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I've tried lots of ways of picking winners in the NCAA Basketball tournament. Nothing ever works, except for that one year I almost won $800 in a pool. Even then, I ended up with nothing, so whatever I'm doing isn't working.

So this year I've decided something differnt. Imagine, if you will, that the mascots for a team were real, and instead of the basketball teams playing, imagine the mascots doing battle. Who would win? That's how I'm making this year's NCAA picks.

MIDWEST REGION

Florida Gators vs. Jackson State Tigers - A tiger is tough, so is a gator. The setting of the battle would matter, of course. I'm imagining this one in the water.

Florida

Arizona Wildcats vs. Purdue Boilermakers - I'm assuming that the boilermakers we're talking about here is the cocktail. Felines aren't known for their ability to hold their liquor.

Purdue

Butler Bulldogs vs. Old Dominion Monarchs - A monarch would have access to all sorts of weaponry, a bulldog just has teeth.

Old Dominion

Maryland Terrapins vs. Davidson Wildcats - In case you didn't know, a terrapin is a type of turtle.

Davidson

Notre Dame Fightin' Irish vs. Wintrhop Eagles - This game will be played the day before St. Patrick's day. The Fightin' Irish will be relativly sober in anticipation of the big day. They won't be seeing multiple eagles, so things should work out for them.

Notre Dame

Oregon Ducks vs. Miami (OH) RedHawks - An avian battle. Hawks, regardless of their color, are predators.

Miami (OH)

UNLV Runnin' Rebels vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets - They're rebels, they don't follow no rules.

UNLV

Wisconsin Badgers vs. TAMU-CC Islanders - Nothing is tougher than a badger, certainly not an islander, who wouldn't be expecting a badger on their island.

Wisconsin

WEST REGION

Kansas Jayhawks vs. FAMU Rattlers or Niagra Purple Eagles - The battle of three predators. Intrguing. A purple eagle would stand out too much, a rattler can't strike at a swooping jayhawk.

Kansas

Kentucky Wildcats vs. Villanova Wildcats - My system shows its first true weakness. Kentucky is alphabeticaly before Villanova.

Kentucky

VA Tech Hokies vs. Illinois Fightin' Illini - I don't know what a hokie is. An illini is a proud warrior.

Illinois

S Illinois Salukis vs. Holy Cross Crusaders - A saluki is a dog. A crusader did battle in the holy land.

Holy Cross

Duke Blue Devils vs. Virginia Commonwelth Rams - Again, intrguing. Satanists use ram's heads in their godless ceremonies. But a blue devil is still a devil.

Duke

Pittsburgh Panthers vs. Wright St. Raiders - Considering the season the Oakland Raiders had last year, they couldn't beat anyone, especially a panther.

Pittsburgh

- Indiana Hossiers vs. Gonzaga Bulldogs - A hoosier is defined as a person from Indiana. That's not all that inspiring as a mascot. Neither is a bulldog, but a bulldog is more viscious than, say, David Letterman.

Gonzaga

UCLA Bruins vs. Weber st. Wildcats - Another group of wildcats, these go down to a large and angry bear.

UCLA

EAST REGION

North Carolina Tarheels vs. Easter Kentucky Colonels - Tarheels referred to a group of volunteer soldiers from North Carolina. A colonel outranks a mere soldier.

Eastern Kentucky in the HUGE upset

Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Michigan St. Spartans - Golden eagles don't stand a chance against ancient greek warriors who were conditioned for the horrors of battle.

Michigan St.

USC Trojans vs. Arkansas Razorbacks - More ancient greeks, this time defeating a wild hog.

USC

Texas Longhorns vs. New Mexico St. Aggies - Longhorns are cows with ridiculously long horns, aggies are students at an agricultural school. Cows and farmers. The cows always eventually end up dead.

New Mexica St. (for good friend MoniP)

Vanderbilt Commodores vs. George Washington Colonials - The '70's funk band featuring Lionel Richie vs. a bunch of rowdies with musketts? This one's a no-brainer.

George Washington

Washington St. Cougars vs. Oral Roberts Golden Eagles - An eagle would be able to avoid the strikes of a cougar, but if the eagle ever finds itself in range of the cougar, the eagle is done.

Washington St.

Boston College Eagles vs. Texas Tech Red Raiders - Thes raiders are ok because they don't wear silver and black. I think they handle an eagle.

Texas Tech

Georgetown Hoyas vs. Belmont Bruins - No one has ever explained to me what a hoya is. Doesn't matter, the bruin is a majestic beast that wins this one going away.

Upset special Belmont

SOUTH REGION

Ohio St. Buckeyes vs. C. Connecticut St. Blue Devils - My aunt Bonnie makes these really good little candies called buckeyes. Delicious, but what chance does a delicious candy have agains the awesome power of Satan himself, blue or any other color?

C. Connecticut St.

BYU Cougars vs. Xavier Musketteers - By definition, Musketteers have a weapon with much more range than the strike of a cougar. Does .50 calibre ball ammunition have enough stopping power?

Xavier

Tennessee Volunteers vs. Long Beach St. 49ers - They were volunteer soldiers, so Tennessee get's the nod over a buch of rowdy miners.

Tennessee

Virginia Cavaliers vs. Albany Great Danes - Though their manners and sense of fair play will hamstring them against a really big dog (like Scooby Doo and Marmaduke), I'm assuming that cavaliers have an array of weapons to use.

Virginia

Louisville Cardinals vs. Stanford Cardinal - A real bird versus an abract idea like a color. You can't beat a color, but it can't beat you. This is stupid.

There are no winners here

Texas A&M Aggies vs. Penn Quakers - Quakers are pacifists. This is literally no contest.

Texas A&M

Nevada Wolf Pack vs. Creighton Blue Jays - These aren't just wolves, but wolves smart enough to attack in packs, coming at you from all directions at once. Against a bird?

Nevada

Memphis Tigers vs. N. Texas Mean Green - Another color. Wait this color wishes you ill will. Still, against a tiger?

Memphis

Let's see if I do any better than in past years.

BOJ