Thursday, January 11, 2007
You Love It!
So I'm giving all of you readers of the Globex Corporation Newsletter exactly what you want, more Pointless Shit
In my job, the most pointless of shit is the email I receive. With the new year upon us, a new policy of email retention is being implmented. The following from an email detailing the plan:
Today, we have over 9,800 employees with access to Microsoft Outlook. We have over 88,000,000 emails in the system, for an average of 9,000 emails per employee.
Nine thousand emails? For me? That's an average of 24.657534 email every stinking day of the week, including emails and holidays!
Those 88,000,000 emails take up 3.5 Terabytes of hard drive space, and cost millions of dollars each year in storage and other related expenses.
Millions of dollars? Then why are we doing this? Millions of dollars? The company sends me all of this email, now the company is complaning that is costs "millions of dollars" in storage for this?
We also are spending millions of dollars on outside counsel fees to review the emails on our servers (most of which have nothing to do with a particular piece of litigation).
Again, an easy solution. If it is costing the company millions of dollars to store emails and to and have legal cousel review all emails even though most have nothing to do with the particulars of a piece of litigation, then stop sending me so much email!!!!
Because of the high volume of emails generated and received every day at [the nameless company], and because so many emails do not meet the definition of a record, emails should be managed on a daily basis.
Well, apparently you're already reading my email, looking into my inbox to make sure there's nothing pertaining to a particular piece of litigation. Couldn't you just manage my email for me while you're in there? I mean, it sounds like you're a hell of a lot more interested in my email than I am!
If an email does not meet the definition of a record because there is no business or legal reason to preserve it, you should delete it.
When I go into work tomorrow, after 3 days off, I will have, by company estimates, 73.972602 pieces of email to go through, probably more since my days off don't conveniently fall on weekends when those who send so much email thankfully don't have easy access to company computers. Do you have any idea how long it will take me to delete all of that pointless shit?
Funny though, as you pointed out, a majority of the e-mail is FROM a representative of the company... either a corporate message to all or from a manager relating to a procedure, problem, or upcoming task. And in OUR industry, e-mail IS the primary communication.
And yes.. Pointless Shit Thursday is my fav... but Sue Foley would come in a close second.
Quinn - Inventor of the Misery Maker line of fun, sadistic toys.
Encourage people who send out commonly needed attachments (forms, spreadsheets, etc) to post them in a folder on a shared network hard drive. In the e-mail, link to the file rather than sending it as an attachment to 50 people... that'll reduce the need for that much storage space quickly!
Was the report on the excessive expense of email sent out in an email? And how much more expensive would communicating be if this was all done on paper?!? At least email saves a tree.
Also, this was "company confidential," so don't tell anybody....