Tuesday, June 30, 2009

From The Denver Post:

Cross-dressing clown robs Boulder liquor store

A clown in a dress, armed with a handgun, robbed a Boulder liquor store on Saturday night, police said.

The incident happened at about 11:30 p.m. at the Boulder Beer & Liquor Emporium, 4700 Table Mesa Drive, according to Boulder police.

Police said the robber wore white and red makeup, a red and purple wig, a denim dress and possibly a false nose.

The robber, a man who remains at large, showed a handgun to the victim, police said.

...so all clowns in makeup and wearing a false nose should be considered armed and dangerous...



I met Wanda when she was employed
Behind the counter at the route 60 Bob's Big Boy
Fried chicken on the front seat she's sittin' in my lap
We're wipin' our fingers on a Texaco roadmap
I remember Wanda up on scrap metal hill
With them big brown eyes that make your heart stand still

Bruce Springsteen
"Open All Night"


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

D'oh! Lumber has a million uses.

Marge on the Lam


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

If you wrote me off I'd understand it
Beause I've been on some other planet
So come pick me up
I've landed

Ben Folds
Songs for Silverman

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese. Sixty four... Sixty three...



Tuesday, June 16, 2009

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you
[insert an appropriate name]
I hope you fucking choke.

Adam Sandler
"Somebody Kill Me Please"
The Wedding Singer Soundtrack

I used to play a different song from this movie. Those who know me will most certainly agree that this song comes closer to my actual personality.

The other song gives you a better chance of getting laid, though...


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nooo! It was me. I made the crank call. I do it all the time! Check with the FBI: I have a file. I have a file!!!!

Deep Space Homer


Tuesday, June 09, 2009


I hate every ape I see,
From chimpan-A to chimpanzee
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me!

O my God! I was wrong!
It was Earth, all along!
You've finally made a monkey,
Yes we've finally made a monkey,
Yes you've finally made a monkey out of me!

I love you, Dr. Zaius!

Troy McClure
"Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z"
Stop This Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off:
Original Cast Recording


Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy.

Treehouse of Horror VI


Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I can teach you how to dance, how to sing, how to knit,
How to make things that you never ever made before
Enid, I can teach you how to use cookie cutters
To make crazy things out of play-doh

Little houses, little farms, little accessories for your mom,
For your barbie set, for your friends and your family
Enid, I can teach you how to snowmobile, cross-country ski, snowshoe,
But I don't want to

Barenaked Ladies


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The Bert Convey
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Location: United States

I'm not telling you anything...