Globex Corporation Newsletter

Last December, a local RC radio station had a competition that they called the "Songwriter's Shootout." It was a country music station that was looking for original country music songs written by local songwriters. The winners would record with professional musicians and a CD would be put out.

For the record, I don't consider anything I've ever done to be particularly "country," but I figured I'd give it a shot. I had an mp3 of Two Condoms from a Dunn Bros. open mic, a decent recording if not a great one that I sent to the radio station. Regular readers of this blog will know the song, but for anyone who has no idea what I'm talking about, here are the lyrics (it was a songwriters competition after all):

TWO CONDOMS

All day long, I wear two
All day long, I wear two
All day long I wear two condoms
'Cuz your virtue is untrue
Then I whip one off and feel like a wildman
When I'm with you

Don't know where you've been
Or what diseases you've got
I just see your body, baby
And it make me hot
So all day long I wear two condoms
'Cuz you virtue is untrue

BRIDGE
You always tell me
It's just a silly habit
That we ain't at the grocery store
And I don't have to double bag it
But darlin' your express lane
Is in an awful mess
And I don't think you know the meaning
Of fourteen items or less

So all day long, I wear two
All day long, I wear two (sometimes three)
All day long I wear two condoms
'Cuz your virtue is untrue
Then I whip one off and feel like a wildman
When I'm with you

Not your classc C&W song, but it has elements that I think would work well in that genre. Actually, musically it was inspired by Mojo Nixon who is often referred to as Alt-Country. In any case, I entered it in the contest and thought it would have a decent chance.

I moved to Cheyenne in January of this year, I checked the radio station's web site to see if there was any more mention of the contest. None. By February it was as if the contest never existed. So Saturday I sent the following to the radio station in an email:

Hey,
You guys did a "Songwriter's Shootout" contest last year. Haven't seen any winners listed anywhere.
Just curious....
Doug Jungemann
N 41 08.820'
W 104 49.739'
Elevation 6127ft

Didn't expect a reply right away as it was a weekend. Hell, didn't expect a reply at all, but I woke up to the following in my In-Box this morning:

Sorry Doug, it ended up getting cancelled due to lack of entries. Thanks.


Mark Houston
Program Director/KOUT
Rapid City, SD
Phone: 605.718.6883

Lack of entries? Well, I know there was at least one entry. So I sent the following:

You can do that? I entered. Doesn't that mean I won?

I mean, really, you have a contest. If someone enters, didn't they win? I'm serious, as far as I'm concerned, I won a songwriter's competition. I know a guy who won a banjo competition because he was the only one who entered. Why can't I get the same treatment? There was a reply:

That would be great if I used that logic for the lottery, too! I bought a ticket, doesn't that mean I won! :)

Mark Houston
Program Director/KOUT
Rapid City, SD
Phone: 605.718.6883

OK, now I'm just a little bit pissed off. He's making light of the situation, making light of not living up to his end of the deal. Not letting the entries know (and there weren't many, so it wouldn't have been that difficult) that the contest had been cancelled. Not only is he trying to make a lame little joke, he uses that annoying fucking ASCII smiley face thing. God I hate shit like that:

Never heard of a lottery being cancelled, particularly if people actually entered. That would be sort of like having a license to print money. I'd like one of those!

No reply to that one. I've got the guys phone number (oops, now so do you.....) so I could call him and bug him. Maybe I will. I like doing stuff like that. Maybe I'd get to eventually add a new name and number to the Globex Corporation Do Not Call Registry. I'll give him a chance to respond first, though.

Got a lot of time on my hands now. Maybe I've just found a silly way to spend some of it.....

BOJ