Friday, September 28, 2007
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
Monday, September 17, 2007
A few months ago I was asked if I wanted to take on more responsibilities at [Nameless Company]. Let's see, my (and everyone else's except, apparently, for upper management) bonus was $250 for the previous year. We received that pittance as a reward for reaching an arbitrary goal. The same week that we received our pittance (plus Presidents' Day off) our new, extra shitty insurance kicked in.
Thanks for helping us reach a goal that will allow us to show a 33% increase in net revenue this quarter. Here's a bonus that won't even cover your insurance deductible, a day off that the rest of the country already gets off and really shitty insurance...
So when asked if I wanted to take on extra duties without getting extra pay, I said "no thank you." Perhaps I wasn't that diplomatic. Perhaps the phrase "fuck you" was included in there somewhere.
The next week due to poor scheduling and illness, I was forced into that role anyway.
A little later I was asked again if I wanted to take on extra duties. This time I was told that it would come with a promotion and raise. I was still reluctant, but agreed. I'm a whore. Give me money, more money, and I can be talked into anything. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in extra duties until I received my promotion.
I waited. Nothing happened. People asked me about it, curious as I hadn't told anybody about the situation. I found out that it's policy (later I found out that it's not, which is a whole different issue) that only one promotion can be in the works in our department at a time. I was third in line on my shift, who knows how far down the queue I was department-wise. Nothing happened, summer passed (nearly, anyway) and I had given up on ever receiving more money from [Nameless Company]. On the other hand. Extra duties weren't put upon me. It was a trade-off I could live with.
Then [Nameless Company] decided that people in my job weren't paid enough. We're not, it's not competitive in the industry and the situation needs to be addressed. [Nameless Company]'s solution? Pay new hires more than existing employees.
It makes some sense, I suppose. We can't attract new hires without paying them more, and less employees means more work for the existing employees, so get 'em here however you can. Of course, less is expected of new employees, so hiring them at a higher rank and for more pay is a slap in the face to every employee in the organization.
Thanks for working well while we were short staffed. Everything that needed to get done was done with the same accuracy that we've come to expect. Here's two new hires who make more than you but whom not as much is expected of. That should help. I know some of you are angry over this., That's OK, if you quit, we'll replace you with someone who makes more money than you, thus bringing our salaries more into line with the rest of the industry...
Friday I was asked again if I wanted to take on extra duties. This time no raise or promotion was attached. I talked to my department manager about it. I wasn't offered anything in exchange for my taking on of extra duties, in fact, I was told that if I didn't, it would reflect negatively upon me. If I didn't do something that I was offered a promotion to do before, now without that promotion, that it would look bad for me.
Let's look at some of the crap [Nameless Company] has pulled on me in the past 22 months"
Screwd up in calling EVERY ONE of my references during my interview process Took an inordinate amount of time to reimburse me for expenses incurred during my interview Lost paperwork that I had filled out and signed during interview, forcing me to fill it out again and send to the company Offered me a job the week of Christmas, wanting me to start on January 2nd By having me start after the 1st of the year, screwed me out of a week's vacation my first year with [Nameless Company] Implied that my prescription drug may violate [Nameless Company]'s "drug free workplace" policy while another employee who came into work drunk, more than once, was never reparmanded Wrote me up for being rude to an HR representative when she gave me incorrect information regarding my benefits Informed me that my write up (precipitated by someone else's mistake) would effect raises and promotion opportunites for me
Let's look at what I have done "above and beyond" for [Nameless Company]:
Agreed to interview 300 miles away from my location, less than 24 hours after [Nameless Company] initially contacted me Have helped out with Photoshop difficulties at work durig my scheduled time off Have changed my schedule 3 times in past 20 months, none of these schedules including Friday or Saturday off Even though I told my supervisor, "I'm only going to do just enough around here not to get fired," took a leadership role on shift, assisting in training of new employees Am accepting increased duties, duties that I was previously offered a promotion and pay raise for, without a promotion or pay raise
I have been fucked over, repeatedly and consistently, by [Nameless Company] from a time before they even paid me. I am taking on more duties, even after a promise to me was broken, after they decided to pay new hires more than me, after they decided to provide shitty insurance, opting instead to sponsor a NASCAR team, after they have written me up, effecting my future advancement, because they gave me false benefits information.
What exactly should I be bitching about? Should I be bitching about how bad [Nameless Company] is fucking me over or that I allow it to keep happening by staying in a shitty job with shitty benefits for shitty pay?
Labels: [Nameless Company]
Fake Gambling Results
Cincinnati (-7) 45 at Cleveland 51 -$50 Minnesota 17 at Detroit (-3) 20 -$4.55 Oakland 20 at Denver (-10) 23 -$50 - MGM Mirage Line
Indianapolis (-7) 22 at Tennessee 20 Indianapolis 22 at Tennessee 20 OVER (46)
Week 2 Against the Spread: 0-3-1
Week 2 Over/Unders: 0-1
BOJ Season Against the Spread: 1-6-1
BOJ Season Over/Unders: 0-2
BOJ Balance for Week 2: -$154.55
BOJ Total Amount Remaining: $690.90
This will be the last post of any type for a while. I'm really fed up with pretty much everything and don't really feel like psyching myself up to write any of this bullshit.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Happy Birthday, Ben!
If you want, you can figure out how old he is. To me, he's timeless.
You can’t fool me
I saw you when you came out
You got your momma’s taste
But you got my mouth
You will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see
With your cards to your chest
Walking on your toes
What you got in the box
Only Gracie knows
And I would never try to make you be
Anything you didn’t really wanna be
Life flies by in seconds
You’re not a baby
Gracie, you’re my friend
You’ll be a lady soon
But until then
You gotta do what I say
You nodded off in my arms watching TV
I won’t move you an inch
Even though my arm’s asleep
One day you’re gonna wanna go
I hope we taught you everything
You need to know
There will always be a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see
But you and me
A little girl
My Gracie girl
Sue Foley Photo Friday
Sue signing autographs at a benefit for the Canadian Red Cross
Great guitarist. Sexy as hell. Socially conscious.
Why aren't we involved again?
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Cincinnati (-7) at Cleveland - $50 Minnesota at Detroit (-3) - $50 Oakland at Denver (-10) - $50
Parlay - $50
Indianapolis (-7) at Tennessee Indianapolis at Tennessee OVER (46)
BOJ's Week 2 Stake: $845.45
BOJ's Week 2 Wagered: $200
Cleveland is a mess as is Minnesota. I don't like to bet on the Broncos, but against the Raiders? Yeah, I'll give the 10 points.
In my first Fake Gambling parlay bet, I take the Colts and the over. If this hits, it pays off at 13:5!
Labels: Fake Gambling
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Bin Laden Called 'Virtually Impotent'
President Bush's Homeland Security adviser Frances Townsend referred to the figurehead of Al-Qaeda as "virtually impotent." What do you think?.
"Ouch. That's gotta hurt much more than actually being captured."
"Not the worst thing in the world. She could have said he was afraid of commitment."
"That's what she said! Oh wait, we're talking about the most dangerous terrorist in the history of the world."
"Blind Orange" Julius,
"Oh yeah? Well, you should hear some of the stuff he told me about her!"
Labels: Stuff From The Onion
The Best Day of My Life
It's not the best day I've ever had, I won't even try to decide which one that was, I've had lots of great days in my life. I'm grateful for each and every one of them up to this point.
But today is the best day I'm going to have for the rest of my life. Tomorrow I will be slightly worse off. The day after, slightly more so. And so it goes until I get so bad that I'm confined to a bed, until I can no longer dress myself or do the littlest things to take care of myself.
But today, today is the best day of my life. Today I can cook and clean (even if I hate to do so), I can bathe myself, I can still drive and get myself to work. Once there, no matter what [Nameless Company] thinks of me, regardless of how they treat me, I can still do my job and do it well.
Because the right side of my body is more affected than the left, I can still play guitar. I wasn't very good to start with, but my abilities haven't fallen off dramatically even though I have a degenerative neurological disease. I can still play harmonica and sing. My brain still works, and I can still come up with songs of my own and I'm still able to figure out how to play songs written by others.
My brain still works, and by all accounts will continue to do so. My brain has always been a lot more about who I am than what my body was ever able to do. The things I'm best known for come from in my brain. I get to keep them all.
Today is the best day of my life. I told someone once, a couple of months ago, that I didn't want to spend any time with her because I didn't want to waste the best day of my life on her. Now I'm with [someone] and I'm so pleased, every time I'm with her, to be spending the best day of my life with her. I want to spend as many of the remaining best days of my life with her as I can. She makes every day special, and when I realize that it's also the best day of my life, well, that's pretty amazing.
So today is the best day of my life. I'm going to enjoy it. Maybe some people will say I'm wasting it, but I don't think so. I'm doing what I want to do. I'm spending the best day of my life on my terms. I'm not at work, I don't have to go for 3 days, I haven't showered yet, maybe I'll order a pizza for supper and watch an episode of The Simpsons. I'll think about [someone] and realize how lucky I am that she puts up with me. It's the best day of my life. I'll decide how to spend it.
Labels: Positive Tuesday
Designer Vaginas 'Inspired by Porn'
Women who have cosmetic surgery on their vaginas are being made insecure by pornography, according to Australia's premier gynaecological college.And doctors say surgery for "designer vaginas" is becoming increasingly popular.
"One of the reasons [why women have the procedure] is that women look at pornographic magazines and see other women who look different and they want to look like them," said a spokeswoman for the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RANZCOG).
RANZCOG argues that labiaplasty — where surgeons trim the inner vaginal lips — is rarely medically necessary.
"Labias vary greatly and for most women, it's not something they give a lot of thought to."
The comments come in the wake of a rising trend in labia-related procedures being performed for cosmetic reasons. In the US, women not only have labiaplasty but many also have surgery to enlarge their G-spot.
Labiaplasty takes around an hour and is largely performed by cosmetic surgeons. The operation can cost around $10,000.
Of course, there's controversy:
Surgeon Colin Moore said he has seen a gradual increase in the patients seeking the procedure over the last decade.
Dr Moore said he was "disgusted" with the attitude displayed by some gynaecologists in relation to labiaplasty.
"They consider it kind of beneath their dignity in a way, they regard the procedure as unnecessary."
Dr Moore said his patients find the operation makes a huge difference to their quality of life.
"Often when they come in for their follow up they just hug you because it has made such a difference to them," he said.
I'm thinking Designer Vaginas will be the name of the next "Blind Orange" Julius EP.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Men of Faith
Let's face it, nothing of any substance happened. It was a poor episode, and I really apologize. I've got a lot going on in my life and, well, it's just a bunch of excuses. You don't tune into Serial Monday to hear about the crap going on in my life, every other day on The Globex Corporation Newsletter is for that.
Anyway, I guess the only big news is that Tina Fey is missing, the newpaper said so. Good lord, is that what I consider a "cliffhanger"? I suck as a writer...
Stay tuned for Serial Monday.
"This is delicious, Caliph." Jerry Teller complimented his host. "What do you call it?"
"It is a recipe from my mother. I don't know if she had a name for it, but she taught my wife to make it." Caliph Nasseem took another bite. "I must thank my mother next time I see her."
"Splendid! I grew up on lamb." Teller was truly impressed. It was a simple lamb dish, but nothing like he had eaten growing up in Tennessee. "We owe so much of who we are, each of us to our families. Not just the food, I mean our values."
"Agreed." Nasseem was a kind and accepting man. He had many Christian friends, though he didn't get the opportunity to spend much time with them, living in the Kingdom as he did. "We are very much the same, reverend. You grew up in a small farming community, I was raised in a community of herders. I'm sure we could tell many similar stories about our youths."
"Indeed, Caliph." Teller's size would tell even the casual observer that he lived a life in which he did very little real work. "That's why I'm so interested in you faith. It's why I sought you out, a man who could explain, from a holy man's point of view, all about Islam. Things I can share with my congregation, we understand so little of you faith, of your point of view in my country."
"You are a good man, reverend," Nasseem took a sip of his juice, Teller craved a beer, "I wish all Americans cared to learn as much as you do."
I need to learn, stinking Arab, Teller though, your people are at war with mine.
"The drawings, the photos, when can I see them?" Teller was through with the niceties, it was time to get down to business.
"Oh how I wish you could see the holy city!" No Christian had ever shown such interest in his faith before. "Remember, reverend, this photos are just to give you a feel for Mecca. Oh how I wish I could take you there! It is remarkable!"
"It is against your faith for me to enter the city." A fucking annoyance, Teller thought. "I respect your faith, caliph."
"Still, as a man of God, I think you could appreciate it. Let us retire to my study and I'll show you all of the information I have on the holy city..."
"Hello, Dash?" The woman on the other end of the line sounded a bit flustered.
"Oh, Dash." A long pause. "I saw the story in the paper this morning, I didn't want you to worry."
"Where are you?"
"That would take a little explaining. I'm OK, though..."
Labels: Serial Monday
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Fake Gambling Results
New Orleans 10 at Indianapolis 41 OVER (52) -$50 - MGM/Mirage Line Kansas City 3 at Houston (+3) 20 +$45.45 Denver (-3) 15 at Buffalo 14 -$50 - MGM Mirage Line Carolina 27 at St. Louis (PICK 'EM) 13 -$50 New England 38 at New York Jets (+6.5) 14 -$50
Week 1 Against the Spread: 1-3
Week 1 Over/Unders: 0-1
BOJ Season Against the Spread: 1-3
BOJ Season Over/Unders: 0-1
BOJ Balance for Week 1: -$154.55
BOJ Total Amount Remaining: $845.45
The Colts look like they may actually play defense this year, I wasn't expecting that. Houston comes through for me because KC stinks and will stink all season. Denver pulls out the win, but doesn't cover. Damn. I was listening to how St. Louis is going to be good this year. I have to go with what I think instead of what others think. Bad pick on my part. I knew New England would win, but expected a close game. New England is the team to beat this year in the NFL.
Labels: Fake Gambling
Friday, September 07, 2007
Sue Foley Video Friday
Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday
Thursday, September 06, 2007
In the title, I call it unfair and it is. I really haven't done enough research (not that I want to anymore) and my sample size of two is ridiculously small. Still, the only way to make decisions is to base them on things that have happened in the past. So here they are, the things I've learned about Social Workers from Iowa.
All Social Workers from Iowa are attractive women All Social Workers from Iowa have, at one time or another, lived in South Dakota All Social Workers from Iowa seem nice at first, but will generally reveal their true personalities a couple of months later All Social Workers from Iowa are, or will soon be divorced, a process that has made them all bitter and resentful All Social Workers from Iowa find me attractive, which, since they're all attractive women, is OK with me All Social Workers from Iowa appreciate my sense of humor and taste in music All Social Workers from Iowa are working on their Master's degree. They mayeventually get that degree, but will hate me before that goal is attained and I can not confirm completion of their course of study 50% of Social Workers from Iowa don't want to be compared to other Social Workers from Iowa All Social Workers from Iowa are of below average height and have nice figures, though hair color may vary from brown to blonde All Social Workers from Iowa were cheerleaders in high school, though the years have pretty much knocked the perkiness out of them Entry deleted - It may be true but even I have sense enough not to put it down where people can read it All Social Workers from Iowa have tattoos, though, on average, 33% of all of their tattoos are misspelled Though practitioners of yoga, 50% of Social Workers from Iowa are unfamiliar with the Sanskrit term yogini and think I'm stupid for bringing up the term in proper context
I hope that clears some things up.
Labels: Pointless Shit
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I Hate the MBW
I hate the MBW. I wish I didn't have anything in my life to bitch about, but I do. I like that I have a forum that nobody reads, a place where I can vent but I hate that I have the need.
I hate that I fucking receive email from someone I'm not allowed to write about here while I'm on the phone with mi guera. I hate that I can't write about it here. I hate that I was adult enough to not answer the fucking email with the last words I ever said to the cunt, the last words that I'll ever say to the cunt.
I hate that I have to write this, or any other MBW. But I do. Every week.
Labels: Mega-Bitch Wednesday
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Man Cuts Off His Penis ‘to Stop Him Sinning’
SALAMANCA – A man cut off his own penis and threw it in a toilet ‘so he would stop sinning’.
The 30-year-old was recovering in the Hospital Clinico Universitario in Salamanca in western Spain.
Doctors said his condition was ‘stable’ and he was not in danger of losing his life.
The man, from Salamanca, cut off his penis with a knife on Thursday morning.
The local newspaper La Gaceta reported when relatives called emergency services, he told ambulance workers he did it “so would not sin any more”.
A relative found the man, who has not been named, in the house where they lived in the city and raised the alarm.
He was bleeding heavily.
The newspaper said it was not known if the man’s penis could be sewn back.
I was attracted to this story by the headline, obviously. It's sort of hard to turn away from something like that. As I read the story, though, I didn't think I would repost it here until I read the last paragraph.
There was also a suggestion he may be suffering from psychological problems.
Yeah, he may have.
And that, mainstream media, is how you get you story reposted in The Globex Corporation Newsletter.
Fake Gambling II
This year I'm going for a more realistic approach. Rather than have my completely fictitious wagers pay off 1:1 (a dollar bet = a dollar won), I'll be going with a more Vegas style 10:11 (11 dollars bet = 10 dollars won). Even fake bookies need their "juice" or vig." Hopefully, my math is up to the task.
Additionally, I will be adding parlay bets this year. Parlay bets require all of the conditions of the bet to be won to win a bet that pays off higher. Parlay odds can vary by sports book, I'll be using the following:
2 Teams - 13:5
3 Teams - 6:1
4 Teams - 11:1
5 Teams - 22:1
6 Teams - 44:1
7 Teams - 90:1
Any game that results in a push (tie) reduces the parlay one team. A 3 team parlay would become a two team parlay. A two team parlay would become a straight bet.
Betting lines will be taken from vegas.com. Caesars-Hilton is considered the line of record in Vegas and will be the default line for fake gambling. I am a crafty consumer, though, and reserve the right to make bets taken off of the other lines listed at vegas.com.
Lines will move during the week. Just like real gambling, I'm locked into the spread that I put my money on. I may add more bets during the week, but I will never take bets off that I've made.
Those are the basic rules. I have one thousand fake dollars to wager as I wish. Let's get to it:
New Orleans at Indianapolis OVER (52) - $50 - MGM/Mirage Line Kansas City at Houston (+3) - $50 Denver (-3) at Buffalo - $50 - MGM/Mirage Line Carolina at St. Louis (PICK 'EM) - $50 New England at New York Jets (+6.5) - $50
BOJ's Week 1 Stake: $1000
BOJ's Week 1 Wagered: $250
I hope it shows that I really don't like any of these bets. That's why the call it fake gambling.
Labels: Fake Gambling
Positve About Positive Tuesday
I thought it was a good idea, it's something I truly believe, but I'd need to do a whole lot of research to do that particular post right.
I didn't and the post suffered. It doesn't matter, I'm back this week writing again. I'm positive about the idea of Positive Tuesday and that, no matter how bad I botch it, I'll come back the next week with another attempt, even if it's a lame-ass attempt like this one.
Positive Tuesday began a couple of years ago (it was on Monday, then) when I found this blog getting way too negative. I'm not a negative person, though I'm often more inspired to write about things that piss me off than I am to write about things I really like.
Positive Tuesday has been good for The Globex Corporation Newsletter, but more importantly, it's been good for me. At leas once a week I have to actually sit down and think about something good in my life, organize my thoughts and try to let the fine readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter know why I'm positive. It's a very poignant exercise if you ask me.
Positive Tuesday is probably my most canceled feature because it's the hardest for me to write. Some days I just don't feel like being positive. In my life right now, it's very hard to be positive. Then again, I have a roof over my head, enough to eat, a job (such as it is), a girlfriend who is once again just 45 minutes away, my life is OK.
I need to remember that.
Labels: Positive Tuesday
Monday, September 03, 2007
"My Name is Steven,
How the Hell are You?"
I Read the News Today...
We meet Jed Williamson, professional "Rabble-Rouser" as he's whipping a crowd into a frenzy with his public speaking skills. Williamson is visited by a mysterious man after his speech who can't associate with Jed but supports him fully.
Our hero, Dash Tompkins, agrees to the government's request and wonders exactly what he's gotten himself into
What will happen next?
Stay tuned for Serial Monday.
Dash didn't get a lot of sleep over the weekend, his meeting with Carlisle Ripley on his mind nearly constantly on is days off. It was a relief to be able to go back to work on Monday morning. Todd Baldwin, his lab assistant, would be there as well, but Todd would help him get his mind off his weekend by engaging him in pointless banter.
"Dr. Tompkins," Baldwin called out as soon as entered the lab, "how was your weekend?"
How much to share with Todd. Baldwin was just a lab assistant, a grad-student of questionable abilities who had taken a few of his classes.
"Just fine Todd."
"And the actress?"
"Actress and writer." Dash reminded Todd. "She's also done some producing. She wasn't able to make it."
"Caught up at work? The New season of 30 Rock premieres on October 4th at 8:30, 7:30 central."
"That's just like you to forget about the mountain time zone." It was a pet peeve of Dash's. "I know they only have two major league baseball teams and two NFL franchises, but the people of the mountain time zone are some of the finest people in this great country."
"Geez." Todd replied. "I thought the pointless banter was supposed to come from me. I mean, I am just the lab assistant."
"Got a lot on my mind, Todd." Dash opened the paper as he sat down with his first cup of coffee of the day.
"Maybe more than you bargained for." Todd pointed to a story on the back page of Dash's newspaper.
THAT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF
TWO PEOPLE MISSING
Labels: Serial Monday