Globex Corporation Newsletter

We're down to eight teams, just four games. Since a bunch of volunteers were defeated by a small nut, I need to pick a new favorite to win it all. With the eight teams remaining, it's really simple. You have to go with a gator. Maybe a bruin would give a gator a tussle, but a gator has no serious challenge here. That's too bad, too, because it was more fun to pick teams that had no chance than to go with the favorite.

Remember, I'm picking soley based on which team would win if their mascots were real and did mortal combat.

Based on that, my picks for Round 4:

Florida vs. Oregon - A duck isn't one of those little birds that picks an alligator's teeth clean and the gator, realizing the bird is doing it a service, doesn't eat it. This is a duck. I'm sure alligators eat ducks all the time in the swamp. Whenever they want. Sort of like a snack. When they have the munchies.

Florida

Kansas vs. UCLA - Look, if I were actually using my sports knowledge here, I'd pick Kansas, but a hawk, a jayhawk (whatever the hell that is) cannot defeat a bear. Oh, a hawk can stay away from a bruin, but can never hope to defeat it. It's simple.

UCLA

UNC vs. Georgetown - Since I've established what a hoya is, and since they're not up against a Lionel Richie lead funk combo, I can't, in good conscience, pick a hoya over a tar heel.

UNC

Ohio St. vs. Memphis - I've picked against the buckeyes in every single round of this tournament. It's not that I don't like Ohio St., it's just that a buckeye is a nut. Aside from the Penn Quakers, the most impotent mascot in the field. What chance do they have against a tiger?

Memphis

First Round Results: 18-14
Second Round Results: 9-7
Third Round Results: 6-2
Overall: 33-23

Seventy-five percent in round three. That's more like it! Those hard drinkin', hard fightin' volunteers nearly pulled out the upset for me, they lead those stupid little nuts by 20 points, but it wasn't meant to be.

Again, as my logic for round four is flawless, I'm sure I'll be reporting on a 4-0 record tomorrow...

BOJ