Globex Corporation Newsletter

I've made this same sort of post, but now I have a hastily thrown together logo, so that makes it better, right?

Anyway, I freaking hate awards presentations, the Grammys, the Oscars, The Emmys, and especially that snooty Nobel Prize Awards Extravaganza. Let me make this clear, I am not against awards of these types, I couldn't be more for them. If you do sound for Lost on ABC and do it really well, better than anyone else does sound for a television program, good for you. The only recognition you'll probably ever get is that technical Emmy. And you deserve it, damn it.

It's the actual presentations that I have issue with. We'll be entering awards presentations season soon and I'll be retching every time I turn on my television. These presentations have become events unto themselves. They're not so much about the medium they are supposed to be celebrating, they've become all about celebrites being seen. Celebrities don't need any assistance being seen. They're celebrities. Their jobs are to be seen. Let's not make it any easier for them.

Red carpet shows. What the hell is up with that? I could give less than a shit (or C.R.A.P. as it were) what Lindsey Lohan is wearing to the MTV Music Awards. But there are television programs, ofthen more than one television program, dedicated to what people are wearing when they get out of a limo. Dear God help me, but I have no damn idea why the hell I should care. This is valuable bandwidth on my cable system that is gone forever. Some provider could have filled it with a high speed chase from Southern California, but I had to see Joan Rivers and her equally unattractive daughter talk about what shoes Ava Longoria is wearing.

And many media have more than one award for them. Grammys? MTV Music Awards? Billboard Music Awards? No, we can't have that. They're all about music. Sorry, I'll barely tolerate one show, three is just a waste of television air time.

Something has to be done, that's why The Globex Corporation has started The Council for the Reduction of Awards Presentations. I hope this goes better than my long fight against DHMO. Here is the platform of C.R.A.P.:

One Awards Show per Medium - The Grammys, MTV Music Awards, etc. must be combined. Not only that, no more specialty Awards presentations like the Latin Grammys. Latin Music is just music (and I watched once, none of the show was even in Latin) there isn't a Polka Grammys or a Armeian Folk Music Grammys. Latin music gets a category in the (one and only) Grammys. That's it. End of argument.

Awards Presentations must be produced the the Medium they are celebrating - The Emmys can remain on television. The Daytime Emmys (should they somehow be allowed to remain to exist) would have to be on in the daytime. Want to experience the Grammys? By the CD. The Oscars? Go to your local movie theater.

Uniforms for all Awards shows attendees - Maybe this would stop those inane Red Carpet Shows. If everyone was required to wear the same thing, Joan and Melissa Rivers would have nothing to talk about and would finally be off of TV for good. It's the same logic used when inner city schools require students to wear uniforms. Let's face it, most celebrites are about as developmentally challenged as a high school junior.

Attendees of Awards Presentations must have an actual reason for being there - I am so freaking tired of seeing P-Diddy at every stinking awards show. Has he even done anything in 5 years (no, I'm serious, I don't know). Celebrities use this things to remain celebrities. Young celebrity wannabes use these shows to try to become celebrities. If you're not nominated, you can't go. It's that simple.

I know it's just a start. I welcome suggestions to the C.R.A.P. platform. If we work together we can reduce Awards Presentation programs to a sensible level in our lifetime.

Just like DHMO.

BOJ

Labels: Important Causes