Globex Corporation Newsletter

I love The Simpsons. Even if it's taken a bad downward turn the past couple of years, it's still better than 90% of the crap on TV.

I had big ideas when I started this. I wanted to rank my 10 favorite episodes, but I realized that I love so many episodes that it would just be impossible. So in no particular order, here are my favorite Simpsons episodes that I could think of on the mornings of January 7th & 8th, 2007. One is in a particular order, the first is not only the greatest Simpsons episodes, but one of the best episodes in the history of episodic television:

You Only Move Twice - [3F23]

The inspiration for the name of this blog comes from this episode. Homer finds his dream job working for The Globex Corporation in Cypress Creek (upstate somewhere). His boss Hank Scorpio is the perfect boss, progressive and great to his employees. Oh, he's also a Bond-esque super-villan, bent on global domination (apparently he seizes the East Coast at the end of the episode). Hank implores Homer to follow his heart, to do what's right by his family by moving back to Springfield, all while fighting off the government with a flamethrower.

Hank: Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I! [throws them out] Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say
good-bye to a shoe?

Homer: [chuckles] Yes, once.

Marge vs. the Monorail - [9F10]

I didn't know who Conan O'Brien was when this episode originally aired, but watching it and Conan's show makes it so obvious who wrote this. Perhaps the strangest premise of any Simpsons episode, Springfield is duped into buying a Monorail by Lyle Lanley, and Homer is chosen to be the conductor of the doomed public transportation vehicle. Marge alone figures out Lanley's scheme and, with some scientist in tow, attempts to rectify the situation.

Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Cape Feare - [9F22]

It's hard to go wrong with any Sideshow Bob episode, but this one is my favorite. Bob is released from prison and tries to kill Bart. The family moves to Terror Lake under the Witness Protection Program. Bob tags along and tries to kill Bart on a houseboat. I am a Denver Broncos fan and of German heritage. Completely unwarrented shots are taken at both. Instead of being offended, I think it's funny as hell!

Lawyer: But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"

Bob: [conciliatorily] No, that's German for "The Bart, The."

[The spectators laugh, understanding]

Officer: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

Bart the Murderer - [8F03]

After a bad morning at home and school, Bart falls down the stairs and into the Legitimate Businessmen's Social Club, where, after inadvertently picking the winner in the fifth race ("Eat My Shorts") he becomes bartender for the seedy mob organization. When Principal Skinner disappears after giving Bart some trouble at school, Bart is suspected and put on trial. One of my signs that I really like something in episodic TV is that even after watching it twenty times, I still don't want it to end when I see it. Sparkling writing throughout.

Fat Tony: Me and the boys, we still think you got a big future in racketeering and extortion.

Bart: Sorry, Fat Tony. I used to think your gang was cool. But now I learned that crime doesn't pay.

Fat Tony: Yeah, you're right. [leaves in his expensive limo, complete with pretty woman]

Deep Space Homer - [1F13]

Homer in the Space Program? Man, he does have an interesting life! After beating out Barney Gumble for a Space Shuttle slot as NASA's newest "Average-Naut," Homer's space voyage meets with unexpected trouble. One of the most unexpected guest stars in cartoon history makes an appearance when "Buzz" Aldrin is one of Homer's crewmates.

Scientist: Now of course only one of you will be chosen to go into space. So the next few weeks will be a grueling series of tests to determine which one of you is most qualified.

Assistant: Oh, and Mr. Gumble: for the duration of the training there will be no more beer.

Barney: What? Three whole weeks with only wine? I'll go crazy!

Homer: And may the best man win. [whispers to assistant] He's got a big drinking problem; could embarrass the program. Meet me up in that tree later and I'll tell you more.

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show - [4F12]

Lagging ratings cause Krusty the Clown and Roger Myers Jr. to look for a way to punch up The Itchy & Scratchy Show. After an exhaustive search, Homer is chosen as the voice of "Poochie, the Rockn' Dog", a character universally reviled by fans of the show. I sometimes think that this episode was written just to make fun of hardcore Simpsons fans. I should probably be offended, but I think it's funny as hell.....

Homer: Is this cartoon going on the air live?

June Bellamy: No, Homer. Very few cartoons are broadcast live, it's a terrible strain on the animators' wrists.

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'oh-cious - [3G03]

A blatant rip-off of Disney's Mary Poppins (dangerous as Disney has proven to be quite litigious). The story itself is fine, but it's the music, the songs, true to the original, but with that twisted Simpsons view that fans so appreciate.

Homer: Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.

Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.

Homer: Blood? Ugh! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.

All Singing All Dancing - [5F24]

Nobody does a "Clip Show" better than The Simpsons. I like so many episodes for one great song, but this episode has them all, plus a weird "home invasion" story line featuring "Snake."

Homer: [singing] All right Marge, You've convinced me there are more terrible things,
Than musical comedies where everyone sings.

Lisa: There is something worse:

Bart: And it really does blow:

OFF: When a long-running series does a cheesy clip show!

That's my list for today. I'm sure I'll think of episodes that belong here over the next couple of days. I'm sure people will disagree, and that's fine. I might even disagree with this list in a couple of days.

BOJ

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