Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Carnivore Sex Off the Menu

From The Press (New Zealand):

No sex, please, you're a carnivore.

A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the idea of you are what you eat to the extreme.

Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.

Alright, everybody has their own thing. I try to respect the views of others, even if they differ greatly from mine.

One vegan respondent from Christchurch said: "I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with bodily fluids, especially sexually."

Another Christchurch vegan said she found non-vegans attractive, but would not want to be physically close to them.

"I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance," she said.

Slick over at Broken Machines was telling me yesterday about grass clippings that got left out and were rained on. The smell was horrific. While I'll agree with the
that rotting meat is putrid, I contend that rotting vegetable matter smells no better. Therefore, sex with some who is composed of rotting vegetable matter should be repulsive as well.

Picking partners and relationships based on diet? That's just plain silly.



The Upper-Case "L-Word"

I bitch a lot. It's sort of what I do. I'm sure it gets old for you, the fine readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter which is why I try to limit my bitching to one day a week. OK, I violate that, but if you compare the contemporary blog to "Globex Classic" (I'm always working the marketing angle...), you'll find that I'm not quite so bitchy today as I was, say, two years ago.

That's not what this post is about, though. This post is about family, specifically, mine (no, not the "Juliluses"...). Like any family, mine pisses me off from time to time. I could go into things, relatively recently even, that made me want to break from my family. Try as I might, I keep going back, though. And, more importantly to me, they keep taking me back.

I was the younger of two children, the only boy. I always felt like I was the favorite. Maybe I was, but when I look back on things, maybe my parents just made me feel like I was the favorite. Exceedingly fair people, when I look at the type of people they are, I don't think they could have had a favorite. But I sure felt like I was.

While my dad was gone a lot in the military, he was never distant. Not an overly emotional type, he was always there those times when my heart was breaking, but in his way. He was the one who spent an entire day with me driving to and from Sioux Falls to pick up my stuff when I got separated. When you spend 12 hours in a pickup with someone at a time like that you need comfort. You also need someone with a strong back and first hand knowledge of loading a vehicle. I got both that day, as difficult a day as I've had to endure

I chopped a lot of wood at that time. I'd go to the woodpile and break up aspen and pine logs with a kind of rage I didn't know I was capable of until I couldn't lift the maul over my head anymore, until the blisters on my hands were torn open and bloody. Dad brought me a pair of gloves and showed me how to split wood correctly, how not to waste energy, how to accomplish something with all of that energy, how to do the job right. It was exactly what I needed at the time and somehow he knew.

My mom was always there in a more emotional and intellectual way. She was a stay at home mom in a time when that was actually possible. It causes me a great amount of sorrow when I see an economic situation that forces both parents in a household to work. Kids today (God, I sound old) are really missing out. A parent at home kept me out of trouble, was always there when I needed a hand.

Mom grew up on a farm, and you always had a big breakfast on the farm. We had a big breakfast every morning, more breakfast than we probably needed, but that was mom's thing. Cereal? I didn't know what cereal was until I went to college. Our breakfasts always had meat and lots of grains. Again, I wasn't spending all day in the fields, I was going to sit in a classroom. I probably didn't need all of that food in the morning. It was an advantage though, I was alert and not hungry when I went to school.

I led an advantageous childhood. Not advantages like going to the best schools or having things. My parents were all about advantages. They were always there (and continue to be) when I needed them. Mom was at home, returning to work after we kids could fend for ourselves a little better. They did things for themselves, sometimes on the cheap, to provide more for the family. That provided more money for the family, but it was more importantly a lesson. You want food? I learned that it was possible to cook for yourself, to kill and butcher the food yourself. You want a room in your basement? Build it yourself. You can use the money you saved for something else.

I don't kill my own meat or build much of anything anymore, but I'm well aware of the possibility. And I do a lot of things myself, those lessons translated into thing in me my parents probably didn't expect. I like to read, so I write. I like music so I create it. I like food so I cook. I like beer so I brew. Those things are gifts from my parents.

It is not my intention to leave anyone out, my sister, her kids, her grandkids provide me with a great deal of happiness. And I've learned from the all, they provide their own lessons. It's my parents who have made me what I am. It is not possible to thank them enough.

I love my parents. I respect and admire them. I hope to be like them when I grow up. I mean that in a childish way, but also as the humorous and thoughtful adult that they taught me to be.

...serious time has now concluded, back to the pointless crap you've come to expect from The Globex Corporation Newsletter. Have a great day...


Monday, July 30, 2007



I am so not allowed to do this. I'm at work at [Nameless Company]. I'm not even at liberty to say how I'm blogging at work. In fact, let's just forget that I ever said I was at work. I'm not. I'm on an island somewhere, not at work.

So, everything's going OK. There's still time to vote on the "Spam of the Week" replacement. "Serial Monday" is leading right now. Of course, that option requires the most work out of me, but it the fine readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter was "Serial Monday," then, by God, that's what they'll get.

Thanks, this was fun.



More Details On NFL Bad Boy Pacman Jones And TNA

From Wrestling Edge:

- News Channel 5 in Nashville, TN picked up on the Pacman Jones story last night. They reported that Jeff Jarrett was out of the country on Sunday night, but would be back for comment on Monday and that the story of Pacman becoming a full time pro wrestler will break nationally on Tuesday. Pacman's agent, Michael Hughe when reached for comment couldn't confirm or deny the report.

At the same time, reader John Levy wrote to let me know that News 2 also briefly picked up on the story and said Pacman's lawyer said he would not be wrestling. Pacman could debut at the iMPACT tapings tonight, with the story hitting the media outlets on Tuesday morning.

According to PWInsider, the Tennessee Titans organization has no problems with Pacman being involved with TNA and sources say this wasn't another crazy idea of Vince Russo.

Hanging out with guys who are deep into steroid use, that's a great way to get back into the NFL.

I know I'm not the first to say it, but Adam Jones will never play in the NFL again. Wrestling is not an illegal activity (it pays a portion of my bills), but it's probably not the best vocation/hobby for someone who wants to get back to making the millions of dollars he can in the NFL. Too much can go wrong for Adam Jones, it's a place he can get into to much trouble. If he wants to get back into the NFL, he has to stay out of trouble. This assures he won't stay out of trouble.



Spam of the Week

mad forth mice alive, loose rim comer third chip fly salt those wait, upon color.
pass cork elbow sunny, small adieu tick other wiser shop into merry seven, thou banks.

flnd yo-ur medi-catlons with-out dealay!

been rhyme pairs grow, rats pig fowls boom scale watch rosy fond play, handi rode.
gods tops threw tone, faces rank fifth oil sad would ate puffs dawn, match just.
piano story anta race, both offer ye flag in hart knobs whole skirt, after drawn.

That series of words makes as much sense as blind orange julius.


Sunday, July 29, 2007


I'm Not the Only One Who Noticed...

I posted about this a couple of days ago..

From The Onion:

Weekly World News, home to columnist Ed Anger and exclusive coverage of Bat Boy, will cease publication as of August 3. What do you think?

Caroline Adamson,
Systems Analyst
"Without their insightful reporting, how are we supposed to make sense of the increasing number of heads appearing on our nation's newborns?"

Bob Harvey,
Custom Detailer
"Ed Anger must be madder than a dime-a-dance broad at a wheelchair convention at this news."

Andy Pew,
Food Cart Vendor
"Since The Globe broke the story, I have my doubts that it's true."

"Blind Orange" Julius
Idiot Blogger
"Now who's going to tell me if listening to the song, I Will Survive will turn me gay?"

I couldn't find a link to the story I was referring to. TSA would reference that story when Slappy is Jebus would play the song.



Saturday, July 28, 2007


Man Admits Promising County Job for Sex
Gets Probation, Sex Addition Counseling

From STNG News Service:

A former county hospital official today was sentenced to probation and ordered to undergo evaluation for sex addition after admitting he promised a job to a 21-year-old woman in exchange for sexual favors.

Felice Vanaria, 49, of Orland Park, pleaded guilty to one count each of bribery and official misconduct, Cook County state’s attorney’s office spokesman Andy Conklin said. Cook County Judge William Lacy sentenced him to 30 months felony probation and ordered he undergo evaluation for sex addiction.

Prosecutors alleged Vanaria abused his position as a medical education coordinator at Oak Forest Hospital between Jan. 25 to Feb. 21 by promising a job to a 21-year-old certified massage therapist in exchange for sexual favors.

First of all, I don't know what "sex addition" is and why a person would need evaluaton for a mathematical problem. Oh, they fixed it in the next paragraph.

OK, I get the whole evaluation for sex addiction thing for legal purposes, but let's be real, a 49 year old who wants to have sex with a 21 year old massage therapist doesn't necessarily have a problem. I'm not even that old yet and I'd really love to have sex with a 21 year old female anything.

Vanaria acted on his completely normal and reasonable urges. That's wrong. Jail time is in order. My guess is, though, that he's not sick, he doesn't need counseling, he needs to spend some time in a place where people may ask (well, maybe not ask, and probably not very nicely) for sexual favors from him.

But my favorite part of the story:

Eventually, the woman called the hospital’s human resources department and discovered no one had seen her applications and the hospital wasn’t even accepting applications.

The guy is a slime ball. I don't want him getting off because he has a "problem." Send him to jail.


Friday, July 27, 2007



The Simpsons movie (which I think is called The Simpsons Movie) opens tonight. I won't be seeing it tonight as I have to work. And beore anyone gives me that crap like "a real fan would take the night off from work..." I have a great excuse.

La Guera and son want to see it. La Guera is in Boliva. I thought it would be fun if we all saw it together. I don't think you can find a better excuse than that.

So I'll see it in early August after a Mexican dinner in Colorado. With two people who want to see it nearly as much as i do. Does it get any better than that?

And this film has a rating (this was my favorite trailer because Moe is in it), PG-13, which is good because La Guera's son is 13.

So everyone needs to help me out here:


I'll see it,but I don't want any of you uncaring people (I cleaned that up some...) ruining it for me! I'll see it. I promise! Just don't ruin it for me.

...the things a guy will do for the lower-case "l-word"...


Sue Foley Photo Friday

After lots and lots of pointless, er, stuff this week, it's nice to get back to the basics here on The Globex Corporation Newsletter.

Sue Foley Photo Friday
, the cornerstone of The Globex Corporation Newsletter. It's what makes this blog great, or at least guarantees something good to look at every week.



Thursday, July 26, 2007


Fucking Pointless

Found this while looking for something else today. Made the mistake of reading it. I have no idea how it was saved, I certainly wouldn't choose to hold onto something like this. I truly have put this person behind me.

There's much, much more, but this is the only thing I wanted to get to:

7 January 2007

--- (C) says: (9:47:07 AM)

And you can go ahead and think whatever you want of me as well -- you always have. You cast stones, but you are not willing or able to hear the other side of the story. You chalk up my life as inconsequential. Go ahead. When I have finished defending my thesis this semester, I am moving to St. Paul, MN. (Is that definate enough for you?)

I was later told that this was never said. Now I can prove that it was said, but don't know if what was said was true or not.

And, frankly, I could hardly care less.

The only thing I care about is that I was told that this never happened, that I was making assumptions, that I was the one who was wrong. To be fair at the time, I backed off, I didn't press what I was sure I'd heard. I said that I could have been wrong, that I may have misheard.

There it is in black and white.

And it means nothing.

It's truly Pointless Shit.



Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Top 10 Futurama Characters

I've really been into lists a lot lately. It's great blog fodder, it takes up a lot of space and really doesn't involve much writing. Add some photos and you gots yourself one memorable post.

So I love the show Futurama that FOX stupidly canceleda few years ago. It lives on in Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming block. As with The Simpsons, Futurama's brilliance lies in its wonderful characters. You would think that it would be hard to come up with 10 characters from a show that revolves primarily around 3 of them, but not so, lots to choose from here...

  • 10.scruffyScruffy
    Scruffy only shows up in a handful of episodes, the other characters don't recognize him, he, in turn claims to have never seen them before. Scruffy owns far more Planet Express stock than any other character because "Scruffy believes in this company..."

  • 9.devilThe Robot Devil
    Characters with a good musical numbers always catch my attention. The Robot Devil is the actual devil from Robotology (robot hell is in New Jersey) and can take possession of robots'souls (such as they are). He was prominent in the series finale, one of my favorite Futurama episodes.

  • 8.zapZap Branigan
    The Democratic Order of Planets' most decorated general and leader of Branigan's Rough Raiders. The Zapper got busy with Leela in an early episode but has been largely ignored (and once savagely beaten) by her in later episodes.

  • 7.hermesHermes Conrad
    The bureaucrat for Planet Express, Hermes Conrad was a former Jamaican limbo champion who represented Earth in the Olympics. A stickler for detail, but a lover of other things that Jamaicans love (I meant reggae music), Hermes keeps Planet Express running efficiently

  • 6.farnsworthProf. Hubert Farnsworth
    An immoral scientist and creator of such inventions as "The Smelloscope" and "The Finglonger." Farnsworth is the owner of Planet Exporess and is distantly related (a great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great [well, you get the idea] nephew) of Phillip J. Fry.

  • 5.amyAmy Wong
    Prof. Farnsworth's college intern, the daughter of the Wongs who own the Western Hemisphere of Mars (the best hemisphere, just like on earth). Amy and the Wongs only play a primary role in a couple of episodes.

  • 4.leelaTeranga Leela
    Not an alien like we were led to believe in early episodes, but actually the least mutated mutant in New New York's sewers. Leela is the ship's captain of the Planet Express ship, but isn't able to exert much influence over her crew/

  • 3.fryPhillip J. Fry
    A pizza delivery boy from 1000 years in the past, Futurama pretty much revolves around him (he is the most important person in the universe, but The Dave Matthews Band does NOT rock...). Fry sort of serves as the slacker guy that someone brought up in the 20th century can identify with.

  • 2.zoidbergDr. John Zoidberg
    Though he sounds it, Zoidberg can't be Jewish. Why, you ask? Shellfish isn't kosher. The episode in which Zoidberg returns to his home planet for mating or "klauplak" has some of the best Futurama moments, most notably, the playing of the National Anthem.

  • 1.benderBender Bending Rodriguez
    Bending is his middle name, and he was manufacured in the bad part of Tijuana. As far as I'm concerned, you can't go wrong with a foul-mouthed robot, and Bender is the king of this very specialized sci-fi sub-genre.

  • It's my list. Opinions may differ from mine, but they would all be wrong.

    My nephew, Scooter, wants me to do one of my invitational lists on best cartoon characters. Rest assured, Bender would make mine.




    "The Paper" to Fold Print Edition

    From dailypress.com

    Weekly World News to fold print edition

    The publisher of Weekly World News - the tabloid that for 28 years has chronicled sightings of Elvis, extraterrestrial activity and the exploits of Bat Boy, above - said Tuesday it would put out its last issue next month, maintaining only a Web presence. American Media Inc. announced the Aug. 27 issue would be the tabloid's last, citing "challenges in the retail and wholesale magazine marketplace." WWN was targeted in 2001's deadly anthrax mailings, which killed a photo editor.

    Mortgage defaults blamed for losses

    Countrywide Financial Corp. said Tuesday its second-quarter profit shrank by nearly a third as softening home prices led to more delinquencies and mortgage defaults. Countrywide said the market will become even more challenging as lenders compete more fiercely. The company reported second-quarter net income of $485 million, or 81 cents per share, compared with $722 million, or $1.15 per share, in the second quarter of 2006 ended June 30.

    A sad day in American Publishing, at least the online edition will go on.




    Don't really have anything to bitch about today. Things are OK with me.




    Adults Have Misclassified Me As A Handful

    From The Onion:

    Clearly, a mistake has been made. For whatever reason, I have been singled out and wrongly characterized by the adult world as a "real handful." In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

    I concede that I am something of a live wire. Given to the occasional outburst of what might in all fairness be called hyperactivity, especially in cases involving high sugar intake—of course. But the "handful" classification is problematic at best, a gross exaggeration at worst.

    Am I a child who is sometimes difficult? Yes. Am I a difficult child? No. The distinction is more than semantic.

    Once you get a reputation for being a handful, everything you do is automatically cast in a negative light. Suspicious glances meet you every time you even think about touching the frame of your younger sister's playpen, and God forbid you come within five feet of a houseplant. You have, in effect, already been accused, tried, and sentenced for actions you have not even taken. From then on, anything you do is retroactively construed as "problem behavior."

    Knowingly or unknowingly, adults create a set of expectations that a 4-year-old like me can't help but internalize on some level. After enough humiliating time-outs, those who are treated as handfuls start thinking of themselves as such.

    Admittedly, my attention span is short, and at times I am easily distracted by colorful and/or animal-shaped stimuli in my immediate environment. But I cannot stress enough the importance of early-childhood self-image formation. (I believe Thomas the Tank Engine has explored this subject in some detail—I'd cite the specific episode but unfortunately I don't have it in front of me at the moment.)

    A label like "handful"—nothing more than a social construct—can take years to shake off. It could very well haunt me until I'm 6, even 7 years old. And by that time, it probably will have led to something even worse. Today it may be "handful," but how long before you are being called a wisenheimer, or even worse, a Buster Brown?

    Now, allow me to preempt a predictable yet fallacious argument from my detractors: that by complaining, I am being a big crybaby-face. I understand the impulse to render my argument moot by resorting to ad hominem attacks, but again, it is an unfair assessment of my character. I have never been one to engage in manipulative grandstanding, and I have no patience for those who use whining, balled-up fists, or stomping on the floor as measures by which to flout adult authority. On the contrary, I stand by my previous assertion that I have a legitimate grievance to air, and, while my tummy does indeed ache, this is a much more serious ill.

    It is the "terrible twos" all over again. A whole year boiled down to being "terrible," despite many notable achievements during those 12 months. I made huge strides in shape recognition and speech acquisition. Plus, need I remind you, I learned to walk while carrying a stuffed animal in my hands.

    Further evidence of selective memory on the subject of my conduct can be seen in the failure to recognize and praise my more recent achievements. I've managed to start putting away my blocks more than 50 percent of the time. I can almost tie my shoes; true, I cannot loop yet, but have perfected the first phase. Plus, I can now button my shirt. And yet, in that specific instance, more attention was paid to the fact that I might not have gotten my shirttails exactly even than to the fact that I had made a breakthrough in the much more challenging arena of button-fastening.

    Not unlike the proverbial infant strapped into a bouncy-bouncy chair, I am at the mercy of the adult world's judgment, a world in which any protest on my part is met with the suggestion that maybe somebody needs a nap. As if a few minutes of lie-down sleepy-time could even begin to solve a problem this systemic and pervasive!

    How so-called "grown-ups" could resort to such base stereotyping in their supposedly advanced thinking is beyond my comprehension. So I beg you, as mature big people, to reconsider this damaging opinion which has caused far too much pain already. Thank you, bye-bye, and have a good day. Editorial all gone!




    Portman Warns About Nude Scenes

    From Metro UK:

    Natalie Portman has warned gossip websites, she'll be 'really, really angry' if nude images from her new Spanish film, 'Goya's Ghost' are posted on the web as her.

    The 26-year-old says she used a body double in the scenes and said: 'There's a long shot of a nude woman [but] it's not me…'

    'You do see some parts of me unclothed, but if they end up on Web sites making it look like I'm totally nude, I'm going to be really, really angry.'

    In a related story, if this photo is posted on the internet and is said to represent me nude, I also will be 'really really angry.'

    ...always looking for excuses to get my nude ass on the internet...

    Tuesday, July 24, 2007


    I'm Baking Bread, Then I'm Outta Town for the Day

    I'm spending the day with La Guera and son. She's flying out for Bolivia later this week and she'll be gone for a week. Thought a little quality time today would be a good thing.

    There's a reason for the image to your right. Without going into too much detail or even turning this into an MBW post, I'd just like to restate that I really like intelligent women. The alternative does not work for me, disastrously so.



    Monday, July 23, 2007


    Target Sold Illegal Silly String

    From The Onion:

    Retailing giant Target has been fined $120,000 for selling illegally-imported silly string that contained hydrochlorofluorocarbons, the propellant that was banned for damaging the ozone. What do you think?

    Ali Goffrier,
    Deck Hand
    "Sure the gases eat holes in the ozone layer, but a well-aimed blanket of silly string will patch it right up."
    Sarah Nichols,
    "Well, this is the simple reality of the situation until America can come up with sustainable, environmentally sound alternatives to foreign novelties."

    Harmony Klaus,
    Systems Analyst
    "$120,000! Where is Target supposed to come up with that kind of money?"

    Dan LeBatard,
    "Big deal, Kornheiser is abck on PTI today!"




    The Return of Alan & Shirley

    Hi "Blind Orange",

    We must be crazy but we were thinking
    about you today. We just don't believe
    you have given up on your dreams and

    You can change your financial situation,
    "Blind Orange".

    LET US HELP!! Our colleagues and us
    will be sending out over 100,000 emails in
    the next couple of days. We just thought
    we would give you one more chance to
    get involved. As you know there's
    NO-OBLIGATION to confirm your position!

    Try it out and at least see what's possible.


    And start your no-obligation tour!

    AND YES… We do have powerful leads and
    support so you don’t have to ask family and
    friends to do this.

    Have an awesome day.

    We are here to help if you wish,
    Alan & Shirley
    Your Success Partners

    Alan & Shirley are getting just a little bit pushy here.



    Sunday, July 22, 2007


    Two Stupid Lists


    1. 1970's

    2. 1980's

    3. 1990's

    4. 2000's

    5. 1960's



    1. 1980's

    2. 1990's

    3. 2000's

    4. 1960's & 1970's tied with zero

    *List's definition of sex meets same criteria as that decided upon by a former US President



    Saturday, July 21, 2007



    Spam of the Week Monday.

    It's OK, but it requires me to read more spam than I ever thought I would. That's OK, if you like it I guess, but I'm starting to tire of it just a tad.

    So I've set up a poll where your, the fine readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter and help me decide what, if anything, should replace it.

    A brief explanation of the options:

  • Particle Physics Monday
    This will be tough on you, the readers, as I learned my Particle Physics on the street. It's not all "text-booky" and I don't know if I can teach it in a way that doesn't involve "street-talk."

  • Serial Monday
    It's storytime on The Globex Corporation Newsletter! A serialized story each week. Tune in every week for an exciting story with a cliffhanger ending!

  • The Return of DHMO Monday
    In a public service brought to you by The Globex Corporation Newsletter, BOJ warns of the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide, I even have a cool btton to take you to a site where you can find out more!

  • Not Tina Fey Photo Monday
    The return of the irregular feature where BOJ posts a photo of another unattainable woman.

  • Keep Spam of the Week Monday

  • Those are the options.

    Offer subject to change
    No guarantee is expressed or implied
    Chances of winning, 1 : 65,000,000
    Offer void in Alabama and Tennessee


    Friday, July 20, 2007


    Greatest NBA Players

    In an effort to make The Globex Corporation Newsletter absolutely baffling to readers, I'm listing my Greatest NBA players. Why? It's not like we're in the season or that anyone is talking about the NBA right now. I guess I'd just really like to do this type of list, but an NFL team is too big, major league baseball rosters have 25 players, but NBA rosters just have 12. It's your standard BOJ reasoning, this is the easiest thing I could think of.

    Here's the rules. I actually had to see the player play, and at their height. I've seen Bill Walton play, for instance, but it was late in his career with the Celtics. He was great, I could see how great he must have been, but he was playing maybe 15 minutes a game because of injuries. He doesn't make my list. He's probably better than a lot of the players on my list, but he doesn't make it because I didn't get to see him at his best.


  • Moses Malone - Center I don't think there was any more feared player at Malone's peak. A huge scoring machine, and he turned offensive rebounding into a glamor statistic. Nobody was better down low, but he had some skills on the perimeter as well. He was a tough player, but smart enough to never fould out of a game.

  • Karl Malone - Power Forward This Malone was also a smart player. As a rookie, he found out that his style of play would take him to the foul line a lot. Malone shot about 50% from the line as a rookie, but improved to a point where he would average 13-14 points a game from the line. A good rebounder who could run the floor and score on the break. The only reason I ever pulled for the LA Lakers is that Malone played for them in his final season. I so wanted Karl to get a ring even if it got the Lakers a fourth consecutive title.

  • Larry Bird - Small Forward Name a basketball skill, and Larry Bird had it. Whatever you needed at any point in a basketball game, Bird could come through with it. A great shooter, rebounder and defender, he also talked some of the best trash in his era.

  • "Magic" Johnson - Point Guard Another player with a wide range of skills, but "Magic" was a passer. Even more than Moses Malone with offensive rebounding, "Magic" turned assists into a glamor stat in an era of great point guards. Plus, wherever you needed him to play, whatever position you needed, he's give you a great performance. In my mind, "Magic" Johnson is the greatest player in NBA history

  • Michael Jordan - Shooting Guard Need points? Jordan is your man. More than just a scoring machine, he was a great defender and one demon on the boards for a guard. People will think I'm slighting him, by not naming him the greatest player in NBA history, but being mentioned in the same breath with "Magic" Johnson is pretty good company


  • Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - Center If I were trying to make a real team here I probably wouldn't go with Jabbar as a backup center, and while I didn't see him at the height of his career, he was still a huge scorer and showed fashes of brilliance in the playoffs.

  • Hakeem Olajuwon - Center The best all around center I've ever seen. Hakeem was athletic, could run the floor, block shots and turned into a good scorer with a nice turnaround jumper. He's on this team for his defense and rebounding.

  • Dennis Rodman - Power Forward Maybe I don't need Olajuwon's rebounding, I gots the worm. He was insane, and most decidedly a complete ass, but he did one thing better than anyone else, rebound. He focused on that aspect of his game and became the best at it. If he weren't such a jerk, he would have been my favorite player of that era. Note, I left the Knicks' Charles Oakley off this team for the worm.

  • Julius Erving - Small Forward I didn't see Dr. J at his greatest either, but what I saw was good enough. Not just a spectacular dunker, J, along with Bird and Magic, made the "Triple Double" a thing for great players to strive for.

  • John Stockton - Point Guard The NBA's all time assist leader, a pretty fine scorer on his own, he would have tallied a lot more buckets if he hadn't spent his career providing Karl Malone with easy baskets.

  • Kobe Bryant - Shooting Guard - Small Forward Hey, two assholes on my team! Great all around skills, he can put the ball in the basket, which is what the game is about, after all. A good passer, a good defender, all of the skill are there. If his salary didn't hamstring any team he's on, he'd win lots of championships. But it does. At leas Kobe is getting paid.

  • Trent Tucker - Shooting Guard - Small Forward A pure specialist. Need a three-pointer on an inbounds play in the last seconds of a quarter? Tucker is your man. There are lots of guys who could fill this role, guys who made bigger shots in more important games, but Tucker did this, seemingly nightly for a variety of teams.

  • That's my list. Don't like it? Fine, get your own blog. Better yet, make comments, tell me where I'm wrong. Tell me where I'm right. Tell me you're tired of pointless lists. I won't listen, but it'll make you feel better.




    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    Since she's not coming anywhere within driving distance for me this summer while on tour, this week's Sue Foley Photo Friday is a photo of Sue in the studio.

    Sue in the studio is fine, but I'd rather see and hear her live.


    Thursday, July 19, 2007


    Pointless ... Well, You Know

    It is Thursday, and this is pretty pointless. As far as the other? I don't know, but I like it! Enjoy!



    Wednesday, July 18, 2007


    Is This Mega-Bitch Wednesday
    or Poinless Shit Thursday?

    It's pretty well documented on this blog that I am a first-class complainer. I sort of enjoy getting call from telemarketers so that I can berate them. Fun for me anyway.

    I also have outstanding issues with organizations I have to talk to on the phone. I had a bunch of them yesterday.

    First, I had to order my medication. This has gone so poorly in the past that I sort of have to psyche myself up for it. This was my ninth order. The first six were screwed up the online paharmacy in some way or another. I had words, numerous words with officials for this worthless company. We came to the conclusion that they, as a company, suck ass and that I would need to call a person in Sioux Falls, SD to get my medication in a timely manner.

    So I call directly into someone's office, eschewing the normal 800 number that customers normally call. I argued that they're treating me different than other customers and that they really need to fix their shit. I have to make a long distance call, on my dime (true, but since I have VoIP phone service, it doesn't actually cost me anything extra), and I argued that I should be reimbursed for that. I was told that I would receive a $20 credit for having to do that. I was told that in May. It still hasn't happened.

    So when I made my order I inquired about that. There was no record of it. There was record of them refusing me service and their retraction of the breaking of a contract with my place of business, but no record of them owing me $20. And, of course, no one was there who could help me.

    I was told that I'd receive a phone call from someone today, but, of course, I haven't received a call and doubt I ever will. I'll call them when I'm done here.

    Then, I had noticed that I no longer get NFL Network on my cable system. I actually knew what this was about as I work in the TV industry, but after talking to my online pharmacy, I was in a bad mood and tough I would take it out on the cable company.

    So I called and complained. I was told that NFL network had been placed in a "Sports Package" that I had to pay extra for. I have a contract through February and argued that his violates said contract. I also pointed out that the company website makes no mention of a "Sports Package" and indicates that I am to receive NFL Network.

    They immediately gave me the "Spots Package" but I demanded that their website be immediately be changed to reflect their changes, and also that every one be given the "Sports Package" until the end of their contracts. I was told that wouldn't happen. I got mine, at least.

    I asked who I could complain to, and after a long discussion about THE EXISTENCE OF TELEPHONES IN NEW YORK I was given a number which I could call to have my complaint heard.

    All of this makes me wants to call AOL again, but I've been instructed to never call them again. That one works both ways, though.



    Tuesday, July 17, 2007



    Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a post about how much I hate Pardon the Interruption when the Miami Herald's Dan LeBatard fills in for Tony Kornheiser.

    I am here to issue a retraction on behalf of The Globex Corporation Newsletter. I don't hate LeBatard. He's not Kornheiser, he'll never be my favorite, but the fact that LeBatard savors his place as hated substitute (and I know a thing or two about being a substitute) makes him OK with me.

    Kornheiser is on vacation again. LeBatard is filling in. Every show starts with a joke at LeBatard's expense. LeBatard takes it in good humor. I can't ask for much more than that.

    Here it is, Positive Tuesday and I'm writing favorably about Dan LeBatard.

    Turning to weather, the forecast for Wednesday is calling for hell to freeze over...




    For the record, I'm still positive about the stuff I wouldn't blog about last week. Things are still going well, we enjoyed dinner, a movie and some quality time together last week. We're planning to do it again sometime soon. Here's hoping for sooner rather than later.

    That's about it for this week. I'm doing laundry and it's starting to look like I'd better get my clothes off of the line before they get all wet again.



    Monday, July 16, 2007


    Spam of the Week
    "Blind Orange", Are You Ignoring Us :-)?

    "Blind Orange":

    We thought you had an interest in starting a home
    business. Is that still true? Have you had a chance
    to confirm your position with us? If you've changed
    your mind or you've already confirmed your position,
    please delete yourself below. We apologize. We do
    not want to keep on bothering you.

    There are a lot of people that need to make extra
    money. We mean they really NEED it and if you're no
    longer interested we can place these people under
    someone else that could use the extra money.

    Please, if you are still interested:

    just click on the link to confirm your position and
    start your no-obligation tour, then drop us a quick
    email letting us know you're on board.

    We can't hold your position any longer. You need to
    confirm your position or you're going to miss out on
    getting paid!

    You make money every time someone we place under you
    makes a purchase. That can't happen until you go
    confirm your position:


    As soon as you do, we'll start placing people under

    AND YES… We do have powerful leads and
    support so you don’t have to ask family and friends
    to do this.

    "Blind Orange", if you are no longer interested in
    turning your computer into a CASH GENERATING
    MACHINE, please remove yourself below so we can
    place all these people under someone else who is ready.

    If you have already confirmed your position, then
    just ignore this E-mail and watch your mailbox for
    our updates. Either way we need to know if you're in
    or you're out because these people need to be placed

    Have an awesome day.

    We are here to help if you wish,
    Alan & Shirley

    Your Success Partners
    Phone: (1) 818-xxx-xxxx
    Email: xxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk

    A nice English couple wants to be my "Success Partners" and I just ignore them. What kind of bastard am I?



    Saturday, July 14, 2007


    Cool Things About LaGuera

    In no particular order and certainly not exhaustive...

    1. When asked about favorite musicians, she named Jonny Lang and knew he was actually from Fargo.

    2. Was as excited to see Michael Moore's SiCKO as I was, and enjoyed it as much.

    3. Master's Degree - I like women much more educated than myself.

    4. Home owner - No apartment living for her!

    5. Knew Barenaked Ladies' song Brian Wilson when I mentioned it.

    6. Likes Italian food.

    7. Seems to think I can play guitar, though she recognized that I play everything in the keys of C and G, then capo to where I can actually sing.

    8. Lists Casablanca as a favorite film.

    9. Commented on the "Got her foot on the gas but she's tapping on the brake" line in Abby SomeOne's Diamond when I sent her an MP3.

    10. Laughed when I sent her In My Hand on MP3 and has shared it with friends.

    11. Her son wants to see The Simpsons movie as much as I do.

    12. Isn't offended by me referring to a certain way I act as "dorky."

    Obviously, I left out lots off good stuff, but I've got French bread pizza in the toaster oven, and it's almost ready...



    Friday, July 13, 2007


    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    Probably in her early 20's at this point, from her days as a hot young musician on the Austin, Texas blues scene.

    I like it, but I'll still take the photos taken around the time of 2005's Change as the best photos ever taken of Sue Foley. It's also turning into my favorite Sue Foley effort.



    Thursday, July 12, 2007


    Cash Cab Rules!

    From The BOJ News Service:


    I'm a cross posting fool!

    First things first, I noticed the grammatical error and I know how to fix it, but I just don't want to. So there.

    Second, what prompted this post was the kick-ass Discovery Channel show Cash Cab. I watch it almost every day and love the idea of people being on a gameshow without knowing they were going to be or even wanting to be on one.

    Yesterday they had a question about the tourist attraction that claimed to have given out millions of glasses of ice water. Being from South Dakota, that was a real easy one for me, but I sometimes think we tend to overestimate the drawing power of a small town drug store. Certainly someone hailing a cab in Manhattan wouldn't know about Wall Drug.

    But the player got it right! They referred to it as Wall Drugs, in the plural, but I was pretty amazed.

    Good show, watch it. I'm still waiting for the episode in which Ben Bailey runs over a bicycle messenger because he was busy asking his passengers general knowledge questions.

    Oh, the lawsuits...



    Pointless 4 Day Weekend Shit


    You'd think that with an extra day off last week that I'd have received lot more email, but since the rest of the company took a 10 day weekend, I should probably be surprised that I received any email...



    Wednesday, July 11, 2007


    Best Late Night TV House Bands

    This came up at work on Monday night and there were disagreements. In the past, I've solicited submissions for this type of thing, but in this case, there's no need, because I'm undeniably right...

    Who's got the best house band in late night television today? It's a matter of taste, of course, but these are my picks:

    1. The Max Weinberg Seven
      Late Night with Conan O'Brien
      Max is good enough to drum with Bruce Springsteen, so right there this outfit has a leg up. Several members played on Springsteen's latest effort. This band can seemingly play in any style and is easily the most versitle of the late night bands.

    2. The CBS Orchestra or whatever Paul is calling them these days...
      The Late Show with David Letterman
      Paul Shaffer is a musical genius. His odd musical jokes are a delight nightly. Shaffer and trombonist Tom "Bones" Malone did the bulk of the arrangements for the Blues Brothers band in the 70's & 80's, so this band is always excellently arranged and well prepared. Like The Max Weinberg Seven, this band can play in a wide variety of styles.

    3. The Tonight Show Band
      The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
      Putting them third is no slight to this band. This is a great band with the longest institutional tenure (the band changed over when Leno took over the show, but there's been a Tonight Show Band since the 1950's). I haven't actually counted members, but this is probably the biggest of the late night bands. If not the biggest they definitely have the fullest sound.

    4. Cleo and the Cle-Tones
      Jimmy Kimmel Live
      Cleo and the Cle-Tones is what happens when a host puts his friends and family members into positions on a nation-wide program that they don't deserve. The band is OK, but they have a lot to live up to given the other entries in this field. Frankly they don't even come close. If Nightline had fielded a house band, and even if Ted Koppel and Sam Donaldson had been in it, they would have kicked this band's ass.




    I'm So Damn Important

    On Friday, June 29th, I went to work like every other Friday. Friday is the start of my work week, and I noticed many less cars in the parking lot than most other Fridays. Let me say that I really don't mind, since I get to work at 3pm, it was nice to have a much better parking spot than I normally do on Fridays.

    I had asked my supervisor if I could have the next Monday (July 2nd) off. Being as the 4th of July holiday was on Wednesday, I asked if I could take my holiday on Monday, giving me a 4 day weekend which would allow me to head back to the RC. Jason was good about it and allowed me to, but had someone cover for me on Monday.

    I worked Saturday and Sunday as usual, about as many cars in the parking lot, and took off for the RC on Monday morning. I had a nice time but had to make it back to work on Friday.

    When I pulled into the parking lot on Friday, July 6th, there were hardly any cars there. Once again, I was happy to have a good parking spot, but couldn't help but wonder how the hell most emloyees at [Nameless Company] managed to turn one day off in the middle of the week into 10 days off in a row.

    So I asked. People took their vacation time for that extended period. I guess it makes sense, take a week's vacation and it turns into almost two weeks. That's a good use of PDO.

    Nobody in Master Control pulled that though. I can't speak for everyone, but I was quite pleased with the situation. We were able to do our jobs without being bothered by people who make our lives multple living hells most weeks. We didn't have to deal with lots of people who frankly aren't necessary for the day to day operations of [Nameless Company].

    Somebody had to cover for me for the ONE day during that period that I took off. It makes me wonder, who covered for all of those people who took an entire week off.


    I guess I'm more important than any of them to the day to day operations of [Nameless Company].

    Two technicans were installing a monitor in an NBC executives office when the saw a photo of the executive running camera for an NBC TV show.

    "You ran camera during the NABET strike?" One of the technicans asked.

    NABET had gone on strike against NBC in the late 1980's, forcing other non-union members to run camera and perform other duties for telecasts like David Letterman and Johnny Carson.

    "Yes I did." The executive replied.

    "So," the technician asked, "while you were running camera, who was doing your job?"

    "Um... Nobody..."


    It wouldn't bother me so much except that none of those people who got 10 days off have to work weekends. They all go home at 5 o'clock. When a holiday happens on a day that they work, they don't come to work, no questions asked. They bitch and moan if they have to come in when I'm at work because didn't do part of their job properly. Nobody has to cover for them if they take a day or 10 off.

    And they undoubtedly all make more money than me.


    Labels: ,

    Tuesday, July 10, 2007


    SAT Analogy

    From Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    Chef Boyardee Ravioli:
    popular dish that's stuffed with
    meat and in people's mouths a
    minute after it's out of the can::

    Paris Hilton:
    glamorous hotel heiress



    Positive About My Sleep

    First things first, I've got a Positive Tuesday, I've got a really good one that I'd like to write about for a long time, lots of well chosen words deatailing what I'm so happy, so positive about, but I know better. I've gotten into trouble in the past blogging about my personal life in that way, writing about other people in such a way. It's hurt other people in the past, so I'm just not going to blog about it.

    No, I'm going a little different this time. I'm positive about being in bed, that is sleeping in. When I got home last night, the wind was blowing like crazy, it was overcast and though it wasn't raining, I suspected it might. I'm generally in bed by 2am, and generally up about 6 hours later. I don't know why I'm sleeping so little, probably because I don't do anything physical in my life any more.

    But today, oh yes, today. It was a little overcast in the morning, a little on the cool side. With my hours at work, I just get up whenever I feel like getting up. If I'm awake at 7am, I get out of bed. If I, like today, wake up at 10am, that's when I get up. Yes! Eight hours of sleep.

    I can't remember the last time I slept eight hours in a stretch. This comes from a guy who couldn't go to first sememster Latin every day because class met at the ungodly hour of 11am. I like my sleep. I love it! Getting out of bed after that amount of sleep makes me feel so good. I'm so refreshed. I'm doing laundry, I'll hang it outside and I'll enjoy it.

    That's what I'm positive about today.



    Monday, July 09, 2007



    From Shawn Bitz's column in the Rapid City Weekly News:

    Playing music lately, I’ve noticed a significant decrease in bar fights. “Gee, why is that, Shawn?” you may be asking.
    Well, brothers and sisters, folks are just too busy text messaging to scare up the time to brawl. I’ll be darned. Cell phones do provide a public service after all.

    I wasn't aware of the, thanks Shawn. And never to be missed:

    Signs we are circling the drain:
    1. Fox’s next “reality” series will be a show about people who previously starred in reality shows who are locked in a room to come up with ideas for new reality shows.

    2. The daughter of Tiger and Elin Woods, Sam Alexis, will join the Nike Board of Directors at age 4. Her crib has a wading pool, 24-hour room service, and real stuffed animals.

    3. Due to an outpour of complaints, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) will now be called compulsive-disorder obsessive (CDO), which is in alphabetical order.



    Therapist 'Had Sex With Split Personalities Patient's Other Self'

    From This Is London:

    A therapist has been accused of taking advantage of a patient with a split personality - using one of her alter egos for sex, another to be his cleaner and a third to lend him cash for holidays.

    I'd say that maybe he was just confused, but I'm sure he sorted it all out when it came time to send a bill.

    The woman's alter ego who was used as the therapist's cleaner is suing for unfair labor practices...



    Spam of the Week

    I'll spare you the bulk of the content, as it's spam about a pay porn site. The closing was quite unique, though, and I just felt the need to share.

    This is Spam of the Week Monday afterall...

    promoting perversity in the workplace, job seeker's avowal

    I know all of those words, but I doubt that they've ever before occured in that exact combination.



    Thursday, July 05, 2007


    Sue Foley Photo Friday

    I swear, that's Sue on stage.

    Don't believe me? Well, you've really got some nerve...




    Introducing the Nation's Next Great Bluesman

    The tragically named Aaries lets loose with a few choice licks during his debut performance on the old mouth harp.

    Kid's a natural...


    Wednesday, July 04, 2007


    To My Faithful Legions of Readers...

    I am led to understand that there are legions of faithful readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter. If you are one of them, I apologize for not having posted before now. I did put up the cool little test pattern graphic though, so stop yer whinnin'!

    Tried to post the other day but it didn't take. I'm using antiquated browsers and everything wasn't available for me to do. It's played hell with my fantasy baseball team, too, though I don't think I would have fared a whole lot better this week even if I could have made the changes I wanted.

    The trip on Monday was good, my iPod playist lasting until the moment I pulled into the driveway. Amazing! I didn't think to put anything together for the trip back on Friday, so I guess I'll have to suffer through having to choose from anything in my entire music colletion. iPods rule!


    Monday, July 02, 2007

    Out of town until Friday. I may post, but regular features will be off.

    Regular Globex Corporation Newsletter programming will resume with Sue Foley Photo Friday.

    Until then, enjoy this cool test pattern...


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    The Bert Convey
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    I'm not telling you anything...