Globex Corporation Newsletter

I have to admit it, folks, I've let my sports knowledge creep into my picks. I thought the Wisconsin Badgers were going to beat the UNLV Runnin' Rebels, in terms of Basketball skill, but it's really no contest, a rebel (who don't follow no rules, man) would destroy a badger in real life. Hell, I've shot a badger while pheasant hunting, I wasn't running, but I am a bit of a rebel. I thought Wisconsin would win this one, though, and wrote my pick to reflect that. It won't happen again.

My promise to you, good readers of The Globex Corporation Newsletter is that I will forget everything I know about NCAA Basketball for the remainder of this tournament and make my picks soley on which mascot would defeat the other if the mascots were real and pitted against each other in a battle to the death!!! Nothing else will be factored in.

And now, the round 3 picks:

MIDWEST REGION

Florida vs. Butler - I'm sure this one plays itself out in the great state of Florida several times a year. A bulldog, thinking it's indestructable, saunters (r whatever it is that bulldogs do) up to an alligator and starts barking. The gator devours the bulldog in one bite.

Florida

Oregon vs. UNLV - A duck of any kind is so lucky to have defeated two predators to this point, a real Cinderella story. The clock has struck midnight (Ooh! Poetic!) as those tenacious aquatic birds face a rowdy runnin' rebel.

UNLV

WEST REGION

Kansas vs. S Illinois - A jayhawk is a predator. A saluki is a dog that has been bred to be small and fast. When will we learn to not mess with nature's grand plan?

Kansas

Pittsburgh vs. UCLA - This is one of those battles that's actually likely, a panther against a bear. Like the alligator against the bulldog, I'm sure this one actually happens all the time. Unlike the alligator against the bulldog, the outcome of this one isn't so obvious. A panther is dangerous and ellusive, a bruin can take and inflict lots of damage. A panther is difficult to attack. A bruin can take it and dish it out. My money's on the bear.

UCLA

EAST REGION

UNC vs. USC - I've actually done some resarch on the term Tar Heel and I'm more confused than I was before. Still, a tar heel is from the 18th centruy, a trojan is an ancient greek. The fabled phalanx won't stand up against a group crafty enough to dump tar into a river to slow the progress of an advancing army.

UNC

Vanderbilt vs. Georgetown - The Commodores are responsible for giving us some really dancable funk music in the 1970's. But they broke up and we had to deal with Lionel Richie's horrid solo career. I can't forgive them for that, and will not pick them again in this tournament. Even if a hoya, according to Bellona of Avalon is ...a tropical plant that is actually a parasite, it lodges itself opportunistically on trees and sometimes ends up killing the hand that feeds it... Not something to really root for, but better than Lionel Richie.

Georgetown

SOUTH REGION

Ohio St. vs. Tennessee - Whatever a buckeye is, it's inanimate. It stands no chance against a volunteer, someone who wasn't drafted and is fighting for something it believes in. This one is so simple! Also, why is #1 seed Ohio St. in the South Region instead of the Midwest? I hope they lose jut because of that.

Tennessee

Texas A&M vs. Memphis - The aggies have had an easy time in this tournament, defeating pacifist quakers in the first round then defeating small red birds, something an agricultural student has been trained to do in school, in the second round. Now they face a tiger. This is Texas A&M, I'm sure they haven't learned how to deal with tigers (maybe in grad school, but definitely not as an undergrad). An aggie will undoubtedly be spreading fertilizer or checking the pH of the soil while a tiger rips the unprepared student into little tiny bloody bits.

Memphis

First Round Results: 18-14
Second Round Results: 9-7
Overall: 27-21

Not real successful in the second round, but I'm still quite a bit over .500. Now that I'm not using my sports knowledge, I expect to go 8-0 in the third round, my logic being infalable. Check back on Friday or Saturday for my picks for the next round.

BOJ