but complete, and I reserve the right to add to it as I see fit...

  • Be My Yoko Ono - Barenaked Ladies
    Frenetic and crazy. The whole thing is a big joke, but the best joke may be that the chord progression is the same as that in the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hears Club Band. The original on Gordon is great but I bought a wild impromptu version that they did for a special iTunes release that is just plain odd.

  • Sabotage - The Beastie Boys
    If the Beastie Boys wrote a theme song for a 1970's cop drama, this would be it (kind of like in the video for the song).

  • Uncle Walter - Ben Folds Five
    When Ben is just plain banging on the piano, you're in for a real treat. From the band's self titled first album, this song is a real gem that most people haven't heard.

  • But Anyway - Blues Traveler
    If I practiced 20 hours a day, I'd never have the incredible speed of John Popper. This was the first Blues Traveler track I ever heard, the band playing it on Letterman about 20 years ago. I was stunned.

  • Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan
    You can't beat the classics...

  • Satisfaction (I Can't Get No)- Devo
    Yes, Devo. The original is great, but when driving, I'll take the Devo version.

  • Elvis Is Everywhere - Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper
    "Michael J. Fox has no Elvis in him..."

  • Happy Birthday, Mr Burns - The Ramones (on The Simpsons)
    "Have the Rolling Stones killed..."

  • Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight - Spinal Tap
    Maybe the band's most serious song... which isn't saying much...

  • Burning Down The House - Talking Heads
    The Live Version from Stop Making Sense. I always though this would be a kickass marching band tune.

  • So Far - Sue Foley
    From the album Time Bomb. Gotta keep an eye on he speed when this one comes on.

  • Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies
    A hold over from my college radiodays.

  • The Road - Tenacious D
    "Met a tasty baby in Michigan..."

  • Bob - "Weird Al" Yankovic
    A brilliant reworking of Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues in which every line is a palindrome.

  • Common People - William Shatner featuring Joe Jackson
    Where the HELL did this come from?

  • One Word Whisper - Abby Someone
    Maybe a little on the smooth side for this list, but, undeniably, it works

  • Just A Toy - Barenaked Ladies
    Easily BNL's best electric track.

  • Rockin' The Suburbs - Ben Folds
    Until the release of this album, I assumed that Ben Folds Five was greater than the sum of its parts. The Rockin' The Suburbs album made me realize that Ben is a fucking genius.

  • Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen and the E street Band
    How could driving music possibly be better than this? That intro alone...

  • What Would Brian Boitano Do - DVDA
    "I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings..."

  • Junk Town - Heeler
    The track that inspired this list. I work with the guitarist. Really, check this out.

  • Walking The Ceiling - Hound Dog Taylor and the Houserockers
    Old school Chicago blue instrumental. Hound Dog once said, "When I die they'll say 'he couldn't play shit, but he made it sound good.'"

  • Anti Love Song - Patient 957
    I know it's vain, but the harmonica part kicks ass!

  • Second Voyage Of Noah's Ark - James Harman Band
    A great song, but the harmonica solo blows me away every time.

  • Cuttin' Out - John Lee Hooker and Canned Heat
    Rocking bass line, heavy harp and Hook, the coolest guy who ever walked the earth...

  • Rock Lobster - The B-52's
    That schmaltzy organ just does it for me.

  • Brass Monkey The Beastie Boys
    "I got the bottle, you got the cup, come on everybody let's get... Brass Monkey!"

  • Torqueflite 727 - James Harman Band
    The great thing abi=out an instrumental is that you can name it anything you want. A Torqueflite 727 is a push-button transmission.

  • Gucci Gucci Man - Sugar Blue
    More harmoncia stuff. I won't bore you...

  • BOJ


    Thursday, May 15, 2008

    From The Onion:

    Jimmy Fallon To Host 'Late Night'

    NBC officially announced that Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien as host of Late Night in 2009. What do you think?

    Bill Echols,
    Game Warden
    "Was that annoying guy from the Verizon commercials unavailable?"

    Don Lee,
    "I didn't know his fans were allowed to stay up that late.""

    Anne MacLean,
    Order Filler
    "You know, people groaned when they heard Jimmy Kimmel was getting his own show. And now, at least 15 percent of them have changed their tune."

    "Blind Orange" Julius,
    Infrequent Blogger
    "Sixty minutes of a guy looking at the camera and laughing at his own jokes? That should be entertaining."



    Monday, May 12, 2008


    People Who've Worked at the Kwik-E-Mart Other than Apu

    1. Sanjay

    2. Homer [8F06]

    3. James Woods [1F10]


    Wednesday, May 07, 2008



    I can't remember the last time I had cheesecake. I used to love it. The ex-wife made a great cheesecake, she learned to do so after I married her, so I can't be accused of marrying her for that particular skill.

    I do remember the last time I was offered cheesecake. It was an offer that was not only rescinded, but denied, denied that said offer was ever tendered.


    And like the movie, The 300, cheesecake is something I'll most likely never enjoy as it brings back too many shitty memories.

    A special thanks goes out to two complete bitches from my past.


    Sunday, May 04, 2008


    I Fucking HATE Having MS

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    The Bert Convey
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