Globex Corporation Newsletter

A cynic would say that my 18-14 record in this year's NCAA men's basketball tournament isn't that stellar. I say screw you. Since my sports knowledge has always let me down when picking for this tournament, I decided to use none of that knowledge, and instead pick teams based on who would win in a battle to the death between the teams' mascots. Yes, I picked against to #1 seeds, but if you're go with this premise, you have to follow it through to the end.

My picks for the second round:

MIDWEST REGION

Florida vs. Purdue - Wildcats proved that they couldn't hold their liquor in the first round, but how different is a gator? A gator would devour a boilermaker, glass and all with no ill effect. I probably should have researched the effects of alcohol on cold blooded animals...

Florida

Butler vs. Maryland - A bulldog is some sort of crazy tenacious, at least that's what I've learned from cartoons. A turtle is very tough, though and I doubt if a canine could tear through a terrapin's tough shell.

Maryland

Wintrhop vs. Oregon - If Winthrops's mascot were some sort of vegitation, Oregon would have a chance. But Winthrop is an eagle, and Oregon is a duck. It's a no brainer.

Winthrop

UNLV vs. Wisconsin - Rebels still don't follow no rules. Still, against a badger? Caught unaware, a rebel might have a tough time. I'll take the badger in a squeeker.

Wisonsin

WEST REGION

Kansas vs. Kentucky - I'm not sure what distinguishes a jayhawk from any other hawk. I really need to do more research. I'll take a jayhawk over a wildcat though, just because.

Kansas

VA Tech vs. S Illinois - Until someone tells me what the hell a hokie is, I'm not picking them.

S Illinois

VCU vs. Pittsuburgh - The rams somehow beat a bunch of blue devils in the first round, but a ram stands no chance against a panther.

Pittsburgh

Indiana vs. UCLA - When Indiana was settled, many of the first residents were killed by bears. I have no facts to back that up, I don't even know if there were ever any bears in Indiana. A bruin beats a resident of Indiana.

UCLA

EAST REGION

UNC vs. Michigan St. - With the hype surrounding The 300, it's tempting to pick the spartans, and a third round match up against the trojans would be intriguing, but the tarheels were from the revolutionary war (I think, I reall need to do research) so they would have access to better weaponry.

UNC

Texas vs. USC - The cows got by their evil agricultural overlords in the first round and are feeling like world beaters. A poorly armed ancient greek isn't going to stand in their way.

Texas

Vanderbilt vs. Washington St. - I really dug the Commodores in the 70's with their funk classics like Brick House ("she's mighty, mighty - lettin' it all hang out..."), but the Lionel Ritchie funk legends stand no chance against a cougar. I would really like to see that, though...

Washington St.

BC vs. Georgetown - I don't know what a hoya is. See VA Tech vs. S Illinois above.

BC

SOUTH REGION

Ohio St. vs. Xavier - So a buckeye isn't a little candy that my aunt Bonnie makes? It's a nut? Dude, the musketeers have muskets!

Xavier Round 2 upset special!

Tennessee vs. Virginia - Volunteers vs. cavaliers? The volunteers from Tennessee were hard fightin' and hard drinkin'. How could I ever pick against them? Also, coach Bruce Pearl painting himself orange and sitting with the students at a Tennessee Women's B-Ball game was the coolest thing I've seen in years, matched only by Women's coach Pat Summitt dressing as a cheerleader and singing Rocky Top when the men beat Florida.

Tennessee

Louisville vs. Texas A&M - At an agricultural college, the aggies learn how to deal with pests such as cardinals.

Texas A&M

Nevada vs. Memphis - A truly intriguing match up. These wolves hunt in packs. Against a tiger? I used to watch Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom when I was a kid, but Marlon Perkins never featured this particular battle on Sunday night. Maybe I should ask Jim Fowler. Stop me before I sub-reference again...

Memphis Jim Fowler won't return my calls...

Frist Round Results: 18-14
Overall: 18-14

With both Blue Devils teams eliminated this week, the field is wide open. My favorite to win t all? Tennessee, though a third round game against a bunch of musketeers from Xavier could prove problematic.

BOJ