Globex Corporation Newsletter

It's gotta be a tough job, coach of the Minnesota Vikings mired in a 1-4 start to the 2005 season, no trace of the great offense the team's had over the past few seasons, the imporovements to the defense not working out as planned. On top of all of that, Mike Tice is the lowest paid head coach in the NFL. He probably makes more money in a season than I have in my entire life, but still, aren't we all being a little rough on him?

By all accounts, Mike Tice is a remarkably nice man. I saw a neat little show on the NFL Channel about how he befriended some midget who he went to grade school with or something. I don't really remember, I was sort of in and out on that, there was a really riviting game of Lingo on Game Show Network at the same time. And by riviting, I mean one of the female contestants was wearing something pretty low cut and every time they solved a puzzle, she would have to reach way down to pick one of the numbered Lingo balls out of the hopper nearly revealing .... well, that's besides the point. Between my lecherous little glimpses I saw evidence that Mike Tice might be a sort of nice guy I guess.

They say Tice is a "player's coach." It's hard to decide exactly what that means. I guess, from the reports that came out last week, he pretty much lets the players get away with whatever they want to. I'm always a little leary when students say they like me. When you're a sub, you don't want students to like you too much. If they like you too much, you're probably not doing your job right. Tom Coughlin, that's who the Vikings need. Coughlin would never be called a "player's coach," last year he fined a player for not being early enough to a meeting. The Vikings probably could have had Coughlin a couple of years ago, but Coughlin is busy coaching a contending New York Giants team right now and is no longer available.

Another good thing about Mike Tice is he seems to be really good at motivating a team for about half of a season. The last half of 2002 and the first half of the 2003 and 2004 seasons have been really great for the Vikings. In fact, there may be no better "half-season" coach in NFL history. Yep really great for half a season. This being Positive Day I won't say how any of those seasons turned out. It would be unfair of me to talk about how the Vikings simply needed to win their last game of the 2003 and 2004 seasons to simply get into the playoffs. It would be even more unfair to mention what they did in those two games. Unfair because they had such a great start those two years. Put the first half of 2003 and the first half of 2004 together and you got yourself a hell of a season. It's unfair to such a nice man as Tice that we can't re-work the way time operates so that he could have one great season. Yep, nice guy that Mike Tice.

Other good things about Mike Tice ..... uh ....... let's see ..... oh, here's one, he seems to have really nice posture. Yep, you won't see Mike Tice slouching on the sidelines when Daunte Culpepper throws an interception or there's another illegal procedure penalty, nope, he's standing tall and proud. Always seems to be clean shaven on game day, too. That's a plus, we seem to get an inordinate number of close-ups of Tice scowling. That jaw jutting out looks imposing, too. It makes him look like a coach, like a good, tough coach who doesn't take any crap from his players, who rules his team with an iron fist. Yep, at times he looks like someone who might actually be competent in his chosen profession.

Because of that, I guess, he has a job. Yeah, life must be pretty sweet for Mike Tice.

BOJ