Friday, June 29, 2007


Sue Foley Photo Friday

Yeah, this is all great, but listen to her music, that's the important thing here.



Thursday, June 28, 2007


Homer at the Bat Update

Simpson's episode 8F13 - Homer at the Bat featured a number of major league baseball players. Though this episode debuted in 1992, the players chosen as ringers for the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team went on to have (for the most part) exceptional careers, a couple of them are still playing.

The 2007 8F13 - Homer at the Bat Update:

  • C - Mike Scioscia A quality ballpllayer in his day, he could speak Spanish so more often than not ended up catching when Fernando Valenzuela was pitching for the Dodgers. He now manages the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (the team's offical name).

  • 1B - Don Mattingly I don't understand why Mattingly isn't in the Hall of Fame, but he may soon be manager of the Yankees.

  • 2B - Steve Sax He wasn't the Yankees player who accidentaly hit Keith Olberan's mother with an errant throw, as I reported last year, that was Chuck Knoblauch. Sax did have Knoblauch-esque throwing difficulties, though. A good player, but not HOF material.

  • 3B - Wade Boggs HOFer for who played for the Red Sox and Yankees. He played for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for about 15 minutes (well, probably longer than that) and the club threw a boatload of money at him so he'd wear a D-Rays hat in his bust in Cooperstown. Luckily, the Hall stepped in and disallowed that...

  • SS - Ozzie Smith The best defensive shortstop of all time and an HOFer, he did not fall off the face of the earth like in the episode,but has done a fair amount of TV.

  • LF - Jose Canseco A hero in the epsisode, saving a woaman and all her belongings from a burning house, but a hero in real life? Maybe. His book about steroid use in baseball prompted many to take a closer look at the problem. He's still an asshole, though...

  • CF - Ken Griffey, Jr. He'll be an HOFer after he retires. He's having a bit of a resurgence this year after moving to RF. Soon he's be the fifth player to reach 600 career homeruns, the fourth to do so without cheating.

  • RF - Daryl Strawberry Poor bastard has screwed up his life so bad, I don't want to talk about it. He was really good in the episode, though.

  • P - Roger Clemens Fourty-four years old,350 career wins, if he's ever retire, he'd get into the HOF. But he won't retire, he keeps playing half season for whoever pays him the most money. It pains me to say this, but he's worth it. He still won't turn the Yankees season around.

  • If this episode is ever on, watch it.




    Just Pointless

    The most POINTLESS SHIT of all time.

    I don't want to oversell it...

    OK, one snipette of the interview. I was sort of in and out (that's
    what she said...) so maybe I missed some of the context:

    KING: What don't you like about Paris Hilton? What's a personality trait Paris Hilton would change?

    HILTON: ...sometimes I go down, and that's something I'm trying to change about myself.

    A generation of skank-mongers was on the internet within moments to register their disgust...




    Wednesday, June 27, 2007


    Wife's Needs Gross

    From The Onion:

    EDINA, MN—Janice Fewless' sexual, emotional, and toiletry requirements are "really starting to get disgusting," her husband, Kenneth Fewless, told reporters Wednesday.

    "Last week she asked me if I would look deep into her eyes when we're having sex and tell her how much I love her," said Fewless, whose own personal needs include watching baseball, planting vegetables in his backyard garden, and not being asked to pick up heavy-flow tampons for his wife. "Eww."

    Fewless added that his wife's need for him to always pay attention to her when she is crying about something is too sickening even to consider.





    I listen to a lot of sports talk radio. I download podcasts for a couple of my favorite sports talk radio shows so I don't miss a minute of the discussion. I listen because it's fun. I listen because I'm a correct as any of the so called experts that I hear daily on the radio. It's just opinion.

    The NBA Draft is tomorrow night. This year there are two great players coming out, Kevin Durrant of Texas and the man most expect to be number one, center Greg Odin of Ohio State. Both young men are freshmen and had the NBA not changed their draft elegibility rules this past year, most likely would have been in last years draft.

    While no one of that age, no one coming into the draft in any sport can possibly be a "can't miss," these two guys are as close as it comes. Durrant may actually be the more polished player with more basketball skill, but Odin will likely be the first pick based on his height and athleticism.

    Porltand has the first pick, Seattle the second. Jay Bilas of ESPN has called Seattle's pick the easiest in NBA draft history, they'll simply pick the player who the Portland Trailblazers don't pick. He's right, and that'd be great if after the pick everybody just remembered that.

    But they won't. Like every player, these two young men have weaknesses, they have holes in their games. I question Odin's skill on the offensive end, Durrant couldn't bench press 185 lbs. even once in workouts. If Odin turns out to be completely one dimensional, if Durrant, who plays in the paint a lot proves unable to do so a pro, they will be be considered failures.

    Worse, if one of them is a failure, the team that selected him will have their pick scrutinized for decades. In 1984, the Houston Rockets had the first pick, the Portland Trailblazers had the second pick. The Rockets selected Hakeem Olajuwon, a great player, who lead the team to a couple of NBA championships. Olajuwon became an all time great. In college he was a great defender who allowed others on his team, like the great Clyde Drexler, to do the bulk of the scoring. While I liked Olajuwon and thought he was the logical first choice, I had reservations. Could he score in the NBA? He was actually short for an NBA center (listed at 7 feet, but some say he was as "short" as 6'8"). As great as Olojuwon was in college, as great as he turned out being as a pro, there were questions, legitimate questions about his abilities at the next level in 1984.

    The number two slection that year was Kentucky center, Sam Bowie. Sam was the centerpiece of some fine Kentucky teams, a good scorer and defender in college,
    though hampered by injuries. Still this was 1984, the Trailblazers played in the Western Conference, if they wanted to be successful,they had to get past the LA Lakers and their all time great at center, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Short of Olajuwon, the best player available for the 'Blazers in their situation was Sam Bowie.

    The complication in 1984 came with the third pick. The Chicago Bulls, also in need of a center, but with the top two gone "settled" for swing man Michael Jordan from North Carolina who many (I am not among them) consider the greatest player in NBA history.

    The Portland Trailblazers had the opportunity to draft Jordan, but chose Sam Bowie, an oft-injured player who never made a real impact in the NBA. People bitch about it to this day, but it was the right choice given the circumstances at the time.

    Jordan had potential in 1984, you could see it when you watched him play. He was on a team of stars at North Carolina so he didn't really shine. There's a joke about Jordan which asks who was the only person to hold Michael Jordan to under 20 points per game? The answer is his college coach Dean Smith. They played a team game at Carolina, Jordan was one of many interchangeable parts, a great piece, but one the Tarheels could have been successful without.

    The Trailblazers had no need for a player like Jordan. They had drafter a similar type of player the year before, Clyde Drexler, and already had an All-Star at that position in Jim Paxson. Selecting another guard, even one as great as Jordan, would have been stupid. My guess is that Drexler and Jordan could not have co-existed in the same backcourt. You don't waste the second pick in the draft on a player likely to spend a good amount of time on the bench.

    Sam Bowie was the correct choice in 1984 for the Portland Trailblazers. It was over twenty years ago, it's over. Yes, Jordan won 6 titles with the Bulls, but the 'Blazers got to the finals, an impressive feat on it's own, with the pieces they had on hand. Had Bowie been healthy (he never was with Portland), they may have won a title or two. But he wasn't. Thems the breaks.

    On Friday they'll be discussing Portland's first pick in the 2007 draft. It will most likely be Greg Odin, a great big man who played through injury in college. Some people will be calling the selection a mistake. They'll be calling it a mistake before Greg Odin plays a minute of NBA action.

    If Durrant turns out to be an all time great like Jordan (and I do buy that), and Odin doesn't develope or is injured, Portland will never hear the end of it.

    And I'll be writing a similar post in 2030.




    Home Penis Enlargement Ends in Painful Death

    From something called IOL:

    Phnom Penh - Cambodian officials on Tuesday warned the public against home penis enlargement plans after a coroner found a man who had repeatedly self-injected his member with hair tonic had taken his own life to end the painful side effects.

    Coroner Vieng Vannarith concluded that a 35-year-old construction worker had hanged himself last week after the hair tonic remedy which advertised it gave thicker and more lustrous locks failed to have the same effect when injected into his penis.

    Authorities said the man had been self-injecting for some time, and the treatment had caused massive ulceration, leaving him in such permanent agony that he decided to end his ordeal by his own hand.

    Although the case was a suicide, details were released to the newspapers, with authorities saying they were concerned that such dangerous self-treatment with home remedies was not an isolated case and this should serve as a warning to other Cambodians not to try this at home.

    "He wanted a bigger one very badly, and the results were tragic," Vannarith said.

    Thankfully, this happend in Cambodia. If it had happened in this country, in, say, California, the man's family would have sued the hair tonic manufacturer.


    Tuesday, June 26, 2007



    As I look back on this blog, I start to realize that a constant theme is how much I like beer. I know this post has been done many times in the past, but it is Positive Tuesday, after all, so it's very fitting.

    Drinking was never a big deal in my family. If I wanted a beer from the time I was 15 or so, I could have one. Going outside the home and risking getting caught doing something illegal seemed a bit silly, not that I didn't do that. It was a lot more fun to drink with friends than it was to drink with my parents.

    So my first beers were crap, the stuff my dad could get cheap because he liked a beer or two every day after work. Stuff like Old Milwaukee Lite and that generic beer that was brewed by Falstaff always filled dad's fridge. A treat was Coors which was brewed in Colorado but, at the time, didn't have nationwide distribution. They didn't sell it in South Dakota, but a short drive to Wyoming could secure a couple of cases of Coors. It amazes me that we considered that a treat. Don't get me wrong, to this day I like Coors better than any other mass produced pilsner, but it's still a mass produced pilsner. I can do better.

    When I was in college, getting something different meant getting an import. I got into some German pilsners like St. Pauli Girl and Beck's, and there was always Guiness, but the choices were pretty limited.

    It wasn't until I was in my twenties and thirties that fine American regional breweries started springing up and making fine beers. The first big one that I became aware of was Boston Brewing, the makers of Samuel Adams. I like Samuel Adams, a full bodied lager, hoppy, meaty, a real man's beer. Then I tried some of their other brews. They make a wonderful cream stout, a Golden Pilsner (and if you ever see it, buy it!), a whole variety of beers, some seasonal, some brewed year round.

    Other regionals have done good business and made great beer as well. But the reason I'm writing this post is because of a brewery down the road in Ft. Collins, Colorado, New Belgium Brewing. New Belgium has a history with me similar to that of Coors. New Belgium didn't have distribution in South Dakota. When dropping of promotion for a Patient 957 show in Spearfish, TSA suggested driving to Beulah, Wyoming to buy some New Belgium beer at a little convenience store just across the border.

    I'd had Fat Tire while living in California, a Belgian style ale that I liked. This store had the whole line of New Belgium beers and I picked up 12 of the Sunshine wheat and 12 of the 1554 Brussels Black Ale. I've never particular been into Belgian styles, preferring the English and German takes on brewing, but my experiences with these beers were excellent. They sort of opened my eyes to the Belgian styles.

    BPM, mere feet below me as I type, is a Belgian brewing fan. He enjoys the beers of New Belgium as well as the styles produced by Avery Brewing in Boulder, Colorado. I've enjoyed a few Belgian style beers with him and have learned to appreciate the style.

    A grabbed a 6 pack of New Belgium 1554 Brussels Black Ale on the way home from work last night. A few minutes later I was enjoying a beer, a good beer, in my apartment and watching the episode of The Simpsons where Marge becomes a Springfield Police Officer ("Marge, you being the Man makes me the woman... and I have no interest in that... aside from occasionally wearing the underwear which as we've discussed is strictly a comfort thing...").

    I live less than an hour away from one of the great American breweries, a couple of hours away from some of the best brewing done in this country. Not drinking their beers would be wasting my proximity to them.



    Monday, June 25, 2007


    Spam of the Week

    I'll spare you the body of text of the spam, I get this kind of stuff about 40 times a day, but the closing was, in my estimation, something deserving of Spam of the Week:

    Thank you for staying with us!
    vampirism sucks, money makes the world glow brown



    Saturday, June 23, 2007


    Aaries and Julian Go to the Farm


    A day at the farm for the too coolest boys I know (I realize that they have a new cousin, but I haven't been around him much yet, he has yet to prove himself).

    Aaries seems as interested in the straw as he is the sheep he's in the pen with. Julian seems to get it all and is paying attention to the calf. In any case, I'm glad they got the opportunity.

    Uncle BOJ



    My favorite Tenacious D song from the best episode of their most excellent TV show.

    I always thought the D was better when their music represented a story. This is a good story, plus it takes a nice shot at drummers which, though generally really easy, is always a good thing.


    Friday, June 22, 2007


    Study: Men View Faces in Sexy Photos

    From ABC News:

    Contrary to popular opnion, men are more likely to look at a female's face before other areas when looking at pictures of naked women, according to a study by Emory University resarchers. And women will gaze at picture of heterosexual sex longer than men, the study found.

    Men went straight to the face and lingered awhile, but most of the women were more interested in the sexual activity. How much so depended on whether they were taking hormone-filled birth control pills.

    See, men aren't complete shits.



    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    Back to photos of Sue with a guitar. I considered posting a photo of just her guitar as I found some nice photos of her paisley stratocaster. Then again, why would I waste a Sue Foley Photo Friday on an inanimate object. I could own an identical guitar, but there's no way I can play it as well as the lovely Ms. Foley. It's not about the guitar, it's about Sue.

    Enjoy another installment of Sue Foley Photo Friday, my favorite day of the week.



    Thursday, June 21, 2007


    Onion News Network

    In The Know: Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%



    600 Home Runs Shouldn't Be Pointless

    July 29, 1989: Sammy Sosa traded by the Texas Rangers with Wilson Alvarez and Scott Fletcher to the Chicago White Sox for Harold Baines and Fred Manrique. Texas Rangers owner at the time, George W. Bush.

    June 20, 2007: Sammy Sosa hits 600th career home run, becoming the fifth major league baseball player to reach that plateau.

    June 21, 2007: George W. Bush states his case to trade Sosa in 1989 was based on "bad intelligence."



    Wednesday, June 20, 2007

    A little insight into how decisions are made here at The Globex Corporation




    I'm a Political Advertising Genius!

    Maybe that's overstating things a bit. Maybe the candidate's qualifications and dedication had something to do with it. Maybe current teachers in the school district writing amazing letters to the editor had something to do with it. Maybe an advertisement on blog that nobody reads had nothing to do with it.

    From the Rapid City Journal:

    Incumbent Janice Jungemann and challenger Dennis Boomsma won the two available seats on the Douglas School Board on Tuesday night.

    Jungemann led the way with 224 votes, with Boomsma behind her at 170. Challengers Mark Knodel and Kelly Schwartz both came up short in the four-way race for the three-year seats, receiving 95 and 85 votes, respectively.

    Schwartz's loss means she will be denied the chance to serve on the board with her husband, current school board member Les Schwartz.

    Boomsma is a former school board member, having previously served 9 years on the board.

    Jungemann was appointed to the board last year to complete the term of Tom Drouin, who moved to another state. She represents the board on the Associated School Boards of South Dakota board of directors.

    Jungemann worked in the Douglas School District for 28 years before retiring four years ago.

    Trista Hedderman, Douglas School District's business manager, said the turnout for the election was poor. She said only about 5 percent of the voters showed up to cast votes.

    Congrats, some lady I know...


    Tuesday, June 19, 2007


    Positive About Beer

    If I had my way I would know everything. I've been collecting knowledge for my entire life and seem to let very little go. When I was in high school, this was decidedly not cool. If a weird fact came out of my mouth everyone would ask, "how do you know that?"

    It amazes me that I was somewhat ashamed of my ability to hang onto facts. It amazes me that I would actually hold back, that I'd try not to act "so smart."

    There's a difference between having knowledge and being a "know it all" I realize. I know I've crossed that line before and undoubtedly will again. One of the hardest things for me to admit is that I don't know something, a close second being that I don't have an opinion about something.

    When it comes right down to it, though, I know it's impossible to know everything. I imagine that more is learned every day in this ever changing world then I could ever fit inside my skull. I can never know it all. While I accept that, it sort of bugs me.

    Honestly, the only area that I can be totally infallable about is very personal, the things I like. Even that, though, is changing. I like things today that I didn't realize that I liked when I was younger or even a year and a half ago when I moved to Cheyenne. But in whether I like something or not, particularly after trying it, I can never be wrong. I know that completely.

    I was walking across the bridge at USSB one day and I thought I heard Glen Purdie say, "what was the question?" It was part of a conversation that I wasn't in on, I hadn't heard any of the rest of the conversation, I was just passing through on my way to Control Room B (the one with MTV in it...) but hearing that made me think for some reason.

    What was the question? I don't know, but suddenly I wanted to know the answer. It's funny how something will stick in you brain and just won't get out. Plus I'd be sitting in the same room for the next 8 hours, and it would stew inside my head until I had to drive home.

    Beer is the answer, the t-shirt reads, what was the question? Of all of the truths in the universe, one that I am completely confident in is how much I like beer. I know a lot of things, but I don't have first hand experience with them.

    I know that the Mississippi River flows from Lake Itasca, Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico south and east of New Orleans. I've read this in books and seen that this is the path of the river on maps. I know the Mississippi River exists, at the time I was living really close to it. But I'll never know, actually know for myself that this is true until I visit both of those places. Moreover, I can't know it is completely true until I travel the entire length of the river from Lake Itasca to the Gulf of Mexico.

    I do know, without any shadow of doubt, that I like beer. I don't have to take any of that on faith. It's simply true. Everything I read, everything I see requires scrutiny on my part. Yes, some beers I don't like. Most, however, I do.

    So all of this stuff stews in my head for a while and it starts to come out much more poetically that I've spent a whole lot of words just now trying to express:

    Lots of questions in life lots of things to know
    I wanna learn 'em all before my time to go
    I got questions about death and the dearly departed
    I got questions about women, man, don't get me started
    I can tell you what I've learned in just one easy lesson
    Beer is the answer, what was the question?

    From the factual to the metaphysical to the stuff that relationships are based on, I have no idea. I'm clueless. I'd love to know everything, but I never will. But there's one thing I do know.

    They told us in school that knowledge is king
    But when it comes right down to it we don't know a thing
    We got Atlantis and Big Foot and alien abduction
    No answers just heresay and powers of deduction
    But there's one thing I know 'bout the rest I'm just guessin'
    Beer is the answer, what was the question?

    Tony Olson worked at USSB and was absolutely certain that aliens were here. I don't buy that at all, but, well, I can't be completely certain that they don't. Nobody can prove that they don't. I don't buy it, but I could be wrong. It's just one more thing that I'll (probably) never know.

    Being a linear songwriter, it was hard for me not to begin with the chorus, which was the first thing that sprung to my mind. The chorus and this final verse were the first things I wrote in Control Room B that day. The two verses above took a long time and came much later. I have a chorus to a song that I wrote back in October that I still haven't done anything with. I'm sure I will someday, but I can't force it. The same with this:

    Well beer is the answer, what was the question?
    I ain't got none now but I know where to get some
    A tall glass of brew is my only redemption
    Beer is the answer, what was the question?

    Life is a test it ain't multiple choice
    It ain't fill in the blanks it ain't true or false
    There ain't no time limit it don't grade on a curve
    You do the best that you can and get what you deserve
    I've been studyin' too hard and my brain needs some restin'
    Beer is the answer, what was the question?

    I'll never know everything. For me, that's pretty humbling. I take great comfort in being completely sure about something.

    I also like the way beer tastes.



    Monday, June 18, 2007


    New Song In the Sidebar

    From Patient 957's short stint in the studio, here's the first track recorded, Anti-Love Song. TSA's little brother, FSA, who played bass on the studio track of Eight Years, tried to add a bass track to Anti Love Song, but didn't get it in a couple of tries so we moved on.

    It's a nice little song that, at times, featured Rapid City's best rapper (which is like saying "best Chinese food in Wyoming" or "TV's most prestigious fishing tournament"), Wellington Downs, in the middle where we would sometimes do Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry.

    In any case, enjoy this and all of the other sidebar songs. Courtesy of your friends at The Globex Corporation.



    Spam of the Week

    . Vous concevez, dit Jonas ; comme son habitude est de se moquer toujours du monde, je sais d.avance qu.elle va rire ou en faire semblant. Mais vous pouvez lui dire que je parle serieusement, ma cousine ; vous le pouvez, n.est-il pas vrai ? Vous lui declarerez que vous etiez instruite de la chose. Vous agirez d.une maniere honorable, j.en suis sur, . ajouta-t-il d.un ton persuasif.

    Poor translation courtesy of Babel Fish:

    . You conceive, says Jonas; as its practice is to always make fun of the world, I know d.avance qu.elle will laugh or make some seeming. But you can say to him that I speak seriously, my cousin; you, n.est it can it not true? You will declarerez to him that you etiez educated of the thing. You will act d.une honourable manner, j.en am on. it added d.un your persuasive.

    So the poor spelling, grammar and absolute pointlessness of spam translates into French as well? It's nice to know that some things are universal...



    Saturday, June 16, 2007


    Cool Graphics I Didn't Make

    Reasons You Should Be Reading The Onion Right Now:

    1. It has really cool and pointless graphics made by truly twisted people.

    2. It's much funnier than this crap.

    3. Because I asked you nicely.



    Friday, June 15, 2007



    From The Seattle Times:

    "We harp on the fact that being impaired (behind the wheel) is so dangerous, but being distracted is equally as dangerous," Merrill said. "I can't think of anything more distracting than this."

    He's not talking about talking on a cell phone...



    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    Not a guitar in sight.

    What am I thinking?



    Thursday, June 14, 2007


    I've Got a Lot of Dogs in This Fight

    I'm a creature of habit when it comes to watching TV. I don't watch much, but I do have a sort of schedule that I adhere to on weekdays. I watch King of the Hill at 5:30 and The Simpsons at 6:00 on KLWY, a poorly run satellite station that was down for an entire day this week, then I switch to MSNBC in hopes of catching the "Oddball" segment on Countdown with Keith Olberman. At 6:30 (if "Oddball" is over) I flip over to KDEV channel 8 to catch Jeopardy!.

    As most of you know, I absolutely love Jeopardy!, it's one of my favorite TV shows and I, unlike someone who likes, oh, say, The Office, I was actually on my favorite TV show a couple of years ago. If any of my three shows are not airing on any particular day, I don't have a fit, I don't send angry letters to the ownership of said stations. With King of the Hill and The Simpsons, I have most likely seen the episode that is running in syndication, and, well, it only TV.

    Most of you will also know that I work in television. I've worked in the operations end mostly, I've been the guy who makes sure that what you're trying to watch gets to you TV so you can enjoy it as you should. As cost saving measures, many organizations operate more than one station from their master control position. I'm in favor of this because it gives more viewing options to a market the size of Cheyenne. The down side of this is that, in many cases, one person is running two or more stations at the same time. Their attentions are divided and it makes an already difficult job even more so.

    I work in a multi channel environment. On any given night, I may be responsible for any number of channels from a master control standpoint. The differnce between me and KLWY or KDEV is that I'm working in a facility specifically designed to operate more than one channel at a time. Additionally, I'm not alone as most local station master control operators are, I can call for help when I need it.

    Today I was back in Cheyenne after a wonderful lunch in Ft. Collins, I turned on the TV and watched King of the Hill and Jeopardy!, I flipped over to MSNBC, but Allison Stewart was hosting Countdown which generally makes the pacing of the show a little differnt, so I didn't see all of "Oddball." Then I turned over to KDEV and caught the beginning of Jeopardy!.

    I watched all of the first two rounds of the show. The show was a runaway, the champion would return tomorrow unless he "pulled a Klaven" (a real Jeopardy! term) and I was about to find out what the clue for the final was. At that moment (6:54PM MDT) the video changed to the singing of the National Anthem at game 4 of the NBA Finals.

    I consulted the program guide on my cable. The pregame of the NBA Finals was supposed to be airing on KDEV. Someone (not even in Cheyenne, but in Casper) figured out their mistake and immediately went to the proper program.
    Jeopardy! was pre-emepted by the NBA Finals, but because they teased me, they showed me 86% of a Jeopardy! episode. The remaining 14% of the show contained the final clue and the outcome of the game. I'd just as soon not seen the show at all. In fact, I have other options to watch Jeopardy! on my cable system, I wouldn't have been able to watch PTI, but I'd live.

    My Jeopardy! show aired on a Monday in most of the country, but in Los Angeles it was on KABC on Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 at 5:00PM. Since KABC is an ABC affiliate, my show was pre-empted by Monday Night Football, which is normal on the West coast. KABC runs Jeopardy! on a Tuesday through Saturday schedule during football season. They've planned for that. It works.

    None of today's contestants were from Cheyenne, Wyoming. Who's to say that they didn't have any family or friends here? I know how bad I'd feel if my show had not aired in its entirety because of poor planning by the TV station airing it. I'd feel worse if I knew when it was going to be on, double checked the program guide, was positive I was going to see the show and it didn't air.

    Of course, I was openly rooting for a Southern California high speed chase during my show. Man, I miss those...



    Still Pointless After All This Time



    Wednesday, June 13, 2007


    The Onion Radio News

    Doyle Redland
    With Doyle Redland

    New Total-Fucking-Mess Czar To Oversee America's Total Fucking Messes

    Listen to the story here.

    Completely gratuitus swearing as only The Onion can do it.




    Working My Way Back to the MBW

    Ya know what really torques me off? People who say they'll give you a positive post on Tuesdays but then give you some stupid graphic comparing Nelson Mandela to Paris Hilton...

    So no Positive Tuesday Post yesterday. Chalk it up to a mild case of writer's block that will undoubtedly rear it's head in this MBW.

    Here's the deal, the San Antonio Spurs are one game away from winning the NBA championship. They're a great team, they play basketball the way most it's supposed to be played. They play great team ball, while Tim Duncan is a superstar, he doesn't dominate or put up numbers that awe you. They play defense, they rebound, they do all the things that you have to do to win championships. They are one of the great teams of my lifetime, they're about to win a fourth NBA title in seven years, an unbelievable feat in the era of free agency.

    And nobody's watching.

    People don't find this brand of basketball entertaining. Worse, sports media insist on telling us that it's not entertaining, and that's my beef. I listen to a lot of sports talk radio both live and on podcasts. I watch the sports discussion show PTI (maybe my favorite show on TV) everyday.

    If you don't find fundamental basketball entertaining, I don't have a problem with that. That's your choice, provided that it's actually your choice. But I hear hours of discussion daily about how boring San Antonio is and what the NBA has to do to insure that this doesn't happen again. I hear that the course the US Open is being played on is too difficult, that scores are likely to be over par for the leaders.

    I understand that sports is entertainment, that it's a money making enterprise, that TV ratings are involved. Fine. But don't put down a great team because they, totally within the current rules, play a in a style that doesn't put butts in the seats.

    If there aren't butts in the seats, if there aren't eyes on the TV, that IS NOT the fault of the San Antonio Spurs, the fault lies completely with the NBA. If the system allows this team to win, if Greg Popovich is smart enough to see that he can win under this system with the talent on hand, then he's a genius.

    Would other match-ups have been more entertain? Would they have put more butts in the seats? Maybe, but the last time I checked, the NBA championship goes to the best team on the court, not the one with the highest attendence or best TV rating.



    Tuesday, June 12, 2007

    From BOJ News Service



    Open Letter


    Addressed to:
    Time Warner
    DISH Network
    Gemstar-TV Guide

    We the members of Intelligent Fans Against Reality Television have decided to send this letter to your organization in protest of certain programs being placed into the “Reality” category within the Program Guide of cable and satellite television systems. Reality Television as we know it is the lowest possible form of entertainment on the airwaves today and as a result attracts viewers of low intelligence and sense.

    Programs that indeed attract a more intelligent audience on networks provided by organizations as Discovery Channel or Food Network often may appear to be similar to “Reality” shows however are more documentary or informative in nature, and should not be labeled in the same category with garbage like “Survivor” or “Flavor of Love”.

    The members of our group often disregard any program with “Reality” as the category to avoid being subjected to bottom of the barrel content, and the incorrect categorization of intelligent programs may lead to non-members with similar tastes as us missing out on such stimulating and informational television shows.

    Contained below is our list of programs that we feel should be put into a category other than “Reality”:

    American Chopper
    Monster Garage
    Dirty Jobs
    Deadliest Catch
    Ace Of Cakes
    Throwdown with Bobby Flay
    Dinner: Impossible

    Thank you for your attention, we hope this letter prompts you to correct this injustice.

    Members of Intelligent Fans Against Reality Television

    Text by Quinn, graphic by yours truly



    Monday, June 11, 2007

    I was not eating or sleeping. I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage.

    -Paris Hilton

    when asked what led to her being "reassigned" from LA Coutny Jail to house arrest.



    Political Advertisement


    I don't know, some lady I know...



    Spam of the Week

    Dear God, for someone trying to pass himself off as intelligent and educated, Abraham's grammar and spelling are atrocious!

    Dear Honourable Friend.

    I want to start by counting on you, that you will handle this busness with all maturity and confidentiality it deserves, I am Mr. Abraham Jacobus Casparus from South Africa and a Senior staff with the Standard Chartered Bank Cape Town.

    Currently I am in the Netherlands on three month course, I decided to contact you hence as a senior staff, the code of conduct bureau of my country do not allow me to own an offshore account and own a foreign business. Before I left for the Netherlands, I discover a deposit value US$17M. Dollars belonging to one MR & MRS HAROLD OLIVE SCHULZ Australia National, both were GOLD PRODUCERS and where awarded contract by the South Africa ENERGY AND MINNING MINISTRY, but unfortunately both were victims of the Fairchild Metroliner plane crash on suday 8th May 2005. to confirmed my proposal kindly view evidence of this report: , Since the death of this couple know family relative have come to make claim of this deposit and effort to locate them by my department without success.

    I therefore implore your assistance, to introduce you as the Next of kin to Mr & Mrs Harold Olive Schulz and act as the beneficiary to procure this deposit. Identifications copy of the couple and documents shall be presented to you once you agree to help me secure this fund and every arrangement is finalise to justify your claim as true proof of beneficiary. For your assistance 30% of the total deposit for you and the remaining 70% for me. This business is 100% risk free and every modalities has be put in place to ensure the success of this business, you have nothing to worry about.

    Kindly feel free to contact me via my personal mail: or indicating your interest to assist me in this business. Thanks for your understanding and will appreciate your urgent attention to this very important matter.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Abraham Jacobus Casparus.


    Saturday, June 09, 2007


    American Idol

    From Steve Thorpe's column in The Rapid City Journal

    Take “American Idol,” for example. I have caught a few pieces of the show before the open mike at The Howling Wolf in Lead on Tuesdays. It leaves me cold. It’s football without the ball and the padding. The joy of victory. The agony of defeat.

    Not that these kids don’t have talent. There are some fine voices at work, but that’s not what “American Idol” is about. The talent and the music are secondary. The show is about being on the make. It’s about wanting to be idolized. In the immortal words of Joni Mitchell, “Where’s that at? If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.”

    Music, at its best, is an expression of human emotion -- joy, pain, sorrow, love, hope, mischief, often all at the same time. My own experience is that if I’m thinking about anything other than the song I’m singing, the song will come off “wrong,” phony, incomplete. Stillborn. Maybe I’m projecting, but I sometimes see this in other singers, too.

    Steve is as fine a musician and songwriter as I've ever known, and one of the finest individuals as well.

    Steve has the talent to say things that I've wanted to say myself, but couldn't find the right combination of words to express them. This comes pretty close.





    Craig Kilborn Ready To Return To The Daily Show

    From The Onion

    LOS ANGELES—Former late-night television personality Craig Kilborn announced Monday that he has decided to return to the show he says he made a household name.

    "Jon Stewart's been doing a real fine job filling in for me while I pursued my other projects, but I think it's time for me to take back the reins," Kilborn said in an interview with E! Monday. "Sure, The Daily Show's gotten a little slow, but there's nothing wrong with it that couldn't be fixed with a little of Craiggers' old 'Five Questions' magic."

    Kilborn noted that many shows lose their ways under interim hosts, citing post-1996 SportsCenter as evidence.



    Friday, June 08, 2007


    From BOJ News Service.


    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    From a Canadian TV show called Thingamajigs with Debbie. Looks, talent, and she does woodworking too?

    Tell me again why we aren't involved...



    Thursday, June 07, 2007


    Paris Hilton Sentenced to Jail for Probation Violation

    From AP via CBC, May 4th, 2007
    Hotel heiress and celebrity socialite Paris Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating probation related to a reckless driving case.

    Hilton, 26, must go to the Century Regional Detention Center, Los Angeles County's jailhouse for women, on June 5. She will not be allowed any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or any electronic monitoring in lieu of jail, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer ruled after a hearing.

    Paris Hilton, arriving at the Metropolitan Courthouse in L.A. for a probation violation hearing, must serve 45 days in jail beginning June 5. Paris Hilton, arriving at the Metropolitan Courthouse in L.A. for a probation violation hearing, must serve 45 days in jail beginning June 5.
    (Matt Sayles/Associated Press)

    The judge ruled that she was in violation of the terms of her probation in her alcohol-related reckless driving case.

    Hilton had said she was unaware her licence was suspended, and thought she was allowed to drive for work purposes.

    She said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her licence was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document.

    "I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all," she told the judge before he announced her sentence.
    Continue Article

    Hilton was then ordered to report to the women's jail in suburban Lynwood on the set date or face 90 days behind bars.
    Heiress to be segregated

    Inmates at the detention centre get three low-sodium meals a day, with dinner the only hot meal. Beef and pork aren't permitted — "it's all poultry-based," said Capt. Alice Scott, who oversees the 2,200-inmate facility.

    Hilton will be segregated from the general population for her own safety, living in a one- or two-person cell.

    Inmates are allowed outside their cells for an hour each day to shower, watch television in the day room, participate in outdoor recreation or talk on the telephone, Scott said. There is a bank of phones that use prepaid phone cards — cellular telephones and BlackBerries aren't allowed.

    As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton's mother, Kathy, laughed. After the judge handed down his ruling, Kathy Hilton blurted out: "May I have your autograph?"

    Paris Hilton looked forward and didn't speak to the media as she left court. Her mother looked upset.

    When a reporter asked what she thought of the judge's decision, a visibly angry Kathy Hilton responded: "What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke."

    Defence attorney Howard Weitzman said he would appeal.

    "I'm shocked, I'm surprised and really disheartened in the system that I've worked in for close to 40 years," Weitzman said.

    He said the sentence was "uncalled for, inappropriate and bordered on the ludicrous.

    "I think she's singled out because of who she is," Weitzman said.
    Arrives at court late

    Paris Hilton arrived at the courthouse 10 minutes after the scheduled 1:30 p.m. start time of the hearing.

    Hilton pleaded no contest in January to reckless driving stemming from a Sept. 7 arrest in Hollywood. Police said she appeared intoxicated and failed a field sobriety test. She had a blood-alcohol level of .08 per cent, the level at which a driver is in violation of the law.

    She was sentenced to 36 months probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.

    But she landed back in court after two other traffic stops, and she failed to enrol in a mandated alcohol education program.

    On Jan. 15, Hilton was pulled over by California Highway Patrol.

    Officers informed her that she was driving on a suspended licence and she signed a document acknowledging that she was not to drive, according to papers filed in Superior Court.

    As well, Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies stopped Hilton on Feb. 27 and charged her with violating her probation. Police said she was pulled over at about 11 p.m. after authorities saw the car speeding with its headlights off.

    Hilton's spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said at the time that Hilton wasn't aware her licence was suspended. A copy of the document Hilton signed on Jan. 15 was found in the car's glove compartment, court papers say.

    Hilton was also required to enrol in an alcohol education program by Feb. 12. As of April 17, she had not enrolled, prosecutors said.

    Paris Hilton Out of Jail

    From CNN, June 7th, 2007

    Paris Hilton was let out of jail Thursday morning, days after she began serving what was to have been a 45-day sentence for violating probation, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said.

    Hilton must wear a monitoring bracelet and remain at her home for another 40 days, said sheriff's department spokesman Steve Whitmore.

    Medical considerations "played a part" in the decision to offer Hilton home confinement for the remainder of her sentence, Whitmore said.

    He said privacy rules prohibited him from giving details about the medical issues, but celebrity Web site earlier quoted sources saying Hilton was refusing to eat much of the jail food served her.

    Whitmore said that after "extensive consultation with medical personnel" it was decided to offer Hilton "reassignment" to home confinement, which she and her attorneys accepted.

    Part of the deal was that her original sentence of 45 days, which had been reduced to 23 days if she showed good behavior behind bars, would be restored to the full length. Although she reported to the jail just before midnight Sunday and departed in the early hours of Thursday, she was given credit for five days, he said.

    Whitmore said the decision to send Hilton home was made by a panel of officials in the sheriff's department, although the judge who sentenced her was advised of the move.

    Hilton was arrested on charges of drunken driving in September.

    In January, she pleaded no contest to a charge of alcohol-related reckless driving. She was sentenced to three years' probation and had her license suspended.

    In February, she was caught driving on a suspended license, which later was ruled a probation violation.

    Hilton entered jail Sunday after attending the MTV Movie Awards, where she answered questions from the press and was the subject of host Sarah Silverman's jokes.

    Our long national nightmare is over.



    Wednesday, June 06, 2007


    More MBW

    Who let this kid into a Formula One race without a helmet.?




    A Reality MBW

    I just watched Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel and besides giving me an excuse to the post the photo to the right I was a little irked by something. Nothing in the show itself, mind you, tonight's show had a really cool myth about drafting behind semi trucks.

    My bitch, my Mega-Bitch, if you will, had to do with the guide description. I've seen this before and it always bothered me. Today being the MBW gives me an excuse to bitch about it.

    The show was listed under the category of reality. If I had never seen the show before, that alone would have caused me to move on. Mythbusters is not a piece of crap reality TV show, like Survivor, it's actual, useful Tv.

    Who decided to label it as such and how do I reach them to complain?




    I'm A Winner!

    Tuesday, June 05, 2007


    Vanity Plates

    A picture of Julian in his car. I made vanity license plates for him and Aaires.

    He would show you his driver's license as well, but as he says, "the crocodile ate it."

    Click on the photo for a closer look.



    Robo-Bitch - In Jail!

    I'm not sure I really want to write about this. My general philosophy on Paris Hilton is that if people stop talking about her that she'll just go away.

    But I can't pass this up.

    Paris Hilton is in jail!!!

    Generally I try not to delight in the misfortune of others, but this Paris Hilton, famous for, as near as I can tell, being famous.

    Her jail cell is probably nicer than my apartment, she'll more than likely eat betterthan me while in the can. But if I want to go to a movie tonight, or drive a car anywhere, I can. I don't plan to, but I can. I can.

    So for a month, the most fundamental thing about my life will be better than some rich bitch's.



    Monday, June 04, 2007


    More Spam,
    But Not Really, Because I Know This Guy

    Got this in the comments to a post yesterday.

    Click and view continually for the next 24 hours, blogger and YouTube can handle it...

    Create by a guy at work, worked on by a bunch of people I know, so I'm not going to make some crack about buying a hip hop dance instructional video produced in Cheyenne, Wyoming, that would sort of defeat the purpose.



    Spam of the Week
    **Sales Representative Needed--Increase Your Income**

    Attn: Sir/Madam

    My Name is Calvin Mills, an artist residing permanently in the United
    Kingdom,I have been selling my art works for the last 4 years now and
    I have had my work featured on trading cards, prints,fabrics and in

    I have sold in galleries and to private collectors from all around the
    world,I am always facing serious difficulties when it comes to selling
    my art works and fabrics to Americans,they are always offering to pay
    with financial instruments that I am not familiar with,I undergo so
    much difficulty in converting them to cash. At the same time, the cost
    of travelling to the US is not worth it due to the little amount
    involved in such transactions. Moreso,The international money transfer
    tax for legal entities (companies) in UK is 25%, whereas for the
    individual it is only 10%. There is no sense for us to work this way,
    while tax for international money transfer made by a private
    individual is 10%. That's why we need you!This way we will save money
    due to high taxation.

    I am currently in search of a representative in the United States who
    will be working for me as a partime worker . I am willing to pay 10%
    for every transaction. Someone who would help me recieve payments from
    my customers. All you need do is receive payments for my paintings,
    convert them to cash,deduct 10% of the total amount and wire the
    balance to me . Our Orders in the US and Canada ranges from $15,000 -
    $70,000/monthly. You guaranteed a minimum commission of $1050 monthly.

    My products are also widely distributed in Europe, Asia, Africa and
    America on a weekly basis and my quest to recruit a
    agent/representative is due to the increase in orders from these said
    countries leading to logistic and billing problems.

    You do not have to go out as you will work as an independent
    contractor right from your home/office. Your job is absolutely legal.
    You do not need any form of capital or investment to start. You do not
    have to quit your present job. The employees who make efforts and
    work hard have a strong possibility to become managers. Anyway our
    employees never leave us due to our excellent working condition.

    If you have read and understood my offer, please send me an email as
    soon as possible indicating your willingness to work for me.

    All replies should be sent via email to my personal email address for

    The email should include a statement of your acceptance of my offer
    and with the following Informations stated hereunder:


    As soon as I receive those from you, I will foward your details to my
    customers immediately and they will make arrangements towards sending
    you the payment ..

    Warmest Regards,

    Calvin Mills.

    Well, it's not some Nigerian guy, so it must be real. I guess the way you sell art is by enlisting the help of EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH EMAIL!

    I guess I'm not special.



    Sunday, June 03, 2007


    Indulge Me...

    Allow this to a proud uncle and great uncle.

    My nephew "Scooter" and his son DJ in a photo that couldn't be cuter.

    OK, I'm done, go on with your lives...


    Saturday, June 02, 2007


    The Onion Radio News

    Doyle Redland
    With Doyle Redland

    World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

    Listen to the story here.

    This explains so much in a way only The Onion can.



    Friday, June 01, 2007


    Coming Clean

    957 Ness
    I've been perpetrating the myth for some time now, but finally decided to come clean. As I've become older and more mature, these childish pranks no longer hold the same charm for me. Time to just get it out in the open.

    Patient 957 Doesn't Exist!!!

    I know, I know, and I feel bad about it, but Patient 957 is just a myth like Sasquatch or the Loch Ness Monster. I made it up in 2004, partly to make myself feel more important, but mostly to meet girls.

    The surprising thing is how the public bought into it. People swear they've been to 957 shows, Dorian Michael swears 957 opened for him at the Dahl.

    Stop delluding yourselves, nothing ever happend, Patient 957 never existed. It was all just an ellaborate hoax by someone who calls himself "Blind Orange" Julius.

    I hear that's not even his real name...



    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    A new month, a new Sue Foley Photo Friday. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to write this every week and not sound like a blithering idiot?

    Perhaps I'm not succeeding, so I will forgo the blithering this week...



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    The Bert Convey
    Friends' Blogs
    My Photo
    Location: United States

    I'm not telling you anything...