Globex Corporation Newsletter

I'll have to do some research on this, but I may have just written the first song in the history of music based on a pie chart. In reality since the pie chart was based on an off the cuff remark I made to an old (older than me, even) girlfriend during a conversation, you could say it was based on that conversation. There's also a number of conversations with the ex-wife portrayed in the song. Still, it's much cooler to say that the song was based on a pie chart. You gotta have cool things to say about a song before you play it.

For example, I always say that Two Condoms is a true story. It is in that I once had a really skanky girlfriend, but in truth, I've never worn two condoms at once. The "don't know where you been or what diseases you got" line is completely true, so is the next line but I won't repeat it here. I'm not even going to touch the "fourteen items or less" line, and for your own safety, neither should you. Actually, I read that wearing two condoms at once is hard on the condom and is particularly unsafe, so kids, don't try this at home.

I'm currently working on another song about taking a woman on a date to Wall Drug. I like what I've got so far, but that's no guarentee that I'll finish it. I got a really good start on a song I called Stone Age Man in a Polymer World. I wrote a verse and a half plus a chorus but it never went anywhere after that. I actually played what I had finished in public once, on guitar even, and it seemed to go over pretty well. I always think I should go back to that one but then something cool comes on TV.

The Wall Drug song seems be pretty cool though. It even has a 'hooky' kind of thing in it. God help me, but I've never written a hook before and I may have just fallen into this one. The idea of the song is suggesting to a woman that Wall Drug might be a cool place to go in the first verse, convincing her in the second verse, apologizing for taking her there in the final verse. I may have to head out to Wall some time soon ("I-90 East get off at exit 110 you know I done it before it's time to do it again....") since I haven't been to the world's most famous drug store since I was a kid. Research, you understand. Ooh! I could wrtie it off on my taxes! Buy a year's supply of jack-a-lope postcards and everything!

Special note to TSA, there will be retaliation. I'm not talking about your half-hearted (though hilarious) attempt to spam the comments here at the Globex Corporation Newsletter, I'm talking your latest post on BOJ News Service (oddly enough, no link provided). I do thank you for the good taste of not using a picture of me with a beard. Go ahead, take the finest acheivement of my life, the only goal I've ever had in my life and use it to mock me.

BOJ
Feldman Rules!!!!!!!!!!