Monday, April 25, 2005
Anger & Shame
I'm about to stir up some trouble. The sad part is, that for once I'm not actually trying to, I'm actually trying to avoid trouble here. I've decided that I have to attend my niece's confirmation. I'd hate to miss something like that just because of the horrible insensivity of others. I can't let others get in the way of things I should do with my family. The thought of a clergy member at that church being nice to me, acting like nothing happened makes me sick.
They'll soon realize what I think of what happened. I've written letters to the offending Pastor and the senior Pastor, letting them know my feelings. I let them know that I am attending church for that one time, for one special occasion. I will not be back.
I realize that most of the trouble being stirred up will end up back on me. People generally don't much care for being called hate mongers, even when it is true. My own father is president of the congregation. I'll have to deal with that as well since I place as much blame as those accepting the hatred as those who are preaching it.
I was left with no choice, though. I had to go back, at least this one time, but I couldn't go back without saying something. I don't want a person being pleasant to me when I am this kind of angry. And I don't want to be this kind of angry without the people I'm angry at knowing why I'm angry.
I've often though of what it would take to make things better, for me not to be angry anymore. The offending Pastor could apologize, and promise never to spew hatred again, that wouldn't be enough. He could be fired, run out of the clergy, that wouldn't be enough. It would take every member of that congregation making a public apology in front of the rest of the congregation to begin to make things right. If a whacko preaches hatred, it's bad, but it doesn't really cause trouble until people start to agree with it. That's what needs to change. And, realistically, I never expect that to happen.
No, I'll just continue to be angry. I'll have to leave that in my past, and forget the time I wasted there. I'm ashamed that I ever did anything to help that church out, that I offered my talent and money. Maybe over time I'll be able to forget my anger and shame.
But this week I'll have to deal with it one more time.
BOJ
They'll soon realize what I think of what happened. I've written letters to the offending Pastor and the senior Pastor, letting them know my feelings. I let them know that I am attending church for that one time, for one special occasion. I will not be back.
I realize that most of the trouble being stirred up will end up back on me. People generally don't much care for being called hate mongers, even when it is true. My own father is president of the congregation. I'll have to deal with that as well since I place as much blame as those accepting the hatred as those who are preaching it.
I was left with no choice, though. I had to go back, at least this one time, but I couldn't go back without saying something. I don't want a person being pleasant to me when I am this kind of angry. And I don't want to be this kind of angry without the people I'm angry at knowing why I'm angry.
I've often though of what it would take to make things better, for me not to be angry anymore. The offending Pastor could apologize, and promise never to spew hatred again, that wouldn't be enough. He could be fired, run out of the clergy, that wouldn't be enough. It would take every member of that congregation making a public apology in front of the rest of the congregation to begin to make things right. If a whacko preaches hatred, it's bad, but it doesn't really cause trouble until people start to agree with it. That's what needs to change. And, realistically, I never expect that to happen.
No, I'll just continue to be angry. I'll have to leave that in my past, and forget the time I wasted there. I'm ashamed that I ever did anything to help that church out, that I offered my talent and money. Maybe over time I'll be able to forget my anger and shame.
But this week I'll have to deal with it one more time.
BOJ
# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 9:40 PM 
