Monday, October 31, 2005


Wall Drug / In My Hand

Free Ice Water! What a Marketing Strategy!
All weekend long I was putting the finishing touches on a couple of songs. Today I've been trying to learn them, since I hate having to read anything while I'm playing. I mean, come on, I'm already playing, you mean you want me to read to? I like to commit them to memory because you never know when you're going to forget to take the lyrics to something somewhere that you'd need them.

Sometimes it's good for me to write something down to help me remember it. Hell, I've got one of these blog thingies, I can write the lyrics down here. I won't put the guitar chords down, not that I'm afraid someone would steal them and make themselves millions of dollars on something I wrote, but if someone does try to steal this and make millions of dollars off of it, one of the things they'll need to do is be a little more creative with music anyway. So if you steal it, do something better musically than I do. That would make me happy.


You say we're in a rut
And you're always complainin'
That I never take you anywhere
But I know a place
A short drive from here
Where we can party like we just don't care
I-90 East, get off on exit 110
You know I done it before
It's time to do it again
Let's go to

Wall Drug Baby
Get in that car come along with me
Wall Drug Baby
You know the Ice Water's always free
My family used to stop there all of the time
Besides the price of gas it won't cost us a dime
Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby
Come on pretty baby and take my hand
We'll shake our booties to the animated cowboy band
Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby

I see that lok on your face
It's a scowl not a frown
And you haven't even said a peep
You're havin' second thoughts about me
And you're thinkin' 'bout a man
Who isn't quite so cheap
But if you're headed east
And you wanna have fun
And you need a plce to stop
Well there ain't more than one
It's only

Wall Drug Baby
Don't look at me like I'm a dope
Wall Drug Baby
So you can finally see a jack-a-lope
I see your face turnin' that reddish hue
But tonight we're doin'g somethin' that I wanna do
Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby
I'll even spring for the apple pie ala mode
I read about it on a sign by the side of the road
Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby

(Spoken) Look at all this fine stuff here, baby! All these post cards, let’s send one to your mamma. We’re at Wall Drug, wish you were here. Won’t she be jealous! Wall Drug, baby, the world’s most famous drug store. I’ll take your picture on that big ol’ jack-a-lope out back and then will get some of that fine nickle coffee. We’ll tell ‘em we’re pheasant hunters or a missile crew or somethin’. It’ll be fun. And remember, there’s an actual operating pharmacy here, I can even re-fill my Zoloft prescription. I’m starting to crash a little bit here, so that might not be such a bad idea. We’ll even get one of those bumper stickers for the car. Then everyone will know we’ve been to:

Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby
Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby

Don't know what I was think'
Drivin' all the way to Wall
Just to visit some tourist trap
It's just a stupid litte drug store
In a silly little town
and they filled it up with crap
But those billboards on the hiway
Made the place look so great
And in truth I hadn't been there
Since I was seven or eight

No more Wall Drug Baby
No I'll never make you do that again
No more Wall Drug Baby
'Cuz I'd like to keep you as a friend
You don't have to get angry
No you don't have to pout
I got a better idea for our
Next weekend out
No more Wall Drug Baby, Wall Drug Baby
Don't feel down trodded
Don't look so forlorn
We'll see the world's largest building
That's all covered in corn
It's the Corn Palace Baby, Corn Palace Baby
Corn Palace Baby
No more Wall Drug Baby

Next I wrote sort of a love song. This is somewhat serious as I've never been in a relationship with anyone who thought there wasn't something she could do to herself to make herself more attractive to me. I've always thought that was silly, even though my track record won't show it, once I settle into a relationship, I'm in it for the long haul. That's part of the problem I suppose, I get too comfortable and start to take women for granted, but still, I'm not really into the superficial things. Well, not many superficial things. This came from one conversation with 5-55 and a whole lot of conversations with my ex-wife.

In My Hand

You ask how much I love you
I just don't know how to say
That in truth I love you more and more
With every passing day
You ask what kind of girl I like
I think the answer's plain to see
My favorite kind
Is ling right here next to me

You ask me my opinion
Of the color of your hair
It just don't mean that much to me
To tell the truth I just don't care
When it comes to the color of your hair
I'll admit it don't mean a lot
My favorite color
Is the color that you've got

Straight or curly, long or short
Flowin' free or underneath a hat
I just don't mean that much to me
My love just don't depend on that
It's the high I feel when I'm with you
And the low when we're apart
It's not the way you look
It's what you've got inside your heart

(harmonica solo)

You say you've got one more question
And then you'll send me on my way
You ask what kind of boobs I like
You wonder 'bout it every day
Well the small ones are nice
And the big ones I know
Are always in demand
But my favorite kind
Are the ones that're in my hand

But I like your sister's too.....

It's been a while since I've written something that's likely to get me slapped. It's Bitch all over again.


Talkin' 'bout Poker on Positive Monday

About a month ago, Monday became Positive Day, which for the sake of continuity I will now refer to as Positive Monday. As a result of having to keep my generally overwhelming negative attitude in check for one entire day, Tuesdays became Mega-Bitch Tuesdays. While I don't generally like to constrain myself with categories, I'm thinking that I'll make Wednesdays Recipe Wednesdays. Maybe I'll be less specific and make it Do It Yourself Wednesdays. While I like cooking, there are a lot of other things I do for myself that might be interesting and silly to spring on those 3 or 4 people who actually read this.

A whole lot of years ago, so long ago that I was actually married, while I was working in Sioux Falls at the third place TV station in a three station market, we started a little bi-weekly poker game. It was every other Monday since at our station we got paid every other Friday. We played for real money in that you could actually buy stuff with any money you won. We played for nickles, dimes and quarters, with a 25 cent maximum bet and a two raise max. At that, it meant losing $10 in an evening was a real trouncing. But we could all afford $10 every other week and frankly, there were many weeks when I drank more than $10 worth of booze.

We played dealer's choice, meaning that when the deal came around to you, you got to pick the game. We were all pretty adventurous so the games got pretty wild. We generally had too many wild cards for my taste, but I learned a lot of different type of games. While I really enjoy the popularity that poker has acheived in the last couple of years, all you ever see on TV is Texas Hold 'em. Now Hold 'em is a really great game and truthfully I love playing it, but it's been years since I played Hi-Lo Chicago or Seven Card Stud - Low Spade in the Hole Gets Half the Pot.

That Monday night poker game grew a little bit, one of the guys in the game had a roomate who worked at one of the other stations in town. A couple of other guys from that station started dropping in on the game. Some guys from the paper (not "ThePaper") started playing with us. If something went down in the media in Sioux Falls, we pretty much knew about it at that game. Yeah, we played for money, but it was more an excuse to sit around, drink beer and talk about whatever until three in the morning.

At my next job, I tried to get a game going. Eventually, about the time I was leaving, we got a little game going. This was an interesting game because we played it in the facility we worked in. The on-air operator played both times we had the game, monitoring the signal on a TV in the corner, often running out of the room excitedly to actually do his job. Fun stuff.

Another difference, the Sioux Falls game was all tech types, I think a couple of reporters may have played from time to time, but generally it was just us low paid employees. At this game, the sports anchor played. This station was even more screwed up in the way they paid their tech people, so this guy made a whole lot more money than us. He thought our 25 cent limit was silly and kept trying to bet more than our maximum. We were playing a weird game that required best hand plus low spade to win the pot. If these conditions weren't met, everyone had to re-ante and we started over. This game went on a long time, the sports anchor kept trying to up the bet. Finally I said fine, bet whatever you want, but no complaining when you lose. A couple more hands went by, there was quite a bit of money in the pot, I had the deuce of spades and three of a kind, I pused in all of the remaining money I had, probably not more than $10, but the way we normally played, that was a lot of money. The sports anchor (I'd like to use his name, he was such an asshole, but you'll notice than I also didn't name the station, don't want to get anyone in any trouble) matched my bet, figuring I was trying to buy the pot. The rest of the techies folded, I showed my cards and raked in the cash. The game broke up after that, I had already accepted a different job and moved two days later. In what was supposed to be a 25 cent maximum bet day, I left about $60 ahead. I got the guy I wanted to get, too, so it was a good night.

I play in a game now that isn't for any money, just bragging rights for one week. I have a whole lot more fun at this game and it's easily the most "professional" game I've ever played in, TSA's homemade poker table and high quality chips really adding to my enjoyment of the game. The homebrew doesn't hurt either. We play Hold 'em which I'm finding I enjoy more than I thought I would. Playing a no-limit version makes the game a lot more interesting, something we probably wouldn't do if we were playing for real money. My Saturday nights have probably become the highlight of my week.

It's the highlight of my week even if I have been knocked out first the past two weeks. I will point out that the 3 weeks before that I made it to the final pair, so apparently I do know how to play the game. This weeks final was CCG and TIM (still his actual name). For the second week in a row, the final pair were people who sleep in the same bed (I'm assuming here anyway) which does make the dynamic a little different. It was TIM going home with all of the fake money, both pretty even in chips, both with decent hands. And it was getting pretty late....


Friday, October 28, 2005


Songwriting Attempts & Baseless Threats

Corey Haim Sucks! Feldman Rules!!!!!!
I'll have to do some research on this, but I may have just written the first song in the history of music based on a pie chart. In reality since the pie chart was based on an off the cuff remark I made to an old (older than me, even) girlfriend during a conversation, you could say it was based on that conversation. There's also a number of conversations with the ex-wife portrayed in the song. Still, it's much cooler to say that the song was based on a pie chart. You gotta have cool things to say about a song before you play it.

For example, I always say that Two Condoms is a true story. It is in that I once had a really skanky girlfriend, but in truth, I've never worn two condoms at once. The "don't know where you been or what diseases you got" line is completely true, so is the next line but I won't repeat it here. I'm not even going to touch the "fourteen items or less" line, and for your own safety, neither should you. Actually, I read that wearing two condoms at once is hard on the condom and is particularly unsafe, so kids, don't try this at home.

I'm currently working on another song about taking a woman on a date to Wall Drug. I like what I've got so far, but that's no guarentee that I'll finish it. I got a really good start on a song I called Stone Age Man in a Polymer World. I wrote a verse and a half plus a chorus but it never went anywhere after that. I actually played what I had finished in public once, on guitar even, and it seemed to go over pretty well. I always think I should go back to that one but then something cool comes on TV.

The Wall Drug song seems be pretty cool though. It even has a 'hooky' kind of thing in it. God help me, but I've never written a hook before and I may have just fallen into this one. The idea of the song is suggesting to a woman that Wall Drug might be a cool place to go in the first verse, convincing her in the second verse, apologizing for taking her there in the final verse. I may have to head out to Wall some time soon ("I-90 East get off at exit 110 you know I done it before it's time to do it again....") since I haven't been to the world's most famous drug store since I was a kid. Research, you understand. Ooh! I could wrtie it off on my taxes! Buy a year's supply of jack-a-lope postcards and everything!

Special note to TSA, there will be retaliation. I'm not talking about your half-hearted (though hilarious) attempt to spam the comments here at the Globex Corporation Newsletter, I'm talking your latest post on BOJ News Service (oddly enough, no link provided). I do thank you for the good taste of not using a picture of me with a beard. Go ahead, take the finest acheivement of my life, the only goal I've ever had in my life and use it to mock me.

Feldman Rules!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 27, 2005


"But I Love Spam"

"...the key is there to open the tin...
...the tin is there to hold the Spam in...."
I'm a big fan of Spam. That is Spam, America's Favorite Luncheon Meat. The Other Spam? Well, truthfully, I could care less. To a certain degree I enjoy that both this site and BOJ News Service get spammed occasionally in the comments section. I mind it more when it's in my email in box. On the blog, though, what do I care. I think it's funny. Often I like to respond to the spammers. Yeah, I know they're not actually comming to the site and checking out content, so yes, I realize that the responses I leave will never be read by the spammer. Still, it's fun for me, and for me anyway, that's what blogging is all about.

The term Spam, as related to electronic junk mail, has always bothered me. I think it brings the good name of Spam, the luncheon meat, down a peg. Even tough I don't mind electronic Spam, it's not nearly as enjoyable as a fine breakfast of Spam & Eggs. Ooh, also if you cut it the long way, sort of like a patty, and fry it up it's really good on a hamburger bun. One time I diced some up and stired it into some homemade macaroni and cheese. Fantastic! Yeah, all kinds of stuff you can do with Spam, the luncheon meat. There's only one thing to do with electronic Spam, toss it. That's right, one click of the mouse and it's gone forever. That's not even enough effort to work off the calories contained in one tin of Spam.

If I wanted to, I could eliminate(?) Spam from my blogs. Good friend TSA has added 'word verification' to the comments secont of his blog, First Cause. That prevents computer generated spammers from hitting his blog. This is completely a secret, and don't tell anyone, especially TSA, but a log of the Spam he gets on his blog is really from me. I think Spam is funny as hell when used properly. I've even spammed my own blog. I know everyone doesn't like it as much as me, but what the hell. I think it's funny, and isn't that was commenting is all about anyway, making me laugh?


Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Confessions of a Frustrated Guitar Player

A full case for the harp player on the go!
First of all, I've been blessed to be associated with some pretty good guitar players. That's not the way I planned it, though. You see, I used to think I could play guitar. Once I started playing in public, I realized that pretty much everyone who had ever picked up a guitar was better than me. I could do what I do, and it still amazes me that on occasion (that goofy open mic in Piedmont, for example) an audience has found me somewhat compelling on guitar. Well, guitar and harmonica though occasionally that becomes guitar and kazoo.

It's the harmonica that people first noticed me for. I don't think it was because I was that good, but I played it in a band that used it in a completely different way. I play a little differently than most people do, too. Even though I started out listening to blues and wanting to play like Little Walter or Sonny Boy Williamson, I developed my own style that was completely different.

As time went on, I stopped even bothering to take my guitar to open mics. I used a canvas bag to put my harps and accesories in. The bad thing about that bag was that sometimes a harp would get lost in there in a tangle of cords and the like. I'm a pretty organized person, so when I coudn't find the harp I was looking for, it was really frustrating for me. I needed another option for transporting my harmonicas.

At the same time, I had put lots of cool stickers on my guitar case. Most of them were ones I made myself, just stupid stuf like me with Nick Nolte coming out of a bar or band logos that I made. Since I never took my guitar out of the house, nobody ever got to see my cool work (pre BOJ News Service anyway).

Two problems usually lead to one solution, and I decided to turn my seldom used guitar case into a harmonica case. I tell people that I did it because I want to look cool like a guitar player, and that's true to a degree, but it has turned out to be really convenient. I simply took some foam and cut it to the shape of the inside of the case, then cut out space for different stuff to fit into. Since harp boxes are labelled with the key on one end, I put them into spaces end-wise (assuming that's a word) which takes up less space and makes it easy to pick the correct harp. The green bullet microphone now has a home that keeps the cord from becoming a tangled mess every week. And of course there room for my Kevin Smith autographed "Buddy Christ" from the movie Dogma, a must for anyone who plays Plastic Jesus, a gift from my good friend MonyP (you can't be my friend if you don't have a blog-tastic nickname, well, you can be my friend, but I won't reference you in the blog).

Now I'm looking for a way to make the case stand, tilted back slightly so I can see everything in the case at a moments notice. I'm also looking into using a stiffer foam as the current foam is tearing a little bit, the Suzuki Bb harp is usually found anywhere but in its slot after transportation to a gig. Those things aside, I love this case. Not only is it ridiculously functional, but it's fun and people always comment on it.

And once I'm famous (or, more famous - I'm so deluded......) I'll be able to sell my own line of BOJ Harp Cases and become wealthier than my wildest dreams. Then global domination will be only weeks away.....


Tuesday, October 25, 2005


It Is Supposed to be Mega-Bitch Tuesday

Thanks That One Gal, I nearly forgot that as Monday is Positive Day, Tuesday is Mega-Bitch Tuesday. I didn't actually promise that I'd have a Mega-Bitch Tuesday, but I figured that Positive Day would sort of create it's own antithesis (Bonus Vocabulary Score! I'll be sure to win this year's "Blogger's Open" with big words like that!). I wrote the Rosa Parks/Tom DeLay piece because that mugshot of Rosa just hit me in a strange way when I saw it. I looked at it a long time and realized that I had something to write about it. I wasn't thinking Mega-Bitch Tuesday or anything of the like, just thinking. And with that, off with the bitching!

I was up really late one Sunday night, just flipping around the channels when I really shoulld have been in bed. I came upon a disclaimer before a TV program. I've written before about disclaimers, "flags" as we called them when I used ot work in TV. Generally I don't like flags, I don't think they do any good. Particulary, the FCC has made it mandatory that all programs have a rating that airs during the first 15 seconds of the show. Those are the little black squares with white letters that say things like "TVG" or "TV13" or even "TVMA." If you're going to make TV outlets display ratings in that fashion, I think a traditional flag is redundant. Why run a content flag when the same information is going to be displayed a few seconds later.

So I see this content flag late Sunday night: "WARNING! THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS SCENES WHICH MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME VIEWERS. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED." I don't know, sometimes a content flag seems kind of like a dare. Now way is any TV show going to gross me out, man! So I watched, just to see what the fuss was about. I'll tell you what the program was about, not that it really means anything. It was about that guy down in Valentine Nebraska who gained so much weight that he had to be cut out of his house and driven by ambulance to Sioux Falls to have surgery to simply keep him alive. I don't know, not much in that program was going to be disturbing to me, I actually watched for quite a long time and found it rather interesting. I didn't find anything about the program disturbing.

Except for maybe one thing. Immediatley after the flag, the programs rating came up. It was rated "TVG." For those of you who aren't hip to the whole TV ratings thing, TVG is the equivalent of the MPAA's G rating, meaning it's suitable for all audiences. So why the flag? It's suitable for all viewers, but may be disturbing to some viewers. What the hell does that mean? Were the good folks at Discovery Channel just trying to confuse thier general viewership?

I think that Discovery wanted to attract viewrs like me, viewers who were looking to be dared. I'll admit it, I wouldn't have started watching that program if it weren't for the content flag. That I found the show interesting in irrelevant to my argument. They are deliberately misusing a tool that is supposed to help parents decide what is OK for their kids to watch. Misusing it to attract viewers. That's pretty damn low.

On a bitch related note, The Globex Corporation Newsletter has now been blocked by management at DirecTV. If you work for DirecTV, you aren't reading this. I wonder why that is? I mean, there's nothing that can be downloaded from this site that would harm their precious network. Could it be that I'm a digruntled former employee who occasionally airs his feelings about the management there? You're the ones that hired someone who didn't know what a satellite was, I just let the world know about it. Geez, now I'm the bad guy.....



Two Mugshots

Tom DeLay - 2005

Rosa Parks - 1955
Rosa Parks died yesterday. In 1955, she refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man and was arrested. As much as anything, that one act of "civil disobediance" sparked the civil rights movement in this country. I saw her mugshot for the first time today and it made me stop and think. Look at her face, if anything she looks embarassed. Rosa Parks grew up in a country of laws, even if the laws were biased against people who shared her skin color. Being charged with a crime, as unjust as she thought it was, was not a joke to Rosa Parks.

The other mugshot is of Tom DeLay, former House majority leader. 'Former' because GOP rules state that any member can no longer hold a leadership position when charged with a crime. 'Former' because Tom DeLay has been charged with money laundering and conspiracy. Like Rosa Parks, Tom DeLay doesn't think he's done anything wrong, that shows a little more in his mugshot than it does in Parks'.

I've often expressed my admiration of how the Republicans handle the media. This is a fantastic example of that. Had DeLay taken the 'normal' mugshot (think Nick Nolte - my favorite mugshot of all time), it could have been used by the opposition. A smiling Tom DeLay, well dressed, photo devoid of any jailhouse references make that difficult for the Dems. In short, it's amazing handling of the media by the GOP. Don't get me wrong, I simply admire the media handling, I don't admire the man or the crimes he's accused of.

That said, I look at two mugshots. I see one where a woman was charged the crime of not giving up her seat on a bus to a white man - she looks embarassed but there is a defience there, a realization that she didn't do anything wrong whether she broke the law or not. I see another where a man is charged with two crimes, the types of crimes you read about in a Mario Puzo novel, but to him it's just a big freaking joke. It's an event to be handled by the GOP media machine, and I'm sure he was briefed on how to look and act and what to say before he set foot in the courthouse. I doubt Rosa Parks had 'media handlers' to help her prepare for her mugshot.

The fact of the matter is that one of these mugshots is real and the other is 100% fabrication other than the fact that the man in it is the one who has been charged with two crimes. Talk to some and they will say that the charges against Tom DeLay are as unjust as that against Rosa Parks. Fair enough, I'm not a judge and it's not for me to say. A judge will decide the matter, once Tom DeLay finds one who isn't too much of a Democrat.

All day long, I show two.....

Monday, October 24, 2005


A Positive Day Reference to Pat Robertson

The Strip Non Sequiter from 24 October 2005
I'm just glad someone out there thinks Pat Robertson is as big a joke as I do. It being Positive Day as it is, I'm unable to comment more.



Talkin' 'bout the Whores on Positive Day

Life is truly great. I absolutely mean it, and not only if you're a friend of the President and can get nominated for any job opening in the government, regardless of your qualifications. No, I mean I'm enoying my time on this planet watching everything that goes on, sometimes commenting on it, most of the time just keeping my mouth shut and taking it all in.

Think about the Minnesota Vikings, for example, and their nice guy coach Mike Tice. Here's a team that has played two good halves of football this year in 6 games. They had a good half of football against the New Orleans Saints back in September and held on to win after going flat in the second half. Then yesterday they stunk up the Metrodome in the first half, spotting Green Bay a 17 point halftime lead. The Vikings played inspired football in the second half and won the game on a last second Paul Edinger field goal, the longest in franchise history. So they've played two good halves of football out of twelve halves this season. You may have noticed my love of graphs, and I probably should have graphed this out, but that means the Vikings have played good football one sixth of the time this year, just 16.7% of the time they've played winning football.

So the Vikings play crappy 83.3% of the time while they're on the field. Recent reports indicate the Vikings may be bad a greater percentage of the time when they're off the field. It seems that the Vikings like the whores. They brought a bunch of them along on a little cruise they took on Lake Minnetonka a couple of weeks ago. They didn't even have the common decency to use local whores, but flew in out-of-state whores to take part in the fun. They had their fun with their whores in full view of other passengers and crew members on the boat.

All of this hardly sounds like Positive Day fare, but I'm getting there. The Vikings are generally bad on the field, and generally bad off the field. By all accounts, this should be a season that the Vikings should want to forget, but look at the NFC North Division standings this morning:

Chicago Bears..................3-3
Detroit Lions...................3-3
Minnesota Vikings............2-4
Green Bay Packers............1-5

So I say good for the Vikings. The season should be completely lost, but they're only one game out of first place in the NFC North. This is a fun division to watch because every team is incredibly flawed, but the rules are the rules, and one of these four teams is going to make the playoffs. They may do it with a losing or .500 record, but one of them will still be playing at the end of December.

The Vikings are completely disfunctional, the Bears have a rookie quarterback who wasn't that good in college, the Lions have tons of talent on offense but not so much of defense, the Packers can't keep anyone healthy. This is going to be a lot of fun to just sit back and see what developes. Green Bay, with Brett Favre, who has, at times this year looke Brett Favre-like is only two games out of this. Yep, this is going to be fun!


Sunday, October 23, 2005


Worst Poker Game Ever

Margin of Error is a tricky thing......
OK, not the worst game ever, but definitely not my best. It looked like it was going to be another good poker night for that card sharp hombre' who goes by the name of BOJ. I took unrelated David for a big score on the first hand. I won the second hand as well. I don't think I won another hand all night which may have been due to homebrew and Jaegermeister, but it's difficult to say. I didn't have (and I'm not sure exactly how to spell this) squaduche for cards the rest of the night and even though I'd built myself a nice little lead after two hands, I was quite able to piss it away at an alarming rate.

It was a husband and wife final, with related David and his wife Andrea playing heads up. Andrea, flying high on painkillers and Mike's Hard Lemonade took David in relatively short order. I guess my homebrew and Jaegermeister defense no longer holds any water. For that matter, neither could I after an evening of homebrew and Jaegermeister. The body's an amazing thing, though, as it took the good things out of those two delicious beverages and disposed of the water in due course.

A little Beavis and Butthead and Rocko's Modern Life rounded out the evening nicely. I see the MTV2 is now running shows instead of music videos just like all other MTV networks. Everything they touch turns to crap. I didn't stick around for any episodes of Pimp My Ride or -insert name of stupid reality show here- and got myself home in short order.

Broncos at Giants in about 2 hours, so the phone will be coming off of the hook.


Saturday, October 22, 2005


Listening to Sue's album "Ten Days in November" before poker and thinking how much I enjoy that album and her music in general. Just to make everything clear here, I really like her music, but part of the reason I like her so much is that she's a babe. I'm a lot more shallow than I let on.....



Friday, October 21, 2005


Deadbeat Blogger Returns

Stop reading my stupid blog right now and head over
to The Onion. I'm not kidding!
Damn, I am not a morning person. I don't deal with mornings well, primarily because everything I want to be doing happens late at night. Not even that late at night. If I'm teaching, getting up after attending an open mic that runs all the way until 10pm seems like it will kill me. That's why God created caffeine, I guess, and lord knows I drink more than my share of caffinated beverages, even on days when I don't get up early.

When I used to live in Forest City Iowa (population 5,000) a good time for me was to head over to Mason City Iowa (population 35,000) because they had at least a few of the ammenities that we didn't have in that there town where they build all of the Winnebagos. They had stores tat stayed open past 10pm, a cigar shop, a liquor store and more than two bars (damn Baptists on the Forest City city council, anyway). The also had a Hy-Vee grocery store. If I was over there during the day, I'd shop at the Hy-Vee as they had a few items that our local grocery store didn't carry, and you could buy hard liquor there. So I was shopping at the Hy-Vee one day before work (second shift, 6pm to 2am) and I saw chocolate covered coffee beans. How cool. I'd heard about them but since I'd lived in Vermillion South Dakota (population10,000) before then I'd never seen them where I could purchase them. I picked up a package and finished up my shopping. Having a half hour drive home, I bought a Diet Pepsi for the road.

When I got to the car I opened the Pepsi. A few minutes later I grabbed the chocolate covered coffee beans. I tried one and it was really good. No, it was great. I had another, and another, and another. I washed it down with a big gulp of Pepsi. These were fan-freakin'-tastic! I held the bag up to my mouth and tipped about 6 into my mouth. Amazing! I love these things!

About that time I looked at my speedometer. I was doing 90 on some back road between Forest City and Mason City. I was awestruck, not so much that I was travelling 90 miles per hour (and my Mercury Tracer wouldn't go much faster than that), but that I seemed to be just crawling along. I seriously wanted to get out of the car and push it home, just to make it go faster. I decided better and put the rest of the beans away.

I got home and cooked supper, watched Jeopardy! and an episode of The Simpsons and got ready for work. I was still craving, so I pulled out the beans again. The drive to work usually took about 10 minutes, I probably got there in five. Everyone at work wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't get it, I felt better than I ever had in my life. Got a ton of work done, too, mine and everyone else's. In 15 minutes. It was great!

I've only had the chocolate covered coffee beans once since. The effect wasn't even close to the same. I was covering for an employee, he wanted a Friday evening off, being the fantastic, caring, anything for my troops guy I was as supervisor, I worked his sign-off shift even though I had worked sign-on that morning. I grabbed some beans at the FTC on West Omaha (it's now a Baptist church, oh those nutty Baptists!). While the beans didn't amp me up to a ridiculous degree, they did keep me awake when I just wanted to crawl into a corner and sleep, NBC's Friday Night Videos be damned!

I see them every week at Dunn Bros. The ones they sell there have an additonal candy coating like M&M's. Seems excessive to me. Haven't bought a pack, but it might be fun if I did that before we played some time. I tend to play everything too fast anyway. That might be a cool effect!


Wednesday, October 19, 2005


This Should Have Been My Positive Day Post

The next Mrs. "Blind Orange" Julius? I could only be so lucky.....
If you've heard of Sue Foley, it was more than likely from me. I only found out about her by accident when I received an Antone's Records sampler CD with my subscription to Blues Review magazine. There's was a lot of cool music on that CD, great stuff by Lewis Cowdrey, Doug Sahm and Candy Kayne, but it was Sue Foley's cover of Muddy Waters' Give Me Time that really caught my attention. Muddy Waters always has this bravado in his music, he always cultured the image of some sort of delta super-stud in his music. Sue's cover of Muddy's song was completely different. I always describe her as having a "little girl" voice. I'm sure it puts some people off, to me, it's sexy as hell. And on a song like Give Me Time it turns the whole attitude of the song on it's head.

So I became a Sue Foley devotee. As much as I enjoy her singing, it's her guitar playing that makes her special. As much as I enjoy her singing, I actually enjoy her instrumentals even more. Unlike her cover of Muddy Waters' Give Me Time, when Sue covers an instrumental by the likes of Earl Hooker of LIghtnin' Hopkins, it's in the same "ballsy" style. Close your eyes when you hear her play and you'd swear it was Earl Hooker on stage.

I try not to close my eyes when I'm around Sue Foley, however. It's not only her voice that I find sexy. For me she's the total package, she sings, plays guitar and is a tireless support of the blues, particularly women in the blues, a subject that's always been pretty close to my heart. In my opinion, Sue Foley should be mentioned with the great blues women of all time, Big Mama Thorton, Ma Rainey, Koko Taylor, Bessie Smith, Lucille Bogan and the rest. If you don't know those names, check them all out (particularly the last one, some of the raunchiest music ever put on vinyl!). Women have always had a different take on the blues than men, one I've always really enjoyed.


Monday, October 17, 2005


Mike Tice: The Positive Day Edition

Mike Tice: I bet he's a heck of a guy.....
It's gotta be a tough job, coach of the Minnesota Vikings mired in a 1-4 start to the 2005 season, no trace of the great offense the team's had over the past few seasons, the imporovements to the defense not working out as planned. On top of all of that, Mike Tice is the lowest paid head coach in the NFL. He probably makes more money in a season than I have in my entire life, but still, aren't we all being a little rough on him?

By all accounts, Mike Tice is a remarkably nice man. I saw a neat little show on the NFL Channel about how he befriended some midget who he went to grade school with or something. I don't really remember, I was sort of in and out on that, there was a really riviting game of Lingo on Game Show Network at the same time. And by riviting, I mean one of the female contestants was wearing something pretty low cut and every time they solved a puzzle, she would have to reach way down to pick one of the numbered Lingo balls out of the hopper nearly revealing .... well, that's besides the point. Between my lecherous little glimpses I saw evidence that Mike Tice might be a sort of nice guy I guess.

They say Tice is a "player's coach." It's hard to decide exactly what that means. I guess, from the reports that came out last week, he pretty much lets the players get away with whatever they want to. I'm always a little leary when students say they like me. When you're a sub, you don't want students to like you too much. If they like you too much, you're probably not doing your job right. Tom Coughlin, that's who the Vikings need. Coughlin would never be called a "player's coach," last year he fined a player for not being early enough to a meeting. The Vikings probably could have had Coughlin a couple of years ago, but Coughlin is busy coaching a contending New York Giants team right now and is no longer available.

Another good thing about Mike Tice is he seems to be really good at motivating a team for about half of a season. The last half of 2002 and the first half of the 2003 and 2004 seasons have been really great for the Vikings. In fact, there may be no better "half-season" coach in NFL history. Yep really great for half a season. This being Positive Day I won't say how any of those seasons turned out. It would be unfair of me to talk about how the Vikings simply needed to win their last game of the 2003 and 2004 seasons to simply get into the playoffs. It would be even more unfair to mention what they did in those two games. Unfair because they had such a great start those two years. Put the first half of 2003 and the first half of 2004 together and you got yourself a hell of a season. It's unfair to such a nice man as Tice that we can't re-work the way time operates so that he could have one great season. Yep, nice guy that Mike Tice.

Other good things about Mike Tice ..... uh ....... let's see ..... oh, here's one, he seems to have really nice posture. Yep, you won't see Mike Tice slouching on the sidelines when Daunte Culpepper throws an interception or there's another illegal procedure penalty, nope, he's standing tall and proud. Always seems to be clean shaven on game day, too. That's a plus, we seem to get an inordinate number of close-ups of Tice scowling. That jaw jutting out looks imposing, too. It makes him look like a coach, like a good, tough coach who doesn't take any crap from his players, who rules his team with an iron fist. Yep, at times he looks like someone who might actually be competent in his chosen profession.

Because of that, I guess, he has a job. Yeah, life must be pretty sweet for Mike Tice.


Sunday, October 16, 2005


Greatest Poker Game Ever

Charts and Graphs on The Globex Coporation Newsletter are
laboriously researched. Errors will, however, occasionally
rear their ugly head. For topical use only, please consult a
physician if conditions persist for longer than 8 days.....
That's right, somehow I won the big formerly offical poker game of The Globex Corporation Newsletter at Casino de la TSA last night. And once again it was TSA and myself in the final. While I'd like to credit my fantastic poker skill for my win, the attending graphic will provide a much more accurate view of what actually happened.

Actually, it was a heck of a comeback by me, if I do say so myself. I was forced "all in" a couple of times, once catching the winning card on the river, another time having a slightly better card than my opponent. Knocking non-related David (one of the Dave's I know) out with a strong hand gave me a comperable stack to TSA. Play was far to tentative after that, though TSA didn't really have the cards to make a move. I did, but simply didn't make a big move. After the blinds raised to an unprecedented 800/1600, it only took one more card and the lateness of the evening to bring things to a head. In truth, TSA tired of the whole deal and pushed "all in" when I had a pretty good hand. My play in heads up shouldn't be rewarded, but I'll take a win any time I can get one.

It was a fine capper to a week that included horrible illness and 3 days with sixh graders. I'll leave it to you, the reader, to decide which was a bigger source of stress in my life. In truth, I enjoyed my days teaching sixth grade science, talking about plate techtonics and earthquakes on a level that even I could understand. And while the kids behaved like sixth graders, I'm developiing greater patience and have found myself able to deal with that age group better than I ever thought I could.

It's off to practice with Mike some this afternoon. Since I wasted most of the morning making silly graphs, I guess I had better jump in the shower and get ready for practice. The Broncos are the early game and maybe I can catch the first 45 minutes of the game before I have to go.


Friday, October 14, 2005


ACLU Goes to Hell

The truth is out. All of my good
ideas come from The Onion
From an interesting article in The Onion:

The disproportionate number of drug offenders in Hell is a result of God's "get tough" drug policy of the 80s A.D., imposed after Roman emperor Domitian Flavius introduced opium to his people. God's detractors say His reactionary "one sin and you're out" rule places too harsh a penalty on venial drug users.

Good to know that someone is out there fighting for the little guy....



Monday, October 10, 2005


Yet Another Positive Day

When I thought about making a Positive Day post today, I first considered how difficult it would be. I've pretty much been in bed since leaving the poker game at the TSA compound on Saturday night. I came down with something, lord I don't know what, that I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even Jimmy Kusyk (smile MonyP, that's how bad this really was). So I spent the last day and a half in bed in the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Predictably, I made a graph in an attempt to show you, the fine readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter just how bad I felt.


Yeah, generally much worse than the crippling emotional pain of a divorce or even the aftermath of a really bad Mexican meal. Hopefully the point of the graph is clear, I really hurt and bad.

I called my folks at about 8am on Sunday morning, I was pretty dehydrated by the rapid expulsion of fluids from every part of my body and was pretty sure that Jesus was now playing tight end for the Denver Broncos (though I was convinced he was a step down from Shannon Sharpe). I didn't have anything to drink in the apartment and was actually to tired to get out of bed if I did. My folks were setting up the coffee and doughnuts at church, but my Mom came down to my place after Dad got started up at the church. My mother has had both knees and one hip replaced in the past 5 years and is scheduled to have the other hip replaced in a couple of months. Yet, she climbed two flights of stairs with a grocery sack full of stuff that a sick boy needed. She had come down with the same thing this past week, so she knew how bad off I probably was. Still, I was quite moved that she went through all of the trouble. She brought apple juice and some pain killers, but mostly she was just there, sitting with me for a few minutes, making me feel better by just her being there.

I hadn't been able to sleep the whole night before, but found myself able to get some rest after she left. Dad stopped by after church to make sure I was OK and they called a couple more times before they went to bed. Other people have called to make sure I'm OK or ask if I need anything. When I left TSA's on Saturday night, my nephew offered to drive me home. Sometimes I get mired in self pitty, thinking nobody cares about me or anything I do. Something like this proves to me that they do, and makes me realize that the people in my life are always there, even when I don't need them, sometimes when I don't even want them around.

But it also reminds me how much I need the people in my life. I'd most assuredly be insane by now if I weren't playing music with Andy and Mike and anyone else who asks me to play with them. I'm not really good at asking for help, even when I really, really need it, but the people around me have always been able to tell.

So, for the first time, I'm writing one of these Positive Day posts without being snide, without using it as a gimmick to be my same old negative self in a new and interesting way and without mentioning Vikings Coach Mike Tice until now. I'm very grateful for everything everyone has done for me and I'm sorry I haven't always noticed like I should.

This isn't a turnaround on this blog. I'm still who I am, and I'll continue to write the way I always do. I'm sure I'll continue to find plenty in the world to bitch about, and I will bitch. Maybe I'll take Positive Day a little more seriously, then again, maybe I won't. In either case, I'll try to notice a little more of the good that's all around me.


Saturday, October 08, 2005

Mmmmm.. Pie..... I am so ready to work for USA Today!


Boobie Graphs, Ear Infections and National TV Exposure

From a conversation with 5-55. And I wonder why I don't have a girlfriend.....
There's no particular reason for the graph other than I'm really into making graphs right now. If you have a favorite graph style, or pointless information you'd like to see represented in graph style, send me a comment. If I get the chance and it tickles me in some sort of perverse way, you may see it on the pages of The Globex Corporation News Letter.

I attended an open mic at Borders last night, playing with Mike Reardon, Jon Clark and Rod Meier. As far as I know we didn't win the $50 prize for best act, which sucks because I was really counting on the $12.50. Oh well, that's two days less of eating this month...... Mike had told me that we'd probably go on a bit after 7pm since there were a couple of acts who needed to play before us since they were playing gigs that night. So I was going to leave my house at 7pm, but decided to leave a couple of minutes earlier. Good thing I did, when I arrived at Borders, the guys were set up. I threw off my coat and opened my over-sized novelty harmonica case and got out harps and my mic. We played Mike's composition, Pleasure and Joy first. Now that is normally played in the key of 'F' but Mike didn't bring the specially tune guitar along so we played it in 'G'. As a harmonica player, that shouldn't make any difference to me, I just need to grab the G harmonica instead of the F. Still, the song is going to sound different, and since I play harp totally by ear, any change is a little difficult for me, especially when I've been in the establishment less than two minutes when I started playing. On top of that, the vocal harmonies I add on this song are pretty high in my range when we play the song in F, a whole step higher and I'm really reaching on some of the higher stuff. Still, we made it through that song and two more. I got a comment from a few people that we (and I in particular) sounded good, so I'm happy with how things went. Not well enough for $50 though.....

I've been fighting off a cold the last couple of days. We had our first snow of the season on Tuesday nigh/Wednesday morning, so it is officially the cold and flu season. I felt really crappy on Thursday night, but got a good night's sleep and woke up feeling no worse on Friday. This time of year that can be a victory. I did some running around yesterday, and I think the activity did me good. I was feeling alright by the time the open mic rolled around last night.

I was a little worried, though, because my ear was starting to plug up. I have a problem with ear infections (no, I'm not 4 years old) , so any time I'm under the weather I have to watch out for that too. I got a horrible infection in 2001 (this is a lovely blog topic, isn't it), so bad that the doctor actually called in some medical students to look at my condition. Yes, I had something so bad that med students had never seen it. I hope I ended up in a medical journal somewhere.

I had another one in June of 2003. I remember it well because I was scheduled to by on the game show Jeopardy! the next week. The 2001 infection had gotten so bad that my face swelled up. The swelling was so bad that my left ear was rotated slightly forward on the side of my head. If this infection got that bad, I could kiss the TV appearance goodbye. Some of you will think that' a small thing, but let me tell you something, for the last 20 years or so, I really only had one goal in life, and that was to be on Jeoopardy!. Missing out on that because of my stupid ear would have really sucked, so I went off to see the doctor. I responded to the antibiotics well and only being a southern California resident delayed my National Television debut.


Thursday, October 06, 2005


Top 100

I just updated the Top 100 most played songs on my iTunes Mp3 player in the sidebar. If I haven't done so before, let me express my happiness with this Macintosh product. iTunes is simply great. I was recently quoted in The Rapid City Journal about my love of this product. Ever since I encoded my entire CD collection listening to music from my computer has been great. iTunes has changed the way I listen to music, since everything is displayed right in front of me, it's nearly effortless for me to pick what I want to play.

First of all you can simply play, pick a song and play it. Then you can make playlists. I tend to make my playlists by aritist. If I'm in the mood to listen to Abby SomeOne or Ben Folds for a couple of hours, iTunes makes it really easy to do that. A "Party Shuffle" feature was added to one of the last updates. At first I thought it was a pointless feature, I already have playlists made, but playlists will play everything in that playlist before repeating. "Party Shuffle" plays songs completely at random from a selected list. Additionally, since you can rate each track from one to five stars, you can tell "Party Shuffle" to play higher rated songs more often from any selected playlist. Pretty cool if you ask me, so much better than grabbing a CD and listening to it then changing to another CD.

I realized that some people might not know some of the artists listed in my Top 100. My tastes aren't that far out there, but some of my favorite stuff are by bands that a lot of people haven't heard of. So here's all of the artists in my Top 100 by number of apearences in the Top 100 and a little bit about that act and why I like them:

Ben Folds - Ben Folds Five 20 appearances - I absolutely love Ben Folds. I think he's the smartest songwriter out there today. I was a big fan of Ben Folds Five, and was sorry to hear when they broke up. Ben's first solo album, Rockin' the Suburbs was absolutely amazing though, and the follow up live CD, Ben Folds Live is one of my favorite live albums.

Mojo Nixon - Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper - Mojo Nixon & Jello Biafra 15 appearances - My roomie in California was a Mojoholic. I really liked Mojo when I did college radio, but figured nobody else knew who he was. Derek did, and when we found out Mojo was playing a street fair in San Diego, we drove down for the show. When Mojo asked for requests, I shouted out "Stuffin' Martha's Muffin!" Mojo played it but forgot how it went. A true showman, Mojo recovered nicely. I'll always remember this because one of the recordings of that song in the Top 100 is that performance. TSA and I perform 2 Mojo songs, Are You Drinkin' With Me Jesus and Vibrator Dependant. Both seem to go over really well.

Abby SomeOne 11 appearances - I had heard of ASO but never seen them when I moved back to the RC. I stopped into the Cheers open mic one night, Shawn Bitz was the host. The first night I was there, Shawn and Gary played Fall Down in Love a song they hadn't recorded yet. I thought it was a fabulous song. It had some nice regional success but deserves such wider play. Why these guys aren't famous is beyond me. One of the first times I played in front of a lot of people was in the middle of an ASO show with Patient 957. The guys have my endless gratitude for allowing 3 guys who really didn't know what they were doing to feel like big shots for a few minutes.

Tenacious D 11 apperances - Actor Jack Black along with a pretty damn good acoustic guitarist, Kyle Gass are "the Greatest Band in the World" at least that's how they billed themselves on their TV show. I loved the TV show, but I actually loved the muic even more. I liked the whole idea of trying to be completely metal with just two guys on acoustic guitars. Saw the D in Anaheim a few years ago and it was the most fun I've ever had at a show. If for no other reason, JB and KG deserve props for a sign outside of the open mic the frequented on the show, a sign that has meant a lot to me ever since:


Supafloss 7 appearances - Think a rap version of Tenacious D. Supafloss opened for the D when I saw them in Anaheim. It's music that will never have wide spread appeal, but it tickles me, so what the hell. The do a rap about Chuck Norris that is, ironically called Chuck Norris. They shot a video for it, using footage taken from the Anaheim show. I'm way in the back and you can't see me.

"Weird" Al Yankovich 7 appearances - Say what you want about Al, I think he's a genius. Ben Folds likes him to, that's good enough for me. His latest album has a song called Bob, a Bob Dylan style song in which every line is a palindrome. Brilliant. TSA and I have talked about covering it, we already do Al's original You Don't Love Me Anymore.

Slappy is Jebus 6 appearances - Speaking of TSA and myself, this is what we called ourselves for a while. Thanks to Ken Jones for recording the Dunn Bros. open mic for a while, got some pretty good recordings.

Barenaked Ladies 5 apperances - A band I frankly grew out of. That's not fair, I think their debut album, Gordon, was fantastic. In reality, I think what happened is that they grew up and I didn't. Their subsequent albums had some fine moments, but Gordon was the first album to show me how much fun you could have playing acoustic music. I moved to Iowa a couple of years after that album came out. My first night in town I dug out Gordon and played it. Since then, Gordon has been the first CD played every place I lived.

D.V.D.A. 5 apperances - If you've seen the Trey Parker/Matt Stone movie Orgazmo, you'll know what D.V.D.A stands for. Coincidentally, Trey Parker and Matt Stone are in D.V.D.A. If I have a regret about music while living in southern California, it's never getting a chance to see D.V.D.A.

Danny Barnes 4 appearances - I became aware of Danny Barnes when he was mentioned in a song by another favorite of mine, Steve James. Danny is a banjo player and was in a band called Bad LIvers with Mark Rubin in Austin Texas. They played roots music and were completely ignored by the big roots music scene there. For some reason, the Austin punk scene loved them. Their music was rootsy but with a non-conformist bent. Danny has continued on that path solo. Very enjoyable, I highly recomend him.

Sue Foley 4 apperances - In a perfect world, Sue Foley would be Mrs. "Blind Orange" Julius. She's my dream woman, and it's not just because of her looks. She is one of my favorite guitarists, male or female, matching a very "ballsy" guitar style with a "little girl" voice. I find it irresistable. Saw her at Blue Cafe in Long Beach California, she put on a killer show and made me weak in the knees when she made heavy eye contact with me during a ballad.

Patient 957 2 appearances - TSA, JB, Brian Sharp and BOJ. Actually Brian didn't play on thse two cuts, joining the bad after we recorded. Eight Years is the only completley finished 957 track, TSA's little brother, FSA playing bass on the recording. I listen to it and I still like it. Anti Love Song could have been a regional hit, SMB once told us that there was no reason it shouldn't be on the radio. In my extremely biased opinion, he's right.

Steve James 1 appearance - A finger style country blues guitarist. Steve has a very dry wit in his music and can play the hell out of an acoustic.

James Harman 1 appearance - I first heard "Icepick James" when living in Iowa. I caught him a couple of times when I lived in the Twin Cites. I had ample opportunity to see Harman when living in Long Beach, he wintered in the area, playing Blue Cafe alot and I took advantage of it. Harman isn't the best harmonica player I've ever heard, but he's my favorite. His tone is just plain filthy, a tone I've never been able to duplicate, but it's so cool I'll never give up trying. James is an amazing songwriter, seemingly able to get songs from anywhere. He wrote Lock Doctor while stuckin traffic on the 405, taking lyrics from the side of a locksmith's van. Everybody's Rockin' (at the Zoo Bar) is about a place I've been to, the Zoo Bar in Lincoln Nebraska.

That's it folks. Hope that clears some stuff up.



I'm Sending a Resume to Greenpeace

Poorly done political satire photo courtesy of Greenpeace.
I could discuss the morality of John Thune receiving the second largest amount of congressional campaign contributions from the oil and gas industry in the last election, and maybe someday I will. The reason you see the photo to your right, however, has very little to do with politics. It actually has a lot more to do with my last post. The point I want to make is that somebody got paid to make that piece of crap. Yeah, Greenpeace is a non-profit enterprise, but if you think they don't pay their full time employees, and probably pretty well, you're just naive. With the help of TSA I run a little graphic political humor blog called BOJ News Service, where we do a lot of this type of stuff. Neither TSA or I are professional graphic artists, we just do this type of stuff because we enjoy doing it.

Look at the heads on those bodies. Do you for a minute believe that this is a real photo? I have only posted a couple of items that I consider poor quality, the Gilligan's Island post approaching this item by Greenpeace in it's lack of quality. Someone is getting paid a pretty good salary to churn out this sort of crap, but I'm giving high quality stuff away for free.

I've applied for jobs in the graphic arts field. At first I'd take a little portpholio to interviews. One printer in town refused to even look at it since I didn't have the training or experience she was looking for. One was polite enough to look at it but didn't give me the job for the same reason (that same guy, with no experience in television news, is currently anchoring the "KNBN-TV Amateur Half-Hour News," the job he didn't hire me for has been open two additional times since I wasn't hired).

It was brought up to the editorial staf at the Rapid City Journal to pay me for some of my political stuff on a freelance basis. While I haven't been told 'no' as of yet, I'm sure that's the answer as this whole thing came up about a year ago. They wonder why I don't post 'blogtoons' on Mt. Blogmore anymore. Sorry folks, it's a little frustrating to give stuff away for free, particularly when I see people getting paid for work that's not as good as mine. I do want to thank Bill Harlan of The Journal for supporting my work, giving me a place to do my thing before I started BOJ News Service, and his efforts to get me into the "dead tree" edition of the daily paper are certainly appreciated.

Likewise, I appreciate the attention BOJ News Service has received from other political blogs around the state. Getting recognized as a "Must Read" on Todd Epp's S.D. Watch was really cool since his readership is a whole lot higher than mine. I appreciate all of the South Dakota blogs that link to us (a South Dakota 123 listing would be nice, I link to you for heaven's sake). I even like it when Sibby steals my stuff from Mt. Blogmore and posts it on his site, crediting them, not me. Hell, I just like people seeing my stuff, I don't care how they see it.

The warm feeling I get from all of that is great, but it don't pay the bills. If I weren't good enough, and I have my doubts that I am good enough, that would be one thing. When I see some moron at Greenpeace doing work far inferior to mine, and getting paid for it, well, that's kind of hard to take.

I wish I was incompetent instead of being an asshole.


Tuesday, October 04, 2005


I'm So Glad It's Not Positive Day Today

Sometimes I swear this Positive Day bullshit is
going to kill me. It's simply not in my nature.
I was supposed to work a half day at the high school today, I got the call yesterday while checking out after a day at the middle school. I said I'd do it, though working half days isn't something I like to do. With the price of gasoline currently and the distance of my drive, a half hour of any school day is essentially paying for my gas for the trip. That's ok when i't s a full day, but for a half day, well 12.5% of my work day is spent paying for gas. Seems pretty stupid to me. That said I'm not complaining about working a half day, I said I'd do it, so I did it.

Or I would have. I had some things to do at my folks' house, like get into a fight with my mother over some stupid little thing, had lunch with them and headed of to school. When I arrived at the front desk, they seemed quite surprised to see me. They gave me my keys and whatnot and I went off to meet with the teacher I would be subbing for as his class was in the library. He wasn't in the library, so I headed off toward his room. I ran into him on my way there (no TSA, he wasn't hurt, though I did play football against him in high school) and told him he was my sub. He looked somewhat baffled, but then explained to me that he didn't need a sub as the cross country meet he was going to was cancelled by the weather. Furthermore, he hadn't called for a sub, he had been told that an aide was going to cover his class during the final period, the only one when he'd actually be gone.

So I headed back to the office, turned my keys back in took my time card and headed home. I had a few things I could do around the house anyway. After I was home a while, the phone rang. It was one of the woman who lines up the subs (not the one whose idiot husband no tries to do the job my sister did last year, the nice one who actually occasionally calls me and offers me work). She apologized for the mix up and told me that I would get paid for a half day since I showed up for work. Hey that's great, I can't complain about getting paid for not working. She then gave me a reason why I wasn't called and told the job had been cancelled. Since I talked to the teacher who had needed and then not needed the sub, I knew one version of the story. Now I was hearing another. Far be it for me to decided who is telling me the truth and who isn't, but one thing is for sure, someone is lying. Both sides are blaming the other. I don't care who's right and who's wrong, just don't lie to me. Lie to each other all you want, just leave me out of it.

Michael Brown worked on the Bush Presidential campaign. He had no experience in emergency management, no matter what he says now, but he was made director of FEMA. Harriet Miers is basically the president's personal lawyer. She's never been a judge before, but has just been nominated by Bush to serve on the Supreme Court. I know less about Harriet Miers than I do about Michael Brown, I know even less about judges deserving of serving on the highest court in the land. What I do know is that I'd like to see a judge doing a judge's job. If you'll remember, that guy who used to be FEMA director but didn't have any emergency management experience didn't do all that well when he had an emergency to manage. Why would anyone put someone on the Supreme Court with no experience as a judge?

Geez, Mr. President, I was born in Texas can I have a job? I'll take what ever you've got. I'm a pretty bright guy, I don't have any emergency management or judicial experience, but apparently I'm qualified to head up FEMA or be on the Supreme Court.

You see, what really pisses me off is that I can't get jobs I am qualified for. I applied for a job as a fucking television director, a job I have not only done before, but done at the very station that was looking for a director. Their ad said they didn't need someone with television experience but skill with Adobe Photoshop was nescessary. So what's the deal, was I so overly qualified that they didn't even feel the need to call me. Is there so much damn talent in this town that I was so fucking far down on the list that I don't warent a phone call?

I wish I were incompetent instead of being an asshole. All of the incompetent people I know have jobs. I run into people doing their jobs poorly every day. Nobody seems to care. I guess all you have to do is get along, kiss ass and they'll keep you around. Someday I'll get into the story of why I don't work at DirecTV anymore. It wasn't because I couldn't do my job. While I was working there, they hired someone, no I'm not fucking lying, this is the truth, they hired someone who didn't know what a satellite was! You're working for a satelite broadcasting company and you don't know what a satellite is! How did that person get through the extensive hiring process. Yeah, HR there was really on the ball. Fucking idiots.

How's that for a Mega-Bitch Tuesday?


Monday, October 03, 2005


Positive Day and the PQ Index

How positive is Positive Day? Check the PQ Index to
find out!
Once again it's Positive Day, the one day a week that I vow to be positive on Globex Corporation Newsletter, to not let my general bad attitude shine through too completely. It's a day when I only write about things I like, as opposed to writing about things that generally piss me off. And off we go.....

Another great poker game on Saturday night, geez, I really love that game and luckily no one is too terribly competetive. Someone other than me won and I couldn't be happier about it (Positive Day), I think his name is David, though not the David who is related to me who was also at the game. I think it was really swell how we nearly eliminated CCG but then eased up on her so she could kick all of our tails, well, all of our tails except David's.

A fine open mic at Cheers last night as well. TSA and I hadn't attended in quite some time and discussing why that was the case would most definitely violate the sanctity of Positive Day, if you were to sort through some old posts you'd probably be able to find the reason, though. Suffice it to say is was really nice to be back. I had honestly forgotten how much I missed my once favorite Sunday night activity. It was damn good to see Brian play again since I hadn't seen him play in well over a month, he unable to make the Wednesday night Dunn Bros. show, us unwilling to attend Sundays at Cheers. I'm glad it worked out this week.

TSA and I took the stage pretty early since I had to get up pretty early this morning. We started it off with a new version of Rollin' & Tumblin'. I like doing a song we're pretty well known for in a completely different way. It still needs some work, but the new version definitely has possibilities. We followed that up with our newest tune, BNL's Be My Yoko Ono which some people seemed to take a little notice of. Again, a tune that really could use some work, but it's good to get it out in front of people. I think it could end up being a pretty big tune for us. Locomotive Breath was after that, something we worked out after TSA and I were knocked out of Saturday's poker game in spite of our stellar play (Positive Day). And it wouldn't be a Sunday at Cheers if we didn't play Two Condoms or Vibrator Dependent both songs getting the folks at the bar to put down their drinks and actually glance our way a time or two.

It's seventh grade science today. I haven't had to deal with any of the seventh graders yet this year, but it's a planned absence by the teacher so I'm sure he'll have stuff all lined up for the kids to do. With no assemblies or parades planned for tomorrow (that I know of) I shouldn't have to use many of the skills I learned herding cattle on the grandparents' farm. All in all it should be a pretty positive day.


Saturday, October 01, 2005



With family in Agri-Business (you know, farming) I have had the opportunity to herd cattle. My grandparents used to herd cattle from the home place (ooh, I do sound rustic) to the pasture west of town. It was simply less trouble than trying to load them all onto trucks and drive them, so we got behind them with sticks and cattle prods, did our best to keep them on the road and herded them to the pasture that was just a few miles away.

Yesterday I had sixth graders. It's homecoming week at the school and the middle school students were all invited to the pep rally at the high school stadium. Right before the pep rally was the parade. So at about 1:30 yesterday I was leading students out of the middle school building and first to a street along the parade route and then on to the stadium. The skills I picked up on those few mini cattle drives I participated in as a youth came in quite handy, keeping those sixth graders somewhat in line during our travels keeping them under some semblance of control during the parade. I often tell students that I've only used algebra once since my last math class (calculating an amount of priming sugar in a batch of homebrew), my interests not requiring much in the way of higher mathematics, but I've found all kinds of uses for Homer's The Odyssey. My point is not to tell kids that they won't need math, but that at this point of their lives they don't know what they'll need, so they'd better absorb as much knowledge as possible while it's being given to them for free in school. Imagine if I had wanted to sit and watch TV while everyone else herded cattle. I'd have been wholly unprepared for "teaching" sixth graders.

After an exhausting day herding middle schoolers, I dropped off and helped dad a little with the building of the new deck. He had a little accident Thursday, taking of the tip of his left index finger with the table saw. But there he was yesterday doing a little more work. It was hard not to bust out laughing when he got his bandage stuck in the drill as he was attempting to attach a staircase to the new deck. He seems to be doing well all the same, my lack of compassion not withstanding.

After that it was off to Mike's for the drive to Knight's Cellar in Spearfish for a gig. I learned one important lesson last night, money comes before pride. A patron offered us $10 not to play a particular song. We agreed, he dropped hs money in the tip basket then said we could play it anyway. Make no mistake, had he insisted we not play that particular song we wouldn't have. Money is money. I never thought I could be bought off for so little....

By the time we started our last song, I realized that I had been up for 18 hours. The voice was starting to show the effects at that point, the two beers that the lovely Cassie poured me only magnifying the effect. And still it would be 3 hours before I got to bed, the tear down, dirve home and watching an episode of The Simpsons on the VCR. You gotta have your priorities.....


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The Bert Convey
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