Globex Corporation Newsletter

There are other ways to show affection
I appreciate the attention, particularly that kind of attention, but there are other ways to show affection, let's try some of those.

If you want me to know stuff about you, answer questions
Since you didn't talk about yourself or were evasive when I asked questions, I figured that you didn't want me to know anything in depth about you. Then one of the myriad reasons you gave me for breaking up with me was "you don't get me." Go figure...

You're smarter than me. It's a compliment. Deal with it.

If you're leaving then leave
If you mean it then I want you to

Hotel Lights
"Follow Through"
Hotel Lights

Your boobs are only small because you think they are
I dated a girl later who had smaller boobs. I mentioned that to her and she said "they're not small." They weren't because she didn't think they were. Attitude.

Your boobs are large, I'm not the only man who's noticed
Every guy you work with mentioned it to me. I never brought it up. I really am the good guy in this.

You were a 'College Republican,' so what...
I can't believe that the worst thing any man has ever done in a relationship was to mention that you were in an organization that does not reflect your current political affiliation.

That game you and your friends played trying to get men to do menial tasks for you may have been 'fun' for you, but it's mean
...and it's sick. You wanted me to leave my apartment, drive to your place of work and bring you a soda from the machine in your lobby? That's pretty fucking twisted. You tried to make me feel like an ass for not doing it. Then I find out it's just a game you played to fuck with men. Thanks for giving Social Workers from Iowa a bad name. And, no, I won't pay for your fucking sofa either.

When you break up with me, I'd like a reason why
I'm trying to improve myself here...

If you tell me right off that "This will end badly" it probably will

Please don't ever treat any other man like this
This one is general and applies to every woman I've been involved with.

Labels: Lists

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 10:14 AM 1 comments

Labels: The Wisdom of Homer

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 6:09 AM 0 comments

I'm primitive, I'm a primitive man
I got a primitive girl, we make primitive love
I'm a stoneage Romeo, I got a spaceage Juliet
We make primitive love, 'cause I ain't got a T.V. set

Labels: lyrics

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 9:43 AM 0 comments

Get -n- Go

Pump -n- Pak

AM/PM

Cum -n- Go

Labels: Lists

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 7:20 AM 1 comments

Labels: The Wisdom of Homer

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 8:28 AM 1 comments

I'm going to Africa
Yes ma'am I'm a brick
Was President Lincoln okay?
Mitten
There's a dog in the vent
Chicken necks
I pick Ken Griffey Jr.
I fell out 2 times
I'm pedaling backwards
This snowflake tastes like fish sticks
We're a totem pole
Dying tickles
I heard a Frankenstein lives there
She's touching my special area
Go banana

Ralphie Ralphie
Get off get off
The stage the stage
Sweetheart sweetheart

Oh say can you rock?

I'm a pop sensation
I'm a pop sensation

Labels: lyrics

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 8:07 AM 1 comments

Bloodbath and Beyond
Gun Store

The Texas Cheesecake Depository
Restaurant

The Hungry Hun
German Restaurant

I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm
Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law

Alien, Overlord and Taylor
Oops, that one's from Futurama

El Clinico Magnifico
Homer's Spine Adjustment Center (featuring the amazing Spine-O-Cylinder)

Le Snotterie
Fancy Restaurant

One Size Fits All Lingerie
Conveniently located in the Springfield Mall

The Beer -n- Brawl
Dive Bar out in Spittle County

Labels: Lists

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 6:04 AM 1 comments

Labels: The Wisdom of Homer

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 9:26 AM 1 comments

Uh - I was in my room
And I was just like staring at the wall thinking 'bout everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing.
And then my Mom came in,
And I didn't even know she was there.
She called my name
But I didn't hear her.
Then she started screaming, "Mike, Mike!"
And I go, "What? What's the matter?"
She goes, "What's the matter with you?!"
I go, "There's nothin' wrong Mom."
She goes, "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!"
I go, "No Mom, I'm not on drugs.
I'm okay, I'm just thinking, you know.
Why don't ya give me a Pepsi?"
She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"
I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking."
She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs!
Normal people don't act in that way!"
I go, "Mom, just give me a Pepsi please,
All I want is a Pepsi."
And she wouldn't give it to me!
All I wanted was a Pepsi!
Just one Pepsi!
And she wouldn't give it to me!
Just a Pepsi!

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around your back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - Institutionalize
You're the one who's crazy - Institutionalize
You're driving me crazy - Institutionalize

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

Labels: lyrics

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 7:05 AM 0 comments

New Orleans vs. Indianapolis (-4.5) (MGM-Mirage Line): -$200

New Orleans vs. Indianapolis OVER (56.5): -$200

Super Bowl XLIV MVP - Peyton Manning (Pays 2/3): -$100

Super Bowl XLIV MVP - Darren Sharper (Pays 28/1): -$5

Drew Brees PassIng yardage total is EVEN: +$50

Pierre Thomas total rushing yardage OVER (60.5): -$20

Devery Henderson longest reception OVER (22.5): -$20

Joseph Addai touchdown YES: +$50

Dallas Clark total receptions OVER (6.5): +$20

First touchdown Pierre Garcon (Pays 10/1): +$100

Pete Townsend "windmill" moves during halftime show UNDER (5): -$5

Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first? GOD (Pays 4/5): -$40

Week 21 Against the Spread: 0-1
Week 21 Over/Unders: 0-1
Week 21 Parlays: 0-0
Week 21 Prop Bets: 4-8

Season Against the Spread: 22-31-1
Season Over/Unders: 7-6
Season Parlays: 0-5
Balance for Week 21: -370
Total Amount Remaining: $350

Labels: Fake Gambling, NFL

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 8:09 PM 1 comments

1. Dennis Miller 1985-1991
   Some of the smartest political satire in the history of television.


2. Tina Fey & Amy Poehler 2004-2005
   I realize my "thing" for Tina Fey is probably clouding my judgement a bit. Objectively, Update's first all female anchor team was consistently first-rate.


3. Chevy Chase 1975-1976
   The originator. More a stylistic parody of a newscast than a comical look at the news.


4. Norm MacDonald 1994-1997
   Norm consistently provided some of the best sophomoric giggles in Update history. "Which proves my theory, Germans love David Hasselhoff."


5. Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey 2000-2004
   I'm gaining more respect for Jimmy Fallon, but, as an anchor, he couldn't hold a candle to Amy Poehler.


6. Jane Curtin & Dan Aykroyd 1977-1978
   While Chevy Chase was doing a stylistic parody of a newscast, Dan Aykroyd was nailing the role of anchor. Jane Curtin provided an excellent foil. The tension on set of two anchors who had no respect for each other was delicious.


7. Colin Quinn 1998-2000
   When Norm MacDonald was fired from SNL, Quinn inherited the Update desk and performed admirably.


8. Amy Poehler & Seth Myers 2006-2008
   Seth Myers replacing Tina Fey on Update was a drop off, but he and Poehler played off of each other well.


9. Seth Myers 2009-Present
   I really like Seth Myers in this role. He's smart and consistently funny.


10. Charles Rocket 1980-1981
    The 1980-1981 season was abysmal, but Charles Rocket's bombastic anchor was at least reason to tune in. (During this season, the news segment was known as "The Rocket Report")

Labels: Lists

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 1:42 PM 1 comments

Labels: The Wisdom of Homer

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 9:14 AM 0 comments

New Orleans vs. Indianapolis (-4.5) (MGM-Mirage Line): $200

New Orleans vs. Indianapolis OVER (56.5): $200

Super Bowl XLIV MVP - Peyton Manning (Pays 2/3): $100

Super Bowl XLIV MVP - Darren Sharper (Pays 28/1): $5

Drew Brees PassIng yardage total is EVEN: $50

Pierre Thomas total rushing yardage OVER (60.5): $20

Devery Henderson longest reception OVER (22.5): $20

Joseph Addai touchdown YES: $50

Dallas Clark total receptions OVER (6.5): $20

First touchdown Pierre Garcon (Pays 10/1): $10

Pete Townsend "windmill" moves during halftime show UNDER (5): $5

Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first? GOD (Pays 4/5): $40

Week 21 Stake: $720
Week 21 Wagered: $720

Labels: Fake Gambling, NFL

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 7:49 PM 0 comments

In ancient rome
There was a poem
About a dog
Who found two bones
He picked at one
He licked the other
He went in circles
He dropped dead

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

Labels: lyrics

# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 6:06 AM 1 comments