Monday, December 26, 2005
Melancholy Christmas
I didn't handle Christmas so well this year. First of all, because of the folks at Echostar, I only had $13 dollars in my pocket until the week before Christmas. It put quite the damper on Christmas shopping, but being a creative guy, I found a little something for everyone. I did photo calendars last year for a good portion of the family. I ended up spending around $100 printing them last year and simply couldn't afford to do that this year. I did one for my mom, but only because she expressed a desire to get another one, and only under the stipulation that she had to print it herself. Besides being a spendy proposition, my printer is on the fritz, not printing color at all, though suitable for B&W.
The creativity went a long way, though, and there were quite a few homemade gifts. That proved to be difficult as well as I'm also in the process of moving. Actually I'm in the process of moving twice. Everything is coming out of the apartment and to the trailer, then from the trailer to somewhere (I have no idea yet) in Cheyenne Wyoming. With all of that activity, it took a long time to do anything for anyone, though I did manage to bake some bread and do some homemade gifts. I did the best I could.
I did the best I could at keeping it all together, too. I found myself crying more often than I'm comfortable talking about. My life is about to change drastically and I'm not positive that it's all for the better. Yeah, I'll be gainfully employed for the first time in quite a while, but I'm going back to a business that I was absolutely disgusted with, the wonderful world of satellite/TV operations. I had always thought that finding something you were good at was supposed to be a good thing. It's always been exactly the opposite for me. It's a 24/7/365 business, and somehow I always ended up being the guy doing the 12/25's, 1/1's and 7/4's along with most of the 1600-0000's. And, as good as I was, I've never had a promotion. You see, the people that hand out promotios never work 1600-0000's or 12/25's, so they never realize that you're doing a good job. Never mind that most of the customers are watching in the evenings and that's the most crucial time to get everything right. No, the pomotions go to the folks working M-F and 0800-1600. Management sees them everyday and knows who they are. They only hear about the other folks when they screw up.
I found myself crying because I like it here. I don't want to leave. My life has never been exactly like it is right now, and for the most part, that's a really good thing. Besides being broke, the last two years have been really good for me. I had never really played music in front of people two years ago, and suprise, I've found myself really enjoying it. Bigger suprise, other people seem to enjoy what I do. I never guessed that would happen.
I found myself crying because I attended church on Christmas, the same church that all the bad stuff went on early this year. When the pastor proclaimed the wonderful Christmas message that we're all God's children I wanted to shout out, "Remember that when you wish one of God's children dead when he doesn't agree with you." I didn't, of course, but I should have.
I cried because after getting to spend a good amount of time with my guy, Julian, over the last 15 months, I won't get to do that quite so much any more. 
My main man, Julian, with his new 'hat' for
Christmas. His parents also appear in the frame.Yeah, I'm only moving a little more than 300 miles away, but it won't be the same. I worry that he'll forget that I'm "Uncle Grrrrrrrrr!" when I no longer growl at him when I see him. I spent a good protion of my day today teaching people how to update Julian's Photo Site, something I started so his grandfather could see pictures of him, but I now hope gets maintained for my benefit.
I cried because I'll be away from my family. They don't always understand me, but they love me and they are my family. Yes, I've lived quite far from them in the past, but I came quite used to having everyone just a short drive away over the past two years. I have a nice place to live if I continued to stay here, which makes leaving that much more difficult. I got some gifts for someone moving into a new place, and it makes me just hate to leave that much more.
I'm sure there will be good things ahead in the 27th residence of my life, wherever that happens to be in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I remember thinking as I drove into Forest City, Iowa with a U-Haul, towing a 1988 Mercury Tracer that I hadn't met the next woman I was going to sleep with yet. It was probably the last truely positive thought I had about my future, though said acivity didn't happen until two additional moves. Even when I hope for the best, it never really seems to work out that way. There will be more crying in the future, I'm sure, but I've got to make the best of this. I've got a pretty good feeling this will all work out fine. Then again, Echostar could be purchased by some bigger fish, just like USSB and DirecTV were......
BOJ
The creativity went a long way, though, and there were quite a few homemade gifts. That proved to be difficult as well as I'm also in the process of moving. Actually I'm in the process of moving twice. Everything is coming out of the apartment and to the trailer, then from the trailer to somewhere (I have no idea yet) in Cheyenne Wyoming. With all of that activity, it took a long time to do anything for anyone, though I did manage to bake some bread and do some homemade gifts. I did the best I could.
I did the best I could at keeping it all together, too. I found myself crying more often than I'm comfortable talking about. My life is about to change drastically and I'm not positive that it's all for the better. Yeah, I'll be gainfully employed for the first time in quite a while, but I'm going back to a business that I was absolutely disgusted with, the wonderful world of satellite/TV operations. I had always thought that finding something you were good at was supposed to be a good thing. It's always been exactly the opposite for me. It's a 24/7/365 business, and somehow I always ended up being the guy doing the 12/25's, 1/1's and 7/4's along with most of the 1600-0000's. And, as good as I was, I've never had a promotion. You see, the people that hand out promotios never work 1600-0000's or 12/25's, so they never realize that you're doing a good job. Never mind that most of the customers are watching in the evenings and that's the most crucial time to get everything right. No, the pomotions go to the folks working M-F and 0800-1600. Management sees them everyday and knows who they are. They only hear about the other folks when they screw up.
I found myself crying because I like it here. I don't want to leave. My life has never been exactly like it is right now, and for the most part, that's a really good thing. Besides being broke, the last two years have been really good for me. I had never really played music in front of people two years ago, and suprise, I've found myself really enjoying it. Bigger suprise, other people seem to enjoy what I do. I never guessed that would happen.
I found myself crying because I attended church on Christmas, the same church that all the bad stuff went on early this year. When the pastor proclaimed the wonderful Christmas message that we're all God's children I wanted to shout out, "Remember that when you wish one of God's children dead when he doesn't agree with you." I didn't, of course, but I should have.
I cried because after getting to spend a good amount of time with my guy, Julian, over the last 15 months, I won't get to do that quite so much any more.
My main man, Julian, with his new 'hat' for
Christmas. His parents also appear in the frame.
I cried because I'll be away from my family. They don't always understand me, but they love me and they are my family. Yes, I've lived quite far from them in the past, but I came quite used to having everyone just a short drive away over the past two years. I have a nice place to live if I continued to stay here, which makes leaving that much more difficult. I got some gifts for someone moving into a new place, and it makes me just hate to leave that much more.
I'm sure there will be good things ahead in the 27th residence of my life, wherever that happens to be in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I remember thinking as I drove into Forest City, Iowa with a U-Haul, towing a 1988 Mercury Tracer that I hadn't met the next woman I was going to sleep with yet. It was probably the last truely positive thought I had about my future, though said acivity didn't happen until two additional moves. Even when I hope for the best, it never really seems to work out that way. There will be more crying in the future, I'm sure, but I've got to make the best of this. I've got a pretty good feeling this will all work out fine. Then again, Echostar could be purchased by some bigger fish, just like USSB and DirecTV were......
BOJ
# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 1:55 PM 
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Well, for the first time my experience has actually worked for me. This company came and found me. Yeah, they screwed up in every possible way in that process, but they made an effort.
I've done the ungainful employment for too long. This place will pay me enough that I may actually be able to afford to drink (and even brew) beer again. That probably means I'll gain back all of the weight I've lost, but so be it. They'll pay me enough that when something breaks, I'll be able to afford to get it fixed or get a new one instead of simply going without.
I do the sacrifice thing pretty well, but going without because I can't afford any other way is getting old. And that's not to say I have spendy tastes. I can't afford to take a long drive in my car, I could barely (actually couldn't, really) afford Christmas this year.
In the past, new experiences never scared me. I'm not kidding, wherever I end up in Cheyenne, it will be the 27th residence of my life. Being in a military family had something to do with that, but I've moved even more since I've been on my own.
Twenty-seven residences means I've spent about 18 months at each of them. Why I'm having anxiety about this move, I have no idea. My past tells me that I shouldn't
And, when you get right down to it, I don't know the next women I'll WWtK with.
1-2-3
1-2-3
1-2-3
I've done the ungainful employment for too long. This place will pay me enough that I may actually be able to afford to drink (and even brew) beer again. That probably means I'll gain back all of the weight I've lost, but so be it. They'll pay me enough that when something breaks, I'll be able to afford to get it fixed or get a new one instead of simply going without.
I do the sacrifice thing pretty well, but going without because I can't afford any other way is getting old. And that's not to say I have spendy tastes. I can't afford to take a long drive in my car, I could barely (actually couldn't, really) afford Christmas this year.
In the past, new experiences never scared me. I'm not kidding, wherever I end up in Cheyenne, it will be the 27th residence of my life. Being in a military family had something to do with that, but I've moved even more since I've been on my own.
Twenty-seven residences means I've spent about 18 months at each of them. Why I'm having anxiety about this move, I have no idea. My past tells me that I shouldn't
And, when you get right down to it, I don't know the next women I'll WWtK with.
1-2-3
1-2-3
1-2-3
Change is scary! I know a little something about change and lately I feel like more like I'm treading water, which is an improvement over feeling like I'm drowning. I'm in the middle of ending a twenty year marriage, I'm the primary care parent for my two teenage sons, I'm still struggling to get published while I pay the rent by working at an okay job that has no real future.
On top of that, I find myself hundreds of miles away from the man I adore while we both sort out the various messes in our lives. So instead of WwtK I end up dancing by myself. ;)
Maybe you do know the next woman you'll WwtK with, you just don't know she's the one.
When I moved into my current home 19 1/2 years ago, I was 28 yo and was on my 31st address. At that rate I was living at each address .9 years, now that's gone up to 1.5 years.
Btw, this isn't all some clever ruse to get out of paying me in shots of Jag, is it? If you want to WwtK, ya gotta pay!!
Good luck and blessed be.
On top of that, I find myself hundreds of miles away from the man I adore while we both sort out the various messes in our lives. So instead of WwtK I end up dancing by myself. ;)
Maybe you do know the next woman you'll WwtK with, you just don't know she's the one.
When I moved into my current home 19 1/2 years ago, I was 28 yo and was on my 31st address. At that rate I was living at each address .9 years, now that's gone up to 1.5 years.
Btw, this isn't all some clever ruse to get out of paying me in shots of Jag, is it? If you want to WwtK, ya gotta pay!!
Good luck and blessed be.
# posted by 
: 4:15 PM
: 4:15 PM
Change is scary! I know a little something about change and lately I feel like more like I'm treading water, which is an improvement over feeling like I'm drowning. I'm in the middle of ending a twenty year marriage, I'm the primary care parent for my two teenage sons, I'm still struggling to get published while I pay the rent by working at an okay job that has no real future.
On top of that, I find myself hundreds of miles away from the man I adore while we both sort out the various messes in our lives. So instead of WwtK I end up dancing by myself. ;)
Maybe you do know the next woman you'll WwtK with, you just don't know she's the one.
When I moved into my current home 19 1/2 years ago, I was 28 yo and was on my 31st address. At that rate I was living at each address .9 years, now that's gone up to 1.5 years.
Btw, this isn't all some clever ruse to get out of paying me in shots of Jag, is it? If you want to WwtK, ya gotta pay!!
Good luck and blessed be.
On top of that, I find myself hundreds of miles away from the man I adore while we both sort out the various messes in our lives. So instead of WwtK I end up dancing by myself. ;)
Maybe you do know the next woman you'll WwtK with, you just don't know she's the one.
When I moved into my current home 19 1/2 years ago, I was 28 yo and was on my 31st address. At that rate I was living at each address .9 years, now that's gone up to 1.5 years.
Btw, this isn't all some clever ruse to get out of paying me in shots of Jag, is it? If you want to WwtK, ya gotta pay!!
Good luck and blessed be.
# posted by : 4:15 PM
: 4:15 PM
I'm just amazed that someone has had more residences than me.
And as I told an old girlfriend once, "I'm not smart enough to play mind games with you." Skipping town to not buy a few shots of a fine German beverage never even occured to me.
Thanks for the laugh, though, and for wishing me well. Best to you, T1G! You too, Ed!
And as I told an old girlfriend once, "I'm not smart enough to play mind games with you." Skipping town to not buy a few shots of a fine German beverage never even occured to me.
Thanks for the laugh, though, and for wishing me well. Best to you, T1G! You too, Ed!
Dude... 27! You'll be fine! Just don't let the bastards get ya down... the company is like any other conglomorate, with the steady paycheck and all the cool toys to play with comes the bullshit... I'm still waist deep in it here after you've left town, so just put on your waders, grab your shovel, and jump in... it couldn't be any worse than dealing with J.F.K. at the C.B.C.
-- Quinn (Inventor of Misery Maker)
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-- Quinn (Inventor of Misery Maker)
# posted by : 4:02 PM
: 4:02 PM << Home
