Tuesday, January 29, 2008
So the pattern, the first part anyway, is happening again. I've got pretty good reason not to post, and the restrictions I've placed on myself make it pretty much impossible for the blog to be what I want it to be.
So this will be it for a while. When will I be back? It could be a couple of days, a couple of weeks or never. There really isn't any point here except, it seems, to piss off people that I care about.
Believe it or not, I don't like pissing people off. Well, some people, but not people I care about. I do that far too much, and usually can't see that I'm doing it until it's way too late.
Regular readers can have fun trying to figure out what brought this on. Hey, knock yourselves out, I don't care. Have a good time at my expense.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
10 Phrases I Never Thought I'd Say in My Life When I Graduated From High School, But Sadly Have Had To
- "I'm almost out of extra virgin olive oil."
- "I don't know, maybe a State Income Tax isn't such a bad idea."
- "What is nineteen eighty ... -five?"
- "Oh, my car caught on fire again..."
- "I Do."
- "How does this whole Unemployment Insurance thing work?"
- "I'll buy a bottle of water for the drive."
- "Sure, you could win the popular vote and not be elected President by the Electoral College, but how likely is that?"
- "Beef? We had that yesterday. Couldn't we do something vegitarian?"
- "Multiple Sclerosis? Isn't one Sclerosa enough?"
Friday, January 25, 2008
Study Finds Link Between Being Struck By Cream Pie, Diminished Social Standing
From The Onion:
ITHACA, NY—A new study conducted by the Cornell Institute for Behavioral and Social Sciences has found what researchers believe to be a demonstrable link between being struck with a banana cream pie and a sudden, significant drop in one's public standing.
"What we have observed is nothing short of astounding," Dr. Philip Shaw, a human sciences professor at Cornell and the study's lead researcher, said Monday. "By having cream-topped pies forcibly applied to their faces—or kissers—men and women of high regard were seen to immediately fall in both status and esteem.""Whether the subjects were wealthy shopkeepers, pompous barons of British descent, or matronly women sporting tiny opera glasses—our results were always the same," Shaw added.
The study, which was conducted with the help of 25 dignified members of the aristocracy and three rather clumsy butlers, showed a direct correlation between unexpected contact with the custard-based stimulus and a loss of social stature—including the respect of bystanders, the affections of untold gentlewomen, and any possibility of securing a sizable donation for one's struggling playhouse.
Even more surprisingly, results showed that the drop in standing took place in mere seconds and not over the course of many weeks, as is generally needed for adjusting an individual's hierarchical status.
"Upon each pie's delivery, we were able to detect a 12 pecent decline in both privilege and hubris," said Shaw, who conducted further experiments on the airborne dessert phenomenon in a highly controlled masquerade-ball setting. "However, much to our surprise, a host of secondary factors—such as the angular velocity at which the pies were thrown, the length of time they stuck to a participant's face before sliding off, and whether they were accompanied by the honking of a loud bicycle horn—also affected the overall reputation of our subjects."
According to Shaw, the location of the strike proved the most crucial variable, with the deposit of a cream pie to the crotch producing a 35 percent drop in entitlement on average.
Timing was also cited as being pivotal by Shaw, who said that the sequence of introducing a pie into the face of an elderly countess, giving her time to clear the cream from the eyes and mouth, and then administering a second pie into her face generated the sharpest descent in stature.
"Response to the delivery of the pies was generally varied among participants, although we did observe nearly 15 separate threats of 'Why, I oughtta…' and roughly six distinct cries of 'Well, I never!'" Shaw said.
A 12-minute black-and-white video recording released by the researchers documented some of the more acute reactions to face-first pie contact, including the rapid emission of compressed steam from a participant's ears† and, on three separate occasions, a fast-motion but ultimately unsuccessful chase around an elegant dinner table between participant and researcher.
Isolated incidents of a cream pie causing one's dickey to fly up into one's face were also reported.Though the long-term effects of Shaw's pie experiment are still unclear, a number of the subjects registered a strong psychological reaction within moments of completing the study.
"Why, I cannot remember the last time I was so insulted in all my life," said socialite Thomas DuBottomer, who on day four of the study ducked an oncoming cream pie only to have it land square in the face of a passing police officer. "I demand an apology, you troublemaking so-and-so!"
Shaw's report is not the first of its kind. Four years ago, a Princeton study attempted to measure the effects of discharged seltzer water on one's reputation; and in 2005, scientists determined that slipping on a discarded fruit skin, rolling down a circular flight of stairs, and landing face-first into an awaiting cart of horse manure could be definitively linked to being fired from a board of bank trustees.
Though the report has yet to be published in any major journals, Shaw has defended his team's research.
"I strongly believe our study to be of the utmost importance," Shaw announced at a conference of behavioral scientists in Chicago on Tuesday. "Whether others approve or disapprove of it is not my concern. We are serving a greater purpose here, a higher purpose. What we have accomp—"
The outspoken Shaw was thereupon struck with a banana cream pie, his opinions at once rendered completely irrelevant.
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I often view my life as something of a movie. Part of it's the business I'm in, part of it is just the age I was born in. Whatever it is, there's been a definite soundtrack to my life. Sometimes songs were in the background, sometimes at the forefront, practically narrating what was going on in my life at the time.
An old girlfriend, let's call her 2C decided that we needed a song, an our song. I wasn't against having a song, I liked the idea. She wanted to pick one, though, and that seemed pretty stupid to me. You don't choose your song, your song just sort of happens. She insisted, so I started suggesting strange stuff like "A" by Barenaked Ladies.
She kept shooting down my suggestions as too obscure. She wanted something that we could possibly hear on the radio and think of each other when we heard it. It all seemed a little contrived to me. A song like that just sort of happens. It's really cool when it does, but you just can't force it.
She eventually chose Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" to be our song. A song that I always sort of liked, but when we broke up, hearing "Wonderful Tonight" wouldn't bring me to tears. It being our song was completely artificial and it has no effect on me. The last time I heard it was when someone did a poor karaoke version of it. I laughed and kissed la Güera.
There is a song that always make me think of 2C though, it's "Labor of Love" by Robert Cray. I was alone and thinking of how she wasn't worth all of the trouble she was causing me. I was listening to Robert Cray and when "Labor of Love" came on, it was one of those movie moments, the one where it all comes together for the hero and he can suddenly see:
An emotional fool
Making vows to myself that I can't keep
Another know it all, lonesome man of the world
Who can't stop crying himself to sleep
If push comes to shove
Seems like this labor of love
Is just too much work for me
It's amazing when the words of someone else's song dovetails so nicely with what your thinking at the time. It's pretty powerful, in this case it prompted me to action.
As much as I'd like to, I've never met Robert Cray. The closest I've ever been to him was at a blues festival. I don't know Robert Cray and he certainly doesn't know me. He's been in relationships and I've been in relationships, we have that in common. He's undoubtedly had some of the same feelings that I have.
I do know Shawn Bitz of Abby Someone who wrote one of my favorite relationship lyrics ever:
Might seem simple but I gotta admit I messed it up enough
I feel like hiding away and I could really use a shove
I've been cut before
And maybe an even better lyric from the same song:
Got her foot on the gas, while she's tapping on the brake
"Diamond" was the first song I learned to play after moving to Cheyenne. I played it once at an open mic in Ft. Collins, but there was one time I played it for someone in my apartment. It was very fitting for her in her life at that moment. It was kind of fitting for myself as well. Let's call the woman TYA (updated from FYA and HBBA quite a bit before that) and try not to talk about her again.
I guess what inspired this post in particular was listening to the music of Joe Bucholz and realizing how two of his songs played a pivotal role in two of my relationships, but in different ways. "Next Girlfriend Song" eased me into my current relationship with [a woman], "It's a Little Complicated" reminded me how, well, how complicated relationships can be and I passed it on to the person causing the complication. Sometimes the soundtrack has an agenda.
As cool as it is when someone writes something that fits what's going on in your life, it's much cooler when you write your own soundtrack. Remember 2C? She was the subject of "Two Condoms":
'Cuz your virtue is untrue
Then I whip one off and fell like a wild man
When I'm with you
Giants: 'We Almost Beat The Patriots Once, We Can Almost Beat Them Again'
From The Onion Sports:
NEW YORK—As they come closer to their Super Bowl clash with the formidable Patriots—the team they nearly defeated in late December—the Giants are confident that they can come close to beating the undefeated AFC champions on football's biggest stage.
"This team has already tasted victory against the Patriots," head coach Tom Coughlin said Monday. "By which I mean we were so close to victory that we could taste it. True, we did not actually experience that victory, but we came as close to beating them as anyone else has this season. That's the kind of team we believe we are, and I think the Super Bowl will prove that."
"This team really believes they can come close to winning the Super Bowl—very, very close," Giants quarterback Eli Manning said Tuesday after spending the morning watching film of his Dec. 29 home loss, film that laid bare the crucial interception he threw to Pats corner Ellis Hobbs. "We can come so close to beating them, so very, heartbreakingly close, that every player here will take it to their graves."
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Brightening My Mood
I figured this photo might help my mood.
Photo removed because one of the subjects doesn't want to be mentioned on this blog...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I'm Not Going to Die
I hadn't felt good for over a year, I had fallen and broken my nose, I'd noticed a huge drop off of coordination and stamina. I didn't know what was wrong, but it was quite obvious that something was.
As I started my doctoring, I got myself ready for the worst. I was 41 years old and I'd had a pretty good life, all in all. My life at that moment was actually pretty good, not perfect, but certainly quite livable.
Forty-one years was a good run. I'd accomplished a lot of the tings I'd wanted to, done some fantastic things I'd never considered, had a good family and plenty of friends. If 41 years was all I was going to get, I'd decided that I was fine with that.
It's not that I didn't want to continue my life, I most certainly did, but I wouldn't leave any kids or a wife behind. I wouldn't really have anything of value for people to fight over. No, the summer of 2006 was as good a time as any to be done, I could leave with no serious regrets.
It was in August of 2006 that I found out that I have MS. So I wasn't going to die. I was told that this was about the best time in my life to be diagnosed, that MS doesn't typically treat people who have an onset at my age all that bad. There was hope that my MS could just be a minor inconvenience.
I received a lot of information with my medication. One booklet I remember showed a woman, just out of the pool, swim cap and goggles on, ready for another lap. I didn't feel like swimming laps, I never was much of a swimmer, but people with MS could swim laps? Not only was I not going to die, I was going to be able to live an active lifestyle.
I started seeing someone about the time I started taking my medication. My lifestyle had a completely different type of activity. Oh, I didn't feel as good in November as I had in October, but I was taking medication now, the advance of the disease would be stopped. Maybe, just maybe I'd start swimming laps. My life was looking up. I wasn't going to die, I was going to live an active and exciting life.
Shit started going bad. Ordering medication became a trial, dealing with the insurance turned into a monumental struggle and we don't even talk about the woman anymore (blog policy). I started feeling worse and worse, able to do less and less. At first I tried to write it off as "having a bad day," but if I looked at things honestly, it was clear that, on average, every day was a little worse than the day before.
In the spring and summer of 2006, I'd go to the park and play guitar for a couple of hours before going to work, in the summer of 2007 I couldn't carry my guitar to my car. I'd met a woman (a good one this time) and I was able to spend lots of time with her in the summer and fall of 2007. She has made a time in which I can't play guitar for more than ten minutes at a time bearable. I'm not going to die and I certainly don't want to.
Today I sit in front of a computer, typing fine with my left hand, using one finger on my right due to a lack of coordination on that side. Driving two hours to a job interview leaves me spent, the return trip being about all I can take. Everyday tasks are a struggle. It's all I can do some days to feed myself, holding a fork is sometimes the hardest thing I can imagine. I drop things constantly.
I'm facing another move, possibly two. I'm facing that in this condition. I have to rely on others, and that's just not in me. A guy who can't carry a guitar to his car is going to have to move, maybe twice. I'm not going to die.
Seventeen months ago I was ready for death if it were going to come to that. Thirteen months ago I felt relief and hope for the future. Today?
I don't know what I feel today. I have help, I'm not facing this all alone. That makes it bearable, but this is all threatening to just crush me and there's not a thing that I, or anybody else, can do about it.
I'm not going to die.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Super Bowl XLII
The first Super Bowl was in 1967. I was one year old, about to turn two, so I don't recall the Packers' 35-10 win over the Kansas City Chiefs. It wasn't even called the Super Bowl back then. Somewhere along the line they coined the term Super Bowl and started numbering them. They used Roman numerals which I think is so cool. Not only is it kind of classy, it has the added bonus of providing me yearly with the Roman numeral equivalent of my age. I was one year old for Super Bowl I. I will be 42 years old when watching Super Bowl XLII. Pretty cool!
On to the game, while I'm not pleased with the outcome of the NFC Championship game, it does make my rooting much easier. The 2007 New England Patriots are the best team I've ever seen. Had they faced the Green Bay Packers and my favorite quarterback to watch, Brett Favre, it would have been difficult for me to decide who to root for.
Now it's simple, Pats!
Yet, the Patriots go into Super Bowl XLII with more questions then they've faced in any other game this season. Will they be able to throw the ball? Will Randy Moss be a big part of the offense after being contained for two straight weeks? Can the Pats stop the run? Can they stop Eli Manning who had a good game against them in week 17?
All questions that will be asked continually for the next two weeks, but that won't be answered for until the game is played.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Abortion Bill Introduced
From The Rapid City Journal:
PIERRE -- South Dakota has some of the strongest abortion restrictions in the nation, but state lawmakers will decide if one more hurdle should be required.
A bill was filed Tuesday in the Legislature to require abortion facilities, such as the Planned Parenthood clinic in Sioux Falls, to offer sonograms to pregnant women and girls.
SB88, offered by state Sen. Dennis Schmidt, R-Rapid City, would prevent abortions from being done without first asking if females want to view the ultrasound images of their fetuses.
"Maybe they would think, 'Well, maybe I'll not go through with it.' It's their decision," Schmidt said.
The measure would not make females view sonograms, but places that provide abortions would at least have ask if they'd like to see them, he said.
I am in no way in favor of abortion. I wish it didn't happen, but it does. It's always happened, it always will. You can pass any law you want, but it's still going to happen.
Do I think it's a bad idea for an expecting mother to look at a sonogram of the fetus? I think it's just putting undo stress on someone who's already under a lot of stress, but other than that, maybe it's not an absolutely horrible idea.
Do I think it's a good idea for the government to march into a patient's room and ask them to look at a sonogram?
I always have a problem with any law written for just a few people. I'm a man. Under no circumstances (other than those found in horrendous Hollywood movies) can I EVER have an abortion. For me to have anything to do with something that greatly affects someone else's life and has no bearing on mine seems a little silly.
The government does not ask me to look at advertisements for every car on the market before I choose which one to buy. A little closer to the topic, the government does not advise me to consider all of my matrimonial options, does not ask me to consider other sexual partners before I 'seal the deal' in either of those cases. They certainly don't even attempt to pass laws on those topics.
If they did there would be an uproar. Let's face it, men wouldn't stand for it.
I'm not an overly political person. All I know is what's fair.
Disturbing Sue Foley News
Does my life even have real meaning anymore...
OK, just a shocking misunderstanding. I found it out from a search engine hit that directed somebody to The Globex Corporation Newsletter, though...
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
American Idol Ratings Down
The season debut of American Idol was the lowest it's been in four years. What do you think?.
"What that show needs is to just put me on 'cause I'm'a star and 'Merica going to see me and be like 'Wha! Yee-yah!'"
"It's more interesting and time-saving to read about which American Idol is getting dropped from their label."
"People finally realized that they could find out who the winner is by tuning into the last few minutes of the final episode."
"Blind Orange" Julius,
Former Poor Musician
"Well, yeah, with the writers' strike how will those barely talented people know what to say that will so captivate our nation?"
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Thursday, January 17, 2008
10 Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't
So here's 10 things I've done that you probably haven't:
- Been to Hawaii but for less than an hour
Just passing through on the way to and on the way back from Guam. Really, I'd like to get back for longer next time...
- Was rude to Al Gore in the performance of my regular duties
It was a busy night at KDLT-TV. Besides being the on-air operator, I was also sort of the evening receptionist. Some joker rang the buzzer to get in. It was then Presidential candidate, Al Gore. I was too busy to deal with him told him someone in the newsroom could help him, pointed that way and got back to work.
- Watched all of that famous Cal vs. Stanford game except for the one play everybody remembersEven before he played for the Broncos, I was a big John Elway fan. A win over Cal would put Stanford in the Rose Bowl. Elway was having a great year and I loved watching him play. Elway dove Stanford down the field to put them ahead with 3 second remaining. Great game, I thought, and I changed the channel.
...and missed what most consider the greatest play in college football history.
- Worked for the 3 Major Direct Broadcast Satellite companies in the US
Which was the best to work for? That's a no brainer. The worst? The jury is still out on that one...
- Told Ted Nugent that he would have to wait to get popcorn
In my ongoing series of being rude to celebrities, I told the "Motor City Madman," who was doing fundraising for SDPTV, that he wouldm have to wait until I was done getting popcorn if he wanted some. A stupid move because he was heavily armed at the time
- Was on my favorite TV show
What, you didn't see this one coming? September 29th, 2003.
- Driven a car 350 miles with no clutch cable twice.
I had a '74 Ford Pinto when I was in college. The clutch cable broke when I was going home for 3 consecutive finals breaks. The first time I got it fixed, the next the mechanic couldn't get a replacement, so he told me how to drive it without using the clutch. The last time I just went home, I knew how to handle the situation...
- Nearly got beat up for playing a song
The Patient 957 song "Cobra Commander" was about a cartoon character. People would misunderstand, think it was against veterans and want to kill us. Fun. We stopped playing it.
- Drove from Long Beach to Albuquerque and back one day
OK, I know one other guy who's done that.
- Played kazoo on a cover of The Guess Who's "American Woman"
Since two of those performances were paying gigs, it's undoubtedly the stupidest thing I've ever taken money to do.
Love Where You Least Expect It
By Steve Mazzucchi
Suggested pick-up lines by "Blind Orange" Julius
At some point in your single life, the usual skirt-chasing stomping grounds — bars, parties, the gym — start to lose their luster. But don’t worry, these locations represent only a fraction of the places you can encounter amazing women. And really, you should be on the lookout for love everywhere you go. With that in mind, here are 10 unusual spots where you just might run into the girl of your dreams. Be prepared.
- At a boring work event
This scenario’s ripe for the smart fellow who knows how to make light of things. And yet, “don’t open with a complaint—it’s too negative,” cautions Lynn Harris, MSN.com’s Dating & Personals advice columnist and co-creator of www.breakupgirl.net. “Acknowledge the boring-ness in a positive way. Say, ‘Those are some impressive doodles,’ or ‘Are you looking forward to the Tuscan chicken wraps as much as I am?’”
"You think this is boring? How about we head back to my place and I'll show you three minutes of monotonous bliss..."
- On vacation
When women are away from their normal routine, it’s easier to woo them. “On vacation, women are focused on relaxation, not work and home tasks, so they’ll be more receptive to your advances.”
"South of France, huh? So, who are you on the run from?"
- Playing sports
“Co-ed adult sports are great, because you automatically have something in common.” Most teams head to happy hour after games, giving you plenty of time to get things going as you converse about the sport.
"I suck tonight. How about you and me hit the showers?"
- Stuck in line
Lines give you a completely captive audience, especially when you’re somewhere inherently dull, like the DMV or post office. That’s when a joke can instantly lighten the mood. “You could say, ‘Should we take bets on whether we’ll be home by Sunday to watch The Sopranos reruns?’ If she laughs and says, ‘Yeah, totally,’ keep going with it.”
"Look at this line! This had better be the best porno ever!"
- At a community meeting
Attending gatherings of neighborhood groups and city council meetings about recycling initiatives and proposed bike paths wins you automatic points by making you appear to be a concerned citizen—which, to many women, is pretty sexy.
"Against allowing a sex-offender into the neighborhood? No, I'm here in support of my uncle..."
- In a hotel bar
“Many upscale hotels have a lounge area where women sip a drink waiting for a friend to arrive, a dinner reservation to be called, or luggage to be found, it’s the perfect place to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive.”
"You are so much hotter than all of the other hookers..."
- At a political rally or protest
With so many key issues (think global warming, the upcoming election) coming to a head these days, rallies and protests aren’t uncommon. As with the community meeting, conversation about the issue is a great place to start.
"Who'd have thought that overthrowing the government would be such hard work?"
- At the doctor’s office or a hospital
Waiting rooms, lobbies and the hospital cafeteria are great places to meet fellow visitors because, really, everyone’s just killing time. What to do? If you’re lucky enough to be a guest on a maternity ward (the only area of the hospital filled with happy people) go to the nursery and look through the window at the babies—and the other women there!
"This is your fifth kid? Wow, you don't look like you've squeezed out more than two or three!"
- At a Laundromat or in the laundry room
Laundromats fit into that have-to-be-here-anyway category, making them a great spot to start conversations. But how? “Ask her advice, let her be the clothes-washing expert. ‘Is yellow a color or a white?’”.”
"I'll fold your underwear for you. I'll take it home and drop it off at your place in a couple of days."
- On the street
Females can be a little wary on the pavement, but that doesn’t mean this environment’s hopeless. Keep an eye out for women you see regularly—that means they live in your area and may have noticed you, too. Then, when you find yourself on the same route, you can say something like, ‘I think I know you, but I can’t remember where from, and then you figure out that you both walk to the dry cleaners after work and bump into each other once a week.”
"I've been watching you, and I know the route you take home from work..."
I know, it's a shame that a guy as charming as myself is off the market...
There was also an article on 10 offbeat places to meet guys but I didin't bother to read it.
...I am SO lucky that [someone] even talks to me...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Adam "Pacman" Jones Accused of Nightclub Altercation
Assault and felony vandalism, disorderly conduct and public intoxication, marijuana possession and shooting make up the list of only a few legal abuses committed by Adam "Pacman" Jones.Now he has got a new trouble but an old place and reason - nightclub altercation involving his claims about wallet theft.
Adam Bernard "Pacman" Jones is an American cornerback and kick return specialist currently signed to the Tennessee Titans American football franchise of the National Football League (NFL). His nickname "Pacman" is used much more often than his true first name, Adam. It was given to him by his grandmother because at a young age he had a tendency to drink milk with the "voraciousness" of the video game character of the same name.
Jones was suspended from the NFL for the entire 2007 season for conduct away from the field. During his suspension Jones signed with the professional wrestling promotion Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA). Despite an agreement between TNA and the Titans organization that he would only have a "non-physical" role in the company, Jones was able to enjoy a reign as one half of the TNA World Tag Team Champions. He also established a record label, National Street League Records, and performed as one half of the Posterboyz rap duo.
In spite of his previous arrests, fines and suspensions he goes on abusing the law. This time a woman is seeking an arrest warrant against him for punching her at the Body Tap Strip Club in Atlanta .
Jones was said to lunge at the woman numerous times and then to "sucker punch" her in the left eye.
Manny Arora, Jones' attorney, said that no warrant has been issued against Jones.
This story has become so common, that I've had to look for it in new and exciting places to not be bored by it.
Hey, Adam, you've done it, you made the Russian press notice.
Carl's Jr. Founder Dead
Carl Karcher, the founder of Carl's Jr. and owner of Hardee's, died just days shy of his 91st Birthday. What do you think?.
"I wondered why all those yellow happy star flags were being flown at half mast."
"I thought Hardee's was owned by the government."
"And with his death goes his strange and inexplicable use of possessives.""
"Blind Orange" Julius,
"The same guy owned Hardee's and Carl's Jr.? I thought they were just involved in some kind of fast food gangland turf war."
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Monday, January 14, 2008
Thirty-Five Years Apart
I would never argue that the 1972 Dolphins aren't one of the greatest teams in NFL history. It would be just plain silly to do so. Having changed the regular season from 14 to 16 games has caused a real change in what we see as a great team. I was too young to remember the Dolphin's historic run, I can only watch old videotape and look at numbers.
As I stated in an earlier post the best teams I've ever actually seen were the 1985 Chicago Bears and the 1998 Denver Broncos. Both teams were defeated during the regular season, but won when it really counted, the postseason, and walked away from their respective seasons as World Champions.
On January 14th, 2007, the New England Patriots, like the Miami Dolphins 35 years ago, are 17-0. The Pats have two more games to go before we can start talking about them as one of the all time great teams. One loss now, and they're remembered like the 1998 Minnesota Vikings, a team with a high powered offense who didn't go as far as they should have (and a team the 1998 Broncos would have beaten anyway...). One Patriots loss now and they'll be remembered as a failure.
It cannot be denied, however, that the 1972 Miami Dolphins and the 2007 New England Patriots were both 17-0 on January 14th. So, right now, who's more impressive? I understand that the Pats haven't actually won a championship yet this year, but whose 17 wins were more impressive?
As great as the Dolphins were, they didn't play the greatest competition. In 17 games, their opponents had a combined record of 102-132-4 for a winning percentage of .429. They only played two teams in the regular season with winning records and the only playoff teams they played were the three they faced in the playoffs, none of their regular season opponents advanced to the playoffs.
The Patriots, on the other hand, have played a much more difficult schedule. Their opponents posted a 131-141 record, a .482 percentage. That percentage is more impressive when you consider that it's lower because it includes two games against the 1-15 Dolphins. During the regular season, seven of their opponents posted winning records, six of them eventually made the playoffs. While much of that can be attributed to the NFL's expanded playoff format, scheduled games against San Diego, Indianapolis and Dallas cannot be discounted, additionally, the Patriots also played the New York Giants who play for the NFC title this weekend.
The '72 Dolphins were great. Should they finish 19-0, the 2007 Patriots are better. And not just a little better. They will be the greatest team in NFL history.
There was lots of talk about head coach Marty Schottenheimer, who had turned the organization around, from a perennial loser to a powerhouse. Schottenheimer, for all of his regular season success (200-126-1; .613) has a poor record in the playoffs (5-13; .278, four AFC Championship Game losses to the Broncos), so there was a lot of talk about Schottenheimer's job security.
In the mean time, the Chargers' coordinators, offensive coordinator Cam Cameron and defensive coordinator Wade Phillips were hired away to be head coaches at Miami and Dallas respectively.
Soon after, Schottenheimer was fired by the Chargers (or forced to leave, or encouraged to leave, or whatever)and replaced with Norv Turner. I couldn't believe it. Not only did the Chargers part ways with a proven winner, they let two coaches who were good enough to get hired by other teams go and replaced Schotenheimer with Norv Turner, a sub .500 head coach (58-82;.414).
In my opinion, it wasn't a good decision. I could forgive the firing (or whatever) of Schottenheimer with his poor post-season record, but to do so after losing both coordinators? That's just stupid!
Turner's 1-3 start with the Chargers, his 11-5 final record by a team that improved, talent-wise seemed to bear out my opinion. Wade Phillips, in the mean time, took his Cowboys to a 13-3 record and a first round bye in the playoffs. Cam Cameron's 1-15 record with the Dolphins got him fired, but nobody was going to win many games with that team.
Wade Phillips is out of the playoffs, defeated by the New York Giants. Norv Turner is still in the playoffs, the Chargers 28-24 upset win over the Indianapolis Colts setting up a showdown against the Patriots, the team that upset the Schottenheimer coached Chargers in last year's playoffs.
Now Turner (3-1 in the playoffs) has two fewer playoff wins thanMarty Schottenheimer.
How stupid is the Chargers' decision now?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Amazing Race
[someone], so I think it's only right to spend at least a little time on things I don't like about her. This will probably adversly affect our relationship,but I'm nothing if not honest. If something needs saying, I've never been affraid to say it. With that, I've always faced up to the consequences.
Toward the end of 2007, I was at laGüera's one Sunday evening. We had finished watching a Broncos game together (one of the things I adore about her) at her brother's house when she stated that she wanted to go back home, make same supper and watch The Amazing Race.
In a rare bit of restraint, I didn't laugh out loud, I didn't make fun of her for wanting to watch a reality show. [someone] is a good cook and I was hungry, I knew that making fun of her would seriously cut into the possibility of me getting a meal.
We ate and settled in to watch the program. I was not at all excited. I had prided myself in the fact that I'd never watched an entire episode of Survivor or American Idol or any other piece of reality crap. That ended that night.
So I watched a reality show one time to get a good meal. That doesn't make me a hypocrite, does it? The next week we watched together again. Again, I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed making fun of Ron & Christina ("Ow! My hernia!"), I learned to hate Nate & Jen, I actually found myself pulling for Nick & Donald. Still, I was only watching when I was with [someone] and there was a meal involved.
Last week, I watched The Amazing Race all on my own. I watched the whole episode, did the same things I had done on previous weeks. I even called [someone]afterward and we discussed the episode. Guess what, I think I'm hooked.
I still think that the reality format is fundamentally flawed, the Heisenberg Uncertainty applying, namely, that it can't be true reality if the contestants know they're being watched. I don't like the format because the networks created it because it was cheap to produce, the networks continued greenlighting more reality programs as insurance against a pending writers' strike. For all of those reasons and many more, I don't like reality TV.
But I like The Amazing Race.
And it's all [someone]'s fault.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I have never done well with mornings. That made being a student tough. It made working morning shifts in TV tough. I'm simply not a morning person. Left on my own, my body will generally settle into a 2am to 10am sleep pattern. For whatever reason, my body wants to be awake until 2am. That was really tough before the advent of 24 hour cable TV networks, though in the Rapid City market, David Letterman came on at midnight while I was in high school.
It was never a question of when I went to bed, though, it was the getting up that was the hard part. Everybody handles waking up differently. For me, I set the alarm and when it goes off I get up. It's simple. I hate it but it's simple. I don't lay there for a couple of minutes, I don't use the 'snooze,' when that alarm goes off, I just get up and jump in the shower.
I have an added complication though. I have a completely unreliable alarm clock. It was a gift from my ex-wife from when we were dating. I don't hang onto it for any sentimental reasons, it's just that I rarely have to get up early for any reason. Rest assured that if I had any reason to consistently get up early that I'd have a new alarm clock. I've actually had my eye on an alarm that my iPod would fit in to. Having the option of listening to my iPod before I go to sleep without headphones is very appealing to me, though the "wake to iPod" option is less so. I need an annoying alarm, something that I can't ignore.
Since my current alarm is so unreliable, I find myself, when I need to use it, not sleeping well at all. I wake up every hour or so and look at the time to make sure I haven't overslept. This pretty much assures that I awake before my alarm even goes off. If I've set my alarm for 6am and I look at the clock and it's 5:45, I just get up. I figure that 15 more minutes of sleep isn't going to do me any good, that the extra time would be better served having a leisurely breakfast or getting some other sort of early start.
My ex-wife, who bought me my current alarm, had a completely different way of waking up. She hated an alarm, preferring to wake up to music. An alarm would actually make her a little angry. She would set the clock to go off 15 minutes or so before she wanted to get up and let music play until she decided to get out of bed. That would generally put me back to sleep. It put her back to sleep too sometimes, making her late for whatever it was she was doing that day. But being late for a scheduled appointment didn't bother her.
It bothers me. I'm on time for everything, actually, I'm almost always early. Part of that comes from years of working in television, where you're kind of ruled by the clock. I never go anywhere without wearing a watch, the clocks are all set to the same time in my apartment. The alarm clock isn't set 7 minutes earlier than the actual time, the clocks in the living room aren't set to yet a different time, creating defacto "time zones" in my own apartment. This happened when I was married, I had no control of the clocks, the only time I could trust was that which I could see on my wrist.
The ex-wife refused to wear a watch, set clocks to different times around the apartment, and wouldn't allow herself to be awakened by an alarm. Before we were married, she stayed at my place one night when I wasn't there. She didn't understand exactly how my alarm worked, mistakenly set it to wake her by the annoying alarm and then couldn't figure out how to make the alarm stop. Her solution? Unplug the clock. Now I think that's stupid, but I respect the resourcefulness. Her aim was to make the horrible buzzing stop and unplugging the clock did that.
But she was staying at the place of a person who's a little anal about time. She was at my place. She proudly told me how she'd made the alarm stop when I asked why my clock was unplugged. She hadn't bothered to plug it back in. She knew how I was about time but didn't bother to even attempt to make it right.
We had an argument.
For some reason, I still married her even though we were so fundamentally different.
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Clemens Files Defamation Lawsuit Against Steroids
NEW YORK—One month after his name appeared in the Mitchell Report, veteran Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens filed a defamation suit against performance-enhancing drugs in which he claimed that steroids are attempting to tarnish his career. "This is a textbook case of slander: If steroids had not injected themselves—maliciously and with premeditation—into Mr. Clemens' bloodstream on multiple occasions, people would not be accusing my client of taking steroids," Clemens' lawyer Rusty Hardin said in a statement released Tuesday. "We have waited 30 days for steroids to come forward and admit that they were never administered to Mr. Clemens with his consent, but they're not talking. Therefore, we have no choice but to take steroids to court." Clemens is scheduled to hold several private, closed-door meetings with steroids in the coming weeks before announcing he will return to baseball for one more season.
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Three Signs of a Miserable Job
By Tom Musbach, Yahoo! HotJobs:
"Awful," "dreary," and "miserable" are adjectives that many people use to describe their jobs at one time or another. Dissatisfaction on the job is common and often temporary. But not many people take time to analyze what makes a job miserable, and how to fix it.
Fortunately Patrick Lencioni has done much of that work in his book "The Three Signs of a Miserable Job."
The Three Signs
Lencioni identifies the three signs of job misery as anonymity, irrelevance, and "immeasurement."
Anonymity: Employees feel anonymous when their manager has little interest in them as people with unique lives, aspirations, and interests.
Irrelevance: This condition occurs when workers cannot see how their job makes a difference. "Every employee needs to know that the work they do impacts someone's life -- a customer, a coworker, even a supervisor -- in one way or another."
Immeasurement: This term describes the inability of employees to assess for themselves their contributions or success. As a result they often rely on the opinions of others -- usually the manager -- to measure their success.
It's like someone looked into my employment history and decided to write a book...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Things I Can't Do
So here's a couple of things I can't do:
I love blogging. I still do, but not as much as I used to. Why? Because it takes forever. I'm typing fine with my left hand right now, but but I'm hunting and pecking with my right because I don't have full control of my right side. I still have as much to say, it's just harder to say.
Oh, I could, I suppose, but by myself, I can't hold a pick long enough to finish a set. I still play guitar around my apartment, but doing it in front of people scares me. I don't want to have to explain myself, particularly when I wasn't a very good guitar player to begin with
I can't tell you how much I used to enjoy this and how much I miss it. I've never been an overly athletic person, my rides weren't strenuous, but very relaxed. I would take long rides, not measuring the miles, but the time out. Grab a lunch, eat it on the side of the trail. So pleasurable, so missed.
So if I can't ride my bike, maybe a ong drive would suffice. No chance. I drove down to Denver on Monday and I was so beat by the time I got to la Güera's. Long drives are hard on me. It's hard for me to drive the 5 hours to see my family.
Oh, I can stand, just not for long periods of time. And it's not the standing that I miss, it's the things I do in which I have to stand like cooking. I make a great fried rice, but it requires me to stand for the entire cooking process. Shopping, going to parties, meeting new people all require standing. And I can't do it.
I was in Denver on Monday for a job interview. I think I did well but at the end I shook hands with people. My handshake was that wussy handshake that I hate in other people. I never was that guy who challenged people with a handshake, but tried to offer a firm handshake. I now hate my handshake.
Not a comprehensive list by any means, just the things I could think of right now.
Labels: Mega-Bitch Wednesday
Report: Someone Totally Doing It Somewhere Right Now
CHICAGO—According to a groundbreaking new study published Monday in The Journal Of The American Statistical Association, somewhere on the planet someone is totally doing it at this very moment.
Scientists told reporters someone could be doing it right next door.
"Of the 6.7 billion inhabitants of Earth, approximately 3.5 billion have reached sexual maturity," said Dr. Jerome Carver, a mathematics professor at the University of Chicago and lead author of the study. "From a statistical perspective, it simply stands to reason that at least two of these inhabitants are totally going at it right now. Like, as we speak."In addition, the findings suggest that there is a "good, to very good" chance that someone is doing it close by.
"The nearer you get to major metropolitan areas, the more likely you are to be in proximity to those making it," said California Institute of Technology probability theorist Howard Bergsson, who contributed to the report. "For example, we're in Chicago, a city of three million people. Someone is probably doing it right down the street, or maybe even somewhere in this building."
"And even if they're not, you have to keep in mind that it's nighttime in England right now," Bergsson added. "So someone is, in all likelihood, doing it over there."
Though the evidence presented by the study appears to be irrefutable, it has already found its share of detractors within the scientific community.
"No way," said Dr. Lane Keilor, a professor of theoretical mathematics at the University of Rochester in New York. "Gross."
These are just highlights. Read the whole article.
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Check it out!
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
My appreciation of the game show format makes this even more enjoyable.
Cost of Coitus:
Male Monkeys Pay for Sex
From AFP/Google:PARIS (AFP) — Selling sex is said to be humankind's oldest profession but it may have deep evolutionary roots, according to a study into our primate cousins which found that male macaques pay for intercourse by using grooming as a currency.
Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore made the discovery in a 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, New Scientist reports on Saturday.
On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.
But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male -- and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.
"Hunky Monkey"? I bought a pint of that at the convenience store last night.
Market forces also acted on the value of the transaction.
If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically -- a male could "buy" a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.
But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered.
The work supports the theory that biological market forces can explain social behaviour, the British weekly says.
"There is a very well-known mix of economic and mating markets in the human species itself," said Ronald Noe of France's University of Strasbourg.
"There are many examples of rich old men getting young attractive ladies."
I'm not a social psychologist, an anthropologist, or even a macaque. I am a male, though, I even have a girlfriend. A girlfriend I do stuff for. Stuff that I don't expect sex in return for. I won't even comment on the "3.5 times per hour" statistic.
I do know a little bit about monkey socialization. I know that "grooming" is not done so much to clean the fur of other primates, but is more of a bonding activity. It's not specifically done male on female or vice versa, males also groom other males, females groom females.
I understand that it can be sexy to throw the prostitution angle into this story, but I really don't see that as being the crux of this story.
How about coming to the conclusion that female macaques who are properly socialized through grooming, who feel better about themselves and their place in the group are more likely to engage in sexual activity? Probably not as sexy, I probably wouldn't have read an article with a title indicating that. Which is probably my point.
I didn't read this study, I read a news article about the study. An internet news article like this is not written to unearth fact, it's written to attract readers who may click on a link on the same page that would take the reader to a page containing an advertisement for some product or service, earning AFP/Google a few cents.
"Hunky Monkey." You know you're not dealing with a scientist when you read that.
...will now insist that la Güera refer to him only as "hunky monkey"...
Friday, January 04, 2008
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
Thursday, January 03, 2008
My lucky underwear had an unblemished record in my relations with women until 13 months ago. Now, depending on how you look at it, they've had two failures in a row.
The thing is, I really don't believe that this pair of boxers with the vertical blue strips have any magical powers, any good things that happened to me while wearing them would have to be purely coincidental, wouldn't it?
But they had a proven and perfect track record on dates until December 2006. In something of a 'relationship,' I wore them on a 'date' and went home alone. There were extenuating circumstances, of course, the 'relationship' wasn't really much of a relationship, the 'date' as it turns out wasn't really much of a date. I can't hold a weird set of circumstances against the underwear, can I?
The next date was in June of this past year. Now we have to define what a 'successful' date would be. Remember that my lucky underwear achieved that status while I was in my twenties. My definition of a successful date was certainly different than it is today. By my original definition, my June date was not successful. La Guera agreed to see me again, though, so I guess the date would have to be considered successful, even if I talked too much and way too loud.
The other thing my lucky underwear have been good for is job interviews. While that record remains unblemished, they were worn for an employment decision recently, one that didn't work out quite so well. In short, my lucky underwear failed me. Granted, it wasn't a job interview, but it was an event that affected my employment.
Did I expect too much of my lucky underwear, throwing them into a situation that they'd had no experience in? Was taking them beyond the job interview just too much for them? Is the concept of 'lucky underwear' fundamentally flawed and don't we all make our own 'luck'? And what about our definition of 'success'?
Another situation is coming up, one in which I would normally go to those white boxers with the vertical blue stripes. Given recent events, should I go that route? Have I rung all of the luck out of that particular pair of boxers or is there one more bit of magic in them?
I don't know what I'll do, part of me doesn't believe in magic or luck. Part of me grasps for anything that will make me more comfortable, that will add to my confidence in a difficult situation.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
What is an Email?
At dinner there was some discussion about what an email is. Literally, it would be any electronic mail, no matter what the content. So, literally, spam would qualify as email. It's electronically generated, often sent to every possible email address. It's certainly not personal. I get stuff about AARP membership, about refinancing my mortgage or about how to make my 'johnson' longer. I'm not a senior, I don't own a home and my 'johnson' is just fine, thank you. None of that is for me. It's analogous to junk mail of the 'snail' variety.
Why do we get so much spam? I really haven't looked too much into it, but my guess would be that it costs virtually nothing to send millions of emails detailing the wonders of your product of business. Think about it, to do the same thing through the postal service would incur printing costs for the ad and would incur huge costs for postage. Email is so much more efficient, so efficient that as a spammer, you don't care if your message will be instantly deleted by 99% of the people who receive it.
We do the same thing with jokes or stupid photos we receive via email. You receive something via email, get a chuckle out of it and pass it on. Why do you pass it on? Because it doesn't cost you anything to do and requires very little effort on your part to do so.
You would never think of taking some of the postal junk mail you receive, placing it in an envelope, addressing it to a friend or loved one, applying proper postage and sending it on. You probably wouldn't do that with a joke a friend mailed to you using the good old US Mail. Both would take effort on your part and a minimum expenditure for postage. Let's face it, you probably wouldn't do it.
When someone forwards you a joke they received via email, does it qualify as email. I'm not talking literally anymore, I mean does it qualify as correspondence? Is there anything that sending a forwarded joke onto someone (or many people) you know (or don't know) provide a substitute for actual human contact?
I would say no. Forwarding something you received via email, something written by someone else, something that essentially took you absolutely NO effort to send on IN NO WAY provides a substitute for actually sending an email to someone you know and care about.
And a joke is one thing. Too many people get too much of their news from unsubstantiated internet sources. Too many people pass these things on as fact. Too many people don't check the validity of things they receive in email.
While driving past a Target store a few years ago, my father, a retired Air Force veteran remarked that he wouldn't shop at Target anymore because they didn't support veterans' causes. He went on to say that Target was owned by a French company and that was why they wouldn't support US veterans.
I immediately knew this wasn't right. I had lived in the Minneapolis area and new that the Dayton/Target/Hudson corporation is not French owned, but a Minnesota company. I asked my father where he got this information and he said he had gotten it from a friend in the email. This friend sends him around 50 pieces of crap every week (I'm guessing, I haven't really counted, but it seems like a lot) that he forwards from other people.
So I did a little checking on my own. I encourage you to read the Snopes.com piece (Snopes is a GREAT resource for this kind of thing). It was simply a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding that the man who made the initial claim has since tried to clear up. But it made it to the 'net, has been embelished and continues to exist even though there is very little basis in fact.
Here's what I do and I encourage everyone else to do. When I receive crap like this in my email, I check it out at Snopes.com. If I find the email to be false or misleading, I send and email to everyone that it was sent to, informing them of this, include the Snopes link and ask that everyone send the correct information to anyone they forwarded the false information to. I also ask that the person who forwarded the crap to me to send the information back to the person they received it from.
It takes no more effort to pass on the truth than it does to pass on this often hurtful lies. I use this case as simply an example, we all know that other untrue crap is passed on, that too many people accept the untrue as fact.
Sadly, no one seems to do this. Sadly, I still get this shit in my inbox. It doesn't have to be like this. We can get to the truth, we can use the internet, we can use our email for good.
Let's do it.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Exciting Search Engine Hit!
I found out, accidentally, that if I used the name of an attractive woman in a post and used the word "nude" in the same post, that I would get hit from men (I'm assuming) looking for nude photos of that attractive woman.
I began to wonder how far this would go. So on April 1st,2006, I made a post called Abe Vigoda Nude!. Not surprisingly, I didn't receive any search engine hits from people looking for nude photos of the star of Barney Miller and Fish.
At 2:45 AM this morning, I received a hit from Budapest, Hungary. It was directed from Google, using the keywords Abe Vigoda nude. The odd thing here is that my post is not the #1 site for these keywords. Still,I'm just really happy to get such an odd hit.
Happy New Year from all of us here atThe Globex Corporation.