Sunday, February 27, 2005
Ambition
I sometimes wonder how horrible the conditions were for my parents' families in Germany in the late 1800's. They obviously felt the need to uproot their lives, to leave friends and family members behind to start over in a new country. They knew a life of working the land was ahead of them before they got on the boat. I'm sure they were hopeful, that there was a 'pull' to a new country rather than just a 'push' from their old one. If they were anything like me, their great grandchild, though, they were more than likely left with no option but to pick up and relocate to the United States.
Most would say I lack ambition, it's my biggest character fault. If I had been head of one of my parents' families, we'd likely still be speaking German. Not because this isn't a great country, but because it would have just been easier to stay in Germany.
No, I'm pretty happy the way things are. I remember rationalizing all of the problems in my marriage up to the very last days. No matter how bad things are, I told myself, I don't know what life is going to be like without her so I'll just stay in this bad relationship. I know now what a horrible decision that was, but at the time it seemed awfully reasonable. The bad thing is that I didn't try to make anything better, I just tried to muddle along the same way I always had.
So maybe it's not the best character trait, but there've got to be worse. The fact is, even with my life's not at it's best right now, I'm pretty content. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I spent the night playing poker and playing music at TSA-Platz. After I got home I realized how lucky I am. I fell into a friendship with a guy who likes the same sorts of music as me, who can play the hell out of a 12 string. I sort of found myself able to play a harmonica without too much effort on my part. We nearly immediately created a sound that people wanedt to listen to. Some people I know wouldn't be happy with that. They'd need to make money doing this, play every possible venue, be seen by as many people as possible. We were giving it away at 1:30 in the morning, two people watching, playing for ourselves really. I was so content on the drive home, so happy that I was able to spend an evening like that, not having the experience clouded by ambition. I play harmonica and sing a little bit. There's hundred of folks in our region who do that as well, lots and lots of them better than us.
I know it's a trap. 'Good Enough' are the worst words I can hear, generally inspiring me to do nothing more than stay exactly where I am. Maybe that's why I get bored with things so quickly. That's definitely why my life is the way it is now. I know it's why 3V doesn't want to be involved with me anymore.
I can't deny what my lack of ambition has cost me, on the other hand, I'll never have an ulcer. I'll never be arrested for insider trading and get a TV deal when I get out of prison. If I ever get rich and famous, it'll be something I just fall into. Maybe I'll appreciate it more because I didn't expect it. Be assured I won't get myself into trouble financially, needing all the trappings of my neighbors. I'll just muddle along with my millions of dollars, the other millionaires muttering amongst themselves about my lack of ambition.
BOJ
Most would say I lack ambition, it's my biggest character fault. If I had been head of one of my parents' families, we'd likely still be speaking German. Not because this isn't a great country, but because it would have just been easier to stay in Germany.
No, I'm pretty happy the way things are. I remember rationalizing all of the problems in my marriage up to the very last days. No matter how bad things are, I told myself, I don't know what life is going to be like without her so I'll just stay in this bad relationship. I know now what a horrible decision that was, but at the time it seemed awfully reasonable. The bad thing is that I didn't try to make anything better, I just tried to muddle along the same way I always had.
So maybe it's not the best character trait, but there've got to be worse. The fact is, even with my life's not at it's best right now, I'm pretty content. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I spent the night playing poker and playing music at TSA-Platz. After I got home I realized how lucky I am. I fell into a friendship with a guy who likes the same sorts of music as me, who can play the hell out of a 12 string. I sort of found myself able to play a harmonica without too much effort on my part. We nearly immediately created a sound that people wanedt to listen to. Some people I know wouldn't be happy with that. They'd need to make money doing this, play every possible venue, be seen by as many people as possible. We were giving it away at 1:30 in the morning, two people watching, playing for ourselves really. I was so content on the drive home, so happy that I was able to spend an evening like that, not having the experience clouded by ambition. I play harmonica and sing a little bit. There's hundred of folks in our region who do that as well, lots and lots of them better than us.
I know it's a trap. 'Good Enough' are the worst words I can hear, generally inspiring me to do nothing more than stay exactly where I am. Maybe that's why I get bored with things so quickly. That's definitely why my life is the way it is now. I know it's why 3V doesn't want to be involved with me anymore.
I can't deny what my lack of ambition has cost me, on the other hand, I'll never have an ulcer. I'll never be arrested for insider trading and get a TV deal when I get out of prison. If I ever get rich and famous, it'll be something I just fall into. Maybe I'll appreciate it more because I didn't expect it. Be assured I won't get myself into trouble financially, needing all the trappings of my neighbors. I'll just muddle along with my millions of dollars, the other millionaires muttering amongst themselves about my lack of ambition.
BOJ
# posted by Blind Orange Julius @ 8:21 AM 
