Sunday, August 31, 2008


Human Resources

I've written about it before. When I work for a company, I'm an employee, not a resource.

Human resources is simply an arm of a company designed to screw over employees. The good human resources "professionals" make you feel good about yourself while they're fucking you. Sometimes they fuck you over even before you work for them.

Maybe somebody has had good experiences with these spawn of Satan, but when I look at that last shithole job I had and the way human resources got rid of me WHEN THEY FUCKED UP, seeing a television ad about the Society for Human Resources Management really pisses me off.

So I saw the ad a few minutes ago and decided to go to their website. I clicked on a link labeled "questions' and received a security warning. Among other things, here's what I found:

What is the current listing status for

Site is listed as suspicious - visiting this web site may harm your computer.

Part of this site was listed for suspicious activity 1 time(s) over the past 90 days.

What happened when Google visited this site?

Of the 95 pages we tested on the site over the past 90 days, 58 page(s) resulted in malicious software being downloaded and installed without user consent. The last time Google visited this site was on 08/27/2008, and the last time suspicious content was found on this site was on 08/27/2008.

Malicious software includes 59 trojan(s). Successful infection resulted in an average of 1 new processes on the target machine.

Human resources cares about employees? Yeah, just enough to infect your computer. This could be a third party attack, but the fact that they've allowed this shows that they don't know what they're doing, which has always been my thought about human resources "professionals" anyway.


Saturday, August 30, 2008


My Right Hand

I was trying to write a song about a situation my good friend MonyP was in. I wanted to say that no matter how things turned out for her, that I knew who she was, which is a pretty special person.

For the first time as a "songwriter" the music actually came before the lyrics. I tried to put real feelings into words and found myself unable to. I knew what I wanted to say, but couldn't put it in a song that would have ended up really mushy. That's not who I am as a songwriter, I can't be serious, I have to be a dork.

So I wrote about masturbation. It was a lyric idea I'd had for a long time, but hadn't been able to do anything with. The music drove it to be what it was.

The point is, I sat down to write one song, and something completely different came out. I can't control it. I can't even control what comes out of my mouth from minute to minute.


Friday, August 29, 2008


Hope for Western Civilization

Happy Days 1974-1984
Ted McGinley cast member 1980-1984

The Love Boat 1977-1986
Ted McGinley cast member 1984-1986

Maried with Children 1987-1997
Ted McGinley cast member 1989-1997

Wednesday at 9:30 (8:30 Central) 2002
Ted McGinley cast member 2002

Dancing With the Stars 2004-?
Ted McGinley cast member 2008's hoping Ted runs another series into the ground...


Tuesday, August 26, 2008


NFL Preseason Rankings

Our long national nightmare is almost over! It's the NFL, baby and it's back!

It's amazing to me that the Patriots, who had what may have been the greatest regular season of all time, got taken out by the NY Giants in the big game. That's the NFL, though, on any given Sunday, blah, blah, blah...

So let's get a start on this season. Who's number one?

  1. Indianapolis Colts
    They were just a whisker behind the Pats all last year

  2. New England Patriots
    Losses in the secondary, they'll figure out a way to make it work

  3. Dallas Cowboys
    The class of the NFC, as much as it pains me to say so

  4. San Diego Chargers
    As much talent as anyone

  5. Pittsburgh Steelers
    They can pass and play defense, now they can run the ball even better

  6. Jacksonville Jaguars
    Garrard as the starter all through the preseason, he can only be better than last year

  7. New York Giants
    Do they play like they did in the regular season, or like they did in the post season?

  8. Minnesota Vikings
    A real QB and this could be a really good team

  9. Carolina Panthers
    Will have to survive two games without one of the best WR's in the NFL

  10. Cleveland Browns
    I'm not sold on this team, but they deserve to be here

ESPN NFL Power Rankings.
Fox Sports NFL Power Rankings.
CBS Sports NFL Power Rankings.
NBC/MSNBC viewer Power Rankings.


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Homer the Great 2F09

Members of the Stonecutters:

  • Homer
  • Lenny
  • Carl
  • Abe
  • Mr. Largo
  • Seymour Skinner
  • Julius Hibbert
  • Charles Montgomery Burns
  • Herman
  • Chief Wiggum
  • Moe the Bartender
  • Krusty
  • Sideshow Mel
  • Kirk Van Houten
  • Waylon Smithers
  • "Number One"
  • Kent Brockman
  • Joe Quimby
  • Groundskeeper Willy
  • Steve Guttenberg
  • Jasper
  • Barney
  • Apu
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Homer Glumplich
  • A Martian
  • the Egg Council guy
  • Scott Christian
  • Asst. Superintendent Leopold

  • BOJ


    Saturday, August 23, 2008


    In My Hand

    A song that never works as well as I think it should. For three verses I'm being nice, respectful and caring. That's just not what people expect from me and they tend to tune out if they think I'm trying to be serious.

    It all turns around after the harp solo, of course, and I would always seemingly get a few back. I wish every one would have hung around through the whole thing, but it's hard to fight an audience's expectations...


    Thursday, August 21, 2008

    From The Onion:



    Saturday, August 16, 2008


    Two Condoms

    Friday, August 15, 2008

    Coming soon to the BOJ News Service:

    Sunday, August 10, 2008

    A President once said
    "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
    Now we're supposed to be afraid
    It's Patriotic, in fact
    And color coded
    And what we 'sposed to be afraid of?
    Why, being afraid
    That's what terror means, doesn't it?
    That's what it used to mean

    Randy Newman
    "A Few Words in Defense of Our Country"
    Harps and Angels


    Saturday, August 02, 2008


    "Things Were Said..."

    As someone who tries to never take anything too seriously, I'm sure I've said things that were, at the time really insensitive. While going for a cheap laugh, or while wallowing in my own self pity, I am certain that there have been times when I've said EXACTLY the wrong thing.

    And if not exactly the wrong thing, I'm sure I've said things that had to have been taken in a way other than the way I intended. It's been over 15 years now, sometime after 4am, I found my coffee mug on someone else's desk. I retrieved it and sent off an email to the offending party stating how low it was to steal a coffee delivery device from someone who was expected to be awake at 4am and if he ever did anything so callous again, that I'd kill him.

    It seemed funny to me at 4am, but in the light of day, I saw myself as the asshole that I really am. The person who'd take the mug apologized. He hadn't actually taken the mug, an overzealous intern had and it had ended up on this persons desk. I in turn apologized for the threat. It was a fucking coffee mug, not a life or death matter under any circumstances. I am such an ass.

    Last winter, someone who I had instructed to never make any contact with me sent me some forwarded email drivel. That she even still had my email address offended me. I responded by telling her to never send me anything, ever. Her mistake was to respond to that, so I let her have it. Looking back on it, nobody should ever send someone an email like that under ANY circumstances. Oddly, in the moment, I felt great about my email. Not much later, though, I didn't feel so good. Eventually I sent an apology.

    That was hard because I don't apologize unless I truly mean it. My response was justified in so many ways, and though scathing, the whole thing was true. Few people have ever treated my as shoddily as this person had. But what she initially had sent me in this exchange was something that exhibited a bit of caring about me, even if it was crappy forwarded email drivel. My response was just an attempt to hurt this person, the way she had hurt me so many times. My response had little to do with the forwarded email drivel, it had to do with our shared history. History. Shit I should have left in the past.

    I apologized. I don't know how it was taken, and in truth, since I want no further contact with this person (even if I'm coming to realize that I really shouldn't throw attractive women out of my life unconditionally), I'm fine with that. I apologized, but I'm still an ass. There's not getting around it.

    Something was said to me in February, that is probably the most insensitive thing that anyone has ever said to me. Complaining about me she said that this isn't where she thought she'd be in her life at this point, she deserved a better job and better relationships.

    I didn't say anything at the time, but that statement made me feel like nothing. If her life wasn't turning out the way she wanted, how was I supposed to feel about mine? I was unemployed, fired from my job for complaining when they gave me incorrect information about my shitty benefits, I was taking a job with a company I swore to never work for again, I didn't have a place to live less than two weeks before starting this job, I had fucked up my back days earlier making the moving process even more stressful than it should have been for a guy who walks with a cane because he has Multiple Sclerosis.

    Is this how my life was supposed to turn out?

    I let it drop, even tried to make things work with this callous person. No good. A person who would never tell me anything about herself got upset because I didn't ask her how she felt about things. She also got mad at me when she insulted me. You read that right. But I'm the bad guy.

    If you want me to care about you, maybe you should think about my situation before you get fucking upset that your job isn't everything you want it to be. If you don't like your fucking job, you can change jobs, get your dream job teaching overseas. I'll still have MS, whether I want it or not.



    The Floss

    Sometime back in 2001 (or whatever year the Angels won the World Series...), me and Quinn went to Anaheim for a Tenacious D show.

    I love The D and was really excited to see one of my favorite bands live. I didn't expect to like the opening act so much: Supafloss. The Floss is sort of a hip hop/rap version of Tenacious D. I make fun of the genre a lot, and that's sort of what they're doing here. Yet, I don't think you can be as effective at this sort of thing without a genuine appreciation for the real thing. It's not so much making fun of the genre, but making fun of (and having with) the stereotypes and expectations of attending a hip hop show.

    I had a lot of Floss on mp3, but I just bought their eponymous 2006 release. Very cool stuff indeed. "Chuck Norris" is there, of course (I don't know how this didn't get bigger with a Republican candidate for President being so closely associated with Norris). Lots of other cool stuff here too, like "Who We Are" (with a freestyle rap by the Memphis Dragon MC Pete, whoever the hell that is) and "I Love it When they Bounce" (which isn't about boobies).

    Very enjoyable stuff, check out their site


    From The Onion:

    Price Of Gas Rises To Four Expletives Per Gallon

    HOUSTON—Gasoline prices rose to a record-high four expletives per gallon Monday, a rate of fuel-price-related cursing not seen since the 1979 energy crisis sparked a nationwide obscenity boom. "Two years ago it seemed impossible that a gallon of gasoline would go as high as goddamn-shit-ass-balls," said commodities trader Philip Roan, adding that refined petroleum is up nearly 100 percent from cock-fuck last March. "Considering the unrest in the Middle East and growing global energy demands, fuel prices may well reach dick-ass-Christ-fuck-hell in as little as six months." The unprecedented jump in swearing rates has reportedly prompted an increase in the number of Americans riding motherfucking bicycles.

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    The Bert Convey
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