Saturday, April 22, 2006
An Abundance of Pointless Shit
FM2552 Caller ID Telephone
with 13-Memory Dialing
1. Read and understand all instructions.
2. Follow all warnings and instructions marked on the product.
3. Unplug this product from the wall telephone jack and power outlet bfore cleaning. Do not use liquid cleaners or aerosol cleaners Use a damp cloth for cleaning.
4. Do not taunt FM2552 Caller ID Telephone with 13-Memory Dialing.
5. Do not use this product near water, for example, near a bathtub, washbowl, large glass of pilsner, kitchen sink, aquarium, snow globe, or laundry tub, in a wet basement, near a 688 Class Fast Attack nuclear submarine, or near a swimming pool.
6. Do not place this product on an unstable cart, stand or table.
7. Do not allow use by unstable former girlfriend.
8. Slots or opening in the cabinet and the bottom are provided for ventilation, to protect it from overheating. These opening must not be blocked or covered. The openings should never be blocked by placing the product on a bed or other similar surface. This product should never be placed near or over a radiator or heat register.
9. This product should be operated only from the type of power source indicated on the marking label. Do not use with solar power as we all realize that solar power is just a pipe dream. If you are not sure of the type of power supply to your home, consult your dealer or local power company.
10. Do not allow anything to rest on the power cord, make sure that it is doing some sort of work while it's there, this ain't a fucking hotel. Do not place this product where the cord will be abused by persons stepping on it. Cord abuse is serious, and programs are in place to help those deal with their cord abuse addictions.
11. Do not overload wall outlets and extension cords as this can result in fire or electric shock. Never spill liquid of any kind, even tasty, tasty beer, on the product.
12. Never push objects of any kind into this product thorugh cabinet slots, even if it was asking for it, as they may touch danerous voltage points or short out parts that could result in fire or electric shock.
13. Omitted by order of the Department of Homeland Security.
14. To recue the risk of electric shock, do not disassemble this product but take it to a qualified serviceman when some service or repair work is required. Opening or removing covers may expose you to dangerous and titilating voltages or other risks. Incorrect reassembly can cause electrick shock and make you look like a dumbass.
15. Unplug this product from the wall outlet and refer servicing to qualified personel under the following conditions:
a. When the power supply cord or plus is damaged or frayed.
b. If liquid, even tasty, tasty beer has been spilled into the product.
c. If the product has been exposed to rain or water.
d. If product has been "probbed" by aliens.
e. If product does not operate normally by folliwng the operating instructions. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....
f. If the product has been dropped or the cabintet has been damaged.
g. If the product exhibits a distinct change in performace. Steroids may be suspected.
16. Really, do not taunt product.
17. Avoid using a telephone (other than a cordless type) during an electical storm. There is a remote risk of electri shock from lightning.
18. Do not use telephone to report a gas leak. Asphyxiate.
There you go, words to live by.
BOJ
# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 12:21 AM 
Comments:
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Save these instructions!! I'm getting them tattoed on my ass!
The truly funny thing is, it's hard to tell the bogus warnings from the real ones.
Is it safe to taunt the phone when it is still in the original packaging?
The truly funny thing is, it's hard to tell the bogus warnings from the real ones.
Is it safe to taunt the phone when it is still in the original packaging?
# posted by 
: 7:59 AM
: 7:59 AM
I'd get them on my ass, which is probably big enough to hold all of them, but as we know I'm some sort of wussy.
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