Thursday, June 22, 2006

 

My Three Pointless Shit & Sons

MAJOR LEAGE BASEBALL
BERMANISMS


french
Chris Berman 1955 - 2001
I sometimes find it difficult to go on after the death of ESPN sportscaster, Chris Berman. His interesting take on the games he covered made Sportscenter so much more entertaining. During baseball season, Berman would spout Bermanisms, fun little nicknames for major leaguers that he would use during highlights on the program.

We've been without Bermanisms for a number of years now, many of the players listed below are no longer playing in the major leagues. While pointless (this is Thursday, after all), it's fun to look back at Berman's whacky take on the game, and be reminded of some fine ballplayers as well.



A

Shawn "Little" Abner

Rick "see ya later" Aguilera

Mike "Enough" Aldretti

or Mike "Mario" Aldrete

Doyle "Brandy" Alexander

Dana Allison "Wonderland"

Bill Almon "Joy"

or Bill "Toasted" Almon

Roberto "Remember The" Alomar

Sandy "Remember the other" Alomar Jr.

Brady "Bunch" Anderson

Joaquin "the dog" Andujar

Tony "Brothers In" Armas

Don "Guns of" August

B

Scott "Hay" Bailes

Mark "Beetle" Bailey

Scott "Tallulah" Bankhead

Floyd "Up and Down the" Bannister

Marty "Grin and" Barrett

Kevin "Small Mouth" Bass

Randy "Large Mouth" Bass

Billy "Lima" Beane

George "Taco" Bell

or George "Liberty" Bell

Bruce "Eggs" Benedict

Andy "Merchant of Venice" Bends

Todd "Mercedes" Benzinger

Damon "Blue" Berryhill

Karl "these are the" Best "of times"

Bud "paint it" Black

Lance "You sank my" Blankenship

Bert "Be home" Blyleven

Bruce Bochte "Ball"

Randy Bockus "is willing"

Wade "Cranberry" Boggs

Barry "U.S." Bonds

Pat "North of the" Borders

Daryl "Please come home to" Boston

Sid "Coffee and" Bream

Greg "Crocodile" Brock

Hubie "Babbling" Brooks

Bob "Bulldog" Bower

Britt "Third Degree" Burns

Randy "Burning" Bush

Brett "Tara" Butler





C

Greg "life is a" Caderet

Ivan "Bubbling" Calderon

Sylvester "When the swallows return to" Campusano

John "Candyman" Candeleria

Tom "Cotton" Candiotti

Jose "can you see" Canseco

Don "roses" Carman

Mark Carreon "my wayward son"

Ron Cey "Hey"

or Ron "born in the US" Cey

Steve "Kentucky fried" Chitren

Will "The Natural" Clark

Mark "Crystal" Clear

David "Sili-" Cone

Ed "Chick" Correa

Henry "Ava-" Cotto

Jose "Won't you take me on a sea" Cruz

Todd "Carribean" Cruz

D

Kal "Jack" Daniels

Ron "Oh My" Darling

Eric "The Red" Davis

Glenn "Mr. Outside" Davis

Jody Davis "Eyes"

"Eye of the" Storm Davis

Bill "Hello" Dawley

Jeff Dedmon "Don't wear plaid"

Rob "Bomba" Deer

or Rob "Rein" Deer

Jim "Two sillouhettes on" DeShaies

Bo "Beunos" Diaz

Bill "Doran" Doran

Rich "280z" Dotson

Brian "Number 10" Downing "Street"

Kelly "Churchill" Downs

Curt "Devil with the blue" Dressendorfer

Dan "Salad" Driesen

Mike "Well" Dunne

Leon "Bull" Durham

Jim "Washer and" Dwyer

E

Lee Elia "Kuriakin"

Dave "Right" Engle

F

Steve "A bridge too" Farr

"El" Sid Fernandez

Cecil "Is No" Fielder

Curt "Model-T" Ford

Bob "Air" Forsch

John "Generalissimo Franscisco" Franco

"Starvin'" Marvin Freeman

Jim "Bela" Fergosi

Rollie "Chicken" Fingers

G

Oscar "six-to-five" Gamble

Greg Gagne "with a spoon"

Andres "The Giant" Galarraga

Mike "Leggo" Gallego

Wes "Kenny the" Gardner

Dan "Man from" Gladden

Tom "Heard it through the" Glavine

Dwight "Johnny Be" Gooden

Mark "Amazing" Grace

Mark "Federal" Grant

Johnny "Pass the" Grubb

"Fettucini" Alfredo Griffin

Jose "Mother" Guzman

Tony Gwynn "and bear it"



H

Moose "Antlers" Haas

Von "Purple" Hayes

Jeff Hamilton "Joe Frank and Reynolds"

Mike Heath "Bar"

Danny "Dung" Heep

or Danny "Uriah" Heep

Dave "Harry and the" Henderson

Tommy "Ben" Herr

Jay "Thurston B." Howell

LaMarr "Where does it" Hoyt

Kent "Buy a vowel" Hrbek

Glenn "Mother" Hubbard

Charles "Moscow on the" Hudson

Tom "Ex-" Hume

Bruce "Patty" Hurst

I

Garth "Clockwork" Iorg

J

Bo "Diddley" Jackson

Chris "Bartles &" James

Dion James "and the Belmonts"

Stan "You can" Javier "way"

Gregg "The Hammer" Jeffries

Jimmy "Handyman" Jones

Wally "Absorbine" Joyner



K

Jimmy "Francis Scott" Key

Dana "Field Goal" Kiecker

Eric "Burger" King

Bob "Yom" Kipper

Ron "Ma and Pa" Kittle

Joe "Wilhelm" Klink

Ray "I dub thee" Knight

Chuck "New Kids On" Knoblauch

or Chuck "Chip off the ol'" Knoblauch

John "I am not a" Kruk

L

Mike "Izod" LaCoss

Mike Laga "beer"

Steve "Great" Lake

Dennis "Fluorescent" Lamp

Dave "Don't" LaPoint

Tim "Praise the" Laudner

Vance "Common" Law

Al "Cigarette" Leiter

Chet "Bitter" Lemon

Jeff "Sugar Ray" Leonard

Jose Lind "on me"

John "Tonight, let it be" Lowenstein

Ed "Merrill" Lynch

Steve Lyons "and tigers and bears, oh my"

M

Shane "Connie" Mack

Greg "Appa" Maddux

Bill Madlock "D.A."

Dave "Mary" Magadan

Rick "Junk" Mahler

Candy "Man" Maldanado

Kirt "What was that" Manwaring

Mike Mason "jar"

Don "Welcome Home" Mattingly

Oddibe "Young Again" McDowell

"Me and" Willie McGee

Fred "Crime Dog" McGriff

Mark "Eve of Destruction" McGwire

Bob Melvin "and the Blue Notes"

Jim "Love me two times" Morrison

or Jim "people are strange" Morrison

John "Holy" Moses

Eddie "eat, drink and be" Murray

N

Tim "Golden" Naehring

Gene "Full" Nelson

Al "Paul" Newman

or Al "-fred E." Newman

Paul "Buenos" Noce

Matt "No" Nokes

P

Jim "Hanky" Pankovits

Mark "trans-" Parent

Dave "Parallel" Parker

Tony "Jala-" Pena

Melido "Shuffle" Perez

Pasquel "roadmap" Perez

Ken "Goodbye, Mr. " Phelps

Eric "Ker-" Plunk

Jim "Hound dog" Presley

Joe "Actual Retail" Price

Kirby "Union Gap" Puckett

R

Tim "Purple" Raines

or Tim "Torrential" Raines

Johnny "Manta" Ray



Randy "Ever" Ready

or Randy "Rough and" Ready

Gary Redus "a bedtime story"

Jerry "Rolls" Reuss

Craig Reynolds "wrap"

Jim "Pork Fried" Rice

Jose "Blame it On" Rijo

Cookie "Days of wine and" Rojas

Bruce "2 minutes for" Ruffin

S

Mark "Tossed" Salas

Juan "play it again" Samuel

Ryne "Carl" Sandberg

Rafael "Evil Ways" Santana

Benito "El Ducce" Santiago

Steve "Alto/Tenor" Sax

Mike "Pre-" Schooler

Bill "Beethoven" Schroeder

Mike "Nova" Scoscia

Rick "Really big" Schu

Mike "Great" Scott

Tom "Leave it to" Seaver

Bob "Ice Station" Sebra

Kevin "Alka" Seitzer

Larry "Satin" Sheets

Eric "Win, place and" Show

Ruben "High" Sierra

Don "On-" Slaught

Darryl "Rhubarb" Strawberry

or Darryl Strawberry "shortcake"

or Darryl Strawberry "Fields Forever"

Andy "Dick" Van Slyke

John "Irish Eyes are" Smiley

Franklin "Ticket" Stubbs

Bruce "3-piece" Sutter

T

Frank Tanana "daiquiri"

Andres "Doubting" Thomas

Fred Toliver "Twist"

Alan "Have Gun will" Trammel

Manny "Kingston" Trillo

Steve "Rainbow" Trout

John "House of" Tudor

U

Jose "Game-winning" Uribe

V

Bobby "Be My" Valentine

Dave "Rudy" Valle

or Dave "Death" Valley

Frank "101 Strings" Viola

Ozzie "like a" Virgil

W

Tim "Eli" Wallach

Gary "Hospital" Ward

Bob "Intentional" Walk

Mitch "Noah" Webster

Walt "Three blind" Weiss

Bob "Ebony Eye" Welch

Glenn "Surfin' U.S.A." Wilson

Todd "We are the" Worrell

Butch "Oil and" Wynegar

Y

Rich "Not ready" Yett


BOJ

Comments:
Wow, you really paid attention to that dude.
 
Yeah, it'd be a more fitting tribute if I were actually dead!
 
Get back in your box, Berman! If BOJ says you're dead, then you're dead! Tune into Monday Night Football this fall where I'll be the host along with some other people whose names I can't recall for the moment......
 
BOJ and Kornheiser, you are both undoubtedly premature in chroicling the demise of the erudite and languid pontificator of the world of athletic contests.

I, on the other hand, remain dead.
 
Living or dead, great sportscasters are reading The Globex Corporation Newsletter!!!
 
Awesome list Doug, but I've got 1 you can add to that list

Royce a roni Clayton the San Francisco treat.
 
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