Globex Corporation Newsletter

To be updated as conditions warrent...

BOJ

Labels: Generic Bitch

I have no idea why there was a little bit of a drop off recently. It's still a whole lot of email though.

I expect there to be more tomorrow, though. Monday was a holiday, most of the prime email offenders had the day off, so I'm sure they made up for it on Tuesday.

BOJ

Labels: Pointless Shit

Every month, I order $1608 dollars worth of medication from an on-line pharmacy owned by the shitty insurance that I have. To be fair, I don't pay $1608 (except for the first order which met my insurance deductible for the year), I'm only responsible for 20% of this.

So, every month, Tel-Drug of Pennsylvania gets $336 of my money. That's a sizable amount of money, especially for someone working for the wages that can be earned at [Nameless Company] in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I figure that about one hour and forty minutes of every 10 hour shift goes toward paying for my medication. Then again, I'm not good at math. Also, it's not like I have a choice. I need this medication, and while I bitch about my insurance, compalining that I'm spending $336 instead of $1608 is a little silly.

What I can complain about, though, is the service I've received from Tel-Drug of Pennsylvania. I have been on my medication for about six months now and have placed 7 orders. Of those orders, six have been screwed up in one way or another. The order was never placed or was delayed for no reason. I had to get on the phone and call them to remind them to actually place my order. I was told by one technician once after an order wasn't sent "It's just sitting here, I don't know why it hasn't been sent."

Tel-Drug is getting $1608 dollars from me and my shitty insurance provider monthly. I am paying $336 monthly to be ignored by a company that is supposed to be providing me a service. I imagine they're making a tidy profit from me. Yet they screw up most of my orders.

So the first suggestion Tel-Drug had for me was to order 3 months worth of medication at a time. The medication doesn't require any special storage, so I could have three months of it around at a time. I'd only have to deal with Tel-Drug 4 times a year instead of 12. They'd have less opportunity to screw up orders, I guess they'd only screw up 4 orders a year under this plan.

This won't work, of course, because I don't have $1008 lying around at any given time. Yeah, I end up spending that much anyway, and I'd be able to budget for it, but this isn't a solution. It doesn't fix anything. They're the ones screwing up, but I'm supposed to go out of my way to make things easier for them?

The next suggestion was to assign me to a person to handle my orders. This is great because their automated phone system isn't worth a shit. I spent over 2 hours on the phone one day (mostly on hold) trying to straighten out a screwed up order. I have to call a number on my dime, which doesn't actually cost me anything extra because of my VOIP phone service, but the point is that it actually saves Tel-Drug money. Why should I be saving them money? They're apparently not using any money they save to improve their customer service.

In an interesting little side note, my last order wasn't screwed up. Since I assumed that it would be, as all of the others were, I ordered before leaving town for 3 days. This order went through perfectly and was delivered the next day while I was on the road. UPS will only try to deliver a package for three days. So when I got back home, they were through trying to deliver. I went to pick up the package at UPS, but they aren't open until after I go to work. In short, while Tel-Drug didn't screw up this last order, because I assumed they would I didn't get my order for a week anyway.

In another intersting side note, Tel-Drug told me that they'd dropped me, that they wouldn't be handling my account anymore. Because of my attitude. They'd screwed up six out of seven orders and I'm the bad guy. I have been told by [Nameless Company] HR (the same folk who royally screwed up my hiring process) that this isn't the case. We'll find out on Monday when I try to place another order.

BOJ

Labels: Mega-Bitch Wednesday

I wrote a much more elaborate post on this subject last week, but blogger ate it. Them's the breaks, I guess.

You should really check it out. Great guest performances, excellent arragngments and production by Ben Folds and my favorite track was written by Folds and Nick Hornby (High Fidelity, About a Boy):

That's Me Trying
(featuring Aimee Mann and Ben Folds)

I got your address from the phone book at the library
Wandered in, looked you up and you were there
Weird that you've been living, maybe, 2 miles away for the best part of 20 years
You must be, what, in your early forties now
If I remember,
You were born in June or was it May?
Eisenhower was the president although it may have been JFK

Years of silence
Not enough who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying

You still working in that store on ventura?
You still going with--no, that's not fair
I know I haven't been the very best of dads
I'll hold my hand up there
The reason that I'm writing is that i'd like for us to meet
Get a little daughter dad action going soon
We can put things behind us
Eat some pizza, drink some beer
You still see your sister Lemli?
Bring her, too

Years of silence, not enough
Who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying

But I don't want to talk about any of that bad stuff
Why I missed out on your wedding and your high school graduation
I'd like to explain, but I can't
So let's keep things neutral
Stick to topics that won't bug us

How 'bout this?
Let's choose a book and we'll read it before we meet
Then we can sit down at a restaurant
Have a look at the menu and talk about it while we eat
See, if we never had a problem
Then that's what life would be like
Easy
Uncomplicated
Cool

So let's just pretend that the past didn't happen
I don't really like thriller as well.
I don't want to know if I've got grandchildren
no need to tell me where I went wrong
I don't want to know what happened in your thirties
You wanna try 'cold mountain'?
Or is that too long??

Years of silence, not enough
Who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying
I'm trying

I'm not kidding, check it out!

BOJ

Labels: Positive Tuesday

Dear "Blind Orange",

A package containing a kitchen appliance is
ready to be delivered to you. The contents of the
package are already paid in full by the sender.

Please confirm your delivery information:

"Blind Orange" Julius
XXX W XXXXX Ave AptXX
Cheyenne, WY 82001

307-XXX-XXXX

Confirm the address and arrange delivery:

http://confirm.kitchenappliancegiveaway.com/k/?x=422905-9426-164

If you do not respond, ownership of
the gift will be returned to the sender.


Express Delivery Center
8721 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90069







If you don't wish to receive notifications
in the event of future gifts, please go to the link below:
http://confirm.kitchenappliancegiveaway.com/k/un/r1.php?x=422905-678

Free kitchen appliance? I hope it's a panini maker!

BOJ

Labels: Spam of the Week

It's not just the words she sings, it's how she sings them. Each of these lyrics causes a reaction in a decidedly male way.

In no particular order:

If you gotta go, go now
Or else you gotta stay all night

If You Gotta Go
Big City Blues

You know that I love you, I don't want nobody else
But it's been most of my life, and I've been drivin' for myself

Let Me Drive
Love Comin' Down

Don't fall for me, baby
Can't you see that my heart is a lost cause?

Lost Cause
Lost Cause Single

You got to give me some sugar, baby
Why are you savin' the sweet things I'm cravin'?

Sugar
New Used Car

You don't love me baby, I know it's true now
I don't want nobody if I can't have you

Give Me Time
Without Warning

Baby, I love you, tell the whole wide world I do
Ain't nobody in this whole wide world like you

Make Me a Pallet on Your Floor
Back to the Blues

C'mon pretty pappa, c'mon save my soul
I need a little sugar in my bowl, doggone it
I need a little sugar in my bowl

Sugar in My Bowl
Change

I wanna be you love-mobile
C'mon baby tell me how good it feels

New Used Car
New Used Car

You don't love me baby, I know it's true now
I don't want nobody if I can't have you

Give Me Time
Without Warning

Don't just screw me,
Baby, sock it to me...

Make It Real
New Used Car

BOJ

Labels: Lists

It's an important morning for BOJ. On my way home from work, I decided a brew or two might be nice. Imagine my surprise when I found Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat at my local liquor store.

I live in prime brewing country, not Wyoming so much, but Colorado has some of the finest brewing in the country. There are some great breweries in Ft. Collins, just an hour south, and there are some other great breweries in the Denver area. There's also that Bud plant south of here, but I don't want to talk about that.

A Leinie's usually has to wait until I take a trip to the RC, but tonight I'm enjoying a cool Leinie's, something I haven't done yet in 2007. Sunset Wheat reminds me very much of New Belgium Brewery's Sunshine Wheat. A quick visit to Leinenkugel's website confirms this. It's brewed with corriander in the Belgian style.

In truth, our weather hasn't been too receptive to the consuming of wheat beers recently but I wasn't going to pass up a Leinie's when I had the chance!

BOJ

Oh, you think you've seen Sue Foley Video Friday before? How about Sue Foley Music Video Friday? I'm getting pretty sick of your attitude, mister...


New Used Car by Sue Foley

BOJ

Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday

SINGING WITH THE LUTHERANS:
by Garrison Keillor

I have made fun of Lutherans for years - who
wouldn't, if you lived in Minnesota ? But I have
also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the main
joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet
corn. We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness,
their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense,
their lack of speed and also for their secret
fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings
like them. If you ask an audience in New York City ,
a relatively Lutheranless place, to sing along on
the chorus of Michael Row the Boat Ashore, they will
look daggers at you as if you had asked them to
strip to their underwear. But if you do this among
Lutherans they'll smile and row that boat ashore and
up on the beach! And down the road!

Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in
four-part harmony. It's a talent that comes from
sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor
or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by
putting your little head against that person's rib
cage. It's natural for Lutherans to sing in harmony.
We're too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing
in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and
you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two
hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling
moment.

I once sang the bass line of Children of the
Heavenly Father in a room with about three thousand
Lutherans in it; and when we finished, we all had
tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God
will not forsake us, partly from the proximity of
all those lovely voices. By our joining in harmony,
we somehow promise that we will not forsake each
other.

I do believe this: These Lutherans are the sort of
people you could call up when you're in deep
distress. If you're dying, they'll comfort you. If
you're lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're
hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!

The following list was compiled by a 20th century
Lutheran who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down
exactly what he saw or heard:

1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would
   practically die if asked to pray out loud.



2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted
   with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four
   stanzas.



3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them
   in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that
   they are there.



4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and
   will feel it is their way of suffering for their
   sins.



5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect
   miracles, especially during their stewardship
   visitation programs or when passing the plate.



6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their
   children's choirs would make the kids too proud and
   conceited.



7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from
   crossing the aisle while passing the peace.



8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third
   Sacrament.



9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride
   and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.



10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean
    up after their own wedding reception in the
    Fellowship Hall.



11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar
    for a meal at church.



12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories
    are totally factual.



13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper
    liturgical color of the season and think that peas
    in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color.



14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at
    themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know you're a Lutheran when:
*It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still
have coffee after the service;
*You hear something really funny during the sermon
and smile as loudly as you can;
*Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just
like coffee;
*The communion cabinet is open to all, but the
coffee cabinet is locked up tight;
*All your relatives graduated from a school named
Concordia;
*When you watch a "Star Wars" movie and they say,
May the Force be with you, you respond, "and also
with you";

*And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye.


"May you wake each day with His blessings,
Sleep each night in His keeping,
And always walk in His tender care."

BOJ

From the Careers section of [Nameless Company]'s web site. My impressions (which are my own opinion and do not represent the attitude of [Namelss Company], but c'mon) in italics.

1. Define your own career path
   Kinda vague, don't you think? Sounds like something stupid people say to make themselves sound smart and important.



2. “Nothing is Impossible” attitude
   "Nothing is Impossible"? Like getting rid of a fucking employee who would come to work drunk? Like implying that someone's perscription drugs might violate the "drug free workplace" policy? Yeah, "Nothing is Impossible."



3. We are experiencing double digit growth every year
   Geez, and I'm getting paid like shit. But to make up for it I have a really high deductible for really shitty insurance. Maybe we shouldn't be showing double
   
   digit growth. Maybe the employees should be treated a little bit better



4. You get paid to hate the cable company
   So we're encouraged to hate? We're paid to hate? This is a top 5 reason to join this company? When do I get issued my white hood?



5. Free TV!
   So I work for a self described hate organization, if only I could have something that would somehow make up for that. Free TV? Yeah, that'll do.

BOJ

Labels: [Nameless Company], Pointless Shit

Really Pissed Off Right Now

BOJ

Labels: Mega-Bitch Wednesday

I wrote a really great Positive Tuesday post about William Shatner's Has Been album, which is really great, but Blogger ate it. Better, it left it in my drafts with the title in tact so that I thought it was still there and ready to go.

Yes, I revealed one of my secrets, sometimes I write posts in advance. Never more than a week, usually only a couple of days. I'm not always feeling positive on Positive Tuesday or bitchy on the MBW. I am positive or bitchy in any given week.

So I guess I'm positive about the ability to engage in blog chicanery (sp?). What I can't do on Blogger is tell it to post something I've written at a given time ore date. I can post date posts, but Blogger will immediately post it with the date I've selected. That's proven to be useful at times, like with lists that I keep at the top of the blog for a week.

I'm also supposed to be able to blog via email. This would be cool because I can't post from work. Oddly, our blocking technology at [Nameless Company] doesn't recognize this blog as a blog (go figure), but it does block any attempts to post anything, be it post of comment. Email would circumvent this. I'll have to look into it.

Wow, this was a crappy Positive Tuesday post. I'll try to do better next week.

BOJ

Labels: Positive Tuesday

It's not hats, but it is a pretty weighty list. It's TV Comedies, the opinions of five (for now) ordinary people, albeit, all of them work in Television (such as it is).

Lots of diversity in selections, but quite a few in common as well. If you would like to contribute to this list, even if you don't work in the TV Wasteland, feel free to comment, or send me an Email.

As usual, this list will be post-dated and will remain at the top of the blog for the next week.

Quinn's List

Quinn's list was the first list submitted, less than 12 hours after I sent out the request. Impressive. You'd think that it wouldn't be a well thought out list, but look at it. Pretty good for someone who works for The Evil Empire.

This list may seem a little dated, especially considering many of these shows originally aired either before I was born or while I was still in single digit ages... but I'm thankful for Nick At Night and independent TV stations that had syndication rights for most of them after the series' had ended. I think #'s 2-4 are the only shows made in the last 20 years. - Quinn

10 Monty Python's Flying Circus - well duh! British sketch comedy that cannot be beat and is often imitated. Most cast members of past and present SNL couldn't hold the suitcase for these comic geniuses. SCTV came close, Kids In The Hall got closer, but then again "close is a lingerie shop without a front window". With writing that pushed the limits of decency, over-the-top acting, and the unique animations makes this a show that will live on forever. Add to that the specials and feature films, all done with the same wit and energy... there will never be another group like this.

9 Police Squad! (in color!) - This very short lived, 6 episode series aired about a decade before its time. But not long after its failure on the networks we were given 3 equally funny films "The Naked Gun - from the files of Police Squad, The Naked Gun 2 1/2 - The Smell Of Fear, and The Naked Gun 33 1/3 - The Final Insult. Dead-pan comedy from a former serious actor Leslie Nielson with modern slap-stick action that would give Laurel and Hardy and the Three Stooges a run for their money today. The series was the best outright spoof I've ever seen on TV cop shows.

8 All In The Family - Granted this show was based much on racial and political tension, it was definitely something that would make me split my sides laughing. Not the racial jokes themselves, but they way they were conveyed by Archie Bunker and the arguments between him and his daugher and son-in-law whom he lovingly called "meat head". All In The Family also spun off several other shows including (and what's probably the most popular) The Jeffersons, along with a short lived show called "Archies Place"

7 Taxi - Andy Kaufman's only regular TV series... I think for those who know me that should be " 'nuff said "... but it's not. Having been around a cab company in my youth I couldn't help but laugh at the group of misfits sitting around that office shooting the breeze, playing cards, and trying to help each other deal with various life issues. Danny DeVito as the dispatcher reminded me much of a guy I used to know at the cab company my father worked for - kniving, loud, obnoxious, and egotistical. Plus... a hottie like Marilu Henner? (for BOJ - a hot red-headed Marilu Henner).

6 M*A*S*H - This show, despite having its serious and touching moments, was indeed a comedy. Doctors trying to amuse themselves at the expense of others while surrounded by a war they don't believe in. The movie in my opinion was better than the show but both brought me to tears in laughter and sadness (sometimes simulateously).

5 Weeds - A sitcom style show based on a widow selling pot in suburban Southern California to make a living and support her two kids. She gets her supply from a rather ghetto family who is slowly teaching her lessons in the biz, and her best client is a local city counselman. She was pursued romantically by a DEA agent who gets wise to her business and attempts to blackmail her into a relationship then decides he wants it all... last season ended in a huge shootout between a few different groups and I can't wait until season 3. This is some funny shit!

4 Six Feet Under - This rather dark and demented show based around a family run funeral home consistantly shocked and amazed me. Dry humor and situations that most people wouldn't even dream about with a very sorted cast of characters, kept me glued to my seat with a rumble of laughter every episode.

3 WKRP In Cincinnati - Of course I mean the ORIGINAL... not the several years later re-do "The New WKRP In Cincinnati" (which sucked ass). An old hippie DJ, a modern R&B type DJ, a burned out news man who never went anywhere, a slick-rick sales guy, a knock-out secretary, a bone-headed boss, and a bright program director - all coming together, OMG this was just too funny for words. They did have a couple serious episodes, one dealing with a Russian who wanted to defect to the USA, another one dealing with a tornado that hit the city while Art Carlson (station manager) had a young child on the phone who was home alone.

2 Northern Exposure - I almost feel guilty about listing this show since BOJ used it as an example for the list. However it was one of the funniest shows I've ever seen. Putting a New York doctor, who's known nothing but city life and proper manners, into one of the smallest towns in existance - how can this fail? Dr Joel Fleishman being shocked and often times upset by regular doings by regular common folk and having no idea what he got himself into when he made an agreement with former astronaut Maurice Minifield to serve this town.

1 Barney Miller - This is indeed my all time favorite. A sitcom placed in the detectives room in a police station in New York. The building is old, the team is diverse, and the captain has to deal with a lot of stuff, anything from his bosses from "downtown" to the personalities and differences between his detectives to the mix of criminals that occupy the small cell located in the detectives office. The infamous "Hash Brownie" episode remains the all-time greatest sitcom moment in my memory. The spin-off show "Fish" which took us into the retirement of Abe Vigoda's character didn't do so well.

BOJ's List

What, my list isn't first? Yeah, Quinn beat me to the punch.

With a few exceptions, the shows I list here were pretty short lived. Two reasons for that, I suppose. First, these shows simply didn't have the time to get tired and predictable. Second, these were shows that didn't have mass appeal. Too bad, a television watching nation missed out...

10 The Steven Banks Show - A good example of what I'm talking about. Nobody saw this show. PBS's first self produced sitcom, the show featured Steven Banks as a guy who imagined his home life was a TV variety show. Banks and a cast of two others played every character, with the exception of bit parts and one guest star, like Peter Tork (of The Monkees), Penn and Teller, Gina Schock (of The Go-Gos) and Billy Mumy. The show really worked off of the brilliance of Banks, an amazing performer. PBS aired 8 of the 13 episodes produced.

9 Tenacious D - Dakota Films made 6 episodes of this classic aired on HBO. Fifteen minutes in length, the show was the story of JB and KG who hung around at an open mic and billed themselves as "The Greatest Band in the World." Having hung around at open mics and being generally delusional, this show struck a chord with me. The stories were sometimes a little flat, but the songs, good heavens the songs, were unbelievable. This show introduced us to such classics as Sasquatch, Jesus Ranch, Kyle Took a Bullet for Me and the twin D masterworks Tribute and Double Team.

8 SCTV Television Network - There have been a lot of sketch comedy programs, the format tends to make for terribly uneven television. SCTV was a standard sketch comedy program with the added story line of the "behind the scenes" action on a really crappy television network. A network that featured such horrid shows as You! with Libby Wolfson and Count Floyd's Monster Chiller Horror Theater (a late night horror movie showcase featuring films like 3-D House of Stewardesses). This show spawned the careers of the likes of John Candy, Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy and gave us memorable characters like Bob and Doug McKenzie, Ed Grimley, Josh Schmenge and Stan Schmenge, Guy Cabalero, Edith Prickley and Johnnie LaRue. One of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV was a segment in which new wave band, The Tubes was on Gil Fisher's Fishin' Musician.

7 Futurama - At it's best, this show is absolutely brilliant. At it's worst it's still better than 90% of the crap on TV. The story of a pizza delivery boy cryogenically frozen who finds himself in the year 3000 where he becomes a package delivery boy along with a fowl mouthed robot and a female cyclops ship's captain.

6 Mystery Science Theater 3000 - ...In the not too distant future... Perhaps the strangest premise ever for a TV show: A guy sent to a satellite and forced to watch horrible movies with two foul mouthed robots (I love fowl mouthed robots). Hilarious comments are made. Strange little sketches are performed. You stare open mouthed for a while, but can't help yourself from laughing.

5 Fawlty Towers - People will argue that John Cleese did his best TV work on Monty Python's Flying Circus, but he was so much better on Fawlty Towers as Basil Fawlty, hotel owner. A fine cast, interesting stories, every sitcom producer should be forced to watch this show before they start work on another piece of crap. The Germans? Maybe the best sitcom episode ever.

4 Police Squad - TV executives are so stupid. One of the most brilliant shows of all time and it was outright cancelled. It didn't only spawn a series of movies, it solidified a film genre that the Zuckers started with Airplane.

3 Seinfeld - I had to go with one very successful show. NBC just gave Seinfeld his own show so that he'd be under contract and ABC wouldn't be able to hire him away to host a late night talk show. NBC didn't care what Seinfeld did with his show, just that he did something. Having a free hand allowed the show to be what it was. Under other circumstances, this show most likely would have been cancelled after its second season. Show becomes successful when network keeps their hands off. OTHER NETWORKS - LEARN FROM NBC.

2 WKRP in Cincinnati - The only real work I've done as an adult is in the TV business. WKRP is set in a radio station, but it's so true to life for those of us working in the media. I've worked with a Jennifer Marlowe, a Les Nessman, a Herb Tarlik, a Venus Flytrap (aka Gordon Simms) an Andy Travis and every other character on this classic. No, every TV job I had wasn't as humorous, but we didn't have the stellar writing that they did at the mighty 'KRP.

1 The Simpsons - This blog references a Simpsons episode in its very title, how could you expect anything different out of me? I'm the first to admit that the show's taken a horrible downward turn in the past couple of years, but when I see episodes from seasons 3 through 7 or 8, I remember how brilliant it was. The show was designed around Bart, but Homer became the star. Oh, how we love stupid white guys in this country! I'm skeptical about the movie this summer. I hope it doesn't sully a classic.

HONORABLE MENTION

Newsradio - Same reasons as WKRP

Gilligan's Island - Especially the one where they almost get off the island but Gilligan screws it up at the last minute

Green Acres - Arnold Ziffel never won best supporting actor?

Hogan's Heroes - Who thought this was a funny idea for a TV show?

Northern Exposure - The nice, funny Twin Peaks

The 700 Club - Pat Robertson is a constant source of humor

Cheers - Hanging out in a bar. I can relate

Michelle's List

Believe it or not, Michelle, through her job in the tape library at work, may see more TV than the rest of us combined. Her list contains a couple of great shows that I'd forgotten about, which is the fun of this kind of list.

I’m not good at explaining myself, but I’ll try. In no particular order:

The Cosby Show – It’s Bill Cosby. You can’t go wrong with Bill Cosby. Especially the earlier eps when their youngest kid was still little.

Black Adder – Witty Brit humor.

Red Dwarf – Witty Brit humor complete with cheap cardboard sets.

Northern Exposure – I’m sure you have a better reason for it than I can come up with.

Countdown with Keith Olbermann – Cynical commentary on current government. Keith’s got balls and isn’t afraid of threats from those he criticizes.

Saturday Night Live (70’s and early 90’s only) – Power cast from the 70s and great writing and Dana Carvey from the 90s.

Who’s Line is it Anyway? – I have never NOT laughed during one of these shows. Started out as British improv, but the American version is funny as well.

M*A*S*H – Great writing, great timing between actors.

I Love Lucy – Lucille Ball. ‘Nuff said.

Alf – I had to include this as it was my favorite show as a kid. The alien is cute and eats cats. Best. Combination. Evar.

Rashid's List

Rashid is the new guy at work and the 2007 RPS Tournament loser. If you work in the business, you better know your poitless TV stuff. And WKRP makes yet another list...

WKRP - The pinnacle of sitcoms related to the media field. The show was originally based on
creator Hugh Wilson's memories of working in advertising as a client of AOR radio station 94.1 WQXI-FM. Anytime the News director, Les
Nessman, showed up you just knew something crazy was going to transpire, For my money, the “Turkey Day Incident” episode where poor Les is reporting the insanity due to live turkeys being dropped on a crowd from a helicopter, in the manner of the famous Hindenburg disaster and the infamous payoff at the end of the episode, is just pure gold.

SPACED - Created by Simon Pegg (SHAUN of the DEAD and HOT FUZZ) A simple premise really, two down on their luck Londoners looking for a new place to live happen to stumble upon each other and share an apartment under the guise that they are a married Yuppie couple. Tim and Daisy are the poster children for the Gen X and Y lifestyle, a couple of adults who haven’t quite grown up. Episode 3 “ART” is easily the most recognizable: Bad batch of Speed, Hallucinations about zombies, and a wacked out performance art exhibit to the works of Bruce Nauman. Never mind the eccentric cast of neighbors and friends these two are surrounded by. You can see how this show spawned the movies Mr. Pegg would later produce.

Married With Children - A former high school football star, worked as hard as any shoe salesman from the Chicago area and yet he still has to deal with his wife and loser kids, The man known as Al Bundy. The fact that this great series took place in Chicago is enough for me (being born and raised in the second city) but what made this show funny was that so many working class guys can relate to Al and his crazy antics, whether it was trying to start an all city beer label ban, to spending a whole episode literally tearing his house apart trying to figure out what a lightswitch in the house activates, to getting into a Looney Tunes esque battle with a rabbit in the backyard to protect his Garden. There was always something about Al that every guy among us could say “ I remember something like that happening to me!” and that made everything just that much funnier.

Get A Life - Apparently this very bizarre and very funny show was officially cancelled due to the higher ups saying the character, 30-year old paperboy Chris Peterson, was too “insane”
And that pretty much sums up this show, Insane. I’m pretty sure that at least every other episode, he was killed or died due to some weird situation like While on his first trip to the city, Chris gets slipped a mickey and realizes his wallet is missing. A local news crew films his plight and dubs him "Walletboy", making him the darling of the city. Everybody shuns him when it turns out that he just left the wallet at home. Chris dies of old age while waiting for them to forgive him, but in the end, fifty years later, Chris's skeleton gets a parade by the now-forgiving townspeople. If you can laugh at that, you understand the type of comedy Chris Elliot was trying to get across to the masses.

Viva La Bam - Perfect Example of Youth Gone Wild or what would happen if a 20 something year old (like myself) and his buddies would do if they had the money, resources, and the time to wreak pure havoc among their family and community. The citywide scavenger hunt among Bam Margera and his cast of buddies (CKY crew) while driving around in very banged up cars easily has to be one of the best episode they made in their 5 season run (they even get the famous band, The BLOODHOUND GANG involved in the fun) You just can’t go wrong with shotputting a turkey into a busted up car and Bowling a strike at a local bowling lane wearing nacho cheese in the bowling shoes.

Barney Miller - The episode where Yemada, Fish and Wojo got buzzed on the Hash brownies brought in as evidence. Easily one of the funniest half hours commited to television. And who can honestly forget that awesome bassline at the start of the show.

Greg the Bunny (IFC Version) - A show that stars 3 very disgruntled puppet actors and one very devil may care puppet rabbit named Greg, who parody many of the movies produced during the 80s and 90s era of film. There is actually two versions of this show (the other is the much inferior FOX show which aired for one season) but the IFC version is easily the best due to the sheer insanity of the writing. The episode where Greg and his acting buddy, Warren (an ape that wears a crash helmet with a british accent) head to a Rave in New York’s famous Webster Hall, followed by a trip to Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson style, just shows how much fun the creators of this show had, espically when Warren goes gonzo at the black jack table completely drunk.

The State - Reno 911, Viva Variety, Wet Hot American Summer. If any of these ring a bell, you are familiar with this very funny sketch comedy troupe THE STATE and this sketch comedy show that started it all. I remember watching this during my High school days and laughing like a lunatic at some of their sketch comedy works which came at you in the vein of Monty python Flying circus. Some of the most memorable: Muppet Hunting, The Flash hailing a taxi , Louie, “Where’s the Mousey?”, Barry and Levon, and my personal favorite MEDIUM HEAD BOY. Why this show is not available on DVD is mystery in itself, considering the cast went on to produce the entertaining RENO 911.

Sean's List

A veteran of the guitarists and hats lists, Sean chimes in on TV comedies as well.

10. CHiPs..... Although not a comedy per se, it is quit funny in reruns. I am not sure why, but it just makes me laugh. Maybe the outfits, maybe the high technology used to film it. Regardless, any show with an actor from Wyoming in it needs to be in a top ten list somewhere.

9. THE WEST WING .....Again, not a comedy as such (I hope I am not ruining your list) but a very funny show to me. The fast pace and ridiculous situations that people got into helped make this a wonderful show (my personal favorite). There was quite a bit of humor in this show and it helped to show that no one person is invincible from every day life. I mean in the pilot episode the President of the United States hurts his leg in a bicycling accident by running into a tree. That is something that sadly, we can all relate to but will seldom admit.

8. ED....Another show that is billed as a drama but man was it funny. Warren Cheswick was a hoot. (Is it o.k. for someone my age to say that). And the $5.00 dollar bets were very entertaining indeed. As a matter of fact, it prompted me to take a $.25 bet one time. Hey I was poor and so was my friend. We were working in local TV. Probably my second favorite TV show.

7. Bosom Buddies....This was a really good show. It had all the makings of a good comedy, and it did not disappoint. If ever there was a situation that screamed comedy, it would be two guys dressing like girls to live in a girls only house for cheap rent.

6. The Gong Show....I could never watch this show without laughing. Most of the time I laughed at the judges trying to keep each other from gonging (if that wasn't a word before, it is now) their favorite contestant. A good time was had by all when that show was on TV.

5.The Newhart Show....All I have to say about this is "Hi, my name is Larry. This is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl" They were not the whole show of course, but they did contribute and that will always be one of my favorite lines.

4. SNL.....It deserves a spot in the top 5, but it wasn't consistent enough for me to rank it #1. There were some really good times, really funny stuff. There were also some years that it just didn't seem to even try to be funny.

3.The Red Green Show....This is really good stuff. I love this show and the fact that it boldy admits you can fix anyhting with duct tape. I almost believe that the inventions Red makes will actually work. A great show for guys, or anyone else who wants to be entertained for a little while.

2. Home Improvement....Another great show for guys. It was the mainstream version of The Red Green Show. I wasn't sure what order to put these in, but I guess it doesn't really matter since this is my list at this particular moment in time and it will probably not be the same even tomorrow. I put it in this position because I have actually seen more of it than The Red Green Show. Not saying that is the best way to make a decision, but it is my way for today. I really liked that they showed outakes during the end credits.

1. M*A*S*H*....This is #1 for me. It is a classic show and it will be in reruns forever is my guess. I loved the characters. True, some of them left before they should have but that made way for others. It is truly timeless and even though it was based around a war the humor, dark at times and light at others, is such that anyone can watch and laugh. I don't know how they were able to keep things fresh for so long, but considering the show lasted longer than the war it was about, you know there was great comecy there.

Remember, this list is by someone who grew up in Wyoming with only three TV channels. A lot of good comedy shows are not on my list simply because I have never seen them or seen very little of them. I apologize in advance to anyone who is offended that a certain show may not be on this list. Also please remember that no animals were harmed in the making if this list and that any similiraties in this list to actual persons or places is purely coincidental.

JB Andy's List

Once upon a time, there was a little musical enterprise known as Patient 957. which consisted of one TSA, one ONA, a fellow who went by BOJ and one JB Andy. While it was mostly about playing open mics, there were 4 actual paying gigs. We practiced from time to time, which most often broke down int watching episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. TV was a big part of what we did, in fact JB seemed to believe his TV was Brainwashing him...

And his number one choice is particularly fitting, but you had to live in the RC in 2004 to really know why

5.)Scrubs - I love it. Most shows that utilize the third person commentary turn out a bit corny(with exception of course) But the rants and raves that float ear to ear in the head of Zack Braff are hilarious and (though exaggerated) mostly relatable to how I feel while watching the show. With so many serious and somewhat serious doctor shows on tv, it’s nice to see one that doesn’t make me hope someone one lives or dies at the end of the show

4.)House - The exception of serious doctor shows to me. I don’t care if patients live or die. I just wanna see if Greg house will punch somebody before the end of the show. I like to see smart “together” characters who’s character conflict is as much external as internal. A mix of Lonliness and drug use, but is still able to save the day? Dr. House is my superman. An everyday guy who loves painkillers but still somewhat functions in everyday life and knows who he is, this is more relatable to everyday people than the Batman…dig?

3.)Love Monkey - Very short lived and then re-aired on VH1. This show was so original. I have a curse. Every time I Like a show. Not a show that mtv tells me to like, but a show I find on my own and can somewhat relate (or want to relate) to the subject material leaves me loving a show on my own convictions. This show follows Tom, a recent firee of a major music label. He is a talent scout and seemed to be the JERRY MACGUIRE of the music industry. Gets a job for a small indie label and only signs musicians of substance. Secondary role for this show was Teddy Geiger. Just an altogether great show, BUT like all show I enjoy it was cancelled after 8ish episodes.

2.)The Wonder Years - Teen anxst, Winnie Cooper, hippies, hippy music,and Daniel Stern(in his first project since “breaking Away”) It’s a winning combo. Enough said.

1.)Pete and Pete - OK. So it’s a SNICK show. As an 11 or 12 year old I thought this show was really funny. Two brothers both named pete, a 30 year old(maybe retarded) superhero in spandex, and an adult conspiracy to not let kids have any fun all made this show my favorite as a preteen. A year ago I bought the first 2 seasons on dvd and love it even more now. The stuff they got away with on nickelodeon is crazy. Plus the under appreciated cult following and list of (at the time) celebreities make it worth a second or third watch. List includes iggy pop, Gordon gano(violent femmes), Michael stipe, steve buscemi, the band polaris, jeneanne garfanalo??

Remember you can submit your own list in the comments or by sending an Email. I know how to edit this post and everything...

BOJ

Labels: Lists

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Labels: Spam of the Week

It's an age old question, well maybe not age old, but at least since the 60's and it's been discussed ad nauseum ever since. A simple question really about taste and yet people get into disagreements over it to this day.

Ginger or Mary Ann?

Mary Ann seems to be the trendy choice. I can see how people would choose her. Definitely attractive enough with a wholesome nature. She's nice, sweet the kind of girl you'd take home to your mother. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Mary Ann. If my hand was forced and I ended up with Mary Ann, well, I'd consider myself a very lucky man.

She's better looking, even sexier than any woman I've ever dated. I've never been that guy who just had to have the best looking woman. I'm sure women who've dated me don't want to hear that, but it's true. They were all attractive, but each and every one of them had a more attractive friend who, if I'd have put forth a little effort...

Mary Ann is the girl I always ended up getting. I was quite happy with all of the Mary Anns in my life, counted myself lucky to be with them. Maybe the actual Mary Ann wouldn't turn all psycho on me, but I seem to have that effect on women.

Ginger and Mary Ann were stranded on a desert island with 5 other castaways. Think of the situation, no phones, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury. They're just trying to survive, I'm sure that even feeding themselves took a great deal of effort. For Kansas farm girl, Mary Ann, this couldn't have been too much of a change. I'm sure she didn't face death at every corner on the farm, but she was used to growing her own food, doing things for herself. Mary Ann was prepared for the situation much more than Ginger.

Ginger was, of course, horribly unprepared for this ordeal. She was a movie star. though her level of fame seems to change from episode to episode. She had people to do things for her, probably ate all of her meals at restaurants, probably didn't own any dishes. Being stranded on a desert island was a huge change for her.

She adapted. Ginger and Mary Ann handled most of the domestic chores for the castaways (it was the 1960's after all, that's what women did...). She aparently did well, nobody died from her cooking and the Skipper certainly didn't loose any weight during the show's run. Ginger was adaptable, that's an admirable trait.

But she had another trait, one that she used on every episode, her sexuality. Ginger used her sexuality to get what she wanted from the male castaways. This woman, stranded on a deser island always dressed provacatively. Mary Ann was worried about food, Ginger was worried that the men might not find her sexy. She was always 'workin' it.' In early episodes she wore a low cut dress made from something with S.S. Minnow printed on it. Think about it, she could have just wrapped the thing around her and pinned it in place to hide her nakedness, but no, she somehow fashioned a way to sew with equipment salvaged from the shipwreck and managed to create an alluring, sexy garment that accentuated her assets.

That's the big difference between Ginger and Mary Ann, Ginger knew she was hot and never tried to hide it. Mary Ann was attractive, hot even, but anything she did that made her more attractive was purely coincidental. Ginger was calculating, she plotted to have an effect on men. Yeah, she probably should have spent more time on her and the other castaways survival, but, damn it, she was busy trying to look sexy. I'm a guy, it worked on me.

Stranded on a desert island and need someone to help you survive? Mary Ann, without a doubt.

Stranded on a desert island and need someone to have a whole lot of fun with? It's all Ginger. In fact, I'd be discouraging any attempts to get off of the island. I'm not going to get a girl like Ginger under any other circumstances.

I've been with Mary Anns, they're great, but just once in my life I'd like a Ginger.

BOJ

Here's why I was out of town on my weekend, I had to meet this guy. It was cool to meet him, though he was a little tired and didn't spend too much time awake while I was there.

His name is Gerardo David Beltran Jr. David is his father and grandfather's name, so that doesn't really work, David Jr. and Little David were both a bit of a mouthful, his parents have settled on DJ. Uncle BOJ approves.

You can check out more photos of DJ on his Flickr Site.

I'm not through welcoming new family members either, I have a new neice or nephew coming in November...

BOJ

Yeah, yeah, I know I missed Pointless Shit Thursday, but I was on the road for most of the day, definitely not near a computer. What, did it kill you to go out and find your own pointless shit?

Under no circumstances will I miss Sue Foley Photo Friday. How could I? It's the happiest day of the week!

Enjoy a fine B&W photo of the blues world's finest looking woman. Well, my favorite contemporary blues guitarist, anyway.

BOJ

Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday

Popularity in Music is a baffling thing to me. I simply don't understand what makes a musician popular. It's not that I have bad taste, some of the bands I like have become poular, most, however, remain in obscurity.

So this is Positive Tuesday and Mega-Bitch Wednesday (I'm out of town and may not have regular access to a computer). These are all musicians who have had limited mainstream success (no Top 40 appearances that I know of), but deserve so much better.

I'm not just talking about people I know, people with limited recordings like Willy Grigg or Amanda Conway, I mean people who haver released music that is available to anyone.

The Blasters - A college roommate descirbed them as "What Stray Cats would be if they weren't so damn commercial." As good a description as anything I suppose. Real Rockabilly music played by some of SoCals finest musicians.

No longer a running concern, though vocalist Phil Alvin occasionally gets groups together, but they're lacking guitarist and songwriter Dave Alvin, who has his own nice little solo career going.

Biggest Success - The song Dark Night was featured in the Quentin Tarantino-Robert Rodriguez collaboration From Dusk Till Dawn. A cover of Dave Alvin's Long White Cadillac was a minor hit for Dwight Yoakam.

Why They're Not Famous - It's Rockabilly and they were playing in the 1980's. Right band, wrong time

Holly Cole - Sultry song stylist who is a magnificent interpreter of other people's music. Her album of Tom Waits covers, Temptation, takes great songs and turns them on their heads. Her cover of Elvis Costello's Allison was completely unexpected the first time I heard it.

Backed by a strong jazz trio on her earlier albums, she's moved onto bigger arrangements. Think Diana Krall but with more pop sensibilities.

Biggest Success - Her cover of Johnny Nash's I Can See Clearly Now appeared in a Chevrolet commercial.

Why She Isn't Famous - It's Jazz, it just doesn't have mass appeal. Too bad, she's really pop friendly.

Steve James - Finger style acoustic blues played in a traditional style, but often about contemporary issues.

A great picker, handling the material of the greats (Leadbelly in particular), but also a great songwriter. His Banker's Blues should have been played during every news story about those Enron bastards.

Biggest Success - I honestly can't think of one. He's not even that popular in the blues world. It's a shame.

Why He Isn't Famous - I could cynically say because the general public is really stupid, but that's not fair. It comes down to two words: Acoustic and Blues.

Abby Someone - OK, one group of guys I know. Amazing talent from the RC. Shawn Michael Bitz is the best writer (music and otherwise) you've never heard of. That's a shame, something that really needs to change.

Great songs, an amazing stage pressence, this band has everything it needs to be famous, though I haven't seen the newest incarnation.

Biggest Success - Fall Down in Love had some regional radio success and will be in an upcoming independent film.

Why They Aren't Famous - It's sad to say, but South Dakota isn't a hot bed of music. That's the only reason ASO isn't ridiculously famous.

Sue Foley - One of the best guitarists playing today, equally comfortable in a rocking electric style or laid back acoustic. I'm doing what I can to make her famous, but I'm just one man...

Biggest Success - Sue Foley Photo Fiday? Dear God, I hope not...

Why She Isn't Famous - Blues. It's hard to make it big in this genre. Too bad.

Saffire - The Uppity Blues Women - I give their Live & Uppity - to the strong women in my life. Even as a guy, I find their music empowering.

Clever and energetic, this is a band that must be seen to be believed. This is acoustic blues in the classic femenine style. Something about a woman singing blues, they can get away with stuff that no man ever could.

Biggest Success - That time they..... When they were on the soundtrack to..... Uh..... I guess none.

Why They Aren't Famous - See entry for Steve James.

Albert Collins - If Jonny Lang were an old black dead man, he'd sound like "The Iceman." I actually got to tell Jonny that I thougt he sounded like Albert.

If you like the Texas blues of the likes of Stevie Ray Vaughn, then Albert is for you. If you enjoy great guitar playing, Albert is for you. You should really be listening to Albert Collins regardless of the type of music you like.

Biggest Success - Played ay Live Aid, though somehow I missed it.

Why He Isn't Famous - A bluesman who isn't from Chicago? That don't fly...

"Icepick" James Harman - Besides Ben Folds, probably my favorite song writer. He's also a great harmonica player and his bands are always top rate.

You can't go wrong with Icepick and I've been lucky enough to see his live several times. I bought my copy of Black and White directly from James. He was in a surly mood so I was affraid to get it signed.

Biggest Success - Kiss of Fire was playing in the background during the rape scene in Jodi Foster's The Accused. He also appeared on David Letterman with ZZ Top.

Why He Isn't Famous - I get the feeling he's a bit of an asshole, I saw him go off on an audience member once. Entertaining and just a little bit scary..

BOJ

Labels: Lists, Mega-Bitch Wednesday, Positive Tuesday

Pam Simmons
Tel-Drug of Pennsylvania (oddly enough, in Sioux Falls, SD)

I placed an order for Betaseron with Pam on Monday. Within the hour, the order was confirmed and was sent.

The Globex Corporation congratulates Pam on this prestigious award.

BOJ

Labels: Legion of Competence

It's down, this photo was too offensive to leave on the bulletin board in master control:



More planned. I'll keep you up to date,

BOJ

Check out Slick's Blog.

Cool photos. This why it's cool to live in the least populous state...

BOJ

A little bit before 2am this morning, I reached something of a milestone, though I imagine in the years to come I won't think much of it. After coming home and taking a couple of Tylenol, I watched recorded episodes of King of the Hill and The Simpsons, enjoyed some cheddar cheese toast and jabbed a needle into myself for the 100th time.

The hypodermic was full of Betaseron and Sodium Chloride solution in the amount of 1cc. I've been doing this every other day since a Sunday evening in October (the Colts beat the Broncos in what was a really good game). I give myself a shot at night before bedtime in hopes of sleeping through the worst effects of the drug, the flu-like symptoms that I've only had once or twice since taking Betaseron. It does nothing to alleviate the hightened MS symptoms I feel for the next 24 to 36 hours, though I guess I sleep through seven hours of that so it's not a bad thing.

I guess the point is that I'm doing something every other day that I never thought I was capable of. I've always hated getting shots. I guess it stems from moving to Guam in my preschool years. The whole family had to get a battery of shots, I reacted to mine and had to be given smaller doses, but had to receive the same amount of drug. Do the math, I needed to get three times as many shots as the other members of the family. I didn't handle it very well, but, then again, I was 3. I remember it, though, and it's not a good memory.

So here I am giving myself an injection every other night before bed. I rotate the injections in 24 different points on my body, I've been through the rotation 4 times now, this mornings injection just to the right and below my naval. That's (4 X 24) + 4. That equals 100.

I imagine that injection 200 won't be a big deal. Or 300. Or 400. Or 1000. I'll lose track of the total number of injections. I'll only know where the next one goes and what day I get it. It's a part of my life now and there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

I'll continue to bitch about other things, though, like the cost. Because of [Nameless Company]'s shitty insurance plan (but we sponsor a NASCAR team...) these every other night necessities cost me about one-sixth of my salary annually. That's after my shitty insurance pays their share.

I'll bitch about the Pharmacy that I use (which is associated with the shitty insurance). I've placed six orders with them for 30 day supplies of the drug. They've screwed up every single order in one way or another. I was told that the head of the company is supposed to write me a letter apologizing for "piss-poor service" (I requested that he use that term specifically), but like everything else, it looks like they've screwed that up too.

I'm about to make a call ordering my next 30 day supply. I have a person I talk to specifically, a number I call to talk to an actual person who will handle my order. She seems nice enough, but she'll get tired of me sson enough as I'm sure she'll get annoyed with me yelling at her every 30 days.

BOJ

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Which deal would you take? Play the game and find out.

Labels: Spam of the Week

With Doyle Redland

Woman Only Dates On National Television Now

Listen to the story here.

The mainstream media won't give you this kind of stuff. You have to read The Onion to get the real story.

BOJ

Labels: Stuff From The Onion

Last Saturday, a co-worker was back in the tape library and he found a photo of one of the [Nameless Company] shift supervisors. He took the photo and cut out a magazine headline that read "Tired All The Time?" put it under the photo and tacked it to the bulliten board in Master Control. It meant nothing, it was just a bizzare non-sequiter that I thought was just plain odd. It was gone on Monday.

Now I have my suspicions of why the photo went away, but I don't know why it isn't there anymore. Then I started wondering what would happen if a photo of me with an identical caption were posted on the bulletin board, so I made this:



If I were to place this on the bulletin board in Master Control would it be taken down immediately? Would it be allowed to stay? Do the respective postions of the two subjects have anything to do with how long a photo is allowed to stay up? Am I reading way too much into this?

It's Saturday. I'll go into work today and place my photo on the bulletin board. I'll keep you up to date on what happens.

BOJ

Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line

Look for it in stores today!

BOJ

Labels: Stuff From The Onion

I don't think this is a repeat, but maybe it is. What do I care? It's a great photo. If I have posted this before, I certainly don't mind looking at it again. Neither should you.

BOJ

Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday

With Doyle Redland

Slightly Upset Woman Declared Insane

Listen to the story here.

Dr. of Histariatrics? Leave it to The Onion to clue us in to new medical specialties.

BOJ

Labels: Stuff From The Onion

`This is your last chance (for this time, anyway) to be a part of The Globex Corporation Newsletter by submitting your list of Top TV Comedies of All Time.

Email your list to me. Really, it'll be cool. I promise!

List will be published on May 14th. Offer void in Tennessee.

BOJ

Episode [9F18] from season four of The Simpsons introduced us to Whacking Day, a holiday in Springfield in which the residents drive all the snakes to the center of town and beat them to death. The celebration was declared "disgusting and puerile" by a group of hillbillies and was actually created as an excuse to beat up the Irish, but
"'twas all in good fun..."

In The Simpsons universe, Whacking Day occurs on May 10th, so "Gentlemen, start your whacking!"

WHACKING DAY HYMN
To the tune of O, Tannenbaum

O whacking day, o whacking day,
Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.
We'll break their backs,
Gouge out their eyes,
Their evil hearts,
We'll pulverise.
O whacking day, o whacking day,
May God bestow His grace on thee

BOJ

Stay tuned to The Globex Corporation Newsletter for updates on this pointless topic!

BOJ

Labels: Pointless Shit

In something that's a little different for me, this week's MBW is about ranch dressing. This is a tough one for me because I actually like ranch dressing. It's zesty, it's creamy, it's delicious!

My problem is with what ranch dressing has become. Somehow it's become the King of Salad Dressings. All other forms of salad dressing must bow before the undisputed monarch of the condiment world. Ranch isn't just for salad anymore. I had a friend whose girlfriend would order a side of ranch to dunk her pizza crusts in. It's on a Subway sandwich. It's on a pizza. It's on potato chips. Chicks wrestle in it in seedy night spots --- OK, I haven't heard of that happening, but it's bound to happen.

Ranch isn't the only salad dressing. There are plenty of other salad dressing options. I like Italian and Bleu Cheese. Fantastic. Ranch isn't the only salad dressing to move beyond salad. Italian dressing? Marinate chicken in it. That's what I'm talkin' about! Thousand Island on pumpernickel with corned beef, swiss cheese and saurkraut. You got yourself a Reuben there, maybe the best sandwich in the history of mankind!

Ranch just isn't special. It's good, but it's just a salad dressing. No better than any other. Why have we gone so crazy about this stuff?

I could do the same thing with Texas Hold 'em poker. Great game, I like playing it, but it's not the only poker game. Somehow it's taken over.

BOJ

Labels: Mega-Bitch Wednesday

I grew up in a military family. Some of my earliest memories are of my dad calling long distance from remote locations, of us sitting around and reading letters from my dad. This was primarily in the 60's and 70's, technology wasn't nearly as advanced as it is today.

When we lived in Texas in the 60's, my folks would try to call my gradparents in South Dakota. You couldn't direct dial a long distance call then, of course, but had to have an operator connect you. There was a strange problem when this would try to happen, my grandparents exchange had a 772 prefix. We would constantly be told that there were no 772 prefixes, be told that the number we were trying to reach couldn't possibly exist. A work around was created when my folks talked to the telephone operator in my grandparents hometown who told my folks how to tell the operator to dial the number.

Later, I lived in that 772 town while my dad was in Thailand for a year during the Vietnam war. It was a one year TDY, we lived in the town my granparents lived in to save a little money. Mom worked in the local diner (where she once met my favorite wrestler "Wahoo" McCaniel and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, but that's another story) to help keep two households going.

The military gave dad one phone call during his stay, anything else he did was on his own. I remember him calling a couple of times during that time, once with the assistance of an amateur radio operator. I remember being amazed at how someone could place a phone from, literally, halfway around the world, even if there was a tremendous amount of hassle to do so.

A couple of years ago, my brother-in-law was stationed in Korea for a year. He and my sister set up an internet conferencing program and were able to talk anytime they wanted for no cost except the set up costs. My own phone service is internet based (VOIP) which means I can make long distance phone calls at any time to any place in the world. I made three long distance phone calls this morning, no one was at home at any of them, I simply left a message and didn't sweat it. I'll call back later. And it didn't cost me anymore than it would have not to call and not leave a message.

I don't particularly embrace the cell phone thing, not that I don't believe in the technology, but because I don't think I need to be that kind of accessible to everyone. Still, it's pretty cool, that I can call someone while they're in their car. It gives me whole new ways to annoy people. That alone makes the technology worthwhile.

Labels: Positive Tuesday

Wisdom is where you find it.

The following is from a spam message about escorts:

The worst of madmen is a saint run mad.
All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.
The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
A Hospital is no place to be sick.
Don't judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance.
I feel an earnest and humble desire, and shall till I die, to increase the stock of harmless cheerfulness.
Every man is his own chief enemy.
Every chance taken is another chance to win.
Set a thief to catch a thief.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
Kindness begets kindness.
Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story.
An aphorism can never be the whole truth it is either a half-truth or a truth-and-a-half.

BOJ

Labels: Spam of the Week

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got about writing, and I don't remember where I got it, was that when you start a story, there has to be some sort of change, some reason that the story starts here. The story of our lives don't have easy starting points, we don't necessarily live our lives with chapter breaks. I suppose Jesus didn't say a little number before everything he said. It's a literary device, and literature doesn't always follow real life.

On the other hand, there have been "chapters" in my life, moves, situations that upon reflection are sort of stand-alone episodes of my life, as much as anyone's life can have stand-alone chapters. They have a beginning and an end. Something changes to begin them and something changes to end them.

A chapter of my life is ending as I type. It began in August, had interesting twists in Novermber and December and will soon be over. Done. Finished.

I think of how differently it could have turned out, and how sad today could have made me. Or how indifferent I could have been about the situation. And while I'm not terribly excited or joyously happy about what's going on right now, I recognize it's for the best and it's something that I've wanted for some time now. The chapter turned out like it did, and unlike a piece of fiction, I can't change it after the fact.

It's not a story of villany, there's no bad-guy here, it's just a bunch of stuff that happened. Little gestalts that have changed me as a person, hopefully making me better able to deal with things in the future. Or not. Maybe they've made me less accepting, less able to forgive. Time will tell, I guess.

The chapter itself is over. Maybe I'll reflect on some later date. Maybe this is as much reflection as I'll do. It's done though. Now. Ironic since I've been told many times in the past it was done. It couldn't be though, not until today's events.

I'll go on with my life. I'm not sure if it's a new chapter, there isn't a number or a title over me right now, letting the readers know that I'm in for an imminent change. Things are different now. If not better for me, then easier at least.

BOJ

Since I missed my annual St. Patrick's Day rant this year, I'll do something similar for Cinco de Mayo (and big thanks to Slick for teaching me to pronounce this solomn day correctly.... mmmm... mayo....).

OK, here's the basic rant, I don't need an excuse to get drunk. I don't drink just because the liquor industry tells me to. If I were Mexican, I'd be pretty pissed at what American marketing has turned Cinco de Mayo into; a drunken tequila party instead of a celebration of the Mexican Army defeating French invaders in 1862, thus solidifying their independence.

But I'm not Mexican. If I were, maybe I'd enjoy a Tecate or one of the many varieties of Tequila that are marketed so heavily this time of year. Maybe the day would be a celebration, not just an excuse to drink and speak in poor, broken Spanish (it's the only Spanish I got...).

If I drink a tequila today (I won't, but if by some chance I do), it won't be because the liquor industry told me to. It won't even be because of a military victory in 1862 - which, as a resident of a New World country who threw off the shackles of our European opressors, I can appreciate - it will be because I want to drink a tequila.

BOJ

Labels: Generic Bitch

Over the shoulder, looking casual, but obviously playeing her ass off, it's another exciting edition of Sue Foley Photo Friday.

Yeah, it's Friday and I have to go back to work today after 3 days off, but it's Sue Foley Photo Friday, so the day couldn't possibly be all bad...

BOJ

Labels: Sue Foley Photo Friday

From ABC Sport (Australia):

nternational Cricket Council (ICC) chief executive Malcolm Speed has admitted that the 2007 World Cup, which lasts for a marathon seven weeks, is too long.

The World Cup, which reaches a conclusion with the final between champions Australia and Sri Lanka in Barbados on Saturday night, staged its first competitive match on March 13 when West Indies played Pakistan in Kingston.

But warm-up games were being played as early as March 5.

"We listen to criticism, and there has been a lot of it from people saying it's been too long - so we'll look to make it shorter," Speed told the BBC.

"We'll seek to reduce this 47-day World Cup by seven or 10 days, and hopefully we'll get it down to somewhere between five and six weeks next time."

It would probably also be better if coaches weren't strangled after losing...

BOJ

These three letter words are legal in Scrabble:

AAH to exclaim in delight
AAL East Indian shrub
AAS [aa] (rough, cindery lava)
ABA sleeveless garment
ABO aborigine
ABS [ab] (abdominal muscle) {OSPD3}
ABY to pay the penalty for (abye)
ACE to make a perfect shot
ACT to perform by action
ADD to perform addition
ADO bustle
ADS [ad] (advertisement)
ADZ cutting tool (adze)
AFF off
AFT toward the stern
AGA Turkish military officer
AGE to grow old
AGO in the past
AHA intj. expressing sudden realization
AID to help
AIL to suffer pain
AIM to point in a direction
AIN Hebrew letter (ayin)
AIR to broadcast
AIS [ai] (three-toed sloth)
AIT small island
ALA wing
ALB long-sleeved vestment
ALE alcoholic beverage
ALL everything one has
ALP high mountain
ALS [al] (East Indian tree)
ALT high-pitched note
AMA Oriental nurse (amah)
AMI friend
AMP unit of electric current strength (ampere)
AMU atomic mass unit
ANA collection of information on a subject
AND added condition
ANE one
ANI tropical American black cuckoo
ANT small insect
ANY one or another
APE to mimic
APT appropriate
ARB stock trader
ARC to travel a curved course
ARE unit of surface measure/conj. of be
ARF dog's bark
ARK large boat
ARM to supply with weapons
ARS [ar] (letter 'r')
ART skill acquired by experience
ASH tree/to burn into ashes
ASK to question
ASP venemous snake
ASS donkey
ATE reckless impulse driving one to ruin
ATT Laotian monetary unit {OSPD3}
AUK diving seabird
AVA at all
AVE expression of greeting
AVO monetary unit of Macau
AWA away
AWE to inspire with awe
AWL pointed punching tool
AWN bristlelike appendage of certain grasses
AXE to cut with an axe
AYE affirmative vote
AYS [ay] (affirmative vote)
AZO containing nitrogen
BAA [baa] (to bleat)
BAD something bad
BAG to put into a bag
BAH intj. expressing disgust
BAL type of shoe (balmoral)
BAM to strike with a dull sound
BAN to prohibit/Rumanian coin
BAP small roll {OSPD3}
BAR to exclude
BAS [ba] (eternal soul in Egyptian mythology)
BAT to hit a baseball
BAY to howl
BED to provide with a bed
BEE winged insect
BEG to plead
BEL unit of power
BEN inner room
BET to wager
BEY Turkish ruler
BIB to drink alcohol
BID to make a bid
BIG large
BIN to store in a bin
BIO biography
BIS [bi] (bisexual)
BIT to restrain with a bit
BIZ business
BOA large snake
BOB to move up and down
BOD body
BOG to impede
BOO to deride
BOP to hit
BOS [bo] (pal)
BOT botfly larva
BOW to bend forward at the waist
BOX to put into a box
BOY male child
BRA brassiere
BRO brother {OSPD3}
BRR intj. used to indicate coldness (brrr)
BUB young fellow
BUD to grow buds
BUG to annoy
BUM to live idly
BUN small bread roll
BUR to remove a rough edge from (burr)
BUS to transport by bus
BUT flatfish
BUY to purchase
BYE free advance to next tournament round
BYS [by] (side issue)
CAB to drive a taxi
CAD ungentlemanly man
CAM rotating machine part
CAN to be able/to put into a can
CAP to put a cover onto
CAR automobile
CAT to anchor to a cathead
CAW to caw like a crow
CAY small low island
CEE letter 'c'
CEL drawn frame of animation {OSPD3}
CEP large mushroom (cepe)
CHI Greek letter
CIS having certain atoms on same side of molecule
COB corncob
COD to fool
COG to cheat at dice
COL depression between two mountains
CON to swindle
COO to make the sound of a dove
COP to steal
COR intj. expressing surprise
COS lettuce variety
COT lightweight bed
COW to intimidate
COX to direct a racing boat (coxswain)
COY shy/to caress
COZ cousin
CRY to weep
CUB young of certain animals
CUD food portion to be chewed again
CUE to signal a start
CUM together with
CUP to place into a cup
CUR mongrel dog
CUT to make an incision
CWM circular basin with steep walls (cirque)
DAB to touch lightly
DAD father
DAG hanging shred
DAH dash in Morse code
DAK transportion by relay
DAL lentil dish
DAM to build a dam
DAP to dip into water
DAW to dawn
DAY 24 hours
DEB debutante
DEE letter 'd'
DEL differential calculus operator
DEN to live in a lair
DEV Hindu god (deva)
DEW to wet with dew
DEX sulfate used as stimulant
DEY former North African ruler
DIB to fish
DID [do-conj] (to execute)
DIE to cease living/to make a die
DIG to scoop earth from the ground
DIM obscure/to make obscure
DIN to make a loud noise
DIP to immerse briefly
DIS to disrespect {OSPD3}
DIT dot in Morse code
DOC doctor
DOE female deer
DOG to follow after like a dog
DOL unit of pain intensity
DOM title given to certain monks
DON to put on
DOR black European beetle
DOS [do] (first tone of diatonic musical scale)
DOT to cover with dots
DOW to prosper
DRY having no moisture/prohibitionist/to make dry
DUB to confer knighthood upon
DUD bomb that fails to explode
DUE something owed
DUG teat, udder
DUI [duo-pl] (instrumental duet)
DUN of a dull brown color/to demand payment
DUO instrumental duet
DUP to open
DYE to color
EAR hearing organ
EAT to consume
EAU water
EBB to recede
ECU old French coin
EDH Old English letter
EEL snakelike fish
EFF letter 'f' (ef)
EFS [ef] (letter 'f')
EFT newt
EGG to throw eggs at
EGO conscious self
EKE to get with great difficulty
ELD old age
ELF small, often mischievous fairy
ELK large deer
ELL letter 'l'
ELM deciduous tree
ELS [el] (letter 'l')
EME uncle
EMF electromotive force {OSPD3}
EMS [em] (printer's measurement)
EMU large, flightless bird
END to terminate
ENG phonetic symbol
ENS entity
EON long period of time (aeon)
ERA chronological period (epoch)
ERE previous to; before
ERG unit of work or energy
ERN erne
ERR to make a mistake
ERS European climbing plant (ervil)
ESS letter 's' (es)
ETA Greek letter
ETH Old English letter (edh)
EVE evening
EWE female sheep
EYE organ of sight/to watch closely
FAD passing fancy
FAG to make weary by hard work
FAN to use a fan to cool
FAR at or to a great distance
FAS [fa] (fourth tone of diatonic musical scale)
FAT obese/to make fat
FAX to reproduce by electronic means
FAY to join closely
FED federal agent
FEE to pay a fee to
FEH Hebrew letter (pe)
FEM passive homosexual
FEN marsh
FER for
FET to fetch
FEU to grant land to under Scottish feudal law
FEW amounting to or consisting of a small number
FEY crazy
FEZ brimless cap worn by men in the Near East
FIB to tell a white lie
FID topmast support bar
FIE intj. expressing disapproval
FIG to adorn
FIL coin of Iraq, Jordan
FIN to equip with fins
FIR evergreen tree
FIT healthy/to be suitable for
FIX to repair
FIZ hissing or sputtering sound
FLU virus disease
FLY clever/to hit a ball high into the air in baseball/to move through the air
FOB to deceive
FOE enemy
FOG to cover with fog
FOH intj. faugh
FON warm, dry wind (foehn)
FOP to deceive
FOR directed or sent to
FOU drunk
FOX to outwit
FOY farewell feast or gift
FRO away
FRY to cook over direct heat in hot fat or oil
FUB to fob
FUD old-fashioned person
FUG to make stuffy
FUN to act playfully
FUR to cover with fur
GAB to chatter
GAD to roam about restlessly
GAE to go
GAG to prevent from talking
GAL girl
GAM to visit socially
GAN [gin-conj] (to begin)
GAP to make an opening in
GAR to compel
GAS to supply with gas
GAT pistol
GAY merry/homosexual
GED food fish
GEE to turn right
GEL to become like jelly
GEM to adorn with gemstones
GEN knowledge obtained by investigation {OSPD3}
GET to obtain
GEY very
GHI liquid butter made in India (ghee)
GIB to fasten with a wedge
GID disease of sheep
GIE to give
GIG to catch fish with a pronged spear
GIN to begin/to remove seeds from cotton
GIP to gyp
GIT intj. used as an order of dismissal
GNU large antelope
GOA Asian gazelle
GOB to fill a pit with waste
GOD to treat as a god (a supernatural being)
GOO slimy stuff
GOR intj. used as a mild oath
GOT [get-conj] (to obtain)
GOX gaseous oxygen
GOY non-Jewish person
GUL design in oriental carpets
GUM to chew without teeth
GUN to shoot with a gun
GUT to remove the guts of
GUV governor
GUY to ridicule
GYM large room for sports activities
GYP to swindle
HAD [have-conj] (to possess)
HAE to have
HAG to hack
HAH ha
HAJ pilgrimage to Mecca (hadj)
HAM to overact
HAO Vietnamese monetary unit
HAP to happen
HAS [ha] (sound expressing triumph)
HAT to provide with a hat
HAW to turn left
HAY to make into hay
HEH Hebrew letter (heth)
HEM to add an edge to
HEN female chicken
HEP hip
HER objective or possessive case of the pronoun she
HES [he] (male person)
HET Hebrew letter (heth)
HEW to cut with an ax
HEX to cast an evil spell upon
HEY intj. used to attract attention
HIC intj. used to represent a hiccup
HID [hide-conj] (to conceal)
HIE to hurry
HIM objective case of the pronoun he
HIN Hebrew unit of liquid measure
HIP aware of the most current styles and trends/to build a type of roof
HIS possessive form of the pronoun he
HIT to strike
HMM intj. expressing thought
HOB to provide with hobnails
HOD portable trough
HOE to use a hoe
HOG to take more than one's share
HON honeybun
HOP to move by jumping on one foot
HOT having a high temperature/to heat
HOW method of doing something
HOY heavy barge
HUB center of a wheel
HUE color
HUG to grasp with both arms
HUH intj. expressing surprise
HUM to sing without words
HUN barbarian
HUP intj. used to mark a marching cadence
HUT to live in a hut
HYP hypochondria
ICE to cover with ice
ICH fish disease
ICK intj. expressing distaste
ICY covered with ice
IDS [id] (part of psyche)
IFF if and only if {OSPD3}
IFS [if] (possible condition)
ILK kind
ILL evil
IMP to graft feathers onto a bird's wing
INK to apply ink to
INN to house at an inn
INS [in] (influence)
ION electrically charged atom
IRE to anger
IRK to annoy
ISM doctrine
ITS possesive form of [it]
IVY climbing vine
JAB to poke
JAG to cut unevenly
JAM to force together tightly
JAR to cause to shake
JAW to jabber
JAY corvine bird
JEE to turn right (gee)
JET to fly in a jet
JEU game
JEW to bargain with {offensive}
JIB to refuse to proceed further
JIG to bob
JIN Muslim supernatural being (jinn)
JOB to work by the piece
JOE fellow
JOG to run slowly
JOT to write down quickly
JOW to toll
JOY to rejoice
JUG to put into a jug
JUN coin of North Korea
JUS legal right
JUT to protrude
KAB ancient Hebrew unit of measure
KAE crow-like bird
KAF Hebrew letter (kaph)
KAS large cupboard/pl. of ka
KAT evergreen shrub
KAY letter 'k'
KEA parrot
KEF marijuana
KEG small barrel
KEN to know
KEP to catch
KEX dry, hollow stalk
KEY to provide with a key
KHI Greek letter (chi)
KID to tease
KIF marijuana (kef)
KIN group of related people
KIP to sleep
KIR alcoholic beverage
KIT to equip
KOA timber tree
KOB reddish brown antelope
KOI large Japanese carp {OSPD3}
KOP hill
KOR Hebrew unit of measure
KOS land measure in India
KUE letter 'q'
LAB laboratory
LAC resinous substance secreted by insects
LAD boy
LAG to fall behind
LAM to flee
LAP to drink with the tongue
LAR Roman tutelary god
LAS [la] (sixth tone of diatonic musical scale)
LAT former Latvian monetary unit
LAV lavatory
LAW to sue
LAX not strict or stringent
LAY to place
LEA meadow
LED [lead-conj] (to show the way)
LEE shelter from the wind
LEG to walk hurriedly
LEI flower necklace
LEK Albanian monetary unit
LET to rent
LEU monetary unit of Rumania
LEV Bulgarian monetary unit
LEX law
LEY lea
LEZ lesbian
LIB liberation
LID to provide with a lid
LIE to become horizontal/to tell untruths
LIN waterfall (linn)
LIP to touch with the lips
LIS [li] (Chinese unit of distance)
LIT [light] (to illuminate)/former Lithuanian monetary unit (litas)
LOB to throw in a high arc
LOG to cut down trees for timber
LOO to subject to a forfeit at the card game loo
LOP to chop off
LOT to distribute proportionately
LOW close to the ground/to make the sound of cattle
LOX to supply with lox (liquid oxygen)
LUG to pull with effort
LUM chimney
LUV sweetheart
LUX unit of illumination
LYE solution used to make soap
MAC raincoat
MAD insane/to madden
MAE more
MAG magazine
MAN adult human male/to supply with men
MAP to draw a map
MAR to destroy the perfection of
MAS [ma] (mother)
MAT to pack into a dense mass
MAW to mow
MAX maximum {OSPD3}
MAY to have permission/to gather flowers during Spring
MED medical
MEL honey
MEM Hebrew letter
MEN [man] (adult human male)
MET [meet-conj] (to make the acquaintance of)
MEW to meow
MHO unit of electrical conductance
MIB playing marble
MID middle
MIG playing marble
MIL unit of length
MIM primly demure
MIR Russian peasant commune
MIS [mi] (third tone of diatonic musical scale)
MIX to combine
MOA extinct flightless bird
MOB to crowd about
MOC soft leather heelless shoe (moccasin) {OSPD3}
MOD one who wears boldly stylish clothes
MOG to move away
MOL unit of quantity in chemistry (mole)
MOM mother
MON man
MOO to make the sound of a cow
MOP to wipe with a mop
MOR forest humus
MOS [mo] (moment)
MOT witty saying
MOW to cut down grass
MUD to cover with mud
MUG to assault with intent to rob
MUM to act in disguise
MUN man
MUS [mu] (Greek letter)
MUT mutt
NAB to capture
NAE no; not
NAG to find fault incessantly
NAH no
NAM [nim-conj] (to steal)
NAN Indian flat round leavened bread {OSPD3}
NAP to sleep briefly
NAW no
NAY negative vote
NEB bird beak
NEE born with the name of
NET to catch in a net
NEW existing only a short time/something that is new
NIB to provide with a penpoint
NIL nothing
NIM to steal
NIP to bite quickly
NIT insect egg
NIX to veto/water sprite
NOB wealthy person
NOD to move the head downward
NOG strong ale/to fill space with bricks
NOH classical drama of Japan
NOM name
NOO now
NOR and not
NOS [no] (negative reply)
NOT in no way
NOW present time
NTH pert. to item number n
NUB protuberance
NUN woman belonging to a religious order
NUS [nu] (Greek letter)
NUT to gather nuts
OAF clumsy person
OAK hardwood tree
OAR to row with oars
OAT cereal grass
OBE African sorcery (obeah)
OBI African sorcery (obeah)
OCA South American herb
ODD one that is odd/unusual
ODE lyric poem
ODS [od] (hypothetical force of natural power)
OES [oe] (Faroean wind)
OFF to kill
OFT often
OHM unit of electrical resistance
OHO intj. expressing surprise
OHS [oh] (to exclaim "oh")
OIL to supply with oil
OKA Turkish unit of weight
OKE Turkish unit of weight (oka)
OLD individual of a specified age/living or existing for a relatively long time
OLE shout of approval
OMS [om] (mantra used in meditation)
ONE number 1
ONS [on] (side of wicket in cricket)
OOH to exclaim in amazement
OOT out
OPE to open
OPS [op] (style of abstract art)
OPT to choose
ORA [os-pl] (orifice)
ORB to form into a sphere
ORC marine mammal (orca)
ORE mineral or rock containing valuable metal
ORS [or] (heraldic color gold)
ORT table scrap
OSE ridge of sand (esker)
OUD stringed instrument of northern Africa
OUR belonging to us
OUT to be revealed
OVA [ovum-pl] (female reproductive cell)
OWE to be under obligation to pay
OWL nocturnal bird
OWN to possess
OXO containing oxygen
OXY containing oxygen
PAC shoe patterned after a moccasin
PAD to line with padding
PAH intj. used as an exclamation of disgust
PAL to hang around with as friends
PAM jack of clubs
PAN to criticize harshly
PAP soft food for infants
PAR to shoot par on a hole
PAS [pa] (father)
PAT to touch lightly
PAW to scrape at with a paw
PAX ceremonial embrace given to signify Christian love and unity
PAY to give money in order to buy something
PEA edible seed of an annual herb
PEC pectoral muscle {OSPD3}
PED natural soil aggregate
PEE to urinate {offensive}
PEG to nail (a wooden pin)
PEH Hebrew letter (pe)
PEN to write
PEP to fill with energy
PER for each
PES foot/pl. of pe (Hebrew letter)
PET to caress with the hand
PEW bench for seating people in church
PHI Greek letter
PHT intj. used as an expression of mild anger or annoyance
PIA brain membrane
PIC photograph
PIE to pi
PIG to bear pigs (cloven-hoofed mammals)
PIN to fasten with a pin
PIP to break through the shell of an egg
PIS [pi] (Greek letter)
PIT to mark with cavities or depressions
PIU more used as a musical direction
PIX container for the Eucharist (pyx)
PLY to supply with or offer repeatedly
POD to produce seed vessels
POH intj. expressing disgust
POI Hawaiian food
POL politician
POM English immigrant in Australia {offensive}
POP to make a sharp, explosive sound
POT to put into a pot
POW explosive sound
POX to infect with syphilis
PRO argument or vote in favor of something
PRY to inquire impertinently into private matters
PSI Greek letter
PUB tavern
PUD pudding
PUG to fill in with clay or mortar
PUL coin of Afghanistan
PUN to make a pun (a play on words)
PUP to give birth to puppies
PUR to purr
PUS viscous fluid formed in infected tissue
PUT to place in a particular position
PYA copper coin of Burma
PYE book of ecclesiastical rules in the pre reformation english church
PYX container for the Eucharist
QAT evergreen shrub (kat)
QUA in the capacity of
RAD to fear
RAG to scold
RAH intj. used to cheer on a team or player
RAJ dominion; sovereignty
RAM to strike with great force
RAN [run-conj] (to move by rapid steps)
RAP to strike sharply
RAS Ethiopian prince
RAT to hunt rats (long-tailed rodents)
RAW uncooked/sore or irritated spot
RAX to stretch out
RAY to emit rays
REB Confederate soldier
REC recreation
RED of the color red/to put into order
REE female Eurasian sandpiper
REF to referee
REG regulation
REI erroneous form of former Portuguese coin
REM quantity of ionizing radiation
REP cross-ribbed fabric
RES thing or matter
RET to soak in order to loosen the fiber from the woody tissue
REV to increase the speed of
REX animal with a single wavy layer of hair/king
RHO Greek letter
RIA long, narrow inlet
RIB to poke fun at
RID to free from something objectionable
RIF to lay off from employment
RIG to put in proper condition for use
RIM to provide with a rim (an outer edge)
RIN to run or melt
RIP to tear or cut apart roughly
ROB to take property from illegally
ROC lengendary bird of prey
ROD to provide with a rod
ROE mass of eggs within a female fish
ROM male gypsy
ROT to decompose
ROW to propel by means of oars
RUB to move along the surface of a body with pressure
RUE to feel sorrow or remorse for
RUG to tear roughly
RUM alcoholic liquor/odd
RUN to move by rapid steps
RUT to make ruts (grooves) in
RYA Scandinavian handwoven rug
RYE cereal grass
SAB to sob
SAC pouchlike structure in an animal or plant
SAD unhappy
SAE so
SAG to bend or sink downward from weight or pressure
SAL salt
SAP to weaken gradually
SAT [sit-conj] (to rest on the buttocks)
SAU xu
SAW to cut or divide with a saw
SAX saxophone
SAY to utter
SEA ocean
SEC secant
SEE to perceive with the eyes
SEG advocate of racial segregation
SEI large whale (rorqual)
SEL self
SEN monetary unit of Japan
SER unit of weight of India
SET to put in a particular position
SEW to mend or fasten with a needle and thread
SEX to determine the sex of
SHA intj. used to urge silence (shh)
SHE female person
SHH intj. used to urge silence
SHY timid/to move suddenly back in fear
SIB sibling
SIC to urge to attack
SIM simulation
SIN to commit a sin
SIP to drink in small quantities
SIR respectful form of address used to a man
SIS sister
SIT to rest on the buttocks
SIX number 6
SKA Jamaican music
SKI to travel on skis
SKY to hit or throw toward the sky
SLY crafty
SOB to cry with a convulsive catching of the breath
SOD to cover with sod (turf)
SOL fifth tone of diatonic musical scale (so)
SON male child
SOP to dip or soak in a liquid
SOS [so] (fifth tone of diatonic musical scale)
SOT habitual drunkard
SOU former French coin
SOW to scatter over land for growth, as seed
SOX [sock-pl] (knitted or woven covering for the foot)
SOY soybean
SPA mineral spring
SPY to watch secretly
SRI mister; sir used as a Hindu title of respect
STY to keep in a pigpen
SUB to act as a substitute
SUE to institute legal proceedings against
SUM to add into one total
SUN to expose to the sun
SUP to eat supper
SUQ marketplace (souk) {OSPD3}
SYN syne
TAB to name or designate
TAD small boy
TAE to
TAG to provide with a tag
TAJ tall, conical cap worn in Muslim countries
TAM tight-fitting Scottish cap
TAN brown from the sun's rays/to convert hide into leather by soaking in chemicals
TAO path of virtuous conduct according to a Chinese philosophy
TAP to strike gently
TAR to cover with tar
TAS [ta] (thanks)
TAT to make tatting
TAU greek letter
TAV Hebrew letter
TAW to convert into white leather by the application of minerals
TAX to place a tax on
TEA beverage made by infusing dried leaves in boiling water
TED to spread for drying
TEE to place a golf ball on a small peg
TEG yearling sheep
TEL ancient mound in the Middle East
TEN number 10
TET Hebrew letter (teth)
TEW to work hard
THE article used to specify or make particular
THO though
THY possessive form of the pronoun thou
TIC involuntary muscular contraction
TIE to fasten with a cord or rope
TIL sesame plant
TIN to coat with tin
TIP to tilt
TIS [ti] (seventh tone of diatonic musical scale)
TIT small bird
TOD British unit of weight
TOE to touch with the toe
TOG to clothe
TOM male of various animals
TON unit of weight
TOO in addition
TOP to cut off the top
TOR high, craggy hill
TOT to total
TOW to pull by means of a rope or chain
TOY to amuse oneself as if with a toy
TRY to attempt
TSK to utter a scolding exclamation
TUB to wash in a tub
TUG to pull with force
TUI bird of New Zealand
TUN to store in a large cask
TUP to copulate with a ewe
TUT to utter an exclamation of impatience
TUX tuxedo
TWA two
TWO number 2
TYE chain on a ship
UDO Japanese herb
UGH sound of a cough or grunt
UKE ukulele
ULU Eskimo knife
UMM intj. expressing hesitation (um)
UMP to umpire
UNS [un] (one)
UPO upon
UPS [up] (to raise)
URB urban area
URD annual bean grown in India
URN type of vase
USE to put into service
UTA large lizard
UTS [ut] (musical tone)
VAC vacuum cleaner
VAN large motor vehicle
VAR unit of reactive power
VAS anatomical duct
VAT to put into a vat
VAU Hebrew letter (vav)
VAV Hebrew letter
VAW Hebrew letter (vav)
VEE letter 'v'
VEG vegetable
VET to treat animals medically
VEX to annoy
VIA by way of
VIE to strive for superiority
VIG charge paid to a bookie on a bet (vigorish)
VIM energy
VIS force or power
VOE small bay, creek, or inlet
VOW to make a vow
VOX voice
VUG small cavity in a rock or lode
WAB web
WAD to form into a wad
WAE woe
WAG to move briskly up and down or to and fro
WAN to become wan/unnaturally pale
WAP to wrap
WAR to engage in war
WAS [be-conj] (to exist)
WAT hare/wet
WAW Hebrew letter (vav)
WAX to coat with wax
WAY method of doing something
WEB to provide with a web
WED to marry
WEE short time/very small
WEN benign skin tumor
WET soaked with a liquid/to make wet
WHA who
WHO what or which person or persons
WHY reason or cause of something
WIG to provide with a wig
WIN to be victorious/to winnow
WIS to know
WIT intelligence/to know
WIZ wizard
WOE tremendous grief
WOG dark-skinned foreigner
WOK cooking utensil
WON to dwell
WOO to seek the affection of
WOP Italian {offensive}
WOS [wo] (woe)
WOT to know
WOW to excite to enthusiastic approval
WRY contorted/to contort
WUD insane
WYE letter 'y'
WYN rune for 'W' (wynn)
XIS [xi] (Greek letter)
YAH intj. used as an exclamation of disgust
YAK to chatter
YAM plant having an edible root
YAP to bark shrilly
YAR yare
YAW to deviate from an intended course
YAY to this extent
YEA affirmative vote
YEH yeah
YEN to yearn
YEP yes
YES to give an affirmative reply to
YET up to now
YEW evergreen tree or shrub
YID Jew {offensive}
YIN feminine passive principle {Chinese}
YIP to yelp
YOB hoodlum
YOD Hebrew letter
YOK boisterous laugh
YOM day
YON yonder
YOU 2d person sing. or pl. pronoun
YOW to yowl
YUK to laugh loudly
YUM intj. expressing tasteful pleasure
YUP yep
ZAG to turn sharply
ZAP to kill or destroy
ZAX tool for cutting roof slates
ZED letter 'z'
ZEE letter 'z'
ZEK inmate in a Soviet labor camp
ZIG to turn sharply
ZIN zinfandel {OSPD3}
ZIP to move rapidly
ZIT pimple
ZOA [zoon-pl] (whole product of a fertilized egg)
ZOO place where animals are kept for public exhibition

BOJ

Labels: Pointless Shit